Date: July 26, 2011 12:50AM
Married in the Nipple
01/28/2005 - from Mike Norton
I was out in the mission field (southern California) for about a month. My companion and I were at a members home and it was just this young couple, their VERY OLD Grandmother, my companion and me.
While we were eating dinner, the wife, who was a MASSIVE hottie, had...uh...well, let's just say one could see exactly where her nipples were under her blouse. It didn't seem all that cold in the room to me but, then again, I was wearing a friggin' suit.
She had MASSIVE rock tit going on there and she was sitting right across from me.
Being the typical dumb ass young missionary, and totally lacking in tact, I asked if the couple had been married in the temple. However, when I said it, it came out as, "So, did you two get married in the NIPPLE?"
Instantly, I tried to correct myself and stammered as I said, "Uh...Nimple. I mean TEMPLE!"
Too late. The damage was done. I turned BEET RED. So did the hottie young wife. My fucking companion sort of snickered a bit and so did the womans husband.
A FULL 30 seconds went by in which the man said something like, "Uh, yes. The Los Angeles Temple."
Then, when the normal color of my face returned and I thought this horrible incident was over, Grandma, who hadn't said more than two words during dinner, looks at me and said in a very loud I'm-hard-of-hearing-so-don't-mind-if-I-holler voice, (AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) "Did you ask her about her NIPPLES?"
My companion, who was in the process of drinking his beverage, did an honest to gosh spit take and BUSTED into laughter. The poor womans husband laughed his ass off too. I turned so bright red that I thought I was going to pass out from lack of blood to the rest of my body. Grandma, ever so clueless, turned to the woman and said, "Did he just ask you about your nipples?"
My companion and the womans husband started laughing even harder.
The woman said, "I'm going to put on a sweater." Her hubby said, through fits of laughter that was making him cry, "So, Elder Norton, how long have you been on your mission?"
THAT only made my companion laugh even harder (which I didn't think was possible).
I have NEVER even come CLOSE to being that embarrassed in my entire life.