So I just got home from the funeral of my son’s best friend from middle and high school. The service was at the LDS Church. He had joined a few years ago. I don’t think he was dry active. He left behind a wife and kids.

So what’s the deal with all the “gospel preaching” during the service? The whole thing lasted one and a half hours and I could have swarn I was in church!

It’s an effing memorial service not old time gospel hour. I felt bad for the friends and family who are not LDS there. I could go on with a lot of cussing, but I won’t. I couldn’t take all the crap either since I know the church is all bullshit.

Arrrgggg Dennis

If the family found any comfort in the consistancy, I guess that's enough. I think a little gospel from a preacher is standard, but an hour of it is disrepectful, IMHO (assuming some of the time was for remembrances). For the departed, meaningless whether a believer or not. For the bereaved family, it seems like way to long to sit and be silent. For those offering support, it's akin to an unwilling captive audience.

You showed up. That's what matters.

Fletch: "For those offering support, it's akin to an unwilling captive audience."

P: Exactly so.

For my husband's funeral, we specifically stated 'no preaching', just the music and the speakers we selected.

People who do otherwise are self-centered jerks, and perhaps following the old and awful adage, "Every Member a Missionary".
(Ya, sure--that's why the church is always growing due to new members.)
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My condolences to your son and his best friend.

Mormons like to make their Plan of Salvation pitch when you are the most vulnerable. They feel that the loss of a loved one is the Lord preparing you to be open to the Mormon gospel.

Other people all it "kicking you while you are down."

You were a good friend to sit through it. My father's funeral was like that which make me crazy, but of course my TBM family was loving it.

It is Mormon policy to have a Mormon funeral, with the bishop or other Mormon leader presiding over it. It is MANDATORY to have a Mormon preach about the Mormon "plan of salvation", which included temple garbage. The plan of salvation relegates dead apostates, non-Mormons, less-actives, non-tithe-payers to the lesser kingdoms in heaven, separated from their spouse and children. I think the Mormon church warns people of this, in advance. Many of my ex-mormon and less-active friends choose to pay the extra $400-$500 and rent out the chapel at the mortuary, or just have a simple graveside service.

One of the motives is to guilt family members into paying their tithing and going to the temple and doing the rituals for the deceased.

When my TBM aunt died, all of her children had left the cult, and she and her husband had stopped going to the temple, many years before. She had been active in the RS, in the music, and had other callings. Her house was around the corner from the Mormon chapel, and she had lived in that same house for 55 years! Because of this, she wanted to have her funeral there, and it was fine with her children. They talked to both the bishop and the stake president, and those men gave their word that the plan of salvation, nor any other Mormon doctrine would not be preached. The prayers were given by non- or ex-Mormon relatives, and her non-Mormon children (2 professors and a poet) would speak, and the musical family members would perform. It was a lovely funeral, until right at the end, the stake president slipped in the side door, at the front, and went and sat on the stand. After the last talk, he went to the pulpit. I checked the program, and he was not on it. He began to preach about the plan of salvation, and my non-Mormon professor cousin got up from his seat on the stand, and walked down the aisle, and out the back door, slamming it behind him. I wanted to cheer for him. But, it was too late, the dolt SP finished his talk.

I have given my children specific instructions about my funeral, which will be a standard Christian graveside service. No Mormon speakers. No Mormon prayers. A lot of my ex-Mormon relatives have done this.

Mormon meetings give me PTSD flashbacks, like nothing else does. I think it's the "captive audience" thing that upsets me, just as much as hearing all the lies and threats and manipulations. Anyway, I have set my own boundaries, and I don't attend funerals. (With the exception of my parents and brother and a very close cousin.) I usually send a sympathy card, or write an online message on the mortuary website, but forego the viewing the funeral. For most relatives, I will go to the viewing to give personal condolences to the family, and say something nice about the deceased, and sign the guest book. But I don't go to the actual funeral. No one notices if I'm there or not. If they ever wonder (I doubt anyone ever would), my name would be on the guest register.

It's late, and I maybe wasn't clear--the Mormons insist on a Mormon funeral, IF the family uses the ward house. I think the ward house is free.

Exactly why there will be NO open, public funeral for me! I know the service is suppose to help with the closure for those left behind as well as bidding farewell the deceased but I personally do not want any religious people and NO Mormon's.

Cremated and short Memorial service. Private and select family only.(kids and grand kids) I know there will be some who ignore my last wishes and come to see me off and 'offer' condolences anyway. If they start the preaching BS I hope they will physically escorted out. Them's my wishes today. Will see what a bit more maturity brings. lol.

Thanks for the insight everyone. I've told my son to bury me in a blue dress barefooted (no temple clothes shit. Note to self get rid of them). During the service, I thought about shorts! I love being outside and I could see my service in the great outdoors... Ah birds chirping, a breeze through the trees...

Even my TBM spouse was appalled at the "gospel talk" and I told him during and after the service that I don't want any church shit. I guess if its outside and not in a LDS chapel, I won't have to worry about it. ;)

The irony of it all. His friend joined TSCC after he met his future wife and my son left a couple of year ago. All during teenage years my son wasn't that active so he never tried to cram "the gospel" down his friends' throat.

He was the bestest best friend a teenage and young adult could ever, ever have. He will be missed.

Thanks for listening-Dennis

During my mission (California Oakland 79-81) I distinctly remember the strong instruction given to basically pounce on those families in our area that had lost loved ones (and in a couple cases in my experience families ABOUT to lose a loved one). How we found out this information, I felt was the most unethical and non-christian thing I think I did on my mission. This was basically aggressive salesmanship - I hated it, but as a faithful TBM I did it.

One time we "taught" the discussions to a dying man in a hospital bed set up in his living room -- all with the ultimate goal of converting his aggrieved wife (thank goodness it didn't work).

My mission turned the missionaries involved into cads. I so regret that portion of my life in so many ways.

My sister-in-law's dad died in Dec. Very TBM. I went to the funeral,which wasn't too bad, until the last talk by the bishop. There was the usual "this is how I knew brother x," plus the plan of salvation stuff. I expected that and it wasn't too bad until he started to go on about how brother x missed tithing settlement this year, but he would be happy to know that the bishop had declared him a full tithe payer.

That brought tacky to a whole new low. I was disgusted.