Due to the recent (and totally unexpected) controversy about my use of the words "dummies" and "dummoids," Maybe the time has come that I move on.

I am so "over" Mormonism that I have come to view this community as a place for us (mostly the old-timers) to just hang out and chit-chat about whatever catches our fancy at the moment. If this is not appropriate, well, I need to know that.

Granted, I could have chosen better words. I have been a published writer in the past and am fairly versatile with language. But I have NEVER, EVER, insulted or slandered another poster from RfM, and I want to go on record as having said that. (Thank you, Amyjo and others who "got" that.)

Over the years, I have become friends off-board with a number of posters here, and you know that I think the world of you. But I also know that I am beginning to experience some degree of cognitive decline due to age.

Maybe it's time to stand up, put my napkin on the community table, and say goodbye.

In the immortal words of the bards of my time, "In my life, I loved you more. . ."

I’m going to miss you a lot, Catnip.

I’ll ask admin to release my email address to you. Hopefully, we can keep in touch.

Otherwise, please take care.

"Maybe it's time to stand up, put my napkin on the community table, and say goodbye."

Don't forget to take a little Tupperware container of jello casserole with you for later. It's got marshmallows and celery in it.

You don't really know the first thing about me.

Don't let the door do you injury as you take your departure.

Catnip, I hope you do not leave.

I find your writings insightful and empathetic, and we all use the wrong words sometimes. This place would be much less interesting without you.

Do us a favor and reconsider?

RfM appears to mean different things for different folks. What matters most is what RfM means to Eric K because he founded this board, owns it and controls its culture. I respect Eric K for keeping RfM's purpose simple - to help those leaving Mormonism.

People come and go here which is expected. It's natural for those who become comfortable here to "just hang out and chit-chat about whatever catches our fancy at the moment." but I don't see that as the purpose of RfM.

If one is recovered enough to use RfM primarily as a chit-chat room then it's probably time to move on.If a post here does not contain something related to Mormonism I skip it. Facebook, twitter and blogs are great places to chit-chat.

Moderating this board is a thankless job and I deeply appreciate Eric K, Susan I/S and Concrete Zipper, et al for keeping this lovely space on the internet alive for over twenty years.

just ignore the dummies who got upset over the word dummies.

^^^What Dave said.^^^^

Please reconsider. There are not enough considerate or kind people on RfM just like the real world. You are one of the considerate and kind whose presence will be missed by your absence.

I've loved reading your posts and what you have to share.

Don't let one rude person who doesn't know you at all decide your future here. It seems he was a drive-by poster, you know the type.

Shalom, friend Catnip.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2017 07:02AM by Amyjo.

+1

Catnip, I hope you stick around. It is up to you. We all learn from each other. No one likes criticism, yet it can be an opportunity to gain new insight. As admins we debated pulling the threads. We all agreed to let them stand. We were very sensitive to your feelings and concerned about your reaction. I think some of the issue is generational. My mother, in her late 80's, says things that younger folks find objectionable. I agree with the younger generations and understand that my mother is unable to change. You are different. You are intelligent and articulate. Your leaving here would be a loss.

Erik has spoken and I agree.

Catnip, that whole thing was just silly IMHO.

I'm an LD person who progressed very slowly in some subjects and I did not find the post in question offensive. I thought you were relating frustration you felt at the time and I think people should be able to relate their experience honestly. I should have jumped into that thread but didn't have time.

Anyway I come and go from here and just want to say only leave if you want, not because you feel you've done anything wrong.

catnip, the only thing I recommend is getting thicker skin.

There are some here who think everyone is supposed to conform to whatever their political correctness hot buttons may be. Others spend a laughable amount of time telling other they are not demonstrating the right level of politeness. I say tough.

People get all upset if their sacred cows are disparaged, yet here they are happy to hang around where Mormon stupidity is disparaged on a continuing basis. It must be exhausting getting offended over every little thing. I have my own limits for what I think is acceptable but I'm not running the world (thankfully).

My only advice is to evaluate the message but ignore the messengers. I have made changes based on feedback from posters and you can do what you decide. You explained yourself. The fact is, everyone does not learn the same way or at the same pace. The world is not Lake Wobegon where all the children are above average but most of us care about children and want to protect them. You were not malicious and I think you are being too hard on yourself.

I hope you will stay.

Catnip, please don't leave us because of a slip of the tongue. We know you're not like that. And you contribute a lot to the board/community.

I certainly see no signs of cognitive decline.

I agree with Dagny that you are being too hard on yourself.

Tom in Paris



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2017 12:17PM by Soft Machine.

problem is that is was not a slip of the tongue.... it's people not understanding the context.....

I haven't been able to be around much lately and usually anyway there are so many posts it's impossible to keep up with everything.

However, maybe you could describe the "context" so that people will know/understand your objections.

It may be a good idea at this point to quit hammering on the OP (catnip) of a particular thread, especially for one post out of many years of contributions to this board, and perhaps speak in generalities about language or circumstances or personal experience. That may provide more opportunity for people to see what the objection/s are about and maybe be instructive for some.

One poster, using one term we don't personally like, is a blip on the road of life. It does not define that person or this board. There are plenty of words, terms, comments and humour used here that obviously less than 100% of posters and readers will appreciate. There is always something. (Didn't someone famous say that or something like? If not, they should have! There is literally Always. Something.).

The poster known as catnip was not even using the term in relation to a current situation. It was a memory from way back. The term was not used towards a person on this board, in this present moment. On the playgrounds I frequented in my time the word "retard" was used as an obvious, and unfortunate, pejorative. Of course, these days you would get scorned for such, deservedly so. Times change. Fortunately, we seem to be becoming more aware of the fact that Words Matter. Caring people try to change when necessary. I do not hold it against people who try to keep up even if they lag behind or slip at times. I have to repeatedly remind older family members to watch the terms they use that, although in common usage in their younger years, have now been recognized as being unacceptable to a society that in some ways is more enlightened.

Too, we should ask ourselves if we are sometimes hyperfocused on political correctness. (Or is it not possible to be too careful?)

I am not saying that the person or persons who objected to catnip's statements are this or that or the other way - I do not know. But whatever the objection, perhaps it could be explained and discussed, if necessary, and if it would add value.

Or we could just move on at some point? Or linger, if someone wants or need to.

Again, though, are we going to cast aside an RfM community member for one post in many years of participation? I wouldn't think that is the most positive response.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2017 03:42PM by Nightingale.

Stay catnip. RfM needs you.

they are directed at unknown kiddies in the school yard decades ago.

I was shocked at someone causing a fuss and taking that as a personal insult, then, using equally insulting language for the same long ago children and the OP. I think they were stretching a point to chase you off, which is sad.

Yo, Ms. catnip, listen up.

We exmos don't shun friends and family 'round here just because in comings and goings, someone gets offended here and there. Nope, we give and take as good as we give and take.

Hucker up yer britches, wipe yer nose, pull up a chair. You ain't gettin' outta here that easy.


Let me put it this way - if you are in "cognitive decline," I'll eat my new hat.

On the other hand, if a slip of the keyboard warrants an exit, then let's everyone just call it a day and sign off of this board for good.

In considering your hurt feelings, did you notice all of the healthy discussion that the "slip" produced? When even a "slip" produces good, I can not deem the "slip" to be "cognitive decline," but must call it "opportunity."

Where will you go? What will you do?

Not really relevant, but fun nonetheless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11aUKrc_b9c

Message (straining mightily) to catnip: Where you gonna go? You belong with us. There's nowhere you can go!

Nicely played. LOL.

Catnip...or should I say Nepeta Cataria...You bring enlightenment and joy to this board. I join those before me who ask you to stay and continue to be a part of our collective.

-edzachery

It seems like it’s all perspective to me. I didn’t see what you said or what anybody else said as being right or wrong – just opinions, and in many cases opinions in flux.

I’m sorry for contributing to making you consider whether you should stick around. You seem quite kind.

I have a funny feeling if there was a vote I’d be sent packing.

:)

see you tomorrow OPie ~

I like you too, you're one of the older post who was already here when I joined last year. I didn't see which post you're referring to, probably deleted before I saw it, but I know that you don't have a mean bone in your body
The only disadvantage to writing and speaking the same thing, is that in person people can tell what you mean by the tone of your voice, how who mean something, it can look completely different on paper or post . People will all be reading the same thing, imagining their own interpretation, which is not how you said it or meant it

I tried to leave because of getting mad and triggered but i could not be blocked so i stayed and i think it was a good choice to stay for now. My counselor said that there will come a day that i will no longer need the board and i believe it. I actually think people speaking whatever is in their mind is a good thing even if it pisses me off because in mormonism nobody and i mean nobody spoke their real mind. No matter how ugly the thoughts, we have to let it out somewhere. For example i have thoughts of leading a revolution against god and the cult all the d@mn time but i have to keep it in check but atleast i admit it without fear or shame. I want payback for all that happened to me and i know that that is not healthy and kind of pointless in the real world. I have no idea if this made any sense. Badass out.

I vote you stay and don't let the bumps in the road prevent your presence here. I don't post much here but have enjoyed your contributions to the discussions here.

Dear catnip: I agree with those above that if the standard for our continued presence is having to take the exit door due to upsetting another board user then this would be one vast empty room.

One, I note that quite often a "drive-by" poster will target a regular poster, usually inexplicably, for nefarious reasons only the interloper gets (if even they understand themselves). Their words can wound, at first, until we can shake them off and see things rationally rather than emotionally (always a challenge for me!)

Two, in ways we will never know our opinions and words and shared experiences can press someone else's hot button and while they may have a point re their side of it, their reaction in most cases is more about their experience and not directly about the post in question, written by someone who doesn't know them, who was not targeting them at all.

We certainly take a chance when we put our words out there, not knowing who is reading or how a stranger may react.

I love cricket but disagree somewhat on his point about "moving on" if we are "over" Mormonism. I agree this is not primarily a social board for totally-over-Mormonism people. But a mix of board users is permitted and inevitably most of us will move on from being fresh exmos to seasoned RfMers if we stay long enough. Both ends of the spectrum are valuable to this community. Also, the exmo community is unique in that the Mormon part of our existence will always be there and even if not directly speaking of Mormon doctrine and practice it is usually a sub-text in most of our interactions here. That can be valuable to readers and to ourselves even subliminally.

I used to have such thin skin (always very sensitive, from birth, which is hard to "just get over") when I first came here that I was afraid to state a strong opinion. Even someone saying "grow a thicker skin" was hurtful to me! I thought that was a particularly insensitive remark and redolent of not understanding my position or especially my feelings, which I found hard to express. Any disagreement or certainly mockery or what felt like judgement was hurtful to me. After more years here than I can even comprehend I do have a thicker skin, in some ways, although for some people being "sensitive" is an entrenched part of their personality. I won't apologize for that and do value the opinion of others. (I'm not in any way talking about your skin, catnip, but explaining my reality here for many years, up to present).

I have been hurt a few times, a couple badly enough to think about leaving. Mostly that is when a tender experience or hard-won opinion is scoffed at, mocked, derided, dismissed or argued against without any seeming understanding or consideration at all, most especially when it involves deep personal feelings or hurtful times. I have stayed but, true enough, always stop to think about what I want to put out there. What hurts the most (which I've considered posting about, ironically) is when one's own personal experience is questioned or mocked. I see a big difference between stating an opinion ("I think the church stinks") and describing a personal experience ("My baptism experience deeply scarred me" - which I've posted about a few times here). If someone replies "Just get over it. Worse things happen to people every day", that can hurt (even though viewed academically, so to speak, that is certainly true). I try to focus on the thought in times like that that the responder isn't getting my point. I can then decide whether to reply and try and explain more, or not. (Usually not).

I have said things I wished I had expressed differently (drat that board feature that removes our ability to edit after 24 hrs!). I have made comments where I am shocked at someone's expressed disagreement or disapproval or their reaction in telling me off for being an idiot). A few times I have taken a negative remark, even a caustic one, and learned something from it (even if only to think more deeply about how to phrase my thoughts the next time).

In short, it's quite the experience and learning opportunity to jump into the RfM fray and stay afloat, especially over the years when our perspective and posting needs/habits/desires change.

I don't always just automatically dismiss the naysayer's comments. They may be sincere in trying to express their own experiences, feelings and reactions. I try to remember that we don't know where others are coming from, literally straight out of Mormonism or from a particularly traumatic situation, that will colour their reactions and comments. But perspective is an important tool in that if we can keep ours adjusted well for ourselves we can usually better see reality and context and reason, a few good ways in which to see our interactions at RfM and in the world too.

I always hope that others will show me the same consideration I try to express in every interaction here and in life too. If I make a mistake I try to learn and not repeat it. If someone disagrees I try to understand. I don't always succeed. Life is a challenge all right.

I hope, catnip, you can focus on the multitude of positive interactions you have had at RfM and the many posts you have written that have helped others along their way. If one time your words hit someone else awkwardly that's a pretty good batting average for your long time presence here. Putting it into perspective (from my point of view) within a day or two the thread/s will have sunk onto lower pages that far fewer people read anyway!

In general, I have observed that it is certainly a challenge for humans as their years grow longer to navigate through the waters of change. Older generations of my family, for instance, sometimes still use terms that are now considered offensive in our present society. Sure, they should learn. But sometimes they don't. Aging is a somewhat strange process in many ways. I have noted that older folks often hark back to their youth and it seems more present and memorable to them than the day they are currently inhabiting. Youth has yet to discover this reality in most cases. Who knew that life is one long learning thing? Don't we ever get there? (Wherever there is?) I mean, finished, as in now we know what we need to know. Except things keep changing. What a challenge!

catnip:
Would love it if you stayed. You're certainly not obligated to leave because you "offended" someone.

I am, of course, being selfish -- because I like having you here. If you decide that it's best for you to stay away, more power to you. Know that you're appreciated and will be missed if that's the case.

<hugs>

Please stay catnip! You're a lovely lady and the board needs you. Luvs ya loads!

Briggy

Thank you to all of those who have encouraged me to retain my membership.

Actually, as best I understand it, I never figured how to log in, so all these years, I have been, essentially, (God forgive me - I can feel another non-PC expression coming) an improperly documented person from another place.

Susan I/S and I used to joke about it. I did try to log in per her instructions, ages ago, and it said that there already was another "catnip" in residence. But I am not properly logged in, as I do not have the ability to go back and edit anything.

I am a well-documented arachnophobe, so I can't promise that I won't ever say anything disparaging about spiders, but you don't often run into them in a Mormon context, so that ought to work out.

Thank you, everyone who encouraged me to stay.

please stay....

The board continually uses MORmONS as the spelling with regard to the mormon community - so I don't understand why you were attacked on using dummies..

I enjoy your posts - just don't like those that attack them....

I don't know you personally, but I always enjoy reading what you write. If you leave, there will be a huge hole here. Please reconsider. You offer so much to this community, it just wouldn't seem right if you were gone.

Please stay, Catnip. Don't listen to the dummoids.

There, I said it. On purpose. Now flame ME instead and see just how many s***s I give.

To clarify, the last sentence was not directed at Catnip, but at her detractors.

Me too. Call out the dumb. Most dummies could be a little smarter with a little work. I've been a fool in my time, and it's no use saying I won't be again. I took no offense at your words, catnip. Thanks for giving me a chance to tell you. You are loved.

Social interaction is undergoing significant change, partly due to the fact that the soapbox is much bigger now and more people hear what you say.

With a bigger audience, there is a much greater chance of some holding much different views.

It seems that these days, people run the risk of being called out and criticized if they do not express themselves in the 'parlance of the times' - that is politically correctly.

Gone are the days when someone can say what they want, when they want and how they want. Remember when people just ignored people they disagreed with or called them 'crackpots'?

Gotta say it right and be aware that someone may get their undies in a knot. We're creating a dull, sterile world with no variety.

In the words of the biggest target for criticism - "SAD"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2017 03:59PM by csuprovograd.

Hey, I remember the crackpots of my ward! That's how I survived F/T. I listened to the crazies recount their doctor visits and medical concerns. We also had a few Ward Winnebagos. They would give travel logs about their trips and usually have an exciting tale; such as getting a flat tire in Missouri. Then they would be rescued by an inactive member that suddenly felt the spirit and agreed to go to church.

This would usually take place right after the BP would remind that F/T was for the bearing of testimonies and not a place to share family vacation, travel logs or personal medical emergencies. lol

@ Catnip - Stick around some more!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2017 04:45PM by messygoop.

I too hope you stay. If everyone who had a negative experince here left, the board would be empty. Of course it is up to you. You made a poor choice of words, but I didnt see it as a big deal. You werent speaking of any particular people,but rather making a general statement.As a teacher and a former student, I get your frustration. Regardless of why some kids are inattentive or disruptive, they are a trial for both fellow students and teachers.Dont let a few negative people get you down.

My comments are easy for me to say because I was never in the secret underwear club and I was born without the shame gene.

Stay on RfM and take this approach to those who started all this.
When I am out on the road or freeway and I see someone with his hand out the window flipping his longest finger at me I just think, "That poor man has something stuck to his finger."

Just stay catnip.

Pay Lay Alol

Who is monitoring this board? When I make a comment about why I oppose the words, "dummies" and "dummoids" when referring to school children, my post is immediately removed. I don't understand???

Connedvert,

Please stop picking fights. The board has beaten this topic to death.

Thanks,

CZ (admin)

Catnip:

I don't think you should go bc I enjoy your posts. I don't think "dummies" or "dummoids" is that bad. I'm a teacher and let me tell you I've heard plenty worse than that from frustrated colleagues when referring to the kids.

Remember, everyone says something stupid every now and then and EVERYONE says something every time they open their mouths that offends SOMEONE. Blow it off.

That said, I disagree. I don't think you should come here only looking for therapeutic benefit. If you're just here to shoot the sh!t and chit-chat, go for it. I'm a nevermo. I'm not looking for therapy. Just an opportunity to gawk.

If you enjoy being here, bring it on.

I don't think i have ever met a truly smart person, just those that think they are smart and talk like they are smart. Just throwing that out there. Except the smartest man in the world on youtube, now that guy is legit. Not one person here is not at the mercy of the government in some way, hence we are not very smart to stand on our own.

I truly enjoy your company here on this board, Catnip, and I've found your posts to be insightful over the years. I hope you stick around if you still enjoy being here. Don't let one post drag you down. We've all put our foot in it at times. Your experiences have value to the newcomers.