After watching South Park's "All About Mormons" with my neverMo partner, she asked, "You actually believed all of that?"
I never felt so dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.
I said, "Uh, pretty much, only they didn't admit to half of that. Only after the fact did I find out what a con man he was and how absurd his story was."
But the most embarassing thing for me now is that I actually sang the praises of a man who cuckolded his his followers by raping their wives and teenage daughters.
The only mitigating factor is, the cult I was born into lied to me by omission, when they failed to disclose the major structural fault with Joseph's Myth.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/12/2017 07:54PM by koriwhore.

I hate how naive I was and how immersed in magical thinking. I get an especially acute case of skeevies when I contemplate how I just believed without the slightest pause that there was an ancient record written on GOLD.

I thought like ooh made of gold it MUST be special and from God.

I swear I don't remember sleeping through my basic education, and growing up in the narcissistic abuse nightmare of my childhood had taught me that people lie all the time...but no I just swallowed the whole thing, first vision and angel and gold plates without so much as a hiccup of doubt.

Of course there was no Internet back then so I didn't consider asking if there was a critical viewpoint to the mormon story. I just prayed and felt good about it and was young and dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-duuuummmb.

Yes i believed all that magical stuff as a kid as well, it's super tough when all of the adults around you including your parents believed it strongly. When i look back i just say i didn't even have a chance, i am lucky that i am still breathing but i have major PTSD from my life. The worst part is i actually thought it was god's church even when youtube came out. I just thought god was a weirdo and a cult leader type of guy, i still don't know whats real or know who i am from it all. My mind is still heavily programmed with the fantasy and i have confirmed tons of evidence and my mind still won't move from the programming. Its the most insane brainwashing.

I was inactive in the church through high school. I ended up getting forced to go to BYU because my folks told me they'd only help me pay for my freshmen year of school if I went to BYU instead of the other schools I was hoping to attend. Since I was pretty young for my grade, I didn't turn 18 until after school would have begun at the other universities and since my folks were unwilling to sign a loan with me, I ended up forcing myself to suck up a year and go to BYU until I could transfer and get a loan out big enough to cover a different school.

Well, what embarrasses me most is that I let myself come back to activity in the church AFTER knowing basically the same things that I know now. I guess I shelved my doubts.... well it took a mission and a couple of years to dust off my shelf but I can't believe I was silly enough to let those things slide and come back .

I have a similar story. I really started questioning JS when I was in HS. My parents said they'd only pay for BYU, so I went there.

Looking back I'm so disappointed in JS cause I thought he wasn't as evil as he turned out to be. We had a family friend, who we trusted, but it turned out he was violent to his wife and sexually abused his kids. I'm experiencing similar feelings of betrayal .

The whole BOA fiasco. Plus most everything else associated with him.

That I know that I created a Morgasm to convince myself that I had a testimony on the BoM so I could join the cult.

I remember trying to get a morgasm to confirm if the 15 were actually profits. That morgasm just was not happening, one thought came, holland? Haha nope. Morgasm everted. Badass wins that round.

Where do I begin?

It isn't embarrassing to acknowledge I was born into a religion that's defined as a cult.

It's a reality check.

It puzzles me how the grownups in my world were so deceived over the course of their lifetimes, and the span of several generations.

They were devout, sincere believers. Salt of the earth type people.

Joseph managed to really pull the wool over their eyes. He was the consummate "false prophet" spoken of in scripture.

Yes that blew my mind as well. How the hell did my grandparents fall for this? Or even my parents generation.

I hate the fact that he had 34 wives and missionaries say no he did not or made up the book of Mormon and there is no evidence anywhere for it!but those inside the cult will say they prayed about it and got a sign!I am sick of it

If they told the truth they wouldn't exist. They are perpetuating a limp and poorly told story for a richly rewarding afterlife, in hell!

M@t

I did a few things I wish I hadn't like trying to save my 3 siblings who left LONG before I did. I always felt they still believed.

When I left, and I was SO MORMON, they told me that since I no longer believed, they could let go of it, too. They asked me mamy times before they believed me.

I didn't realize until I left that I never bought the JS story. Reading that series by Gerald Lund really blew my mind about polygamy and SPEAKING IN TONGUES. I didn't know a lot of this when I was younger.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2017 01:02PM by cl2.

I was a mere 20 years old when I bought into the church in northern CA. It was a fun time, then, of get togethers and just being immersed in the church activities that hooked me. When I came home from CA, the young adults awarded me the title of YA rep. I made sure all my age were included in all we did. We all saw each other at least 2 nights a week after church on Sun. We never delved into church history- there was no need or time. We were just living the dream! Ha!

Fast forward to now. I am SOOO ashamed I was such a HUGE dumass telling people how wonderful the church is. I just beat myself up mentally wondering HOW in the hell could a reasonably intelligent person be so dam stupid at the same time???

Nothing, anymore.

Back then, I was morbidly embarrassed by all my attempts to convert or re-activate others into ‘the church’.

Ouch, maybe that one still hurts...

Human

I'm a no mo, but I asked my ex mo and closeted friends this and they all say that trashing other people's faith was for them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2017 09:30PM by helenm.

For me I would have to answer the question with; I am embarrassed the most by the fact that I defended everything morgish with as much conviction as I could muster. Then, when pushed into a corner, I would bear testimoany and as we all know, nobody can argue against that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2017 09:21PM by sunbeep.

I'm embarrassed that the church was my focus in high school. I was that girl who handed out the BoM to everyone, including teachers. I only wanted to talk religion and was 100% convinced I was right and they were all wrong. Now, knowing what I know, and realizing a lot of my classmates knew a lot of the yucky history, and tried to tell me, I'm especially embarrassed I was so passionately arrogant.

Nothing embarrasses me now about believing. For God's sake, I was raised from a baby immersed in mormonism. What would you expect? I feel damn lucky to have found my way out. I sure didn't find my way out because I'm smart or special.

Be gentle on yourselves, my friends. Being harsh on yourself will often translate to being a dick to your still-believing family and friends.

This reply is slightly off topic. Being born and raised in the culture I firmly believed that the grandiose claims of TSCC were evidence of its divine origin. God came in person for heaven’s sake, and God had this so planned out and in absolute control that the gold plates were close to Joseph’s house, and that God made sure that the door-to-door papyrus salesman stopped by Joseph’s neighborhood. Big time miracles all the way! God had this so planned from day one that Book of Mormon prophets knew the name of the man who would eventually translate the plates and that he also prepared in advance for the eventual loss of the 116 pages. Multiple angels and Jesus himself!

I wonder if JS said to himself, “What a gullible bunch. Gold plates, easy. John the Baptist, no problem. What next? See those rocks, that’s Adam’s alter. See those bones, that’s Zelph the White Lamanite.”