my sister is pressuring me about our mother's tithing. 90 year old mom in an assisted living mentioned she wants to get her temple recommend again. Bishop tells her to start paying tithing again, but lets her off the hook about the back tithing she hasn't paid (oh so generous!) I pay all her bills out of her account. Now TBM sis is asking me if I've paid it yet.

Help! I am so against doing this, but sister just thinks I am a fallen woman who left the church and is now living in sin with my fiance. But, she sure likes me taking care of mom's finances. Mom can afford to pay it, so I can't use that excuse. She hasn't been to church in months and sort of forgot about it until recently.

I felt duty bound to do whatever he wanted with his money.

I paid the &^$% church.

When your mom runs out of money and goes on state aid (Medicaid administered by the state) the look back period is 7 YEARS.

She can spend her money or gamble it, but she can't give it away. If she gives it away, that amount of aid will not be available to her.

Who is going to make up that money? Probably you!

Hey, that's an idea..I must mull that over!

gemini Wrote:
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> Hey, that's an idea..I must mull that over!


What a full tithe is can only be answered by the person paying it. If you tell mom that you are paying her tithing, and later push comes to shove, say that as you understand it, you pay on your excess and Mom has paid what she needs to pay.

How much income does she even have? If she were in a nursing home her monthly income would be $30. All the rest would go to the nursing home.

If she can afford it.. it is still her money. Should probably just pay it because that's what she wants.

Pay a couple bucks and lie about it being a full tithe...

And you think you aren't being lied to?

pay it electronically and the bishop will only know it was paid not how much.

I agree with the ones who said pay a few bucks.

You have done SO MUCH to take care of your mother. Your sister shouldn't even think she has a say any longer.

Does your mother even have an income? If she does not, then she is exempt from paying tithing. As has been intimated before in this thread, assistance, such as SS or Medicare, is NOT income. The government does not give old people money just so they can give it away to a real estate investment corporation that masquerades as a church.

Oh, if it's just your sister saying, then f* it.

I think that your mother should be able to choose where her money goes (even tithing), if she's mentally competent. Maybe think of church as her hobby or something. The fact that you are handling the finances raises the question of why she would need help with the money if she were fully functioning. You are making the finances for a reason. I think it's abusive for the bishop to manipulate her. (Well, it seems wrong no matter what to press an old lady on a fixed income/retirement to pay tithing).

I would maybe look at a partial payment, something generous enough to make her feel "worthy", directly to church headquarters. Cut that SOB bishop out of the loop. Or maybe look at what the source of her income is. If it's social security, she's probably ALREADY paid tithing on the money that went into that, and shouldn't pay twice on the same money.

Another possibility is to look at the OLD definition of tithing, which is to tithe on what you earn in SURPLUS of your basic needs. (And then deduct her monthly expenses from her non-social security income--SS should already be excluded--to determine the tithing).

Tithing the elderly is a tough one. I just talked to a friend who's elderly mother is paying MORE than 10% of her fixed income to the church (to make up for unpaid tithing in the past) and can't afford her medications because of it. It makes my friend so mad that the bishop would even accept it.

I think it's elder abuse.

Tell your sister she can kiss my ass. Takes the pressure off you. :)

Ron

My mom hasn't paid tithing in years. Now, she thinks she needs to go back to the temple one last time so she can remember the stuff. She has severe dementia, is nearly blind and can't hear much anymore. she won't remember a thing about the temple session but it will make her feel like she has "refreshed her memory". It's all bull but I am trying to convince my sister she needs to take her turn with mother since she's been gone for so long on missions. It just galls me to pay it for such stupid reasons.

Take the money and do something for your mother, like give to a real charity she might like, or prepay some bills, or get her life insurance.

Does she have her funeral arrangements paid for? Take care of the pre-need, since it's likely she will need it in the next 10 years.

Don't giver her money to the church. She may need it and it will count against her for Medicaid. The Bishop can go f-himself. If she really wants her recommend, and I don't see how she does a temple, make a token donation electronically and consider it a full tithe.

Hell, the French word is "la dime", so just give them a dime and consider it more than enough.

Given that your mother has dementia, are they even going to let her go through a session? Who is going to help her do everything in the temple? Your sister?

I've told this story before. My mom died the beginning of December. The week after Christmas, my dad realized he hadn't been to tithing settlement and hadn't paid the last of their tithing. Here he was in mourning, could barely get around because his knees were so bad--he was on hospice 3 years which gives you an idea of how sick he was. He was so worried my mother would be upset that her tithing hadn't been paid the last year of her life that he went to the church and hunted down the bishop (my dad looked like John Wayne--for some reason I needed to say that, he wasn't some wimpy little old mormon man). The bishop didn't want to change the books, but my dad insisted. I told my dad--when he told me the story--"But wouldn't God understand?" My dad said, "You're right."

The FEAR that they HOLD over people--it makes me ill.

All the mormons also told me, "God must have some purpose for all our family members to die so close to each other--there must be something big going on." I actually said MANY TIMES to these mormons, "I just want my parents to be able to rest--just let them rest."