This has been my experiences-you be the judge: 1.As soon as the news of my divorce was final, I was cornered by a woman that said I had already had my chance so I should not date. 2. Went to the Colonial Ward in DC and was told they had enough women and to leave. 3. Stopped being invited to dinners and ward functions by women. 4. A RS called me at 11PM to ask where her husband was. 5. My HT were changed every month and I was curious and asked the Bishop. He stated the wives did not like their husbands over at my house. 6. There are many more examples.
I have been to others churches and have been treated kindly and with respect by both men and women. In fact, the Mormon church is the only one that asks me if I am married within 2 seconds of walking into a new ward.
I wonder if the "knowledge" that good priesthood holders get to have lots of wives is a sore spot for women, along with feeding the specific fear of it happening sooner, rather than later.
Interesting point old dog never thought about that. Anytime i see a picture of a polygamist man surrounded by his wives i just think to myself, "that guy?" always a tool bag. The jealous badass signing out.
I don't mean to sound sexist whatsoever, but purely objective when I say that you must be very attractive because you seemed to have caused over the top worry/anxiety amongst them all.
It depends on the woman. Some women are. Some aren't.
It also may depend on the men they hook up with. Some give them good cause to be jealous.
My SIL father left her mom for some divorcee at church. She would call him over to do handyman things for her around the house. One thing led to another, and voila! Affair.
His and her love affair didn't last. But it did break up his first marriage. His first wife became more insecure after that. My SIL is very possessive of my brother, I believe out of her own insecurity and fear she's harbored over her lifetime of her dad abandoning their family for another.
Another TBM SIL is pretty much the same way with another brother. Both are insecure as can be; hence very possessive of their hubbies. When my brothers married them my parents lost two sons. And I basically lost two brothers.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/30/2017 07:27PM by Amyjo.
For the first time Amyjo I will disagree with you(you are a such a good person). I have had more issues with jealous women in the Mormon church than any other. Other women that I have associated with say the same thing. I am now 59, been in many wards in my lifetime, and have been to other denominations without issues and treated well. I went to a Mormon church in the past 2 weeks. First question out of the women's mouths, "Are you married?" I stated no. At that point no one spoke to me again. Before I was married and after the divorce I had been treated like crap and treated like I was after their husbands. I actually had women go to the Bishop because they were worried I was looking so good after the divorce. Yes I was, I was not hit and spat on anymore. The HT story happened when I graduated from college and in a family ward. I asked the Bishop if I had been 200 pounds over weight with moles on my face if the wives would object and he looked down and said no. Most divorced women are exhausted taking care of the kids and working. It was interesting when the RS Pres called that night, I had been studying, finishing clinicals, got the kids into bed at 10pm to wake up at 5am and do it all again. But I was the evil divorcee and a target. My story is shared by many women and it makes me sick. I have known only one women that did everything she could to acquire as many men she could including married ones. That one, gives the many others a bad name and Mormons generalize. My daughter is single and 33 and in a family ward. She is beautiful, intelligent, and ignored. They are doing more to get her out of the church than I could ever do. Maybe the new convert will eventually experience the Mormon jealousies and will leave. I really miss "Deenie the dreaded single adult". I could really relate to her.
Think of all the rules mormons have about keeping men from being alone with women (who aren't their spouses) -- it's like they assume that if a man and woman will jump into bed if they have any chance whatsoever, so their rules try to prevent the "temptation." That assumption is deeply ingrained into mormon culture.
Meanwhile, in the real world, men and women do sometimes have affairs. But most people don't assume every man alone with a woman will go crazy and sleep with her -- mormons do. Men and women (married or not) can be platonic friends, and (gasp!) even be alone together, and work together, and socialize, and not have affairs. Mormons assume they can't do any of those things.
Maybe they're all subconsciously remembering what Joseph did with so many women when he was alone, and assume all men will do the same...?
True story just to demonstrate that this phenomenon is not exclusive to mormons.
So my best girlfriend sings in a band, which is like 5 guys plus her. She is the only one who is married and they have a great, strong, happy marriage.
They had an out of town gig this past weekend. The guys were all going to bunk together in hotel rooms, and the leader of the band offered for my friend to get her own room. She was like, "Couldn't I bunk with one of you guys?" She didn't want to be penalized and have to pay twice what everyone else did for her accommodations. I called it "vagina tax." Band leader says, well we thought you'd be more comfortable. Friend says, I'd rather make more money, thanks for thinking about my comfort.
So she bunks in the room with the bass player. All the guys in the band have girlfriends. Band played really late, crashed at hotel, and got up in the morning to go to another gig a few hours away. There was nothing untoward going on with anybody, but bass player's gf is known to be the "jealous type" so he asked my friend to not say anything about them sharing a room (separate beds, of course). When he called to check in with gf, she had to remain silent until he got off the phone so he wouldn't get in trouble.
Friend texted me and told me that the girlfriends called their guys like every few hours. Before the gig, after the gig, first thing in the morning, literally every couple hours these guys were talking to their women to reassure them that they hadn't cheated. Nevermind my friend is happily married and a professional musician. She has no interest in A) screwing up her marriage and B) screwing up the band dynamic. It's completely ridiculous.
I would say that mormons are the jealous type because the church makes people deeply insecure. Family members rat on each other to the bishop. The church tells them how to treat each other rather than deciding for themselves. Plus there is the guilt over desiring sexual acts that are forbidden. Underneath all of this is the feeling that one is never good enough, one can never do everything the church requires. This deep insecurity can easily lead to jealousy.
That also leads to spying. Prying into email, on-line activities, and cell phone calls. I'm not sure mormons are allowed to have a private life.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2017 12:03AM by praydude.
One of the ward families was very friendly toward me, and invited me and my son over for dinner several times.
It took me a while to realize that the paterfamilias was trying to come on to me. I really WAS that dense. I didn't think that a well-regarded, married Mormon man could possibly be thinking what I THOUGHT he was thinking.
But eventually, even my son, who was then about 12 or so, told me he thought Mr. So and So was flirting with me.
Eventually, my job took me to another state, but I stayed in touch with Sister So and So, who was a lovely person. She told me her hubby had gotten into an affair with somebody, yada, yada. Rather hesitantly, she asked, "Did you ever realize that he had the hots for you?"
I said that I had, in a way, but didn't want to believe that a good Mormon guy would cheat on his wife. She said, "He's not a good Mormon guy. He's been ex'ed for cheating."
I told her that I was terribly sorry to hear that, and assured her that I had done nothing to encourage him. She laughed at that, and said, "I know. He was very disappointed."
I was genuinely shocked. I was divorced because my first husband had cheated on me. NO WAY would I do that do anyone else. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but hey - if somebody is married, they are off-limits.
When I divorced, some women in the ward would obviously be jealous. Their husbands would try to act all flirty with me, stare at me up and down, try and sit with me when the chance came along. One of the wives in particular would run over there when her husband was around me and physically hang on to her husband like I was going to drag him away. Ewwww! I so had no interest in their dumbass husbands! Jealousy is a pointless emotion.
I don't find Mormon women to be more or less jealous than any other women. There are flaws I sometimes perceive in connection with Mormonism or perhaps other faiths. Where jealously among women is concerned, I personally don't see the connection with Mormonism. Your mileage may vary.
LDS sisters are jealous (protective) because for many of them their entire identities are invested in the Church and their marriages and families. Any threat to them in either of those areas will be challenged harshly because they are the only things that matter.
In the view of the LDS sister, she has no identity outside of the Church. Within the Church she is known as the "wife of _____." She can not risk a rival sister claiming her title!
She is economically dependent on her husband. If another woman takes her husband's finances, she could be destitute.
We know how demanding the Church can be on families. Any diversion for her husband is another lost evening or afternoon without him at home. LDS homes can be chaotic because there are often many (too many?) children and 10% less income.
LDS marriage discourages human intimacy. An LDS sister senses that she is never as close with her husband as her intuition tells her she could be. She best watch out because another woman might do what her husband misses with his Missus.
A convert is unlikely to have encountered a culture like Mormons with everyone just a little insecure about their position. She would be advised to watch out.
but being a young single, nice looking girl caused some issues. I went to the singles ward, so I didn't have to worry about a regular ward. After my husband left, I didn't go to church. Actually, the women came to tell me about their cheating husbands, etc., as they saw me as safe for some reason with my gay husband!!!
Anyway, I went to a baby shower for a coworker. We worked with mostly men. Sometimes when I wanted to go to Brigham City instead of Cache Valley to see my parents, I'd hitch a ride with a carpool of 5 men. I "assumed" with 5 men, that there wouldn't be a problem.
So I'm sitting there at the baby shower and one of the wives of those 5 men started accusing me of leaving my lipstick in their car. I have never owned lipstick, never worn it. My coworker kept telling this woman that I didn't even wear lipstick. The lady was getting pretty upset that nobody was listening to her. It was rather embarrassing, not for me, but the stupid woman.
Most of the wives of the men I worked for, who were mormon, thought I was just fine. One even made me a wedding cake free when I got married YEARS later.
I think it all depends on the woman, but I definitely have seen divorcees treated poorly.
Oh, I did have one brat girl in Beehives let me know that the other teacher was flirting with my husband. I got a good laugh out of that one.
I guess some mormon women, quite a few, are just bitchy. The women left from the singles ward who never married invite my "ex" to dinner on Sundays. He doesn't go. These are people we knew over 30 years ago. He works at the same place some of them do. One even said that if "Colleen would just let D go . . . " It isn't me keeping him from dating them. The girls in the singles ward hated me. Even the 2 women with husbands in the bishopric hated me. One was checking up on my ex and I just 2 years ago. They can't stand that I have a boyfriend and am still married to my husband. IF I'D JUST LET HIM GO, then they could save him.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2017 03:34PM by cl2.
Yes. I had similar things happen to me after I got divorced. I was still fairly young and had children. The women in my ward, with two exceptions, were hideous to me. The way I (and my kids) were treated had a lot to do with me realizing something was very, very wrong in Zion.
-- Married women, who up to that point had been sort of nice to me, started treating me like a pariah who was after their husbands (I wasn't). I overheard so much crap about myself at church and through the grapevine, it made me sick to show up every Sunday. -- I stopped getting invites to any ward functions except for the Christmas party. -- I couldn't get HTs. Bishop said there was a "concern" about giving me HTs from the EQ, so he assigned some High Priests, but their wives objected and they never showed up -- nor did the next three or four pairs. So, no HTs for like, four years -- and then I was assigned an elderly married couple (who thankfully turned out to be the kindest, sweetest people ever). -- I was told by more than one woman in the ward that because I had been sealed in the temple to a man and had borne children, I had no business dating again, ever. -- I couldn't even get priesthood holders over to bless my sick kids or jump my dead car battery because their wives wouldn't let them.
The stakes are so high for married Mormon women, because it's all on them to keep their husbands from straying -- so any single woman is a threat. They're jealous of anything in a skirt, basically.
IMO to a certain extent that problem is common to single women as a whole, but it sounds like the problem is worse in the Mormon church.
In my younger days (say, late 20s to 50-ish,) whenever I made conversation with a married man at a party, his wife would rush right over to claim him. I could almost time it. I remember on two occasions offering great seats at a professional baseball game to a couple. I could tell that the husband really wanted to go, but his wife, whom I was friends with, put the kibosh on it. After the second time, I got a clue.
At first, whenever that happened, I was disgusted. Did the women think my morals were really that low? Or that their husbands were *that* highly desirable? Then over time, I started to wonder why the married women saw single women as such a threat. Didn't they realize that a fellow married woman can cheat just as easily as a single one? And by now, I just feel sad for them. Maybe they know all too well that their husbands are likely to stray.
I had an elderly lady constantly tell me how much she adored my husband. She told me that if I ever left him to let her know so she could fix him up with her single daughter and her 6 kids. I told my husband, and he looked alarmed. lol
I've had visiting teachers that brought hubby homemade goodies, but not enough for anyone else in the family.
Mormon women who "visited" my husband when I was out of town. Wanted to take him out to dinner. Another wanted him to come over for dinner since her hubby was out of town.
These were married women in their 40's. I just flat asked them if they had the hots for my husband. If they said no, I'd tell them to stop putting the hustle on him. Two actually said yes! I told them it would be a cold day in hell before DH hooked up with a woman with 5 or 6 kids. That I know to be a fact.
I would say they are desperate. They are only allowed to have 1 husband while the husband is allowed to have many wives and that changes the dynamic in marriages that have secretly become old or overburdened by callings. I think if the doctrine BY had where a woman could choose a husband of a higher rating than her husband would make both parties give more time to a marriage. When the doctrine of having many wives such as with Dallin Oakes and the rest of them is tossed around... Who has more time to spend enriching a marriage, a 70 or a priesthood holder who is raising small children and working and having 3 callings. Was the proclamation on the family a proclamation for the members or a reminder to it's leaders. All I know is that I had more men staring me up and down in church than work and it was sad.
ANON 3 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I would say they are desperate. They are only > allowed to have 1 husband while the husband is > allowed to have many wives and that changes the > dynamic in marriages that have secretly become old > or overburdened by callings.
I also think they're desperate because they are only allowed to have one husband, while men can be "sealed" to at least another wife if they get a secular divorce. That's why they have such a hard time being around single women, or even worse in their minds, a divorcee. I'm just glad I listened to my gut and stayed away from church after I filed for divorce from my abusive TBM ex-husband as I might have seen that I was now considered a threat.
There's also the strict taboo about sex outside of marriage in the cult, to the point where Mormon wives are extremely afraid of any woman their husband might interact with either in church, or at work.
First thing that came to mind would have been, why be jealous if the divorcee is sealed to her ex (unless they cancelled the sealing). But then again, if she is divorced, that leaves everything open to all possibilities, so I see what you mean now.
My convert friend has never experienced something like this at any church she has been to until she met the Mormon church. She doesn't like thinking it, but she couldn't help but pick up the vibe. That was sure the last thing she would have thought to experience in a church to begin with & I must say I agree.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/02/2017 12:04AM by helenm.
My father was a bishop in the Holladay area of Utah during the mid 80s. He later told me his biggest challenge was jealousy over "keeping up with the neighbors." Many were in their mid 30s and leaving way beyond their means. They all had to top themselves with vacations, cars and plastic surgery (boob jobs were just becoming more common).