I get that different people have different sex drives, and I get that some things can also dampen one's drive (stress, for example).

But if a man is truly straight, not having an affair, and perfectly healthy... would it be incorrect to assume that him wanting sex maybe once every two weeks is abnormal?

I've tried talking to him about it and he says he "just can't keep up" with me. And no, this isn't a new thing - it's pretty much always been this way (10 years).

Just wondering because it really screws up my self-esteem.

It is possible. Check out this community and talk with them:

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

Including things like testosterone levels? There can be a lot of physical and mental issues that can kill the sex drive of any male gay, straight or in between.

It may be time to get him to discuss this with his Dr. then once medical reasons are eliminated, both of you going to couples sex counseling.

While I can't say it's normal, and I would suspect low testosterone, once every two weeks definitely doesn't make somebody asexual.

Elle Bee Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> While I can't say it's normal, and I would suspect
> low testosterone, once every two weeks definitely
> doesn't make somebody asexual.


I agree. I just felt it was only one avenue to explore. I'm an asexual and I've never had a sex drive in my entire life, and I'm 52.

But the forum at AVEN is also great for coming together with spouses who have spouses with low sex drives and they find that they're not alone.

Asexuals do marry sometimes. I have a friend who is older than I am and she hasn't had sex since she was 27. She still wants it. It's the hubby who suddenly stopped, years ago. He seems happy with the situation just as it is, and happy in his marriage, but she lives an ever-frustrated existence. She stays because she loves him.

That is one of the saddest things I've ever heard.

Ooops, wrong place, see below.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/29/2011 02:11AM by DebbiePA.

Thank you for the link, I will look into it.
I wondered if it was just Morgbot conditioning that makes him think its bad or something.

He will NEVER go to a counselor, ever, so that option is out. Also, getting him to a doctor to have testosterone levels tested would be a major coup. He doesn't seem to have low levels though, based on things like risk-taking and facial & body hair, etc.

I don't know what to do, I'm going crazy! Ten years of this is enough.

Get some natural progesterone {kenogen 3 drops a day] and natural thyroid [american biologics] and coffee and coconut water.

No one needs to leave the house or see a doctor.

He just doesn't want to do it? It is a control issue? I don't get it. Does he hate you?

I hate to ask, but is there someone else?

It's like in Seinfeld: After 40 a man can at least reason with the beast. After 50, choice is much more often involved, for the man...to decide whether to let the passions move him or not.

But at 36? Jeebus, something was coming up between the wife and I every time she looked a certain way or bent over or said a dirty joke or hummed, or wore a cute skirt, or wore a nice perfume or, well, we have a lot of kids. :)

In the case of my first husband, it was a scary-low testosterone level--and the fact that, every night after I went to bed at eleven, he stayed up to "watch the news" and toss down a fifth of Majorska. He used to sneak the empties out of the house and use them for target practice down at the dump.

When I got pregnant, he got a bit lax. When I was spring cleaning, I went through one of the closets and was astounded to find an enormous cache of empties. Strangely enough, the marriage went south when our baby was eleven months old.

Ah, young love.

He's only 36.

...and he's been that way since he was at least 26. I would say that he's not your average guy. At the same time, twice a month does demonstrate at least some willingness and ability to have sex.

Some possibilities I would look at -- alcohol, drugs (prescribed or otherwise,) low testosterone levels, sleep issues, stress, and/or fatigue. I would pursue this by having his M.D. check him out.

I personally knew two women who were having the same problem with their husbands. Turned out their husbands preferred porn to reality, but their habits were hidden from their wives for years.

My situation exactly.

Not to make light of the OP's concern . . . but if my husband wanted to have sex twice a month, I'd think I'd died and gone to the freakin' Celestial Kingdom! Instead, I get it twice a year - if I push really hard. I've lived like this for 15 years and I am a very sexually frustrated woman (and I am attractive in case anyone is wondering.

He's an idiot.

So today I decided to divorce his @ss. He's slowing down as he ages and he's moved into another bedroom - jerk. I'm not spending the next 50 years celibate. I had enough of that as a Mormon Single Adult. I got married so I COULD have sex!!

And porn doesn't bother me a bit. I've tried to encourage him to involve me, too. Nope. It's a solitary activity. <rolling eyes>

So anyway, I hope hubby and his hand will have a long, happy life together. :)

*sigh*

What?

He is mad...he is addicted to porn, not sex.

Ohhhhh so sad!

Here's to Peter Priesthood!

Maybe a hand serves him better.

enlightened2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Maybe a hand serves him better.

That's actually a very funny, witty comment and it made me laugh!

You're implying I'm some kind of raging bitch or I'm terrible in bed . . . or ugly. Whatever. Soooooo not true my dear. I wasn't always Mormon.

Before I converted I was a hot cheerleader in high school and a popular sorority girl in college. I never lacked for dates, guys, sex, fun - anything.

I loved sex and I was very,very experienced and very, very good. My "first" once told me I was the "hottest piece of ass he ever had, and that's saying a lot." (We hooked up again as adults).

However, my sex life came to a screeching halt when I joined the LDS church. And that was OK for a while - a respite I guess. But you can't keep a good woman down. ;o)

I married a Mormon man basically because I was horny. We had a lot of sex the first 18 months, but he was repressed in certain areas and wouldn't do things that I consider totally normal. It also became quickly apparent that he liked porn. That was a big "so what" to me. But it soon became clear that he liked the porn better than me - no matter what tricks I tried.

I treated him like a king. And your comment is totally off base.

Bottom line: The Mormon Church messed up his sexuality in his teens - I mean really fucked it up. I can't change that. And I don't care anymore. And I just want out.

He knows he's screwed up, but his lifestyle suits him just fine and he doesn't care about my needs (and never has).

So I'm out. I'd like to have good sex in this lifetime. And I'm thinking there's got to be a middle-aged guy out there who will one day drop to his knees and thank Flying Spaghetti Monster for a sexy woman like me (I'm very creative). heh.

Like I said above, "I hope DH will have a long and happy life with his hand." Because I don't think he has the ability to sustain a relationship with a real woman.

So you see enlightened2, the probem is HIS. Not mine.

/Rant over/

Okay he should be following you around like duck...hmmm try that for 3 months what I told you.

It is all natural and safe and no side effects

DO me favor take his temp tomorrow before he gets out of bed.

If it is under 97 definitely low T [but don't give T before you try the other stuff]

Mine was 30.

Same problem. Married over 30 years. Never had sex more than once a month.

Like OP, he wouldn't even consider counseling. I didn't push it for fear of driving him further away.

I've had 3 affairs. The last one has been discovered. Then all of a sudden he wanted sex all the time. I can't do it now.

I don't know what will happen.

I posted this a few days ago... I get sex almost every day


almost on Monday
almost on Tuesday
almost on wed
almost on Thurs

you get the picture... my wife has no interest in intimacy.
I'm not as good as I once was but I am as good once as I ever was.
Been married a long time..I take some long showers now : (


Marriage is like a deck of cards
In the beginning you need is a couple hearts and diamonds
In the end you wish you had a club and a spade

She needs to get her thyroid checked.

Again progesterone and thyroid...that would make up for things and I don't say this from experience.

Had some health issues and hey research is a good thing, so now I can help others.

Not that I need to say this, but Never been there nor done that I JUST LOVE BIOLOGY!

Lol. Reminds me of the old joke:

Why are Jewish divorces so expensive?


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.



Because they are worth it!

This is soo strange cause I just talked to my friend about.

Have him get a hormonal panel. I know men love sex.

I think his hormones are probably low

Check thyroid...that is often the issue

Get thyroid therapy and progesterone [NATURAL] and that should resolve things...

Here's what so weird about all this. Don't the men and women with no sex drive realize that, Mormon or not, having no sex drive is NOT normal? Don't they have a clue that married people do it more than once a year? Or even more than once a month. No offense to those who categorize themselves as asexual, but we are sexual beings, it's how the species perpetuates itself, and if you have no sex drive, it's not the normal state.

My marriage was very sexless. In the beginning it was OK, but then there were church issues (no oral sex letter came out) and power issues and oh, all kinds of things. I knew this wasn't normal. I knew that going two years in my 30s and then seven years in my 40s without sex wasn't normal or right. But our marriage was so f**ed up with other issues, it's no wonder.

My opinion is, if either partner doesn't want sex at all, or for an extended period of time, there are way more underlying issues than just "I'm not interested."

So many things could be going on. But if sex is something you need (and IMHO a healthy marriage should have) he should be willing to get it checked out. No one should be forced to endure a sexless marriage.

When I was Mormon with 2 babies very close in age, I was exhausted and my anti-depressants killed my sex drive completely. DH supported my efforts to get help. It was an awful sexless time but we got to the bottom of it and got through it.

Hope you find some answers and getting more sex!

Few people are honest about their sex life.

Twice a month is still in the normal range. Maybe he's turned off my your complaining.

There's so much more to a romantic/loving relationship than just sex. Flirt with him, role-play, have FUN together, laugh together, give him back rubs, give him a strip-tease, be creative. My grandmother used to say, "fascinate your husband." Your flirty fun does not have to culminate in sex. Sex is so much more than just the act of copulation.

Stop comparing yourself to other people. They exaggerate, anyway.

Be grateful! Some men, as they get older, and bored, like to try the pervy, painful stuff, that has nothing to do with love, romance, or physical attraction. Some things are better tried alone, IMO. I have a lot of older women friends who rue the day Viagra was invented. They thought they had reached retirement age--not. I would think too much unwelcome sex would be worse than not enough sex.