Can you tell me what you think of "living together before marriage?" It seems so common where I'm living. Nearly expected. Can someone give me a reason to wait until marriage before living together? In fact, can someone give me a reason to even get married? Other than religion.

Thanks.

I don't know of any reason to NOT live together without being married, but getting married does have benefits.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/mar_bene.htm

On the order of 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon married couples in the U.S. Typically these are composed of about 400 state benefits and over 1,000 federal benefits. Among them are the rights to:
joint parenting;
joint adoption;
joint foster care, custody, and visitation (including non-biological parents);
status as next-of-kin for hospital visits and medical decisions where one partner is too ill to be competent;
joint insurance policies for home, auto and health;
dissolution and divorce protections such as community property and child support;
immigration and residency for partners from other countries;
inheritance automatically in the absence of a will;
joint leases with automatic renewal rights in the event one partner dies or leaves the house or apartment;
inheritance of jointly-owned real and personal property through the right of survivorship (which avoids the time and expense and taxes in probate);
benefits such as annuities, pension plans, Social Security, and Medicare;
spousal exemptions to property tax increases upon the death of one partner who is a co-owner of the home;
veterans' discounts on medical care, education, and home loans; joint filing of tax returns;
joint filing of customs claims when traveling;
wrongful death benefits for a surviving partner and children;
bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child;
decision-making power with respect to whether a deceased partner will be cremated or not and where to bury him or her;
crime victims' recovery benefits;
loss of consortium tort benefits;
domestic violence protection orders;
judicial protections and evidentiary immunity;

Living together (and sleeping together) should be mandatory IMO :-)

dating tells you if you like the person enough to love them

living together tells you if you love the person enough to commit to them for marriage.

..... one reason to get married?
tax breaks? no?
How about a sign of your commitment to the outside world?

personally, I am pro-marriage..... but I could be persuaded either way

Marriage is a good thing.

But don't you test drive a car before buying it? I sure as heck want to know what I'm getting into before I get married.

That's why the thought of marrying a man before having sex has got to be the biggest gamble EVER. I have to have compatibility with a man to even consider going further into a serious relationship, let alone marriage.

It's a whole lot easier to walk away after finding out things just aren't going to work out, rather than having to go through a divorce.

I'm happy with marriage, but I'm very aware that it's not for everyone.

I believe that premarital sex is very important. The possibility of a lifetime of crappy sex is terrible to me--if I wasn't into my partner physically (and not counting the first few months when lusty partners could feel lusty about ice trays), but living together works for some and not others too.

we lived together and got much closer--it closed the deal, actually. Neither of us thought being officially married would make any difference, but the feeling of being obligated to one another was something that we felt changed after the vows were exchanged and felt kinda nice. Like we not only loved each other, but now we were responsible for each other too. The love came regardless--marriage was the legal responsibility. For us anyway.

I've shacked up with my BF for the last 5 years and we're pretty damn happy. We have no plans to marry because we don't feel the need. We choose everyday to be together- we don't stay together because of some piece of paper or a ring. We truly love each other and are very committed to being happy.

I also lived with my ex-husband before we married.
I think it's a good idea to really get to know someone before you make things legal. If I lived with my ex longer, I wouldn't have married him as the relationship went south very quickly.
You really don't know someone till you live with them.

That being said, I think people should date at least a year before even thinking about shacking up. I made the mistake of moving in with 2 seperate BF's after only knowing them for 3 months. They both turned out to be psychotic, abusive, and vindictive.

Reason to get married- for your kids. Don't want kids- then no reason to marry.The geneaology thing is cool for kids to trace your roots....both sides of a family and all. Often if you don't marry the extended family is fractured. Not always.

Living together.....I see both sides. IF you do live together for a long time the woman gets to do housework even more yrs.-mostly alone- than she would if she waited to make it official. Living apart (but being a couple) is just simpler for the woman IMO. Also she gets to go to his place to see how much of a slob he is. I think after an engagement is a good time to try it out if you are so inclined. IF it doesn't work out well, in a few wks. you just call it off.

Any time someone has to offer incentives of some type to get someone to do something then you really need to wonder why or what is the trade off. Notice how many "incentives" there are legally / politically / religuously / socially to get married? It is almost laughable except for the fact it isnt funny in the least. If you need to be "bribed" into a certain type of relationship it likely is not that great of a thing in the first place.

Most (not all) people would not work for free, we work with the incentive we will get paid. If there were no external incentives to get married would anyone still do it? Of course some people still would get married due to the "internal" incentives of Love, partnership, etc. but those "internal" incentives exist irregardles of a marriage certificate dont they?

Now personally I will never marry again and would not encourage anyone to do so either, but I also would never try to take away someone elses right to marry. My complaint is how if you are married you are almost always viewed as a better person than someone who is not. This combined with the various legal bennefits of marriage make my blood boil.

I support sharing intimacy of all sorts before marrying, your life work routine, your leisure routine- not just a bunch of date nights out. I support having or keeping two houses or a vacation house and an apartment, and any level of sharing helping you determine whether you want to merge your routines with your potential spouse irregardless of gender.

in the old days, with the church setting separate sex role expectations, and the church policies mandating commandments and behavior expectations there were hardly ever any questions.

now if you step back from that, then try to marry just anyone you could have a heart attack. You don't know their routines, what their leisure is, what they watch, etc. you don't have a sense of what their groove is, not just sexually, and guessing from their job or clothes or type of music is simply not enough, really nor is if they are fun sexually. If you support and enjoy their sports, or favorite foods, if you like living their kind of life. Do you enjoy or value at a supreme level- something they also enjoy at a supreme level? etc.

with so many cultures mores subcultures in California alone- let alone the rest of the continent- politics aside, natural hair color or eyes aside- getting into a unity at least partially with someone you're going to marry would essentially mandate pre marital communication attempts at life merger experiences not just intimacy physically. to see what you've got together not just when you click satisfactorially saying all the right things texting.

I personally do not feel there is anything wrong with living together before you get married. Marriage is supposed to be the big, serious commitment.

Well... You know how they say you should never sign a contract without thuroughly READING the entire thing first? How you shouldn't buy a car, or a house, unless you have completely checked it out?

Well I have a similar opinion on couples. There are an awful lot of IMPORTANT things you need to know about someone, before you commit your life to them.

I will list some of the things I consider a "must know", and I really do apologize if some of them sound shallow, but these are some of the FIRST things I want to know. Some of them you can find out without living together, but some you cannot:

--Are we both attracted to each other?
--Do we both love each other?
--What kind of music and movies do they like?
--What are their beliefs (religion, social, political)?
--What are their interests and goals?
--How tolerant, considerate, and giving are they?
--Do they get violent when they lose their temper?
--Do they believe in soul mates (I do)?
--Are they a gear-head, sports/body building fenatic, or addicted to video games (I won't date either, sorry, I just won't, lol)?
--Are they intelligent, creative, and contemplative (all qualities I like)?
--Are they romantic, passionate, and thougthful (and not just in the beginning of the relationship, but by nature)?
--Are they intimate and effectionate?
--Are they giving in bed (a lot of people brag about how great they are, but when the time comes, they're quite selfish)?
--Are they reasonable with sex, or do they take it too far either way (I like sex, but too little or too much isn't balanced)?
--Are they into bringing antoher person or animals into the bedroom (because I won't do that).
--Do they have fetishes I am not comfortable with?
--(Sorry about this, but it does matter to me)-- What kind of "lower equipment" are we talking about here??
--Do they truly believe in committed relationships, or will they be fooling around?
--Do they always lay around nude at home (I hate that, seeing it too much takes the majesty out of it during intimacy)?
--Are they a slob?
--Are they vulgar (I prefer someone distinguished, with class and manors)?
--Are they well spoken (the surfer, dude, gangster, and hick speech paterns are NOT attractive to me, lol)?
--Do we have chemistry? Anything to talk about?
--Do they have any addictions or psychological/emotional problems?
--Do they have any medical illnesses?
--Are they responsible and independent?
--Can we clean up after each other when we are sick, and still be into each other?
--Do they enjoy being fought over (I WILL NOT compete over anyone, they either like me enough to dismiss the others, or they don't)?

All these things I have to know for sure, before I will even consider committing my life to someone. And like I said, some of those, you can't know until you live with them.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2010 12:20AM by melissa3839.

Drawing Soc Security on partner's account if you did not contribute as much (due to illness, raising children, etc)

Should your partner die, Soc Security widow/widower benefits, which are substantial.

The right to decide what to do with remains (cremation/burial) if the deceased did not indicate.

You may not be thinking about these things now, but you have to be married to someone for 10 years to be entitled to collect on spouse's account. Accidents do happen and having $2300 (current) extra per month as a single mother can make a huge difference.