Mother Who Knows
Date: November 11, 2017 02:52AM
I like your post, Sunbeep!
Good question: "Who are you?" I hope people answer this, as it would be interesting.
I was all the things I was supposed to be, too. There were moments that were happy--mostly because of the good friends I made in my home ward. I was in the same ward from birth to marriage, and a lot of my friends were, too. We went to BYU together, and were each other's bridesmaids.
I was a performing pianist, accompanist, organist, chorister, leader of the choir, etc. When the church banned the "good" music the Mormons used to borrow from other church, and also banned "The Greats", and allowed only Mormon-written drivel, the music died. I am no longer forced to perform, but I enjoy the symphony and opera and 60's rock and some metal. I never did like the heavy, muddy sound of the MoTab choir.
My taste in food is different. I've always been a light eater, enjoying fruit, mostly, and vegetables (we grew our own, sometimes). I never did like fatty meats that much, or greasy fried foods. I hated jell-o.
I'm a private person, and praying aloud in front of an audience made me anxious. I never obeyed the orders to bring my friends to church, and to try to convert everyone, and "every member a missionary." I respected my friends and their beliefs. Turns out, I am not the extrovert I was supposed to be.
I am relieved that I don't have to "set an example" or be a "leader." I don't like to perform, as the music people forced me to do. I hated giving talks, and lived in fear of being chosen to speak in a meeting. This extrovert is now an introvert.
Still--I'm willing to be assertive in my career, when I feel it is important. I can speak in front of 200 colleagues, because they are a friendly audience, and what I'm telling them is the truth, and it is (fairly) important, and helpful, and it is pertinent to what they are doing. I can work with difficult clients. But, I don't share my personal life with anyone. I was the victim of Mormon "affinity fraud", too many times. I trust no one! I'm friendly, and loving to my children and grandchildren, and nice to workers, and people around me--but I shut down, if strangers try to get too close.