I'm wondering how I can do my part as a non-mo to encourage self-reflection and critical thinking of the morg.

I'm always pretty happy, content, pretty openly family oriented, almost sickeningly well-adjusted (aka boring). Though I suppose I could be written off as a lost cause because I do love tea, coffee, and see nothing wrong with others playing the field and do tend to look at adults strangely when they apologize for mild cussing, or when they make 6th grade level sexual jokes.

I'm wondering what I can do to encourage more cog dis, since there are some mormons around me that I would love to see freed of the shackles around them. Any suggestions?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/12/2010 11:29PM by neverevermo.

... throws people off when you act better than most mormons.

Yes, I think they do. We always hear about how bitter and dark people become when they leave the church. I knew a couple of people who left and they did seem miserable, but it was only when we would approach them to try to talk sense into them.

Myself, I'm still as nice as I ever was when I see members on the street or at the park or whatever. One because I don't have anything against the members that I now, and because I know it messes with their minds. Like, they must wonder why aren't I cowering away from them, or scurrying into the dark corner to hide from their glory?

No, I really believe that if you want to mess with a mormons mind, just be happy and friendy to them, and never talk church. And if you must talk church, show genuine interest in the happenings of people you used to know.

+1

her non-LDS roommates were great people and they were happy without the church. She was a return missionary, too. But she's completely out now.

And one of the most happy, amazing and interesting people I know.

Personally I do not think a nevermo has any effect on adult Mormons who have been indoctrinated their entire lives or younger ones who live with their parents. We may have some effect on late teen/early twenty types who choose to NOT go to BYU. I lived around Mormons for nearly five yrs. in Utah. No neighbor was neighborly to me and I could not have been nicer- taking a new Mormon mom a gift but was left standing on the doorstep- not good enough to be invited in. And I had mormon kids in my home often. The parents didn't want to even talk to me. My kids were 7-11 at the time. The problem is conversation is nonexistent. Don't you think it is because "the church" has warned them against us? We are the adversary. Oh, how Christlike!!! Mormons don't know enough
about Christ to realize what they do.

@ honestone: were you a single mom when you lived in utah ?

Nope. I was a military wife. You would have thought the neighbors would maybe take a liking to my pilot hubby who was keeping their ARSE safe. But no...they didn't like him or me or the kids. Lived in Layton.

that Mormons don't know enough about Christ to realize they aren't being Christlike. That is so true but I never thought about it in exactly those terms before. They don't study who Christ is - they worship Mormonism, primarily, and any love of the Savior is based on the Mormon spin on who he is, not any deep time spent studying him. And since Jesus is secondary in Mormonism, patterning their actions on his is secondary in their lives.

this is what I was wondering too--if there was any effect at all... any more suggestions welcome.

My best friend is TBM and I am a nevermo. I think living a good life and being a kind person is the best thing to show her that good things happen to all people, not just LDS church members.

Several years ago we visited them in Utah to go skiing and spend time with them. Her daughter did comment that she was shocked we could have a new van and afford for us all to go skiing - all without being members!! And we were happily married and had good kids! How could we receive these blessing and not be a part of "the church?"

The cog-dis might not affect my friend, but maybe the younger generation.

It's probably more likely that the cog dis happens in the Corridor, because in the "mission field," TBM's are exposed to happy, successful nevermos who have good kids who go to college. The real cog dis happens when they meet an exmo who is successful in life, yet doesn't criticize the church, as that goes against what they're taught about people who "leave the church, but can't leave the church alone."

outside the morridor I have to agree with you. TBMS outside the morridor see happy nevermos all the time. I do think it's kind of unusual though for them to come accross happy exmos.. (or rather exmos in general)

I typically avoid the topic of religion and when a TBM wants to start a debate.. (not genuine questioning but prodding for me to say something so they can prove me wrong) I just say something like "oh I know you're very happy in the church and I'd never want to say anything that would damage your testimony, so let's just leave it alone".

I think anything will help, but the problem with a lot of Mormons is that they are so busy with church and they tend to only associate with other Mormons.

Many of them rarely venture outside their ward for socialization.

I do think it might have more effect the younger the Mormon is though. Mormon kids have been brainwashed by the parents to think the world outside Mormonism is evil and that non-Mormons are as "good" as Mormons. I think for them to be exposed to non-Mormons and realize they are just as good of people as Mormons will open their minds a little and encourage them to be a little more open to things before the fully ingrained in the church.

I was offended by a lot of things said to me when I first told friends of my nonbelief and then as I looked closer, I realized that I scare them--the idea that I don't believe because I was so devout.

BUT the thing I noticed is at first--when my husband and I went inactive and then our marriage fell apart (it was already falling apart). I've had comments like, "Now that he has chosen to be gay." They associate him "becoming" gay with us going inactive. It used to be the attitude of "look what happened to them when they went inactive."

Then things started to turn around . . . the women I know in the ward have just been waiting for my relationship to fall apart with the "love of my life" from my past. They are all in miserable marriages--and the whole 6 years I've been in this relationship, they all are waiting for disaster to strike. How can I be happy if I'm a sinner? How can good things happen to me if I'm a sinner?

Many of them say things to me about the wonderful (TBM) daughter I have and I think "I wonder who raised her" and I KNOW they think that, too.

So--you bet it causes cog dis. I have one friend who NEVER questions my inactivity. She seems very TBM--but she always says, 'I understand' when I tell her how I feel about the church. I wonder if she really believes.

I think it's a natural TBM knee jerk reaction.

For example, when one strong member went exmo a few years ago, he had some bad things happen to his family (an accident) -- I remember thinking, "I wonder if this is God sending him a wake up call?" I feel ashamed now that I even had that thought. He is doing fine now btw.