100 years ago today (and each year it is ALWAYS 100 years), god was helping give birth to the greatest country that he has ever given us, but Satan was trying to thwart that by controlling the evil Britannica king Merryweather Fanncyfanny by inviting the founding fathers to a tea party. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Jesus, and Captain Moroni showed up and king Fancyfanny tossed the hot tea RIGHT IN THEIR FACES!

It was an outrage! And war were declared.

As was the style at the time, the victor would be determined by a flexing contest. Gathering the finest oils and body glitter from France, the founding fathers rent their frilly blouses in twain and flexed with all their might.

Their shiny bulging muscles were too much to handle, and the Brits were driven back by sheer vascularity.

America had won it's Independence while the losers were forced to go door to door selling encyclopedias documenting their defeat.

Because of our heritage - this is why many American politicians are elected even today based on pictures of their rippling muscles.

Is that you Raptor Jesus - or did Michele Bachmann hack your RfM account?

I apologize for the political remark - but it was just too good to pass up.

lol....You paint quite the vivid picture of American history.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/04/2011 04:57PM by itzpapalotl.

Wow, that was educational. Now I understand why Schwarznegger got governor of CA aswell. Same thing right?!

We're not "un-American".

Just not American (or non-American). :)

While most of us are enjoying a Royal visit (the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, very youthful, energetic, attractive and fun) up here in Canada, you 'Mericans are celebrating your independence from the Crown.

It doesn't mean we can't be friends!

We had a blast on July 1, Canada Day, happy to live in this amazing country.

Enjoy your Fourth, y'all.

raptorjesus Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Because of our heritage - this is why many
> American politicians are elected even today based
> on pictures of their rippling muscles.


Unless they tweet said rippling muscles, of course. :-)

And raptorjesus taught Sarah Palin everything she knows about good ol' American history, you betcha!

~VOW

Brings a tear to my eye, I am so proud of this countrys heritage...

That was 1776% more awesome than an average post.

Happy birthday to the USA from the rest of the world, but from now on keep your god damned US-centric religions to yourself!

As a VERY proud Canadian...this non-American wishes all of you Americans as very happy 4th of July from just across the border in Alberta.

Ron Burr

Well thank you. It is a great holiday here in the USA.

Enjoyed the history lesson but I think you will find the French provided a little more than just oils and body glitter.

Heh heh, LOVE it Raptor!!!

Look for RJ's next writing venture:

Raptor Jesus's Big Book of Holidays

I remember this from when I took high school history in Alaska.

Freakin' funny. I don't know where you come up with this stuff.

"I don't know that atheists should be regarded as citizens, nor should they be regarded as patriotic. This is one nation under God.…" -- George H.W. Bush