hello- I am a survivor from a family of believer of LDS. Mom & dad in when we were young they left the church but not the beliefs. It really reminds me of the new Scientology show: the children are on their own from a young age. The kids run the house, cook, clean, etc...I was constantly criticized of the way that I did the housework. That was dad- physical, sexual, verbal. I always felt bad for mom as the victim, but she is a professional victim. Me & my sister were completely abandoned by both. We would have been better off in foster care. As a mom now, I could never ignore my son, he is 21 yoa & still needs help. Well to close these cults seem to be professional abusers. My situation was extreme domestic violence. However my household had problems, but not Domestic Violence. Then my father joined later in life, they could not entice me at all. I knew something was radically wrong.

Welcome, Diane. I'm sorry that you have suffered so much trauma. Hopefully you have found a greater peace as you have left the Mormon church and your parents behind you.

I am so sorry you were subjected to that misery. You did not deserve any of that. Dr. Phil and his wife Robin have a lot of resources and tools on dealing with domestic violence. Robin's foundation is called, "When Georgia Smiles." Georgia is her mother's name and they endured a lot of abuse in the home from her alcoholic father. Check out other support groups in your community. Wishing you all safe and secure experiences.

The important thing is that you have not continued the "cycle of abuse" with your own children. Congratulate yourself for being the family member who broke free of abuse, and broke free of the Mormon cult! Take your personal pride, and your love, and enjoy each moment as it happens, moving forward.

I wish there were a pill we could take to forget the bad things that happened to us. Maybe we need to remember, in order to protect our children, I don't know. Abuse will probably always haunt my dreams, and cause flashbacks. I can handle the anxiety attacks, but the only way I can live with flashbacks is to avoid the "triggers," such as being around my former abusers, being around Mormons or church, hearing the sounds of conference talks or the MorTab choir, having someone pound on my door late at night, or having someone shout obscenities or quote the D & C at me.

My BYU Mormon RM temple husband beat me severely, many times, and I ran away and got a divorce, in order to save my life. I changed my name and moved far away to a large city. No one helped me. My assailant got away with it. I am still running....

I'm glad you're out, Diane. You're a strong person to have endured all that you have and to still be standing. Tell us more when you are ready to do so.

Welcome to the board. I am sorry you have suffered so. I see you are taking the reins and moving forward with your life. May each day bring more and more healing.
If you wish to share we are here for you. Love, Aquarius

"Verbal Abuse" until after I had endured 17 years of it and was divorced, absolutely reeling in depression and confusion.

I happened to find Patricia Evans' books about verbal abuse, and it was creepy. Parts of it could have been taken verbatim from first my mother in my early life, and then in my first marriage.

I knew that I was very unhappy when husband the first was around, and I was very happy when his job took him "on the road" for several days at a time.It eventually occurred to me that if I were happily married, I wouldn't look forward so eagerly to his next absence.

I remember my mother saying, "At least, he doesn't hit you," and I thought that covered the abuse thing.

I was on my own for a couple of years after getting divorced, learning to stand on my own two feet. Great learning experience.

And then I met DH. We were both VERY wary, as we had been badly burned in previous relationships. We dated for 14 months.

Getting engaged wasn't especially romantic. We were in a department store. He was looking, with his usual intensity, at vacuum cleaners. Since I don't have a domestic bone in my body, I was bored witness, and began wandering around. I happened to find the jewelry counter, and found a pretty cubic zirconia ring that we could afford and that would suffice as an engagement ring.

I dragged him over and pointed it out. "Let's get that one, and tell our mothers we are engaged. You know we spend most of our time at each other's apartments anyway. I can pay for it if you can't." (We were pretty broke back then.)

He put the ring on my finger and said, "Is it official now?" I said, "I think so. Let's go tell your mother."

We went over to his mother's house, and the first thing I told her after "Guess what? We're engaged!" was, "Don't worry, it isn't a real diamond. But don't tell anybody." (She would have killed me if I had let her son buy a real diamond. He couldn't afford one.) We laughed about that, many times since.

Twenty-six years later, we are still very much in love. But I think for us both, we had to get it wrong before we learned to do a relationship right.