The point here, on this forum, is to heal. Mormonism is a cult- most of us were involved in it. How much more time, talents and energy are we going to put into it? OK- they got us- we were duped- move on. I am ready to be myself- not a mormon, new order mormon, ex-mormon, or whatever mormon. Let's eradicate "mormonism" in our lives and stop giving it power. I am starting to realize that when I was a mormon I was inside the dome. When I left, I became an angry ex-mormon who stood outside of the dome, pounding on the glass and screaming. It's been about 10 years- now I realize there is no dome, and I have been just as insane as I was before. Wasting time, pounding on air. This board has become a habit- I only come here out of muscle memory. I feel empathy for those who have recently left- I want to say "good job, you are brave and intelligent for seeing through the nonsense. Now move on. Don't waste time or energy fighting against a really dumb and irrelevant group of dummies." I think this is why people who troll the missionaries make me mad. It is a painful realization that, like the troll, I am also wasting my time. So am I becoming an ex-ex-mormon? I hope not. I just want to be myself. I am so freaking sick of it.

It take a long time for some to get to the point where you are at.

Some never get there. It's not a black or white journey, for anyone. And neither is the destination.

Sounds kind of like mormonism. Most of the time, i come here for something to read. It is a lot more interesting than fb or the news on line. When I'm working, I need a break. I've learned a lot from this board that I never knew. I also have a daughter who is mormon and all my neighbors are mormon, too. Even my long-time therapist, who is one of the most brilliant people I know, still deals with mormonism and he's just fine. Guess what, it is part of my life. I have PTSD from my experiences in mormonism and sometimes I'm triggered and I haven't a clue what just happened to me. My way of dealing with it is to come here and also still go to therapy.

It isn't your job or anyone else's job to tell the rest of us to just get over it.

My daughter and my ex would like to just forget about the past as though it never happened, him leaving me, emotionally abusing me, as well as his boyfriend, the bad years of being so dirt poor I didn't know how I was going to feed my kids. There are triggers for that, too. I made it. I survived. I have made peace with my ex and he actually lives in the house with me (downstairs). Most people never come to this point. I'm sick of people like you telling me that I'm a failure because I don't live my life like you do.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/08/2017 06:06PM by cl2.

CL2 it took me 10 years to get this point- and I'm still working on it. I am just expressing where I am at in the process. I wish I would have been able to just leave it alone as soon as I left but that has not been my reality. Its just a realization I had- that it is all bullshit. I don't think you are a failure for not living your life like I do.

I am sick of everybody and everything as well and i voice it here but i don't hide behind a no name because i am afraid. Where else would i voice it? Towards the cops? F#ck no. This is the place to vent for me atleast to keep me from lashing out in the real world which would be very bad. Maybe there should be a new saying you can leave rfm but you can't leave it alone. Since there is only one person that i have seen use the word dummies on here i think i know who this is. I like that you want vengeance upon us atleast it isn't fake. You got your medal you graduated this stage now go your way, i obliviously have not i still have a lot of bullsh#t in my head for thirty years of shutting up.

no name is my screen name- I am not using my real name just like everyone else on this board (exception those like Steve Benson) for anonymity. If you don't like that, then post YOUR real name. You yourself said you don't want to just "hang out" on this board, you want to get over it. I hope that for you too- leaving mormonism is painful and I don't wish it on anyone. Good luck to you.

@no name, you make a good point. If the purpose of a cult is to manipulate you then the only way out of the cult is to be yourself...

Manipulation detaches you from yourself to create a cognitive dissonance. That is where Mormonism lives. It lives in the dissonance it created in your mind.

no name Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> no name is my screen name- I am not using my real
> name just like everyone else on this board
> (exception those like Steve Benson) for anonymity.
> If you don't like that, then post YOUR real name.
> You yourself said you don't want to just "hang
> out" on this board, you want to get over it. I
> hope that for you too- leaving mormonism is
> painful and I don't wish it on anyone. Good luck
> to you.

Adam jonathan henry

I think this is a not so thinly veiled attack at a regular poster. I believe that regular poster misdirects anger at what I consider to be naive victims of the brainwashing that all of us experienced. But.

How are you not doing the same thing right now? If you have something to say, say it. Don't ignorantly insult everyone on this board because you disagree with one, or a handful of posters.

Fore the record, I both disagree with Koriwhore on a handful of things and respect Koriwhore's consistancy.

I would say you nailed it Jacob. My op was not meant to offend people like you or badassadam. I am just wanting to move on- trying to move on- and trying to understand why posts like some of those like Koriwhore's are so frustrating to me. I'm starting to realize it is not Koriwhore who is the problem for me- it is me- I am the one who needs to move on.

I agree those posts frustrate me as well but i know my posts frustrate others including myself but i know something is making me better but i don't know what it is so i keep talking on here and getting my thoughts out of my head, me talking on here is translating my ability to talk to people in the real world better i just know it. I do think standing strong against missionaries is important when you are approached so you don't get walked over, but seeking them out just to battle is not my style but maybe he thinks he is saving them i don't know. I learned the only person that can save them really is themselves there really is nothing i can do. But i do know how hard it is to break free, the first six months was insane hell and loneliness but i know i have to do this. Even now after a year and a couple months i still battle in my head, like maybe a part of it really was true or something like that. Even though i have been over the facts for what seems a million times including my own experience within the church and the treatment i received for being outside the church. I concluded that it is toxic, suppressive, and evil but disguises itself as love so it is a big mindf#ck for people like me that have no idea what the truth was or who i even was which i am still discovering. So i say to myself that even if one part of it is true it does not matter to me based on my experiences within that monster of an organization. It will end up killing me if i go back without question. I am actually wondering if i should block all mormons from calling me so i can heal faster and not be distracted by anything. I never think i am in the clear from this it always rears its ugly head through someone else. I said a while ago i do not know how ugly this is going to get before its over, if i don't take things seriously i have lost already and am just hiding and waiting for death and letting the mormons beat me psychologically as they have always done in the past. I have never been in a position like this where i am almost strong enough to confront everyone and say what i believe and what i don't believe, which is a lot. They tried very hard to indoctrinate me my entire life but it just did not stick, i knew something was wrong about the organization but i had no clue what a cult even was back then. Sorry i wrote a lot its just kind of flowing right now, i will hit a point where i do not need this site any more to be strong, it is coming. All i have is myself so i can't just relax and watch tv and pretend everything is ok. That false sense of security is a flaw of the mormons. I am awake or atleast more awake then i have ever been before. I do want to succeed because so many things have wanted to take me down including the church and my family. Alright if you read all this you are officially a badass.

In the name of Jesus Christ.... amen.

I reached the point quite some time ago where I no longer even feel like an ex-Mormon. I now call myself simply a non-religious person.

That doesn't mean that I can't hang out with like-minded people. I've been around a long time now and I like the people here. Nothin' wrong with that.

No one should be here who doesn't want to be though. I have friends on 4 or 5 different on-line forums, all with different subjects.

Personally, I would say that "the point" is that there is no point. At least not one that's the same for everyone.

Do what works for you.
Let others do the same.

Sound good? :)

Im onlie hear to pragtice my Anglish.

Elder old dog- are to explain? I'm not getting your response

Correction- care to explaine...

He was joking, he wrote "I'm only here to practise my english" in a wrong way.

I'm an idiot who delights in hilarity, and the more inappropriate, the better. It's a tough job, but someone gets to do it, if they chose to... Cuz 'Murica!

But I mean well...

I just did not get the joke I guess.

people were explaining the purpose of RfM, from their personal perspectives. So, as mi compa, LuckyLucas said, I wrote, "I'm just here (on RfM) to practice my English", but inanely.

You're just not inane enough, but that's a good thing.

"Pity Saucie, who gets concentrated doses of me, daily," he said, inanely (again).

I stand corrected then. This seems to be a valid use of all our time.

We're all here til we die, one way or another. If there's something more fun than laughter, I want in on it.

The problem I see is there is tribalism going on here as it did in church.

In church you got points for appearing to be more Mormon and abstaining from certain things. Here you get points for wanting to drink or whatever. Some feel obligated to live wild to prove their exmo status.

In church you got points for showing how humble you are and crying. Here you get points for showing how angry you are.

I understand being angry for a bit, but some seem to show it off. And I had a therapist that promoted it and made good money.

Some people are forever victims and blame the outside world for all their problems. They don't consider that not everyone reacts that way with anger, and their personality might have something to do with their problems.

We once gave credit to the church for all the good in our lives. Now we give the church all the blame for the bad in our lives or any bad that happens to a Mormon or to anyone in Utah, etc.

The goal should be the freedom to choose your own path, and let TBM's follow theirs.

Plus laughter!

Yes, tribalism in spades here. You also get points here for espousing leftist politics, and/or atheist perspectives. And just like in the Morg, speaking out from the "wrong" perspective gets your mic shutoff, and you're "beaten up" by those who toe the line. It's all very "Mormon."

Yep i thought the feel would be different from going from there to here but it really isn't. I thought there would be more donbagley types. Instead of mormon authorities i am dealing with other authorities in different aspects of life, i can't escape the authorities i swear. People telling me to leave the site, but they can stay? Thats mormon behavior, kind of reminds me of the leaders i tangled with back in the day. i am sorry your mind did not change from having fake titles in the church. I will graduate from here soon i promise, then everybody can go back to the way they were.

Where do I cash in all the points I've accumulated here? I demand my points! No one ever told me about these points I was racking up with my points of view. Whoot! Gimme the points!

A cut doesn't heal just because you point to it and tell it to heal. It heals in its own time, especially when given some care and attention. Emotional trauma is no different. Some people can move on relatively quickly, but most will take some time. Emotional strength, especially in the face of repeated insults, takes time to build.

The "repeated insults" can come in the form of turbo-TBM family, living in the heart of the Moridor, baby blessings, weddings, and funerals, or even simply things such as General Conference and holidays, when the board often gets an influx of brief returnees.

I see on this board strong and constant encouragement to think for one's self, to use critical thinking skills and trust themselves rather than follow a herd. This is not acting like a Moron.

I see people cautioning each other about alcohol even as they may enjoy a glass themselves. This is not acting like a Moron.

I see many understanding that each person has been wounded, damaged in a a different way and offer support rather than judgement. This is not acting like a Moron.

I see people feeling free to admit their trials and tribulations and confess to a presumed weakness rather than building a facade to hide their humanity. This is not acting like a Moron.

I see people offering examples of what has worked for themselves without holding it up as the only answer. This is not acting like a Moron.

I see strong opinions offered up with no penalty for not accepting them. This is not acting like a Moron.

I see that the gay kids of the children on this board are not killing themselves because we at RFM made them the "others" or the "pariahs." This is not acting like Morons.

Being in an Exmo group is a way to clear the board and reset, get your bearings. It is a time of introspection and inspection of all things previously assumed. It is an examination of outside ideas that were previously shunned. This is no herd.

Trying to group a disparate variety of individuals with a common wound into one shallow definition may however be acting like a Moron.

Thank you Done & Done.

Excellently said Done & Done.

I think there's a certain amount of "in-group" behavior that is just common to human beings. If we're still acting like mormons in some ways it's more that we belong to the same species rather than lingering mobot habits. Pretty much any discussion group on the internet is going to have its own culture and dominant personalities that flow and change over time. I understand why OP would hope for better from a group of abuse victims but unfortunately Homo Sapiens Ex-Cultica functions neurologically identically to lesser humans when engaged in complex social behavior.

There is something we tend to do that's very unmormon here and that's live and let live. A lot of people here also have a healthy way of not taking this board and its discussions tooooo seriously (I am looking at you, elderolddog, :-) and i appreciate that. A certain recent very offensive poster had me fit to be tied, especially when they insulted me personally, until I realized that the power, and the burden, was all mine to engage or not. I stopped engaging and the anger abated, although the urge to post scathing commentary lingered longer than I'd like.

If people have got the OP frustrated then I say to the OP sorry, we are just people and people say and do crazy stuff and let each other down everywhere all the time. We all do try (almost every body at least) to follow Eric's rules and the guidelines of common decency. After that, the burden and control is on the hands of the poster to decide who with and when they interact.

Thank you for this: "If we're still acting like mormons in some ways it's more that we belong to the same species rather than lingering mobot habits."

This is important. I feel like I see a lot newcomers here who aren't even sure what is normal after all the phony Mormon cult behavior they have been subjected to. I think this board does a good job of letting people see a lot of opinions and real life experiences that shed some light on what just might be considered "normal"--if there is such a thing.

Coming here is possibly a crash course in reality?

Not too long ago, when I was posting in my usual incarnation, I had another poster (maybe a troll or just a fly-by - I'm not sure) who verbally lambasted the daylights out of me for daring to have an opinion. In the considerable time I have been on this board, I have NEVER had an experience like that one.

My profoundest thanks to Eric and the Admins who keep creatures like that one out of the pond, for the most part.

We can - and often do - disagree with each other. But in the exmo culture, I believe that the underlying value is to provide a safety net for each other.

Okay, on a serious note.

A while back I made a post that got archived here: http://www.exmormon.org/Am-I-recovered.pdf

The answer to "Am I Recovered?" at the time was probably "Not yet, but close." It's still the answer. No, I don't frequent RfM much. I do drop in to see what my friends are up to and I'll wax smartalecky, as is my wont.

But this is a great place to become ones self. Anti-Moron. Are we all "there" yet? Nope, some not even close. With time and the support found here, that may come to pass. It has for me.

Highest regards, my friends! Keep the anti-faith!

no name Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The point here, on this forum, is to heal.
> Mormonism is a cult- most of us were involved in
> it. How much more time, talents and energy are we
> going to put into it? OK- they got us- we were
> duped- move on.

As long as I know this abusive CULT is still abusing my loved ones and family, I'm not prepared to "move on".

I've seen too many times in the Mormon CULT when people like you said, "Move on" when others were being abused, exploited and manipulated. As a result, everybody hushed up and didn't confront the real evil. As a result, the evil persisted. As a result, the abusers got off scott free, enabled by those who said, "Move on".

People are generally too cowardly to take a stand against the bullies, who think they can continue bullying, why the abusers continue to abuse.

> I am ready to be myself- not a
> mormon, new order mormon, ex-mormon, or whatever
> mormon. Let's eradicate "mormonism" in our lives
> and stop giving it power.

Really? How do I "Eradicate MOrmonism in my life" when I see Mormons practically every day walking down my street, looking for innocent victims, knocking on my door, advertising on line, claiming I should be singing the praises of a sexual predator? Personally, I think it's best to confront them, not enable them.

)>I am starting to
> realize that when I was a mormon I was inside the
> dome. When I left, I became an angry ex-mormon
> who stood outside of the dome, pounding on the
> glass and screaming. It's been about 10 years-
> now I realize there is no dome, and I have been
> just as insane as I was before. Wasting time,
> pounding on air.

It's not crazy to fight against the lies, injustice, bigotry, racism, sexism and sexual predators. It's sane to speak up on behalf of all the victims that have been silenced through intimidation.

> This board has become a habit- I
> only come here out of muscle memory. I feel
> empathy for those who have recently left- I want
> to say "good job, you are brave and intelligent
> for seeing through the nonsense. Now move on.
> Don't waste time or energy fighting against a
> really dumb and irrelevant group of dummies." I
> think this is why people who troll the
> missionaries make me mad.

It's not trolling to ask sincere questions of missionaries. That's their fucking job, to answer questions. That's what they advertise all over the internet, "Ask a Missionary". When I do, they lie. I just like publishing their bald faced lies. I think that's evil. If you're too cowardly to confront evil, then so be it.

> It is a painful
> realization that, like the troll, I am also
> wasting my time. So am I becoming an
> ex-ex-mormon? I hope not. I just want to be
> myself. I am so freaking sick of it.

I'm sick of people saying, "Move on" when there are innocent people being victimized. Cowards like you are what enables the predators to continue preying on the innocent.

I do feel silenced by them through intimidation you are right koriwhore maybe we do need to speak up more.

Am I becoming an ex-ex-ex-mormon ?

As mormons we had a map and a general idea where we were and where we wanted to be. Some of us threw the map away, some of us changed the names on the map, or the directions...

But most of us remember what following that mormon map was like and reject it. From there, it's a free for all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/10/2017 10:40AM by elderolddog.

Well said, Done & Done. For me, this forum is a catharsis. I was involved in TSCC/cult for almost 50 years. The keys to opening my jail cell started with a radio talk show host who decided at the last moment to change the subject he was going to talk about that morning. It was "changing your thoughts" and he explained how religion is the most suppressive force on the planet and how we are brought up, starting with birth, to think we are never good enough, the need to be obedient, and to tow the line at all costs. After listening that morning, I started to do a little research; I looked up "anti mormon" stuff such as Gerald and Sandra Tanner's books and also "Latter Day Swindle". Then I wanted to find out more information, so I stumbled upon this site, beginning with the archived parts first. I read this forum on my phone at work whenever I had some free time. There were times when some things I read were so hilarious, that I had to cover my mouth and walk red-faced away from my desk to some where I could burst out laughing. Other times, there were things that I strongly empathized with, and I had to walk away to wipe the tears without anyone seeing me. I learn a lot here, and it's good for me to know that I am not alone. I value everyone's opinions and stories here.

Seems like every few months some preachy exMormon comes along and decides we're all a bunch of *huge list of bad things*. They bawl us out and tell us to quit being *huge list of bad things*.

Do you think your post will cause us to become correctly recovered and RFM will shut down immediately?

If you are ready to move on, feel free.

I am not going to explain, justify, or defend my presence on this board.

But you don't use your regular screen name so that when you are still hanging out here in 10 years and posting comments no one will say "hey, I thought you moved on past the rest of us morons"?

Chuckling very quietly to myself right now. :)

It's OK to have loud laughter despite what LD$ Inc. tells you.

Xactly what i was thinking. "Oh i didn't post that it was a no name."

Maybe I should come here more often. I don't know who any of these apparently thinly veiled people are or who is the cool people, the peons, long time wise people, or the angry ones. :)

I'll post whatever the hell I want. :)

I am one of the angry ones i think possibly.

I get your point no name, and I respect it, but I think you underestimate the leaders of the Mormon cult. You stated: "Don't waste time or energy fighting against a really dumb and irrelevant group of dummies."

Unfortunately, the Mormon leaders are neither dumb nor irrelevant. They have a tremendous power over their unfortunate (some possibly dumb) adherents. They have a large financial power in both the state of Utah and many places worldwide. And they have been given an increasing amount of recognition by media giving them almost mainstream Christian status. I find this worrisome. For these reasons I choose not to turn my back on the beast. I use every opportunity to warn others of the power and influence the Mormon church has in the world. I would like the media to do a better job of researching Mormon press releases for truth than they do. I wish I could be an ex-Mormon Leah Remini but I just don't have the stomach nor determination to fight that battle. But I do have the determination to do my small part. For this reason I keep coming back to RfM and I refuse to forget. I think I'm healed but the scars won't disappear. And I'd like to save the innocent, even if it's just one individual, from the slimy clutches of the Mormon cult.

Agreed the leaders are more cunning then they appear, if you are not on offense then you are complacent and ignoring a big monster in your backyard that have sworn death oaths to obey their leader's commands. And in my opinion you are not safe from these guys at any point of your life, they have ex-cia and ex-fbi that work for the cult. And hollywood is bought off and so is the media.

If the Mormons did not completely control the State of Utah and its government I really would not care very much about the Mormon Church. I also do not like having to have Mormons control the work environment even when work is at a public tax funded agency. Keep you religion out of the workplace .I don't go about work yapping about my atheism so don't yap about your church. Hard to complain at work when the director/supervisor is a TBM even when the place of employment is public and tax funded .Utah is a state and should not be some sore of theocracy

Here's the crux of the issue, it's not as simple as turning off a light switch, it takes years of deprogramming all the years of programming and indoctrination. For me it's been a decade, I come to this site once in a blue moon these days. I'd let it go completely if not for family members like my TBM mother.
The advice by and large is sound, everyone should move on, but phrasing the advice that makes people going through the process seem weak or incapable is not the way to do it. JMHO.

AmIWhiteYet? Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Here's the crux of the issue, it's not as simple
> as turning off a light switch, it takes years of
> deprogramming all the years of programming and
> indoctrination. For me it's been a decade, I come
> to this site once in a blue moon these days. I'd
> let it go completely if not for family members
> like my TBM mother.
> The advice by and large is sound, everyone should
> move on, but phrasing the advice that makes people
> going through the process seem weak or incapable
> is not the way to do it. JMHO.

A decade? F#####ck me ok i surrender i am turning myself over to the daanites.