afraid of mormons
Date: January 12, 2018 06:12PM
I'm slightly introverted, but more balanced, according to the tests I've taken.
The neutral test results made it difficult for me to label myself as either an introvert or an extrovert, and I'm glad of this! Instead to taking the blame for not fitting in somewhere, I would gain confidence in the situations where I did fit in.
Instead of analyzing what was wrong with me, I would identify which situations were stressful and unpleasant, so I could avoid them.
I could perform on the piano and organ, with normal "stage fright," which was overcome by a lot of rehearsing and practicing. I sang in choirs and performance trios and quartets. I acted in plays, and had the lead role in some. I could compete in tennis matches, ski races, skating competitions, bicycle races. I entered and won art contests, and a talent show. I could carry on a conversation with anyone--anyone--even the most closed-off, unfriendly people, if I was motivated. I was genuinely interested in what others had to say. I genuinely liked people. That was especially true when I lived in California.
I could NOT give a talk in church. I felt everyone was judging me, and they just sat there, stone-faced.
I was very uncomfortable giving relief society lessons, yet I could speak to a group of 200 people, as part of my school board volunteer work. Why? Because in my speeches, and later in my business presentations, I believed in what I was saying, and it was for the good of others. In church, I never quite believed, and never felt like I could be an "expert" at things that didn't make sense to me.
I made friends easily with California childhood friends, school friends, neighbors, my children's friends. I could make friends with people with my same interests--sports, political causes, Sierra Club, animal lovers, musicians, artists, etc. In the Mormon church, I felt weird around people, like, they were judging me, which they really were. I also felt that they were in competition with me. Very often, what they said were in opposition to my own knowledge and ideas. For very good reasons, I was more closed-off with Mormons, and in a Mormon atmosphere.
I had tons of boyfriends and boy "friends" out in the world, but felt very awkward at singles dances. I avoided those like the plague. (Here's a hint for you shy people: wear expensive clothes, expensive jewelry or watch, drive there in an expensive car, and people will be all over you--although for the wrong reasons.)
I love going to lunch with my friends, and we talk and laugh. I did not enjoy relief society lunches, and I would sit silently, and no one would ever laugh. My SLC ward was pretty awful.
Like an introvert, crowds drain my energy, I require solitude, I'm independent, I'm not needy for the approval of others, I prefer being in the background, I read a lot, spent time alone playing the piano, hiking in the mountains with my dog, going to operas and the symphony alone. Yet, my passion is my boisterous, active, interesting, hilarious family. I love NICE people, and children.
No matter how you define yourself, most people require some kind of balance. The Mormon cult never offered me any kind of balance--it was all draining busy-work, forced VT-type fake friendships, "every member a missionary", being beaten into submission, being taught to behave in one certain way. It was being coerced and bullied into giving talks and prayers I didn't want to give--plus being told what to say and how to say it. Mormonism just isn't for most people.