Unfortunately, it wasn't about mormonism but I think many of us can appreciate the highly mormon character traits that MIL exhibited...

Ok, shortest back story I can muster...

Back in the spring when BIL was on his mission still, a family friend in Savannah was talking with husband about an old motorcycle that he was looking to get rid of. It's 1970's Honda and is not in working condition. It would cost probably at least $750 to make it safe and driveable and more to get it restored obviously. Husband is a big motorcycle enthusiast, he's had 2 motorcycles already and isn't even 30 yet so, needless to say, he was interested. Family friend was fine with it but told husband that he had talked about letting husband's brother have it when he got off his mission (family friend is not mormon so it wouldn't be one of those "mission gifts.") But family friend said either way that someone would need to come down and pick it up (we live just outside of Atlanta). Husband thought about it and they agreed that when BIL returned from his mission, if he really wanted it then all he would have to do is reimburse husband for the gas money it would take to make the trip. If not, then husband would keep it and work on it. Family friend was fine with it and we went to Savannah with husband's truck and a trailer and spent just north of $300 in gas roundtrip.

Fast forward to this past September a short time after BIL returned home and told him that he picked up the motorcylcle and it's sitting in our garage. He asked him if he was interested in having it. BIL said yes (pretty smugly I might add) and husband said that BIL would need to pay him $300 or make arrangements to pay him back before he leaves to go back to BYU in January. BIL told him whatever, he wasn't going to pay him anything. Husband said fine. He still hasn't worked on it because he is giving his brother until January to come up with the money if he really wants it.

Fast forward to today. We had dropped our 14 month old son off for husband's sister to watch while we went to dinner. While at dinner, husband receives a nasty text from his mom: "BIL doesn't owe your $300 for that bike. He doesn't have $300 right now and it doesn't even cost that much to get to Savannah." Husband replied that if BIL wanted the bike then yes, he would need to pay him for the gas money and that's how much it cost because we were hauling a trailer both ways and he had the receipts to prove it. MIL replies: "Well no one asked you to pick it up so he doesn't owe you. Besides family friend wants it back so if you don't give it to BIL then you need to give it back to family friend." Husband was getting pretty pissed off. He responded that the deal was between him and family friend. That even if he had not wanted the bike for himself and BIL did, BIL has no truck or trailer to get down to Savannah and the only person that BIL knows that has both is husband. So he would have asked him and husband would have made him pay for the gas anyways.

It got into a pretty heated texting conversation. Husband has already been close to exploding with his mom before. She is constantly texting and calling him when he's at work (he's a police officer) and when he doesn't respond she tries to guilt him. He's usually like "yeah mom I was out chasing a guy through an apartment complex and was jumping a fence when you called so sorry I couldn't take the call." He is already stressed out and is having to take blood pressure medication. So he pretty much just lost it. He texted her "you know what? Just shut up mom. You know nothing about this situation and it doesn't involve you so I don't know why you're sticking your nose in it." She responded with some "how dare you talk to me that way? I'm your mother. How could you be SO hateful? I do nothing but love all of my children."

She called him and when he picked up all I heard was yelling at her end. He hung up on her. Our appetites lost, we paid and left the restaurant and went to go pick up our son. We got to the house and it took about 1 minute for things to go south. All I heard from husband was "You know what your problem is? You don't have enough people that tell you that you just need to shut up. You don't mince words with anyone and say whatever you want to say without regard to anyone and when someone even tries to say something back, you try to play the victim. Well I'm sick and tired of it so I'm telling you right now to SHUT UP!"

Husband is my total hero. I know that so many people have wanted to say that, I know that I want to say it all the time. MIL was just trying to make my husband eat the cost because he is one of her "lost sheep" and BIL is one of her "saintly children." When my husband went on his mission, she paid someone to haul husband's car out of her driveway even though husband paid for it with his money. She treats the children that obey her and the church's every command with money, new clothes, tuition, the easy life. The ones that don't are rewarded with scorn and guilt trips. SIL that was babysitting is also the one I spoke of not too long ago that wanted to move in with us because MIL was giving her such a hard time.

It didn't end like that. In the end I think MIL was surprised that husband was so fed up with her. She ended up apologizing and promised to stay out of this issue that only involves husband and his brother. Sometimes you just got to play hard.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/10/2010 11:00PM by olive.

A) Daaaaaaaaaang. I've actually met women like your MIL, and weirdly, yes, they were all Mormons. I'm sure that personality type exists outside of TSCC, but still.

B) Your husband is awesome. And you are awesome for telling the board about this. I admit I had myself a little chuckle about the "So just shut up!" part, since I've got a couple people I have wanted to say that to for ages, too.

Wow--good for your husband. MIL sounds like a pain in the arse. I wonder How long she will behave before going back to her meddling ways? One question - Why did she get rid of your husbands car when he was on his mission? Did she junk it? Shouldn't he have been on her good side if he was on a mission?

I hope that it will last for at least a couple of weeks. I am going Christmas shopping and unless she wants some sort of crappy thing that I find on the clearance rack, she needs to behave!

Ah, yes, husband's car. This is still such a sore spot with him especially when that "cash for clunkers" program was going on. He could've gotten some good trade-in dough for it (which is what he was planning on doing when he came home).

He paid, I believe, $3500 for the car from his bishop at the time. It was extremely overpriced as it was a Honda Accord from the late 80's and had miles close to 200,000. But I guess it's not the first time a rep of the church has milked a member huh?

It was put in him mom's name as he was only 16 at the time. It was always having trouble passing emissions here and MIL PAID someone $25 to take it from the driveway. When he came home, no car, and guess what? Had to rely on MIL for transportation until he could get one of his own which was hard since he was trying to go back to school too.

Husband hasn't been on MIL's good side since he started dating me lol. She even tried to tell him that he wasn't setting a good example by dating me. He's always had a more independent mindset, probably the product of being the oldest and the family being extremely poor when he was young. He had to pay for all of his things once he got his first job at 13 years old. Once the older ones were paying their own way, it gave MIL more flexibility to woo the younger ones with cool tech toys and whatnot.

I hope the title is in your husband's name?

Yes husband has a bill of sale and it's in his name. He's a pretty stand up honest guy so if BIL really wanted it and was willing to pay for the gas money husband would sign it over to him.

Well, today in the mail my husband got a letter from his mom apologizing for the argument and "misunderstandings." She went on a spiel about how she just wants the best for everyone, etc. She enclosed a $50 check that she said was for ruining our dinner. Husband wants to send it back as he thinks its bribe money to try to win him over. I don't even know what to think of it. I even told my husband that maybe he can apply that $50 to the $300 BIL owes him but that might be beside the point.

He should just accept the check and her apology for the sake of peace and maintaining a relationship. Don't apply it to the $300 though.