Hi all, Im 23 this year, and recently I got attached to a guy thats 51 (I know the huge age gap difference). It started off as a hook up initially but very soon, we both realised that we were attracted to each other's soul, and the chemistry between us is really great!

I know being together with him is not an easy feat, and I had warned him about the typical questions that he may get ie 'he's young enough to be your son', 'you're old enough to be his dad', 'im after his money' etc etc. And I know I will feel awkward if he invites him to meet his friends, and because of the age gap difference, I will definitely not fit in well. However, he told me that there are events just with his close friends (which he will introduce in due course) that I could join, and for other events, I can choose to sit out because he knows that it will be awkward for him to fit into my group of friends.

Despite all the differences, he still pretty much loved me a lot, and also introduced me to his really good friend (which is a female) for a start.

I really love him and I'm just wondering if there are anybody outside who are attached and with this huge age gap difference as well? Really wish to see if there are anyone experiencing similar situation as me. Any advice with this kind of relationship?

Just a little about myself, Im currently in Uni on a full-time scholarship, so I'm not keen with his wealth at all. I made it a point that he could not buy me anything, unless its for birthday because we have the same birthday month and I could get a gift for him as well.

Thank a lot! :)

I grew up sort of "within" the entertainment industry, where large age gaps are commonplace, so to me "age gaps" have never even been a "thing."

My life wisdom and experience is...

1) All adults are the "same" age.

2) There are no age gaps when people are in love.

If both of the people involved are good with each other, this is the only thing that counts.

So...if this relationship is right for you and for him...

Congratulations!!!

I wish both of you all the best...and every good thing.

Hi Tevai,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'd spoke to him about my concerns too, and he reassured me times after times, with lots of patience.

I know there are bound to be many comments made.. I guess I just need to live with it if I really love him

My advice is just give it a try and see where the journey leads. You are not likely to grow old together. But for now, just choose what you'd choose now. Him.

Thank you for your advice. Really appreciate it! Cheers mate!

There was a 16.5 year gap between my parents. My mom had the same concerns that you do -- fitting in with my dad's friends. She said that they were welcoming, but there was a gap in generations and in experience.

My dad died when my mom was in her 40s, leaving her a young widow. I don't think she was prepared to be without a partner at a relatively young age. Plus, like my mom, you might be dealing with a very sick partner who needs a lot of care.

Just some things to think about. My mom and dad did love each other a whole lot.

Thank you my friend. You parents are both really courageous person! Indeed, my partner will grow old soon and may need me to be there. I would love to do that amidst my busy schedule at work next time. Such true love and chemistry is really hard to come by. I salute your parents for their courage, and such an understanding child like you :)

My partner and I have been together since September 1999
There are 20 years and a few months age difference
So we've had our ups and downs and brief (6 month ) time apart, but things are all good
Don't pay attention to people jealous of the relationship, usually because the older guy got some hot young thing or the young guy got a stable and more settled guy. Plenty of jealous queens go out of their way to ruin things.
Keep you eye on the long term goal of having an enduring and deep relationship, like any relationship, you have to both work at it, realising that you will have differing views and attitudes and no, it's not just because of the age difference.
Your partner will have had more life's experience than you, embrace it as a bonus you won't get from a partner close to you own age.
The age difference can often work for the right people, and is more common in other cultures besides our western one.
Seems you're heading down the right path

Hi, thank you for your really encouraging post. Being together 18 years with your partner is truly a remarkable feat! I know there will be many occasions when I will feel out of place, but he is all that I really want at this moment, and I know that I would love to be with him forever. He is really nice to him, and we both prefer a monogamous relationship. I really do that mine would work out. Thank you once again for your really sweet post. I wish you happiness with you and your partner!

Has he ever been banned from any malls?
Has he ever claimed that God speaks through him?

If so, run!

Thats good to hear. None of those you mentioned, so I shall stay? :)

If you were female, that large of an age gap might induce a few snickers, but would otherwise be accepted by just about everybody. It's so common as to be cliche.

So why should it be any different because you're male?

Younger adults are attracted to older ones for lots of reasons. The older one is usually stable in life and career, they've "been around the block" so they have good experience to draw from, and (even though that's not the case here) they're financially stable. None of those are "bad" reasons to like someone :)

Good luck with your relationship.

Hi, thank you for your advice. We were attached really recently, and so far its has been really good, and we love each other dearly. As he is a cabin crew, we don't get to see each other very often, and when we do, we do cherish all the time we have together. Its good for me and him because I get to focus on my university studies as well. :)

But how sad to lose a spouse early on, which is very likely if one is much older than the other.

yes, agreed.. I told him many times the thought of you leaving me creeps me out, and he jokingly said 'even though im younger, doesn't mean he will go first..'. I had plans to migrate with him once I completed my bond due to scholarship. I really hope it work well for both of us. Its a big step for me, and so far it is working really well :)

I started dating a 23 year old after my divorce. She was also divorced. We were 17 years apart and except for music taste, we got along fine. We eventually broke up but on good terms. I honestly never noticed the age difference while we were dating.

Sometimes when both have such good chemistry and feels, it really makes you clicked so well that you forget the age gap differences. I really enjoy all my time with him, and sometimes I feel he's more childish than I am. Being youthful is really good too!

Hopefully, step kids won't give you any problems. You'd be surprised how childish and greedy some adult children can get.
Casey Kasem and a few others come to mind.

You guys need a fair but ironclad prenup which spells out exactly who gets what.

We are both male gay and he's not married, so kids don't come into play. And yes, if he has kids, I would probably not get into this relationship with him :)

Not wanting to bust your bubble, but existing family may impinge on your relationship. It's not childish on their part its the fact that they have been family a lot longer than you have been around.

He's pretty much open to his friends and colleagues, but we are both closeted to our family. Sometimes its better not to let them know...

I figured you were both males.

Even if you do not marry there should be something written up to protect both your interests.
If he keels over tomorrow the family could swoop in and make all the legal decisions.

Predator is a word cast about often here...usually describing an older person taking advantage of naive youth.do you feel like a victim...yet??...infatuation is a terrible time to be objective..give things a few months till it wears off...head over heels makes it really tough to tell what's up...your awfully young to be considering long term lengthy commitments..jmo...I've seen a few train wrecks...they all started off just peachy too...those extra years also give people a lot of extra time to learn navigation skills...just something to consider...having seen both ends of matrimony...I might be a bit cynical...or cautious...not sure which...I will say in my experience...love conquers all...until it doesn't

I fully understood what you meant, and sometimes, I asked myself, is it worth shutting all my other opportunities in life just for him? Life is too short, and we often think that we could always get a better deal later, or find someone better... Many said its a shame that I don't give myself the opportunity as a young adult to be exposed to many others... I dont know honestly, at this moment, being very rationale, sane and sorted, I would want him by my side..

My advice has nothing to do with your age gap:

1) Take your time. Don't get engaged until you've known each other a year.

2) Wait until you are 25 to get married. You are not fully formed until about 25.

3) Take care of yourself and don't lose yourself to someone else. A man who truly loves you wants you to be you, not his version of you.

4) Flee at the first sign of abuse

5) If it doesn't work out, take it as a learning experience.

Most early divorces are caused by marrying someone you don't know well. Take your time, have fun, and at the very least, learn from your experience.

Hi Axel,

Thank you for your advice. I feel all the 5 things you mentioned are very relatable, and I'd spend some time thinking about it too. I really do hope that he's the one for me. If not, like you what said, its gonna be both a learning experience for us. :)

if there's a bit of an age gap (albeit they said 10 years or so), but think that you would have more regrets for what might have been than having a relationship that just wasn't meant to be.

Now, do you have a younger brother for me? ;-)

Hey Hervey,

Yea, I agree with you.. hope it turns out all well for me..

p.s I have an elder brother tho, will that work out? :)