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Posted by: Dallin Ox ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 02:29PM

When he wasn't collecting dental fillings from South American peasants to pay for temple construction, Jim Faust couldn't help but ponderize about Christ's Very Bad Weekend. Faust said, at the October 1998 ComicCon, I mean GenCon,

"The ultimate offering was that offered by the Savior Himself in giving His very life. It causes each of us to wonder, How many drops of blood were shed for me?"
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/10/opening-the-windows-of-heaven?lang=eng

Three years later, having been unable to figure it out, or get a flunky to do the math, this deep thinker repeated his idle brain dropping in October 2001:

"I wonder how many drops were shed for me."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/10/the-atonement-our-greatest-hope?lang=eng

Wonder no more, dead Jimmy Faust! Let's find out, shall we?

"The average adult weighing 150 to 180 pounds should have about 1.2 to 1.5 gallons of blood in their body. This is about 4,500 to 5,700 mL."
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-much-blood-in-human-body#overview1

Say 5000 milliliters (5 liters) in Jesus. That corresponds to 160-165 pounds, a reasonably decent size for a guy living 2000 years ago.

"Pharmacists have since moved to metric measurements, with a drop being rounded to exactly 0.05 mL (50 μL, that is, 20 drops per milliliter)."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_(unit)

This gives us approximately 100,000 drops of Jesus blood. That won't even cover Green Bay or Billings – or Provo, for that matter.

The Population Reference Bureau estimated in 2011 that about 107.6 billion people have ever lived.
http://www.prb.org/Publications/Articles/2011/HowManyPeopleHaveEverLivedonEarth.aspx

(And so much temple work! "I baptize you in behalf of Random Unknown Neolithic Villager, who is dead.")

Which comes out to 1,076,000 people redeemed per Atoning Jesus Drop. Now THAT's what I call efficiency!!

Taking the inverse, the number of drops of J-positive blood shed for Jim Faust and everyone else = 0.000000929368 (assuming a complete bleed-out).

Faust was a nitwit.

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Posted by: anonculus ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 03:17PM

So in actuality he was sharing one drop with quite a few people.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 03:23PM

yah, its kind of like bit coin, except even more pronounced in being spread around ....oh and bitcoin can actually get something for somebody while (non existent) Jesus (non existent) blood is absolutely worthless.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 03:19PM

I could say something about Faust, but I will let the epic stupid ass speak for himself ......for right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-buIzlTWI

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Posted by: slskipper ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 07:22PM

But: there is another factor that must be included, namely, the severity of your sins. Or does a 12-year old experiencing sexuality for the first time require as many blood drops as Pol Pot?

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Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 09:19PM

The 12 year old trying to figure out what the Bishop was talking about in the worthiness interview gets a pass.

Not enough blood to wash away the perverted sins of the bishop.

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 07:54PM

And remember, Jesus’ atonement was for all of the “worlds without number.”

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 04:36AM

there you go, throwing infinity into the equation.

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Posted by: Babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 07:55PM

What happened to the mosquitoes who bit Jesus? Did they live forever? Or is that where fireflies came from?

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Posted by: sunbeep ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 09:46PM

you crack me up Babylon

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Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: November 25, 2017 11:23PM

Did Jesus give up his gold fillings to build a temple?


I need to know!!

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: November 26, 2017 04:39AM

hey, guess what group used to make it standard practice to plunder the metal dental fillings of their prisoners ???

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 11:35AM

It's 2017, and people are still talking about human blood sacrifices for "sin," and arguing about how many drops of an almost certainly mythical figure's blood counted for them.

Really?

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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 03:00PM

Well done, Dallin Ox.

However, I see a flaw in your calculation.

You forgot to multiply one drop by the "loaves an fishes" factor.

When you add this into the equation, the drops of blood keep coming until all are fed, er, I mean, all sinners have been atoned for.

This factor also magically fixes the math for the time spent suffering for each individual in addition to the volume of blood sacrificed.

All is possible with God math! Miracle math!

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Posted by: USN77 ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 03:41PM

I think the quantity of Jesus's blood increases each time a priest blesses wine and transubstantiates it into his blood. On some advanced and enlightened world out there, there most likely exists an automatic transubstantiation machine that continuously converts massive amounts of wine into Jesus's blood. Plenty for everyone.

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Posted by: brain ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 03:43PM

The flaw I see in this is that Jesus didn't bleed himself dry. So I think the number of souls per drop is actually more than double your estimation since the human body won't survive after losing more than about 40% of its blood volume.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2017 03:44PM by brain.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: November 27, 2017 05:00PM

brain Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ...the human body won't survive after losing
> more than about 40% of its blood volume.

Oh, but remember -- this wasn't your typical 'human body.'
This was magical, celestial, divine Jesus body.
Where anything is possible!

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