If so, would you share your letter - how it's worded, what your concerns are? And how it worked out for you?

This is a really big sticking point with me as a child advocate. The bishop can interview a boy or girl at age 12 behind a closed door, in private about sexuality matters under the guise of Chastity: chastising boys for the "sin"of masturbation/ night emissions, and asking highly inappropriate questions of little girls also. Then, some use these interviews as a way to justify not allowing them to go to the temple, (they do baptisms for the dead at those ages), for instance, because of these so called "sins" make them "unworthy."

And, I'm not even getting into the teenage years and how the kids are drilled and chastised and made to feel guilty and dirty.

So, my next question is: what kind of interviews did you have if you grew up with this kind of interview?

Actually, we just told him. No reasons given.

"We'd prefer to be involved in any interviews that our children have with you or your counselors."

We made sure the Executive Secretary knew it as well.

They were obliging. So, it wasn't a big red-tape deal.

jpt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Actually, we just told him. No reasons given.
>
> "We'd prefer to be involved in any interviews that
> our children have with you or your counselors."
>
> We made sure the Executive Secretary knew it as
> well.
>
> They were obliging. So, it wasn't a big red-tape
> deal.


That's Good News!

Told this to bishop some years back. Did not allow any response other than agreement.

Earlier this year when my oldest was tuning 8 I told our bishop (Luke Tolley, Carbondale Ward IL) that my wife or I needed to be in the interview. He got a strange look on his face, but agreed. The next week he pulled my daughter in for an interview without telling us. His excuse? He just "happened to have a few minutes to take care of it".

Fortunately he's no longer the bishop. Deceitful prick.

Because I'm pretty sure you could sue him if needed. :)

Former husband wrote a letter to our bishop when our son was going to be interviewed at age 16. He told him in no uncertain terms that he was not to ask about masturbation, homosexuality, thoughts about girls or anything else of a shaming or guilt inducing nature. It shook up the bishop. I stopped by his house one night to reiterate that even though I had not written the letter, I agreed with it (I had physical custody of son). The bishop said that wasn't his interviewing style to ask those questions. I said, "how would I know that since I'm not in there?" I told him I would be talking to my son after the interview to make sure he didn't ask any offending questions.

When son came home from the interview I asked him how it went. "It was weird, Mom, he didn't ask me anything!" Mission accomplished!

So what did the Bishop do? Smile and talk about the weather?

yes I did, this was the official response from the church..

"I received your letter dated September 21, 2011. I admire your desire to be involved with and to protect your children. Certainly, parental involvement and support are critical for a child's overall development and safety. However, it is my understanding that the custody situation with you and [ex-wife] is stated as "joint". Please correct me if I am wrong. That being the case, we are advised by LDS Church legal counsel that in order to implement your plan, even in part, I would have to have [ex-wife's] full consent. Otherwise, I am certainly at least willing to speak with you before any Bishop interviews with your kids."

it's as if they can get away with anything...

If you are serious about this hire a lawyer.

I know this is an old topic, but I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with a bishop interviewing a minor child without your legal consent. What can you do if they do it behind your back? Has anyone talked to an attorney about this?

Has anyone got an attorney involved after a Bishop interviewed a minor child without their permission?

Do your divorce orders state anything about decision making authority? If it is joint, as he implied, then he cannot interview the children without your permission either. True, to apply other standards to the interview not normally used would require your ex's permission too. That's fine, as it still grants you joint authority over all other decisions.

Did I read the legal gobblygook accurately?

Do you know a lawyer who could write them a strongly worded warning?

In your situation I'd hire a lawyer if necessary, unless it's feasable to completely pull the child out of morg participation.

Letter to bishop:
==============

Mr. Lastname (no titles or niceties because he was a jerk):

I received your letter stating that you do not believe there is an LDS church policy requiring both parents’ permission for interviews with the children. Regard this letter as notice that it is my policy, as the father with joint decision making authority, that you, your counselors and the stake presidency or any ecclesiastical leaders do not have permission to conduct interviews with my children. If an interview is requested, you will need to contact me well before proceeding whenever you or any LDS leaders intend to conduct an interview with one of my children.

My concerns stem from troubling incidences among my peers when I was a teenager in a Utah ward, in which a young men’s leader in an adjacent ward molested several boys. And events with a friend whose bishop required graphic detail of her confession to sexual activity, even requiring her to discuss how she felt engaging in it and methods used. These are not isolated events.

In recent years it's come to light that there is a growing problem among clergy (Catholic, Protestant and Mormonism) with inappropriate behavior, even molestation, when interacting with children. I do not know you personally, and while I have no evidence that you have any problem with this, I have general concerns. It would be troubling were you to go against a parent's wishes to interview and especially ask a child or teen about personal behaviors regarding sex, morality or controversial topics, (often disguised under the term "chastity"). I find it unnerving that clergy in the LDS church routinely ask the youth to discuss sex, masturbation, pornography or other subjects that would be considered highly off limits for anyone other than parents or licensed professionals, all behind closed doors. Very troubling.

Let me put this into perspective: A non-related adult male more than twice the age of the child being interviewed, asking my teenage child about his/her sexual activities in a closed office is inappropriate on many levels. This is not an acceptable community standard any where I know of, and even state-run schools are required to get permission for group discussions on these same topics. Discussing individually, behind closed doors, these topics with a child or teen is deplorable behavior.

Even when or if I were to give permission for interviews, and in order to protect my children, I insist that the following measures be put in place.

1. In order to avoid potentially compromising situations, at least two adults are required in attendance while supervising and/or accompanying my children at all times.

2. That the door not be closed, ever, when clergy interact with my children.

3. All non-related adults in contact with my children have a Police Record Check (PRC).

In fact, PRCs should be mandatory for all primary teachers and youth leaders in contact with my children. I know that this is the case with leaders within the scouting program within the Mormon Church. I cannot understand why this is not the standard for all your primary and youth leaders.

I will be sure to continue asking my children if they are interviewed without my permission, or if these kinds of topics are brought up even in casual conversations. At the simplest level, I have a right to know everything that my children are involved in within the Mormon Church. At this time, I am not informed about my children’s activities at church such as speaking in church, performing musical numbers or engaging in other aspects I may or may not agree with.

This is to inform once again, that you and any ecclesiastical official in the Mormon Church do not have permission to ask confidential questions of my children pertaining to personal topics including masturbation, homosexuality, impure thoughts, sex, guilt, etc. No interviews are to take place without prior permission. Even if my children consent to private closed door interviews, I prohibit and forbid the practice without giving my permission on a case-by-case basis. Permission for one case never automatically permits another (meaning each and every interview and interaction with any of my children dealing with confidential topics of a “guilt” nature are to be cleared with both parents first).

If I learn of inappropriate activities, interviews or discussions of topics not permitted, I will immediately contact my lawyer, the media, and Child Protective Services. Regard this as a recurring policy for all my children for you and all leaders called in the future in the ward or stake they reside in.


Sincerely



Jesus Smith
Father

CC lawyers and others

Nicely writtten JS.

Perfect JS. I would love for every bishop to be given this letter and have to sign an agreement to abide by it. It makes me sick that I had 7 children go through all these "interviews" and I never questioned it? What a fool I was.

Wow! You have an excellant point(s). I don't think it is legal or appropriate for LDS leaders to be asking about these subjects with my children. I agree. I think someone bringing it up and bringing it OUT to the public will generate support. I am glad you are doing this!

I wrote a letter. Not sure how to attach it here but I did attach it in this thread at PostMo: http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/discussions/viewthread/30052/

Incidentally the bishop of our old ward allowed me to sit in on all interviews, but the current bishop refused. Church Legal advised him he had to follow my instructions or not interview my kids at all. So he chose not at all, causing my kid to miss out on callings and a temple trip. Bishops need more direction on this from the church.

It said, "our children will no longer be interviewed without dh or myself present." DH wanted me to word it, "we ask that our children not be interviewed without us present", but I didn't want there to be any questions or wiggle room if he decided to try to get around or pretend to misunderstand our rule. So far dh has gone into the interviews. I think BP is uncomfortable with him there, but oh well.

On a funny note, when my 14 1/2 yo (yes he was 6 months late) was interviewed to advance in the priesthood, BP gave him an adult temple recommend interview. Our son, said 'Yes' to believing in god and "i don't know" in believing in the restoration. When he asked about associating with apostates, my son said, "Yes, I do". BP tried to say that since it is his mom, it's probably ok. My dh was all over that saying that the question was anti-Christian and any follower of Christ would have to answer in the affimative.

The whole Mormon experience amuses me at this point.

it's chill, Mrs. Todd.

first brewski's on me.

I think it depends on the Bishop whether he will honor the request.

My daughter is 10, I am "custodial parent for decision-making purposes".

My ex takes our daughter to cult services regularly and had her baptized, with my consent.

I decided there's not much I can do in this situation to stop what happens at church when my daughter is with her mom and on mom's visitation time. I could write letters and make demands and argue til I'm blue in the face...but if they want to do it, they're gonna.

So, instead...I am arming my daughter. I've told her no one has the right to ask her questions at church alone. I've told her if she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to and if someone at church doesn't like that they can call me.

Time will tell if she has the courage to stick up for herself...but eventually it's going to be on her to decide what she will and will not allow.

I told the Bishop and SP that absolutely no interviews or callings to be extended to any member of my family at ANY age unless I am consulted first.
I told them that I am the patriarch of my family and hold the keys of revelation for all of them and independent revelation or calling given that I cannot verify myself with the Holy Ghost is unrighteous dominion.
I played their own game and so far it have worked nicely.

After the experience I had in a "worthiness interview," i.e., verbal sexual abuse, with my perverted bishop when I was a teenager, I told my daughters that they never had to go into a bishop's office alone, if they felt they did, I wanted to know and I would attend with them.

I found out years later that one of my daughters had because the bishop told her she couldn't be made a Laurel unless she did and that her mother had no business interfering in the Lord's work and she shouldn't even mention it to her mother. She said it was very uncomfortable but it didn't last long and she decided it would be better not to tell me because she knew how adamant I was about it.

That's the reason to write a letter and make sure they get it and you have a copy of it. Even though I didn't find out until after my daughter had left the cult, if I had, I'd have had no recourse. If you've given official notice, it would give you a leg to stand on if you wanted to try to pursue a legal charge.