Date: November 25, 2017 09:42PM
I don't know if this is true, but since I'm making it all up it must be true, right? There is a rumor floating around that the mormon church bought Uncle Rico's time machine. They wanted to buy a new one but Montgomery Ward has been out of business for a long time and you can't get them anymore. Napoleon found it in his attic and posted it on Craig's List, the Church snatched it right up.
The old men gathered around this awesome device in the upper chamber of the temple and wondered who would try it first. None of them had seen the movie or they would have known it doesn't work. All you get is a case of sore nuts, just ask Uncle Rico.
Dieter suggested that Henry try it first, but Henry started crying so they all looked at Dallin who quickly side-stepped behind Russell. Then they all looked at Tommy, sitting there so blissfully unaware. Tommy would be perfect, just send him back to a time before he went goofy, and bingo. As they started to hook Tommy up, he tried to eat the crystals. Apparently he thought it was lunch time or something. Jeffrey said something about a taffy pull but watched with amusement.
David plugged it in and since there is no on/off switch poor Tommy's eyes lit up and he instantly started to talk in tongues. None of them could understand the fellow, and as he sat there twitching and jabbering away, they started making up translation interpretations of what they thought he was trying to say. It's unclear, but rumor says that they came up with three more sections to the D&C and a new Hymn.
I don't know what happened next, but it's possible that we will soon see the Mormon Church announce that they now have the actual golden plates and history will reflect that Joseph was visited by the alien Darth Vader who took them away from him.