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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
Today I read an article from Zelph on the shelf, and while reading it, I remember one thing (that now embarrased me a lot).
Last year, one sunday I was ill with a horrible flu, coughing a lot and I could barely talk, that sunday I had to give a speech but due to my unhealthy condition I phone my bishop and told him that I wasn't going to go to church. The thing is that I didn't go because I thought I couldn't give the speech, I didn't go because I thought that it wouldn't be unacceptable for the lord that in his day I gave a speech in such a crappy state. What's more I always felt shame of myself for being continually unhealthy (which surely lead to being unhealthy again).
I felt that way because mormonism makes you think that you must continuosly please someone else (God, Bishop, SP, etc), and that you are never good enough to be a worthy member of "the one and true church" (Even though in my two years of being a member I read the BoM 10 times [in 4 different languages], 6 times the triple combination and 1 time the bible, I went proselytizing with the misssionaries at least once a week after being baptized [usually twice a week],I went to institute classes and I had three callings, I was 3rd sunday's teacher in EQ, YM's 1st counselor and YM president).
It wasn't until I was mistreated that I realized that I was a good person and I didn't deserve to have been treated in that way. After that day I stopped thinking that I was a shame for myself, and gradually I started loving myself, and loving the people who love me for the way I am.
It seems now, that I thought this in such a distant time when it was last year LOL.
Link for the article: http://zelphontheshelf.com/how-i-healed-from-mormonism-and-found-true-joy/
Last year, one sunday I was ill with a horrible flu, coughing a lot and I could barely talk, that sunday I had to give a speech but due to my unhealthy condition I phone my bishop and told him that I wasn't going to go to church. The thing is that I didn't go because I thought I couldn't give the speech, I didn't go because I thought that it wouldn't be unacceptable for the lord that in his day I gave a speech in such a crappy state. What's more I always felt shame of myself for being continually unhealthy (which surely lead to being unhealthy again).
I felt that way because mormonism makes you think that you must continuosly please someone else (God, Bishop, SP, etc), and that you are never good enough to be a worthy member of "the one and true church" (Even though in my two years of being a member I read the BoM 10 times [in 4 different languages], 6 times the triple combination and 1 time the bible, I went proselytizing with the misssionaries at least once a week after being baptized [usually twice a week],I went to institute classes and I had three callings, I was 3rd sunday's teacher in EQ, YM's 1st counselor and YM president).
It wasn't until I was mistreated that I realized that I was a good person and I didn't deserve to have been treated in that way. After that day I stopped thinking that I was a shame for myself, and gradually I started loving myself, and loving the people who love me for the way I am.
It seems now, that I thought this in such a distant time when it was last year LOL.
Link for the article: http://zelphontheshelf.com/how-i-healed-from-mormonism-and-found-true-joy/
Nothing can destroy the human spirit faster than the feeling of loss of control. Mormonism is a perpetual relinquishment of a person's own person power, own autonomy. Obedience is the tool of Mormon enslavement--obedience held up as the ultimate holy goal, masquerading as something godly and beautiful while all the while stripping the individual of their own uniqueness which is their power.
I liked reading the article you posted. I felt the elation beyond belief that is referred to when I realized the church was false. That carried me through any Mormon induced pain after that.
I did feel like the product of my experience, not the victim, as also stated in the article. I'm sure getting out fairly young helped with that. I consider it is a great goal for every Exmo to use what they learned as a tool for recovery. The past can't be changed, but it can become a stepping stone rather than a millstone around one's neck I like to think.
I still carry some damage. What is done to you in your youth carves deep canyons. But having gained control, that past feels more like a challenge now than a sentence.
You are indeed lucky to be out Lucas. Thanks for the link. Some need more time to find their feet after the revelation. I think RFM goes along way to helping these do just that.
I liked reading the article you posted. I felt the elation beyond belief that is referred to when I realized the church was false. That carried me through any Mormon induced pain after that.
I did feel like the product of my experience, not the victim, as also stated in the article. I'm sure getting out fairly young helped with that. I consider it is a great goal for every Exmo to use what they learned as a tool for recovery. The past can't be changed, but it can become a stepping stone rather than a millstone around one's neck I like to think.
I still carry some damage. What is done to you in your youth carves deep canyons. But having gained control, that past feels more like a challenge now than a sentence.
You are indeed lucky to be out Lucas. Thanks for the link. Some need more time to find their feet after the revelation. I think RFM goes along way to helping these do just that.
I'm so glad to hear that you are gaining a healthy self esteem.
It's almost impossible to have one when you are still a member of
a church that expects perfection in all that you do. Trying
to be a good mormon is a long road to depression.
It's almost impossible to have one when you are still a member of
a church that expects perfection in all that you do. Trying
to be a good mormon is a long road to depression.
saucie Wrote:
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> I'm so glad to hear that you are gaining a healthy self esteem.
It's almost impossible to have one when you are still a member of a church that expects perfection in all that you do.
Trying to be a good mormon is a long road to depression.
Also it's also bad for your self esteem because the church never fails, they are the members who fail and don't allow the church to reach its potential (it's like we win together, we fail together).
I think I started to change strongly the way I saw the church, after my last meeting with my bishop, he was always saying publicly that our ward wasn't growing enough and that everyone (including himself) must try harder. But in the meeting he seemed to be Alexander the great, not the bishop of a decadent ward (he had not a single moment of humbleness).
Realizing that some local leaders were dicks was really helpful in order to value myself better.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/08/2017 03:22PM by luckylucas.
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm so glad to hear that you are gaining a healthy self esteem.
It's almost impossible to have one when you are still a member of a church that expects perfection in all that you do.
Trying to be a good mormon is a long road to depression.
Also it's also bad for your self esteem because the church never fails, they are the members who fail and don't allow the church to reach its potential (it's like we win together, we fail together).
I think I started to change strongly the way I saw the church, after my last meeting with my bishop, he was always saying publicly that our ward wasn't growing enough and that everyone (including himself) must try harder. But in the meeting he seemed to be Alexander the great, not the bishop of a decadent ward (he had not a single moment of humbleness).
Realizing that some local leaders were dicks was really helpful in order to value myself better.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/08/2017 03:22PM by luckylucas.