I knew the book of Mormon was problematic the first time I read it on my mission. It tried way to hard and I could smell the writer's desperation.

The temple completely blindsided me. At 19 during my first endowment session I asked my Dad why we were in a cult.

On the way out of the temple he told me we could never talk about it. He's gone now and we never did.

The pressure to remain Mormon was so great that I floated along for a dozen years post mission. I was semi-active and never let myself dig more deeply into it's history.

I was talked down to and treated as if something was wrong with me many times in various singles wards by overzealous/pompous elder's quorum leaders. I partially allowed myself to feel the way they felt about me.

I married a social Mormon who belonged to a family of True Believers. She couldn't say that she believed in Joseph Smith but saw it all as irrelevant and Mormon activity as a way to remain accepted.

The internet made it's debut a few years after our marriage and when studying to teach a lesson I didn't want to give, I stumbled into the thicket of information that had begun to pop up.

Within a few hours it was over. It was clear just from reading actual, church provided history, that my earlier feelings and misgivings all the years prior weren't based on some faulty emotion.

A feeling of great relief enveloped me and lasted for several months.

I realized I wasn't crazy.

Then the anger set in.

That lasted for two to three years while I pushed my wife to understand.

Her family was so intensely self righteous, that when they faced the level of my belief, they couldn't contain themselves.
They accused me of never having a testimony and of tricking my wife into marriage.

They approached her several times from different directions, suggesting divorce.

Over the years, anytime we've had any difficulties in life, they have dropped the idea that my lack of faith was the cause.

This despite the fact that many in her family have had serious financial and other problems. (Of course any problems they've encountered are merely tests...not punishments)

As my oldest reach mission age, they begin to tell him to disregard his father's input on religious and spiritual matters.

My Anger increased.

Despite this, I've kept my cool.

But underneath it all... I've grown very very tired of Mormons.

I thought I could let it go but I've come to the conclusion that all true believers are assholes and I want nothing to do with them. My anger has become barely containable.

When asked why, I try to explain it like this:

Mormons claim they believe the entire story.

That story is crazy and not only is it crazy it's stupid on a number of levels.

They also claim that it's the most important thing in their life. The church is true and obedience is the key.

They assume that you are sinning if you don't believe and leave the church.

(Don't buy anyone's claim that this isn't true. It's institutional. Mormons are taught from a young age that there is no other reason one would leave the church and they are taught this from the pulpit - there cannot be any other reason...otherwise they'd have to admit that the apostate may have a point - which they won't do)

When you say to them wait a minute, you believe in some really strange things when looked at objectively. The book of mormon is easily fictional and the book of abraham is admittedly so.

They will say... I cannot talk to you, you are offending me.

Then you say, I believe in some odd things too.

But when I care for someone, love someone...and they strongly disagree with me on something big, something so important that I've given my life or my heart to it... I want to know why they disagree. I would ask them why and listen intensely to their position.

Why won't you listen to mine?

They won't answer.

They admit by their non-answer, every single time, that obedience to the Church is more important than their relationship.. even with their own sibling or son.

But point out that it doesn't cut both ways.

I want to hear their position. I've listened to all the arguments. I've tested their propositions over and over.
I've read the books.

But in the end, the apostate has something wrong with him. That can be the only reason for it.

In the end, your family and "friends" who are true believing mormons are really just acquaintances at best... and your secret enemies at worst.

You can love them and want them in your life, but they won't ever truly reciprocate unless you obey and subject yourself to their belief system.

This realization festers in my chest like a wound.

And my anger grows.

Dear friend,

You have to make the best of a bad situation.
All of my children served missions, and all of them are now out of the church with their spouses, save one.
I told each child I would support them on their mission and I wanted them to have a good experience.

There are as many solutions to our dilemma as there are awakened people.

hk

Yup, I get it! The mormon church creates enemies for life! I'm one/I despise what it stands for! I tolerate the vile cult as long as they don't annoy me! I love my family but the corrupt ecclesiastical corporation (mormon Cult) makes it difficult at times! They don't interact with me but do corrupt relationships when opportunity arises for them! The creeps at the top/their low level operatives are good for nothing hypocrites stealing all they can from their many believing, duped victims! This vile excuse for a religion should be outlawed! Let's start by legally repealing their 501(c)(3) tax scam deduction! As Always, tnurg (GRUNT)

Naturally your very well written rant resonates with me...

Question: While I understand the anger, it seems that mine is very contained and aimed more at the institution than the membership, and I'm wondering why this is?

Okay, I thought about it some... Perhaps the difference is that I only have to deal with one TBM in my life, and from two states away, whereas you seem to immersed in the 'culture'.

Powerful post glad i decided to come back on here. I too am still very angry, it seems i have gotten more angry the farther i am away, almost like i am re-establishing my real self and that real self is very very pissed off. I too felt something was off as a kid. When i read the book of mormon i thought it was a fantasy book until i realized that the adults actually believed it as fact. As a teenager i really felt something was off and the family treated me like a crazy person and so i really thought i actually was for a long time. This was before the internet, i had no idea if it was a cult but thought everyone else was right and it really was god's true church and i was the bad guy by default for not really going along with it. I made my return to church at 29 years old to see if it really was legit or not, but i could see how this rabbithole was designed after two years and the big secret was secret handshakes? Really? This whole fucking time? i was so disappointed. And now a year and 3 months have passed and my mind keeps getting more clear but i keep getting more pissed off as i go, i can't fucking help it. I was manipulated and treated very badly in the past and that is hard to forget, it led me down a very dark road of pain and suffering. I was punished for my good instincts. I feel your pain.

let me assure you - it DOES get better.

In time, the anger and bitterness evaporate into a comfortable indifference. At least, that's how it has worked for me.

I feel sad about the fact that my experience with the Mormon church soured me on religion in general. I was raised as a Presbyterian - not the predestination, bible-thumping kind, just a reasonable, socially progressive church. Now, while I liked the local Presbyterian church, I just feel sad, because I can't buy into God or Jesus or any of that other stuff that used to seem so comfortable.

I don't belong there any more, and I regret that loss. And I blame the Mormons.

I am afraid i will never buy into the whole jesus thing again either. Lord knows i have tried to defend the bible jesus over the years versus the mormon jesus but it just doesn't fly i just feel very betrayed by someone who claims to heal all things and know all things. He has been the most absent god of all time, sometimes it feels like an old friend that totally forgot about you but kind of tries to make up for it in your later life, i have to move past the whole jesus thing put it into the category of santa claus in my head.

literally watching the King's parade and looking around at all the Mormons smiling and waiving and shouting out how great his suit of clothes are and he's completely nude.

It can drive one batty.

What you say really resonates with me.

As a questioning Mormon who would later come to leave like you did, the church treated me as though I was the problem and something was wrong with me. Was it my single motherhood? Partly.

Was it my ability to be more objective than they at looking at facts and history in its claims? Absolutely.

You get to that point where you have to walk away to preserve your sanity.

What's sad is the family who stay behind out of insecurity or fear because they'd be lost without their security blanket the cult has provided for them as an institution. Only it isn't.

The process of separation and estrangement from TBM family began years before actually leaving the cult. One exposed lie at a time.

Mormonism does little to protect and sustain family units - all of them. It does cause way more harm than it does good.

When people surrender their personal power over to a cult is when they lose autonomy and independence of thought and self-direction.

The cult aka COJCOLDS, sucks everything it can out of its members one at a time and collectively. Leaving nothing in return. Including saving grace.

I'm angry too. At having my family robbed from me because of the power the cult has had over them; and for some it still does.

It's a dysfunctional church in every sense of the word.

It's sad your dad understood but didn't have the courage you did to walk away. It was his personal power he surrendered to the cult despite his knowing it was a sham. Can't help but think of all that lost time he spent living a lie and taking his family along with him for the ride.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2017 01:18PM by Amyjo.

Beautifully written and completely true.

The part where you said TBMs become acquaintances--spot on.

The TBMs from my family of origin are as nice as they can be, but there's an ocean between us.

Hubby's TBM relatives have shredded my character to anyone who will listen. To my face, they're gooey. I'm very nice to them.

I'm willing to see them only a few times a year even though they each live 20 minutes away.

Frequently, posters will come here and try to argue and shame people out of their anger.

It's yours. You earned it. It will be there until it isn't. Mine ebbs and flows.

Lots of times, I'm angry at me--at the part I played in my own abuse.

Wishing you peace.

You’re not crazy. It really is like that. Never trust any religion that encourages you to look down on people who disagree with you.

I was BOC. I served a mission in the Philippines from 86-88. I married in the L.A. temple. I didn't realize I was in a cult until 2004.

Your beautiful words resonate with me. I'm STILL angry with the cult. It seems less now but it is always there. It used to seem like a mountain but now it is more like a billfold, and I can put it in my pocket but pull it out when I want to remember.

I told my TBM father how I felt about the church (over the phone) and he just started to cry. We didn't talk after that. He died 10 years later and we never talked. I hate the stupid cult.

I hear you on this one.

I agree with everything you said. Unfortunately, you are spot-on. My children and I probably experienced more flat-out physical abuse, at the hands of adult Mormon priesthood leaders, than you did. This, of course adds to my anger. It makes me feel guilty and ashamed that I put my dear children in harm's way, when they were too little to defend themselves. They were bullied into secrecy, and didn't tell me about the abuse until several years after it happened. The leaders told them that I, as a good "mother in Zion" would punish them severely, because they were to blame. My Hell! All my sons did was sleep in after their early morning paper routes, which were quite demanding in this hilly area, in deep snow, with the Sunday papers being very large and heavy. I always had to go early to church, because of my calling, so they just went back to bed, when I left, and the Mormon thugs broke into our house and into my sons' bedrooms, and dragged them out of bed, out of a sound sleep, and onto the floor. They kicked my boys on the floor, and kicked them again, in the rear end, going up and down the stairs. At church, they and their sons ridiculed them and embarrassed them, because they were only half-dressed.

What mother would not be angry at this abuse? I was a single mother, and I believe that the Mormons would not have abused us, if we had had a husband/father living with us. Bullies are cowards.

The Mormons' threats prevented my own children from getting help from me.

The Mormons' child abuse, and their disrespect for women, and their stepping in between parents and children that makes me want to avoid Mormons, completely.

My little girl was molested on a church campout, and when she woke up and screamed, several other kids saw what the older boy was doing to her. Again, all of the children--my daughter and the witnesses--were threatened with trouble from the parents, possible banning of any fun activities, and it would be THEIR fault for telling.

The second they all told me all these secrets at once, I told them they never had to go to church again, and we would never keep secrets or tell lies to each other again. My children are great souls--loving, kind, intelligent, cooperative, and very successful now as adults. They are wonderful parents to their own children. They don't hate Mormons or the cult, as much as I do, but the cult soured them on joining any organized religion. They are good, honest, moral citizens, and would never abuse anyone. Neither would I. We didn't fit in with bullies and liars. How could I possibly be friends with those creeps?

When the kids and I went inactive, we did it quietly, but the Mormons harassed us, banged on our door (they never use the doorbell), and actually threatened me and cursed me that the children and I would fail in life. We formally resigned, together, in order to stop the onslaught.

The Mormon neighbors have shunned us, for over 13 years, now, which is fine with us.

I have been out for several years, and I'm enjoying being myself and doing what I want to do. However, sometimes I still encounter a trigger and relapse into being mad as hell.

Oh, and OP, I do appreciate your post and understand the anger thing. Hugs to everyone who responded with their hurts and having to endure being p***ed off for good reason.

Aquarius,
Ah yes, I have gone on with my life but every once in a while I remember how I was treated after my divorce from TBMs and it triggers some anger. Fortunately it doesn't last but I doubt I will ever forget. Forgiveness? That ship sailed

Sinning...no
Thinking...Yes

Hope thinking hasn't been declared a sin, although I've heard some rumour that it's already been done...

I drew away from the worst TBM members of my family and have lived more happily as a result.

Sometimes that isn't an option. I'd hate to put up with their nonsense on a regular basis.

but not every day and every hour. I come here because it helps me deal with that anger and frustration as the ONE TBM that I deal with is my daughter. I HAVE TO have a relationship with her. It is too difficult to not have her in my life. I just spent the summer without her talking to me and I've said it before, but THIS TIME I'm not going to put myself in a position that we are not talking.

What I do realize also for me though is that she and I would have problems even if she wasn't TBM. She is determined to not be anything like her mother, although she is the TBM I was, but she has taken it to a new level. (She'll enjoy those new classes that Secular Priest is talking about in his thread and I wouldn't.)

The mormons around me are okay. There are those few who want to make me feel less than, like "if you were living right, then you would get along with your daughter." Mormons have always treated me that way even as a TBM EXCEPT when I was with my ex who was cheating with men. Oh, the people in the neighborhood LOVE HIM and still do. It is actually comical watching them.

What I can say is that every Sunday I leave with my boyfriend to go to a movie and dinner or something else. I just bought snow shoes, so that is our new adventure for me as I doublt I'll ever be able to ski again. Yesterday, we went to lunch and then I worked, but boy I sure enjoyed eating out on Sundays. Lunch was SOOOO good. I get the extra money for working Sundays, too. There is never a moment I think "I want to get dressed up with nylons, too, and go to church with them." As my daughter and her boyfriend sat at the table eating in their Sunday clothes, I thought, "Thank hell."

We are supposedly going to Disneyland next weekend. She wants to go to church on Sunday and maybe she'll go to DL afterwards. But she went with the bishop and his family some years ago on Sunday. Her loss. Let her view what her life could be like from the outside looking in, her family.

I find it also comical that my daughter TALKED TO MY EX about the temple and how weird she thinks it is just a month ago. She thought it was OKAY to talk to him since he had been through the temple before. Well, she is obviously not educated about discussing the temple. She definitely wouldn't ever tell me that to my face, but she wanted me to know. She's also dating the guy AGAIN 4 years later that I had a premonition she would marry. She kept it a secret from me for a year. How could mom be right? About anything????? ha ha ha ha

I still have angry moments. I write out my experiences to show the opposite of the mantra "They [church leaders] mean well."

Mormonism is like watching a slow moving train wreck. The cars fall off, damage is everywhere and everybody walks away as if nothing has happened.

I think that anger is a healthy and normal reaction to abusive treatment. The Mormon church lies to the membership and drains its members of money, time, and other resources. And the church trains the membership to think that this poor treatment is normal and even spiritual. They in turn can be prone to treating dissenters poorly as well.

Anger is a much better response than anger turned inwards upon ones own self, which is depression. Hopefully in time, it will run its course.

Growing up in a highly toxic family environment, I grew up bring angry. Joining the cult at 14 years old did not help. Throughout the years, I was abused, violated, exploited and defamed. I have h a d lots of reasons to be angry. I decided to let it all go. I can't change the past. And I don't want to sabotage my present and waste more time having mental chains to the cult holding me back. I am out of that prison of deception and cut the chords of anger that held me down. I choose to be happy and free. The memory of my anger protects me from ever making the same mistake again.

Ditto.

Anger makes me unhappy. I let go of my anger--not to forgive the abusers--but only for selfish reasons. Anger and hatred, judgements and punishment, are extremely painful. Now I'm away from Mormonism, most of that garbage is no longer part of my life.

I think its so despicable and sad how so many former Scientologists were mistreated by that institution whose leaders sucked so much out of them but didn't give them complete honesty. Those former Scientologists sure have a right to be angry.

I think its so despicable and terrible how so many former Jehovahs Witnesses were treated badly by that institution whose top leadership of old clueless dishonest men have sucked so much out of them and didn't treat them honestly. Those former Witnesses sure have a right to be angry.

What the Fetch is all this about former Mormons being angry? That could only be possible if the Mormon church was actually led by a clueless group of old men who were dishonest with their members. In such a case the former Mormons would have a right to be angry.

Well fortunately, presuming the Church is true (i.e. super honest and transparent), I can easily demonstrate that the Mormon church is what it claims to be. For starts I just need to point you to some links on the Church website where they prove themselves to be super transparent on their financial, statistical, doctrinal, and other historical records & in quickly clearing up controversies with the actual truth. Another way is by showing how so super fast and straightforward the missionaries & their chain of command up to Monson/Nelson/Eyring/Uchtdorf and the rest of the FP/12 are about trying to get investigators as much truthful information on anything all the time. It would be unthinkable to ever suppose or act in a way that is not completely respectful/transparent with people having questions. Otherwise people would think the beloved Church is a fraud and just like the Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists.

Ok my credibility is totally on the line and it severely hurts missionary work efforts if people like me don't produce links. So I got to go get all of you those links on the Church website where its self-evident how amazingly completely honest and transparent (i.e. true) that the Church really is. Oh where did those links go?

Don't ever forget that you have been indoctrinated by the MormonCult to think that anger is straight from an imaginary person, Satan, who is now controlling you so THAT THE CULT CAN CONTROL YOU.

If they can keep you under their thumb with their do this, do that, don't do this, pay us this, etc. then you are too busy to discover, read, and do some critical thinking.

And, Critical Thinking is what the MormonCult is afraid of along with Anger at them because both lead people to take action.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/05/2017 02:26PM by presleynfactsrock.

To Honest TBM: Your church is neither honest nor transparent. They announced in November 2014 that JS had 40 wives. When I joined in 1974, JS was only married to Emma. For decades your church claimed the BOM is historical and translated from gold plates. Not true. There is a very long list of lies they have given over the years. If I knew that JS had 40 wives in 1974, I would never have joined. I don't believe you are being honest about your church's dishonesty. Time for a reality check.