As for me, I came nearly three years ago out of curiosity as a former Mormon who resigned from TSCC around 2005.

Didn't know before learning of RfM there was a place for "ex-Mormons in recovery."

I was BIC sixth generation on my dad's side.

Didn't see myself as in recovery until after finding RfM.

It was a discovery to learn of others going through similar emotions and experiences I'd been through. Some more recent than others. But that we share a common interest that is something you don't find elsewhere.

Thanks to Eric, Mauve, Concrete Zipper and Tevai for helping to make RfM flow as smoothly as it does.

You guys really rock!

Happy New Year RfM!

:-)

I married a Mormon five years ago. She, the missionaries, and everybody in her ward were pushing me to convert. Everything they told me seemed so obviously wrong, so I started seeking out the forbidden knowledge of those "damned, lying anti-Mormons."

This was the largest gathering I could find. ;)

Are you still married to the TBM?

Were you able to de-convert her? Or have an amicable understanding based on your differing beliefs?

Still married and my wife is still Mormon, though much less TBM than when we married. She is mostly inactive, but continues inviting missionaries over for dinner. She assures her VT, HT, bishop, and friends that she still has a strong testimony though her church attendance has been minimal for the past year.

All of the rough patches we've had over the past five years have been directly related to the church, but they have been few and diminishing in frequency.

We've settled into a agree-to-disagree posture and are both trying to focus on what we have in common rather than on what divides us.

You both sound like a sensible couple.

Good for you that you're able to stay married despite the tug-o-war.

Maybe there is a 'happy medium' there as you say, since she appears to have reached a compromise that works for both of you.

:)

I just learned something about you I didn't know before.

Thanks for sharing.

It's understandable why you'd want to know more, and contribute.

Sir david the bard brought me here.

When I first moved to Utah, as a nevermo, I wanted to learn more about them and to be sure they didn't try to get their clutches into my then second grade daughter.

Surfin' the net and googled "exmormon" and there it was.

You are the enterprising type, LR.

;)

A Google search re: a Mormon-connected fact I needed brought nevermo me here to RfM.

I found the answer I needed to the project question I had (a project which was discussed, but never produced)...

...and I also found an incredible group of people whose real life conversations here were ACTUALLY like the conversations other people I knew were ASSUMED to have (but in real life, didn't really---the impression of the general public, based on articles, documentaries, biographies, etc., was based on well-intentioned, but actually fairly bogus, public relations schmooze).

Fifteen years after that particular Google search...I'm still here.

Thank you, everyone, for making this board the incredibly interesting and supportive place it is.

Whether you are aware of it or not, your conversations here often exceed the "best" (in p.r. terms, anyway) of "real" life.

I didn't realize you have been on RfM for 15 years. That is quite an anniversary!

Glad you found your way to RfM.

Let's see, 15 years ago I was still waffling between being a Mormon and leaving for good. What a difference a decade makes!

:)

I found this site when we first moved to Utah and wanted to know more about them, mainly to prevent them from getting my then second grade daughter in their clutches.

That was a smart thing to do.

My maternal grandparents raised their never Mo family in Utah. The only one who converted to Mormonism in adulthood was my mom, after marrying my dad.

One of my dad's cousins told her that sooner or later they were going to convert her. And.they.did.

Mom's dad on the other hand refused to speak to her for fourteen years after she joined. He detested Mormons his life through. He was a Utah Mason. In those days Mormons were not allowed to be Masons. Today they are allowed to join (since late 70's or early 80's.) He was part of the reason why.

Gramps only started speaking to mom again on his deathbed. He'd speak to us kids, just not her. It was pretty hard on mom, to say the least.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/01/2018 03:17PM by Amyjo.

My dysfunctional TBM family was Mormon Royalty on all sides, going back to ancestors who were JS's neighbors, and the first members of the polygamist Mormon cult. There have been many church GA's, and several church presidents in my lineage. I can't believe that I was raised to be proud of that heritage! For all that, my immediate TBM family was abusive. I learned to "fake it" that I was perfect. I married a RM con-man, who beat me, and I divorced him, but the cult would not grant me a temple divorce. I tried for many years, and was told yes, then no, that I could, then could not, get a temple clearance to remarry, or a cancellation of sealing or a temple divorce, or whatever they called it in their ever-changing rules. I was fed-up, and needed some real, solid answers.

TBM had answers to all my questions about the workings and teachings and lies of TSCC. I was overwhelmed by the empathy and caring from RFM posters. Each answer opened the door to other questions, which led to more answers, and I spent 4 nights and took a day off work, to read RFM non-stop.

It was upsetting, but positive, and energizing to finally know the truth, then be free of the lies and hype, and to resign along with my children, who had never believed in the first place.

The main question I kept asking, over and over was, "Is the Mormon church a cult? Really?" It took a while for it to sink in that I had been lied to all my life, and by my own parents, too.

We may be related.

On my dad's side some of my ancestors were bodyguards and close friends of both Smith and Young.

We have some shared history. Although as far as I know am not related to any of the GA's or church presidents.

It never occurred to me I was in a cult until well into my adulthood. Once I woke up to that fact is when the shelf came tumbling down. I was able to see more clearly after that, and question things that were discouraged or outright forbidden at church.

The cult doesn't like questioning Mormons does it? The glazed over eye rolls only reinforced for me how brainwashed those teachers were once I started questioning history in Sunday School classes.

It was a blessing in disguise to be able to study our way out of there is how I see it. We were taught to "seek and ye shall find. Ask and it shall be given you." The cult could only hold us for so long until we were able to stand on our own two feet. Then the gig was up; for it. The cult taught us to seek after truth. It wasn't prepared for the exodus that would follow when we come to the realization the church doesn't have it.

;-)

I first started posting here because I was fed up by people claiming to be apologists but in fact they are dishonest. How will anyone be convinced in the long run that the Church is true unless we are completely honest? So thus I strive to give the honest answers that a TBM should give. If you think my answers are sensible and non-delusional then you might be on track to becoming TBM yourself.

I had been reading the Tanner's book, "The Changing World of Mormonism", and wanted to see if there were others who left the church or if I was pretty much alone. I also searched "exmormon" and found this site. I looked at some of the archives first and then came across the more recent postings later.

valkyriequeen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I had been reading the Tanner's book, "The
> Changing World of Mormonism", and wanted to see if
> there were others who left the church or if I was
> pretty much alone. I also searched "exmormon" and
> found this site. I looked at some of the archives
> first and then came across the more recent
> postings later.

I haven't read the Tanner's book yet. What they did for me before my leaving for good TSCC was put me on their mailing list and I'd get their flyers monthly. Just reading those with all the resources available in print convinced me they were the "go to" authority for anyone having questions on Mormonism: past and present.

That source of materials helped me to navigate my own path out eventually.

While I haven't met Sandra Tanner in person, she ranks high on my list of heroines I have known in my lifetime. And her husband was a spiritual giant himself.

Love them both for the good they've done for others - maybe millions of people like myself they've reached and will continue to. Their work is their legacy.

My husband was a LDS convert. He and his ex wife joined together. They divorced and ex proceeded to use the church as a parental alienation tool. My husband's daughters are now grown and one is just now speaking to him again after 13 years of silence.

I've been coming to this board for many years. It took a long time before most people were nice to me, but it's been worth it. It's one of my favorite communities.

I'm very glad you're here. You have much to add and contribute in a good way.

My TBM parents divorce brought out the worst in both my parents. Mom especially tried alienating us kids from our dad. By the time they were divorced we were practically grown up. And because I'd always been a "daddy's girl," it was a hard sell to believe he wasn't a good guy.

Divorce is rough on any family. But so was living under the roof of two parents who weren't committed to their marriage. Having a temple recommend didn't help their marital discord - I see how it may have made things worse after learning about the crazy temple rituals they endured during the course of their marriage.

That would have set me on edge had I lived through that in order to be deemed "worthy" of continuing temple attendance.

They weren't able to get a temple divorce either following their civil divorce. By then both had gone inactive and their subsequent partners were Jack Mormons. So they didn't really need a temple divorce. Glad in a way because my TBM brothers would undoubtedly be sealing them together again had they gotten one.

They had them buried in their temple clothes without consulting either parent pre-death.

I would've had them buried in something nice, but not their temple clothes. Mom wouldn't have minded my brothers did that, but dad probably would have.

I came here because Mormonism is a major "hobby" of mine, and exmormon.org, to me, is part of the larger Mormon scene.

If you're writing a book on the subject, please let me know where I can find a copy.

:-)

I'm not writing a book about Mormonism, but here are a couple of titles of books I think would be interesting for me to write:

Feeding the Missionaries: A Memoir

Anachronistic Christian Concepts and Writing in the Book of Mormmon

My DH was reading everything from the Tanners & he found RfM...not the board but the stories etc.

I found the board. I was hooked. I had not resigned at that time. My husband had resigned but I was fearful.

I found the "how to resign" info that Kathy provided.

I resigned & have been here since.

That was years ago.
It was a 60th birthday gift to me from me.

Moved on
checked out other religions
chose none

By your 60th birthday, freedom was the gift that kept on giving.

Smart lady!

:-)

1998.

I thought it was a great place to discuss what it was like transitioning out of Mormonism.

I was a convert, so I didn't have the complications of dealing with LDS family members, so my transition wasn't nearly as hard in that way.

What was hard, was 1)recognizing Mormon thinking, that had become so ingrained, and 2) unwinding that kind of thinking

That's pretty amazing, you've been here almost as long as RfM has been online.

Congrats to your longevity. Add to that a true survivor!

;-)

This board is still doing good for people transitioning, even though a lot of you have been here for many years. I found the board in 2017 after my now ex-wife came out as gay to me and we decided that we shouldn't be married any more. The final straw that ended my patience with the church was the realization that she would be excommunicated from the church for being honest about who she was and I just couldn't deal with the stupidity of that. I decided to resign my membership and when I was looking for instructions to do so came across this board.

This board, along with mormonthink, mormonism101, and many others, helped me realize that the church was worse than I had imagined, even though I already knew that I just didn't believe a lot of it. It helped so much to know that there are others who have had the same experiences and come to the same conclusions. It is so nice to know that you're not alone.

It's also helpful to hear from people who continue to have issues with friends and family members and to realize that de-converting loved ones is a long, painful process. I have hope that I can convince some people along the way, but know that it's unreasonable to think that that will happen easily or in the time frame I would like. And you all have helped me see that patience is a virtue, since many of you have been at this a lot longer than I have.

Congrats on being out, and welcome to being here.

Though 'we may have come on different boats, we're in the same ship now.'

Ahoy ship mate.

Happy New Year!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/02/2018 09:13PM by Amyjo.

to get answers to questions about the temple and not wearing garments anymore. I had been inactive for a long time, but still wore garments. I was afraid of something drastic happening. I also didn't dare tell anyone my very special god-given name of Lucy. He sent me here to read about these issues and I had a good laugh.

Fifteen years ago I married my childhood sweetheart after my first husband had died. DH is Mormon--was divorced from his TBM wife--their kids are BIC, although he is not, and his ex was a convert.

He told me he wasn't a dyed in the wool mormon, or he wouldn't have married me.

There aren't words enough to say what a relief it was to find this site---I read and read for days, tons of archived posts and now the rfm. So many things that I didn't understand, that hurt me and I now have so much more comprehension of where these things are coming from.

I'm sure some things are just plain ol' "people are people," dysfunctional family stuff---not just Mormon. But quite a lot seems to be typical mormon----and as other posters have said here, this community has conversations, compassion----and I read here all the time and sometimes say things I cannot think of anyone else on the planet I could talk to about this stuff.

SO THANK YOU!!!!!

You are very lucky to have been able to marry your childhood sweetheart after losing your first husband. :(

Meet many interesting people from many walks of life on this forum.

It helps explain your userhandle "relieved to learn." ;-)

I stayed for the camaraderie. Where else can one find so many amazing people?

Hey, you're amazing too !

You help many people here find their way post-Mormonism.

You have a deep well of empathy for others.

Curiosity. I was a convert so I think my case is easier than some. Also, it's a good place for me to ferret out my religious questions and get many viewpoints, all of which I appreciate, even when I disagree.

Hey, you found your way out! I'm not so sure that it's that easy to do.

My mother was a convert who believed in TSCC to her dying breath.

Maybe you're right-not so easy. I loved the attention they lavished on me until I found out about the gossip, the subject of another thread.

Here's the "Mormon Gossip Problem" thread I created

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2054518



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2018 06:40PM by helenm.

^^2 thumbs up^^^

Gossip was one of the 'crash courses' I learned via the women's groups at church.

What to avoid, who to avoid, etc.

Some young single adults at a RS event were joking around but serious when they said they belonged to the "Relief Society Gossip Committee." The RS president overheard them and rebuked them. But they were not too bright to begin with. It was their past time.

They were some of the shallowest, most superficial people from church I can recall. And very immature. Low IQ, no ambition. They only had one goal in life and that was to get married and be a kept woman. I'm not even sure that worked out for them. Guys avoided them like the plague.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2018 06:54PM by Amyjo.

My dh is TBM although mostly inactive now. I tried attending sometimes for a while when we were first married to be supportive but quickly realized that I never felt good being in the building so I started reading which lead me here. For the record, I refused to wear a skirt or dress to church when I did attend as that would have been far too much.

We have been married for over 20 years, we just don’t discuss religion too much. He has always been supportive in the decisions I make and my accomplishments, whether it is for my career, religion, our kids and family or things that are important to me.

You are fortunate to have found a balance in your married life with a TBM.

As a TBM myself married to Catholic men (two marriages for me,) it was a constant strain trying to be LDS while hitched to a mostly non-practicing secular husband/s.

I had visiting teachers try to talk me out of marrying hubby #2. They warned me and warned me, but alas I was headstrong and would marry who I chose - just like they did. Their husbands were both inactive LDS and they both felt they made a terrible mistake. I respected their good intentions, but made my own way like they did.

Now that I've been out of the cult for well over a decade I'm not gripped by the tightrope it used to make me feel like I was constantly walking. I eased up on myself since then. Though I know I wouldn't be attracted to the same men now I was back then.

Hi Amy Jo, I was a convert. A first generation convert. I wore that title like a medal. Someone who believed "the gospel" was true so that I made sure my children went and two exes were baptised and confirmed. Although they are all out now, thank goodness. When I went to apologize for getting them in that mess, they were like," its ok, we knew it was false, wrong, (fill in the blank here), and wondering when you were going to…" I had already quit going and had already confronted my church leaders about what I had discovered about the church when I found this board. I think that was April of 2015. They had me believing the internet was so full of evil and anti-mormon rhetoric, that I conducted my research the old fashioned way. Libraries and books. I came here to find more information and do more research, and lo and behold, I'm still here…

Good that you were able to keep questioning and doing your 'due diligence' after joining.

As a BIC I grew up in the cult, and bought what I was taught about the whole Joseph Smith story hook, line, and sinker. It didn't occur to me I was in a cult until well into adulthood.

I still have TBM siblings in the cult. Another sibling left like I did. He was actually the first one to resign. Neither his wife or children are LDS. I'm not sure what his personal reasons are for leaving other than he had stopped believing by young adulthood.

Researching why Mormon kids and parents were shunning my nonmo kids...

I have a never Mo uncle on my mum's side who tried going to Primary as a young child growing up in the Morridor, as a minority of the community he lived in to try and fit in with his classmates in Utah.

He was laughed out of Primary class by his peers for being different from themselves. Said uncle is/was a genius who later went to Berkeley graduating with a Master's degree in engineering, and became a renowned scientist in Silicon Valley.

Mormons left such a bitter taste in his mouth I don't know he ever got over his early childhood experiences growing up in Box Elder county.

If I had more time, I would type a couple of the BS things my kids dealt with

Over 12 yrs. ago....daughter was dating a Mormon. I had been on Mormons Have My Child first....I think it was called. Then heard of this site. I have been gone for yrs. but feel a need to check in again. You have helped a lot of us nevermos deal with a lot and help us understand things beyond our understanding.

I didn't know about that site before reading it here from you. Thanks for the thumbs up!

:)

looking up mormon history and found this site . Quit da church in 76 at age 17 because mainly racist doctrine and that it has to be the most boring religious congregation ever.Native Utahn with parent pioneer polygamists . Other parent a family bunch of fairly successful drunks except for my father who converted although mom and family did not pressure him and he only did after 15 years married as a non mormon . My parents were fairly liberal even by Mormon standards . Very non judgemental and certainly not racist . Great parents and I miss them . Greatest Generation and all.

You and me are the same age. I went to high school for one semester in Utah. But graduated high school in Palo Alto - it was my great escape from oppression. Too much freedom all at once was almost as bad as not enough as a Mormon though.

But I loved Palo Alto overall. It was so beautiful there. I felt like Dorothy who'd been swept away from her home in Kansas when I found myself there to finish high school after literal turbulence in my family caused me to become uprooted and I ended up there.

I am a no-mo and what brought me was curiosity. I have closeted apostate friends and friends who have resigned formally from the church. Then I have a closer friend who has been a convert for almost 9 months now and time flies. I felt like she had gotten baptized not so long ago. But it is mostly to learn and get insight into the LD$ Inc. My convert friend pays her tithe directly to them and you won't believe who she addresses it to: "The Corporation of the Presidents." Every time I think of her, I agonize - but, she is a smart cookie. My apostate friends and I are taking bets as to when she'll see it for what it really is.

I don't remember ever addressing my tithing checks to the "Corporation of the Presidents." If that's a relatively new directive, it is obvious where exactly the tithes are going (not that we need any convincing.)

I'm a never-mo and what brought me here five years ago was (at the time) I was dating an inactive mormon (her family church roots ran all they way back to Nauvoo). I was looking up info on the LDS Church and wanted a perspective from all sides of the equation. My eyes were opened wide in so many ways.

As the relationship progressed, there was pressure from her family to go active again and convert me. They got her back in the church, but they didn't get me...and the relationship ended.

RfM, even though I was never mormon, was a place for my recovery. A tip of the hat to all of you.

Wow, what a story of love 'found' and then lost because of the cult coming between you and her.

It happens a lot, sadly.

Nevermo - My daughter at 14 was being "closet" recruited behind my back. It all came to a head one night, it wound up with me standing outside a prominent local's house, of which my daughter was inside (being protected by him), insisting he send her out and having to dial the police before he sent her out. My husband was unavailable at the time, so this guy felt he could "priesthood authority" me. I needed answers to get my daughter away and back under my control. Husband has mormonism in his family, as well - it had been a relatively neutral experience up to that point, so my guard was down.

I had something similar happen to me and my daughter when she was in high school. We were both active LDS at the time, when the YW leaders came between me and her to undermine my parental authority as a single mom up against the cult.

They were horrible which led to our resigning when we did. Fast forward seven years later, and the same bishop's wife who interfered with my family back during daughter's high school days was then harboring her behind my back in secret, along with her husband for more than six months. They were paying me back for resigning years before by dividing my child from me years later.

If that isn't the definition of an evil cult, I don't know what is.

They caused more damage than they did good to my daughter and hers and my relationship. That they did it with malice and deliberation makes it unforgivable. I will never forget.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2018 07:57PM by Amyjo.

Help in dealing with a good LDS friend. I was a failed conversation project years ago.