I hope this is not too intimate or inappropriate, but how often does this happen in the LDS church?

I know a lot of people who at least in their youth did a lot of things and never confessed them because of fear of the consequences.

It always felt to me that those who did confess were naive to be honest. As someone who was once turned in for breaking the law of chastity and punished (as an RM) I kind of felt like it hung over my head in the eyes of the leadership even though my repentance process was "complete". Despite this, I believe its more common than it is assumed.

How about 95 % for young men- if they fear any blowback from the bishop in their worthiness interviews they will simply lie-why be put on a guilt trip that is between you and God. No bishop wants his personal sexual activities explored by a SP so these clowns should not ask any intursive questions IMHO.

Joke

Bishop: So Matthew do you have a problem with masturabation?

Young Matthew: No Bishop, it works for me everytime; do YOU have a problem?

60% of the time 100% percent of the time.

There's no way to really know for sure.... but probably it happens alot more than people would think,

It happened to me and I confessed... what a dope I was.

I think I confessed to sex only because I was telling EVERYBODY!!

My wife before we were married walked in on her roommate and boy friend in flagrante delicto. They got married in the temple a few weeks later.

I had the opportunity to confess some sins to my very conservative and overbearing mission president. His reply was something like "OH that's nothing, just forget about it and move on, you should hear some the things other elders have done."

Never;
Only legally married LDS have - enjoy sexual experiences.

Dunno. I was one of the fuckin' idiots that felt compelled to confess. Stupid.

I keep looking in law books but I can never find this law of chastity.

Lol!

Here's my two cents:

Broke the Law several times before, during, and after the mission.

I am Gay.

I confessed my sins, and the MORG excommunicated me!

I know of several ex missionaries who never confessed, and guess what? They're in all levels of the MORG.

Guess you can't win them all!

Assuming it was with companions, how did you manage the guilt and keep from being sent home???

Don't assume or pry. The point is that liars profit big time in the Mormon church.

It happens a lot. I know some "crazy" BYU stories. Nobody will confess anything cause they're worried about being kicked out of the school.

Certainly there are Mormons who do this and do not confess what they have done, but there is no way to know how many people confess and how many do not.

It happens a lot. The full term "premature" Mormon Temple babies are only the tip of the iceberg I bet. Of course there are no statistics, but I've known many adulterers who went to the temple anyway. It's not about confessing. It's about getting caught.


Realizing many Mormons are like this--the same Mormons who bear their testimony at the drop of hat--is when I realized they don't believe in their own church doctrine. They care what the other members think. They will erect a facade and do anything to decorate it. But many, many of them have private lives that do not match the facade, that they hide the best they can. It doesn't bother them in the least that Heavenly Father can see what they are doing. It doesn't bother them to go to the temple as an adulterer or thief or slanderer. God doesn't matter. Their image as a church member does.

The "law of chastity" must be like the "law of gravity" -- an inverse-square law.

As in, moving twice as close to the "source" doesn't double the oppressive effect, it quadruples it. The closer you are to the mormon leaders demanding you obey it, the more oppressive it is. As you move further away, it falls off as the square of the distance...until at a fairly reasonable distance, its effect is too small to be felt.

(too geeky? Hey, it's early...!)

I give you an A for that one.

From now on, you'll be my designated geek if thats ok with you.

;)

I know that as a youth, there were a few times I confessed. I legitimately felt guilty (or was made to feel guilty.)

However, I didn't feel guilty enough because what I really did with Xxxxx's breasts was more than just fondling through her clothes :/. That was what I "confessed" to, a more mild version of what really happened, lol.

In 1989, I had a girlfriend living in the apartment next door to me. Shortly after we broke up, I came home one night to hear loud, rhythmic, headboard-banging sex right up against my bedroom wall. With the sounds of "ooohs" and "ahhhhs" coming through the wall, there was no mistaking what I was hearing as sexual activity. This wasn't the first time this happened. She had just been excommunicated after I told her Bishop what I had heard when this happened before, just recently. I confronted them this time. There was no violence, but none of us handled things very well. We probably woke up some of the neighbors with loud arguing after I discovered it wasn't my ex-girlfriend there this time either and I threateded to tell their bishop what I was hearing. It turned out to be another mormon couple barrowing my ex-girlfriend's apartment for the evening, this time. I had pounded on doors and windows to try putting a stop to it. At one point, the other guy stood at my open door with a beet-red face and bulging eyes (demonic-looking face), screaming in to my apartment repeatedly "You can't tell on me. I'll repent when I am ready to repent. But you can't tell on me". Then he and his girlfriend called the police on me. They claimed that I came over un-provoked even though they should have known that any normal person would be provoked and what I had been through. They hated me anyway because my ex-girlfriend had been excommunicated for the same thing after I told our Bishop (confessing my own actions then too then). I was arrested before I could tell the police what had provoked me. Whether or not I was disorderly or tresspassed, hinged partially on whether or not I was provoked by them. About a month later, the other guy and I met face to face in his Bishop's office, with his bishop. All I wanted was for the other guy to tell the Prosecutor's office the truth of what had provoked me. Of course, this would be an admission that he had reported falsely to the police about not provoking anything themselves. His Bishop didn't believe anything I said. After I sent a certified letter to the church headquarters, the Bishop admitted to me that he had no choice but to meet with myself and the other guy. Here is how that meeting went.

I recounted exactly what I heard that night in explicit detail. The other guy looks his bishop squarely in the eye and said "I could honestly look my savior in the face and say that what he just said is not true". Then he got a brief but clear, freightened look on his face and looked down to hide his expression. The Bishop then could see the truth and said "I think we've heard enough now". The bishop told me that he didn't think that the other guy should testify or change his story because there would be emberrasment on the church. I didn't agree and told him that a court of law has a right to the whole truth and that charges might be dropped if they knew the truth. But I also didn't want to spend thousands of dollars to pay an attorney to defend me against a minor mistermeanor charge when it became obvious that neither the bishop or his guy would man-up. So I accepted a reduced charge and paid a few hundred dollars. Everyone involved knew that this was un-just and in the case of the other guy, his lies resulted in an illegal and malicious prosecution. His girlfriend had left the state to avoid needing to answer to her bishop or to have to testify.

So we had a guy invoking the "savior" to make his lie more believable. We have a Bishop who finally sees through the lie, and yet while knowing of the injustice it would cause (a malicious prosecution), does what he can to protect his ward member from admitting to the truth, and to avoid emberrasment on the church. All I wanted and needed was to be left alone in my own apartment after a devastating breakup of a relationship. What I got was betrayal by a girlfriend, a betrayal by my so-called friends who were having sex with her, their friends who were also having sex also on the other side of my bedroom wall with eachother, and betrayal by church leaders, who defended their ward members, no matter what the cost.

So, will people break the law of chastity and not confess? Yes, at any cost. They'll sell their soul or even their "savior" if they think they can preserve their church membership and their reputation.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/09/2017 12:45AM by azsteve.

that I am someone who obeys rules and I am fearful of doing anything that I'm not supposed to. I guess I've pushed the limits at this point in my life, BUT I still struggle with some things. I hated those damn interviews when the pervert bishop (who finally died this summer) would ask about masturbation. I didn't know what it was, but I could tell it was something bad by how he would ask. So I lived by the rules and I thought if I ever went to the temple unworthy, that I would be struck down. Several of my ex's gay married to straight women friends came to the wedding in the temple and I KNEW they were "unworthy." Two of them, it is amazing how they still think they are going to the CK. One cheats anytime he gets the chance.

Anyway, when we were married and my ex was the ex. sec., I knew he was cheating with other men, but when temple night for the bishopric would come around, he would go and I would stay home. I had forgotten how angry he was at me for not going until one night a few years back we were at dinner with his boyfriend and I brought this up. He was still livid. So I brought it up just this past weekend with one of his ex boyfriends (they are friends now) and my ex got livid again. He said he always had to make up excuses for me not going like I wasn't feeling well. Wouldn't it have been easier to say I didn't like going to the temple.

My therapist had to point out to me how ridiculous his anger was given that he went unworthy and I didn't go while I was worthy to.

My ex was never excommunicated for all his gay sex before we got married. The bishop told me that at that time (1983/1984), the lds church noticed that if they excommunicated gays, they never came back. Well, duh!!!! So they never ex'd my "ex." After we were married, he wanted to go tell the bishop he was cheating, but only to say FU. But I said nobody was to know. I wasn't going to deal with the leaders again over this issue. I went inactive.

We both resigned together about 5 or 6 years ago. Just before that, our insurance agent, who was a friend from the singles' ward, found out my ex is gay and I got a letter from the church offices asking for his address right after that.

Another female here who was asked about masturbation. I lied. I knew for a fact that the bishop would know I was lieing, but I still lied and sat there waiting for the entire universe to rain down rubble on my head. I don't think he believed me, but he went on to the next question after staring at me a few moments.

My younger sister reminded me that when we gave the correct answer, he would stare us down for a few moments to see if we'd change our answers. It seems he always interviewed us with the lights down low, but that may be my impression of what was going on. I got asked every dancer card interview (quarterly). Luckily at the 6 month interview, it was usually a counselor in the bishopric and they didn't ask those questions. It is interesting that the bishop after that didn't ask either. He had been one of my high school teachers and he was always really friendly to me and NEVER ASKED me such questions.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/12/2017 08:29PM by cl2.

Let me see if I understand the story. You told the Bishop about her sexual activity and got her ex-communicated? And then you were upset she was having sex? Wow. Honestly, I would've kept the girlfriend and told the Bishop nothing.

One day out of nowhere, she broke up with me and became the neighborhood use-all. Since this happened on the other side of my bedroom wall, this was quite traumatic for me. She had sex with my neighbors there and she had sex with my so-called friends from church who I had introduced her to, there. That's when I told the Bishop what was going on, and that I had had sex with her when we were together. I didn't do it to tell on her so that she would get in trouble. I feared for her well being and was heart broken. She was excommunicated. After that, her mormon friends (especially those who were having sex with her) hated me. I found out months later that she was pregnant at that time. I figured she cheated on me, got pregnant, and decided to dust me off and have as many flings as possible then since she was pregnant anyway and had little to lose (in her mind) at that point.

Apparently, she's a sociopath with a breeding fetish (only gets off when there is a very real possibility that the sex will result in pregnancy). I even filed a paternity suit later to either be excluded, or to take responsibility if I was the father. Since the child was conceived outside of marriage and she had married afterward, I had to include a former friend of mine (her husband) in the paternity suit filing. Blood testing excluded both he and I as biological fathers. So I assume that he probably had to adopt the kid at that point.

What really boggles my mind is how far a person will go to protect their 'good mormon' image at any cost. One day we're a couple and she says she loves me and wants to get married. The next day, she says she doesn't want to be together any more, that she doesn't want to be any kind of friends, and that she never wants to see me again. Then she becomes the neighborhood use-all where I can literally hear with my own ears (whether or not I want to) the sexual activity from within my own bedroom. If she had worked with me and told me what was going on, things could have been so much easier for her. It certainly couldn't have been worse than what actually happened when it came to her reputation and church membership. The same with her friends. The guy's own indescretions caused the problem and then he tells huge lies and invokes his "savior" in attempts to make his lies believable. He even called the police himself and mounted a malicious prosecution, as an attempt to pre-empt the possibility that his bishop might be told and believe what he had done. Then he screamed in to me at my door, that "you can't tell on me". Some people will do anything to maintain their reputation and church membership. I really don't understand this. When I told the bishop that I had sex outside of marriage, I figured that I would probably be excommunicated. If I had been excommunicated, I wouldn't have faulted the Bishop or the church. The only reason to go to extremes to lie to protect your reputation and your church membership is if you intend to lead a double life. In my mind, this breeds all kinds of mental illnesses in a person.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/10/2017 05:47AM by azsteve.

The power of getting freaky is more powerful than the fear of God.

EVERYONE has secrets.

EVERYONE has something to confess.

This is so true

"EVERYONE has something to confess."

Now, I don't have anything to confess. After taking my name off of the church records, nothing I do or don't do is any of the church's damn business. I have my own codes that I live by that are fair and honest to everyone I interact with. That is more than most church members actually do.

Went to college in Utah. I knew a lot of people who admitted after the fact that they screwed around and then lied to get recommends for their temple weddings, while others were sexually active with past partners but never 'fessed up. I knew one person who openly lived with two different partners and then got engaged and temple-married to someone else without confessing and repenting. A baby followed about eight months later.

The few people who told bishops the truth had to delay missions and weddings (in one case after announcements for the temple sealing had been sent, and they had to wait a year after confessing). Then there's the public shaming. Why should they be honest when there's so much incentive to lie?

Honestly, not enough.

Well my poor dad just found out that my super TBM mom has been fucking some other dude for the past 14 months in his own bed. So there you go.

Confessing was my salvation from a life of servitude.

Thank yew Gordo.

Seriously--there's a huge penalty for telling the truth and a huge benefit to lying.

They say confession is good for the soul, but that's if it's weighing on you and you WANT to tell someone.

The Mormon church's systematic coerced confessions are abusive.

I've told the story several times of angry, excessive attempts to get my inactive teen daughters to come in for worthiness interviews.

I've told about my seven year old daughter being asked if she was "morally clean.