I resigned years ago.

He tells me sweetly, "Oh, I know that in your heart, you are really still a Mormon."

Me: No, I'm not. And I have a letter from the fine gentlemen in SLC confirming that I'm not. Do you want to see it?

DH: It doesn't matter. You still know the truth.


It's been going on like this for a few days. We are getting way up there in years, and I think he is aiming for a temple marriage. The likelihood is that I will die first - I have an appalling number of medical nuisances - in which case, he can have me re-baptized in absentia, and that's not a problem. He can have us temple-married by proxy, and that is nifty-beano. I don't buy any of it, but if it makes him happy, that's fine. Just don't drag me - the still living and breathing me - into any of it.

I'm an exmo. All the way through. I don't even own any skirts or dresses - or pantyhose - any more. And I refuse to buy them just so I can accompany him to that awful church.

Should I go back to being a pseudo-Presbyterian to get him off my back? I feel like howling obscenities at the moon (maybe I can blame it on Samhain!) rather than have anything to do with that awful church.

Ours is a happy, loving marriage. I can't imagine what is causing this religious aberration.

That really sucks! It sounds very disrespectful. I would be livid if my husband did that to me.

I am also a pseudo-Presbyterian and I would much rather be that than LDS.

No, don't attend any church over being pressured. I'd respond (just as "sweetly"), "Yes, in my heart, I know the truth of the church, and that's why I'll never go back."

Mormonism is just a side show that caters to stupid white people.

<snort>

"I can't imagine what is causing this religious aberration."

Other LDS members are working on your husband. Busy bodies who can't leave decent people alone and don't care if their meddling disrupts and even destroys marriages.

Dementia might be a possibility. Seriously

I thought of it and have been carefully looking for any hints of it. I haven't seen a single one, and I'm grateful.

I know that going all these years without the structured feel of "Church on Sunday" has bothered him. He didn't mind when I went to the Presbyterian church. He went with me.

But in the last year or so, I have developed arthritis in some old spinal injuries, and I can barely walk. I can still drive, and walk enough to park in a "disabled" slot, get a scooter cart, and pick up a few things, make my way back to my car and return home. This little outing might or might not trigger an episode of hellish pain that requires opiates. (No sermons, please. I am the most cautious, record-keeping opiate taker that I know. I have NEVER taken a dose before the label says I am allowed to. And often, while waiting, the pain may go away on its own.)

But running short errands is a joy, something that proves I am still alive and still have some value. I refuse to waste my diminished energy on something that is WORTHLESS.

Moe, I have no problem with his intention to marry me after I die in a proxy temple marriage. Coming from him, this is the most loving thing he can do. He believes that this will ensure that we will be together for eternity. Who could ask for more love than that?

Personally, I have gone through the temple and have a deep conviction that it is all BS. But it won't do me a bit of harm, once I'm gone.

Returning to the Presbyterian church might help, but it might just as easily trigger a pain attack. And since I no longer have religious beliefs of any kind, I just don't want to. And at my age, by gumbo, I will not be pushed.

We seem to have settled on a truce. If he wants to go to church, that's fine, as long as he doesn't wake me up. He is very clever at getting ready quietly. Often, he has gone and come back before I wake up. (He is an early bird; I am a night owl.) Anyway, the substance of the truce is that he is free to go, and enjoy it as much as he wants. I don't want to hear about it, except maybe in passing, like "So-and-so says hi."

So far, they have not extended a calling. I would discourage it if they did. He has a sporadic, part-time job anyway, and it leaves him tired and wrung-out, so I would point that out.

Thank you, everybody, for letting me vent and cry on your collective shoulders.

Go back to the Presbyterian Church! Convince DH that Presbyterians are SURE of going to heaven - even if they don't tithe or go every Sunday and won't have to govern planets and put up with billions of people with complaints, etc.

Wow. That would be tough to deal with. Good luck. It seems to happen regularly though not in great numbers where an individual desires to go back to Mormonism. I have seen this too with former JWs locally. Their reentry to the Watchtower is amazingly painful yet they go through with it. It appears some folks just want to have the thinking done for them as life is hard. Be patient. He will likely discover the corporation will do nothing for him as he ages. The Mormon church only takes, it rarely gives.

Old age. Getting close to crossing the great divide. Looking fir any spiritual comfort.

Hopefully he'll have his eyes opened by the way they treat the elderly.

Going back to the Presbytery church has its perks if it means him backing off. You might even ask him to go there with you, so you don't have to go alone?

Let him know as much as you love him, you have no love whatsoever for the cult. Let him know why.

You have no desire to return to a cult to worship for any reason, at any time.

If he loves you as much as you love him, he should back off.

Ugh. I worry about the same thing from my BIC spouse. I resigned, he didn't. He seems as happily exmo as I am, at least for now.

Perhaps the fear of approaching mortality, either his or yours, is what is motivating this behavior. Now that the eventual end is becoming more of a reality, the anxious desire to cling to the security of a group with all the answers and reassurance might be
a quick way to cope with existential dread.

As for the pushy, condescending, "you still know the truth" thing...I know I've been with my spouse long enough to calmly tell him to shove his priesthood misogynistic horse apples right up a nice dark passage, so I hope the same goes for you.

Actually you do know the truth: the "church" is a cult and a money con. Stick to your guns and don't go.

Brother of Jerry might be on to something with the dementia suggestion too. You may want to get him a mental checkup especially if the tithing checks start going out. Sorry you are going through this.

They still harbor belief because they've never gone through the recovery process. They don't want to be judged poorly if the church turns out to be "true." Some of them assume everyone feels as they do.

Personally, I wouldn't even be drawn into a discussion about it. I'd simply say, "Stop. I'm not discussing this with you," and stick to my guns about that.

I'd just shut him down every time he tried to bring it up. "I'm not a Mormon. I'm not going to be a Mormon. I am not discussing this with you again."

If you attend another church, he'll just figure that you really are still a religious person and he just needs to talk you around to the right one.

Just continue on with your life as you enjoy it.

have pointed out, this comes from having swept a very real and significant confrontation with the issue under the proverbial rug for way....too...long.

You are now left to either spend your limited energy on thrashing it all out (as should have been done at some point long ago), or putting up and shutting up. At least you know where you stand and have drawn the line in the sand.

Don't mean to be morbid but if you die first he will marry you via proxy temple marriage. My former sister-in-law did this to my brother.

I would have *one* discussion with him where you talk about how disrespectful it is to tell someone else what they do or do not believe. Then I would ignore him if he tries to say that again. You are under no obligation to respond to repeated nonsense. Oh, and don't go back to the Presbyterian church if you don't want to.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2017 05:23AM by summer.

If it's only been going on a few days, he'll probably get bored and drop it if he doesn't get rewarded for his efforts.

Only you know what kind of reward he's looking for.

My guess is that if you just ignore his comments he won't think it's worth continuing to pester you.

I wouldn't waste my time at the presbyterian church unless you actually want to attend.

Good luck with that.

Nothing angers me more than someone telling me they know me better than I know myself. Nothing. It is the ultimate insult peppered with control.

My family always told me they *knew* I still had a testimony deep down and they talked to me that way. Made me distance myself from them to a larger degree. Couldn't help withdrawing.

Your husband needs to understand the consequence of what he is saying even if he does mean well. No doubt he's getting coaching from his team from the ward.

Don't really have any advice better than what has been given. Just wanted to commiserate with you. That is a bummer.

I'm sorry you're having trouble with this issue.
I, too, think he is just wishful thinking, in the hopes he can re-light your Mormon spark.

Still, it is wonderful that he loves you so much he seems to be unable to control his own wish (the old, 'I know you know deep down' stuff.)

If it helps, you know you have our support for you on this issue---you don't need more trouble in your life than you already have. Just stick to your guns, and kindly, periodically (when he 'forgets') repeat your feelings.

Best Wishes,
P