I'm active in the church because my wife has threatened me and I cannot imagine living apart from my four children. So, I wear a mask and have done so for 4 years. It is extraordinarily difficult.

I am in a stake leadership role now and as a result, I have been in a unique position to observe hardcore believers in their natural habitat.

An observation?

True believers won't give any weight to an apostate's reason(s) for non-belief.

In almost every circumstance where the apostate hasn't committed an obvious sin, a true believer will pass along gossip that the apostate has some sort of mental illness.

This type of gossip spreads like crazy.

It's impossible to step up and defend the poor apostate because in doing so you have to openly and verbally claim that the apostate's stated reasons for non-belief may be valid.

Thus subjecting yourself to the same treatment.

There isn't any space in mormonism for open questions or open doubt.

The church is full of people living "double" lives mentally and spiritually.

Thanks for the report. Very interesting but I guess not really surprising. I realized my opinion with the TBM family suddenly counted for Nothing the second I became apostate. And not just my opinion on church matters, but much else as well. I was now considered mentally and spiritually "flawed." That makes it hard to be around Mormons. You are demoted before you even walk through the door.

Must be very hard to be in your position. Seems like sooner or later something has to give. I guess after four years you have a good handle on the tough situation and navigate well, but I wish you all the mental and emotional strength you ever need.

You definitely get demoted in the eyes of your family and of mormons. That is why i no longer gather with them for anything, i will not put myself through that anymore.

You are correct that they will make the person that doesn't believe or go along with the church a straight up crazy person with mental illness almost every time. And some times and most of the time the person they call crazy starts to believe that they really are crazy and sometimes it has tragic consequences. But i am sorry that you are stuck in the position you are in, i know what it's like to pretend and go through the motions, it's not easy.

I often wonder about the double lives things. I am doing the same thing right now, and was pleasantly surprised that my wife is doing the same thing. My wife has a strong social connection to church members (for good reason - very long story), and she is reluctant to walk away from it all. But we are both at the point where we no longer believe any of it and are just going through the motions.

Our former Branch President was doing the same thing as well. He was the BP for four years, and three weeks after being released he promptly announced he was not a believer and and his wife both left the church and moved away.

My job prevents me from having a major calling in the Branch, and I have made it clear I will not be a home teacher. I can fake it for a few hours on the 1-3 Sundays I am home each month. But I wonder how many others are just going through the motions, saying the right things and doing the right things, but having our hearts and minds some place else.

I'm in a very similar situation. My wife is TBM on steroids and I'm going through the motions to avoid impacting my kids while they are still in high school.

Late last year, though, I guess I got fed up. One afternoon I fired off emails to my high counselor to ask to be released from my calling as Stake Sunday School President. I also sent one to my HP group leader and HT companion that I wouldn't be doing home teaching any more.

Since then I've been released from my calling and no one's said anything to me about HT'ing.

I do notice that my bishop and HP group leader have been looking at me different and seem more cautious around me. I guess I've now been labeled as unreliable...which is fine with me. I suppose I'm now also a "project" for the ward council.

Not sure what my path out is going to look like, but the double life is not something that I can do indefinitely. Something will have to give sooner or later.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/08/2018 03:30PM by corallus.

... I wonder how many others are just going through the motions, saying the right things and doing the right things, but having our hearts and minds some place else.

Probably about half... I've seen so many Jack & Jill Mormons that it looks like a fairy tail.

Most have some sort of family (keeping it from blowing up, like is tscc's m.o.) facade, 'feelings' or fears.

There is a difference between 'member', believer, attendee, social being, etc., etc., etc.

Badassadam wrote:

"And some times and most of the time the person they call crazy starts to believe that they really are crazy and sometimes it has tragic consequences."

We call that "gaslighting." Everyone associated with the Mormon cult needs to see that old movie!

If most of the people around you--your TBM neighbors, your TBM relatives, your TBM friends--suddenly start shunning you, and treat you as though you are a leper, you start to see yourself in their eyes, and believe you must be a leper.

One of the most valuable results of lurking on RFM for the past few years, has been to receive validation from you people. I am NOT imagining the way the Mormons are treating me! I know how they feel about me. I know how Thomas Monson told them to think about me: that I'm "lazy, offended, and wanting to sin." And the new accusation: I'm "mentally ill."

Even if you live a good, honest, moral life, and you have nothing to be ashamed of, the Mormons will MAKE UP LIES about you, and spread those lies. Yeah, More Money knows this, from the inside!

We ex-Mormons "have reasons" too. Most of us end up losing Mormon friends, Mormon parents and family relationships, and sometimes even spouses. This can happen no matter how hard we try, or how long we try, or how much we "overlook" the Mormon rudeness. There's a point where we must stop taking all the blame upon ourselves, and leave it up to the Mormons. All I ever did was seek the Truth and follow my heart, and I'm forever condemned for it. So, now, out of self-preservation, I avoid those who condemn.

I'm lucky that my life allows me to do this. Mormons have nothing to do with my family, career, hobbies, or relationships, and my SLC neighborhood has morphed into a mostly not-Mormon area. All around me, I see the Mormon cult dwindling in power, as people flee the wards, and we are down to one ward per stake for each (prime residential view-lot) stake house. Our stakes have known for years, that the cult is bleeding members--and that's why they have been so hysterical and abusive towards those who leave. For them, it's war!

As Springsteen sang, "At the end of every hard day, people find some reason to believe."

Well, I'd like to read the re-write on this one:

https://www.mormon.org/beliefs/the-ten-commandments

Ninth Commandment:

“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour” (Exodus 20:16).

Fair use excerpt:

"Simply put, this commandment encourages you to speak the truth. “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour” (Ephesians 4:25). People who misrepresent others or spread rumors about a person’s character bear false witness. “Be not a witness against thy neighbour without cause; and deceive not with thy lips” (Proverbs 24:28)."


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Let me give it a shot:

“Thou shalt not bear false witness against TR-holding attendees present in the room at the time."