Posted by:
The Picks
(
)
Date: January 14, 2018 03:38PM
I once supported a young nevermo who posted that she was being given very mixed messages during a physical, romantic relationship with a traveling mishie.
She came on here, asking what was up with his odd behavior, all the secrecy, why her salvation didn't seem to be as much of an issue for him as ongoing sex with her, but he felt his time was "honor-bound" to god, to spend his days trying to convert others. She had a lot of questions, mostly revolving around why *his honor* didn't seem to apply in his behavior towards her.
She receieved response after response advising her to not only to [be supportive] of his confusion and possible future impending exit, how she was an (emotional and physical) lifeline to his sense of reality, that she should not judge his confusion or waffling as being a negative quality, that he had no choices due to indoctrination, blah, blah, blah.
I was stunned and outraged by how many viewed her situation and concerns for her future, barely addressed, as secondary to his. I didn't address the posts supporting his plight, but wrote my opinions of her future prospects with her jackmo mishie, that even if he did eventually exit, what a nevermo lover who "suckers" an RM out of his TBM family might expect from them, the shunning, pressures and virginal molly-mo competition she might face. I wrote (to her) a summary of the painful experiences posted here thousands of times, and played out in divorce after divorce.
Apparently, I was not allowed a differing opinion, one that examined a nevermo future as opposed to her mishie's future.
My opinions were shredded, with many ALL CAPS?!??! - type replies, asking if I had ever even been a Mormon, could never have been a mishie, had no compassion or empathy, did I even comprehend his struggle, and on and on it went.
I replied that I was supporting the one who came here seeking support, not the someone who had no questions for us. To my eye, from her descriptions, she was being used by someone feeding her bullshit excuses in exchange for for sexual relief. The board onslaught continued, and I think my response was likely overwhelmed by all of the advice supporting him.
Do I have compassion and empathy for mishies? Yep. I've described the experience as an emotional concentration camp, the culmination of the emotional and spiriual abuse of minors, coercion, cult abuse and manipulation resulting in "forced" (way too young) marriages and parenthood, a theft-imprisonment of a young person's life kept in cult conditions. I am kind and respectful to them, but won't allow them my time. I feel sorry for them. Were I to meet a mishie who asked, hinted, or obviously needed help, you can bet your bippy that I would butt in.
Still, this girl was treated as throw-away on this board, that her concerns and outcomes were not as important as his, or his immediate *needs*. She wasn't even old enough to be a mishie. I was ashamed of the behaviors and responses given her. I made up my my mind then to only scan prior responses to avoid possible duplications, and support / buttress those, instead of wasting bandwith, so repulsed was I by the mishie-centric, possibly male-centric, group-think that had been exibited. I'll continue to support those whom post here, whatever their sex or religious status, as opposed to those who do not post here.
And, to be clear, I don't claim that my view was "the right" one, but do claim an obvious bias was at play in the responses to that OP. I saw how harmful a lack of objectivity could be, not only to others, but to ourselves. It had been an emotional stretch to try to become objective, but ultimately, extremely freeing and very healthy.