I'm not the hostile, road raging Type A--but every other sort: Perfectionism, demanding, always in a hurry, can't rest, CANNOT RELAX.

These tendencies got me wonderful work evaluations, and promotions to where an ass such as me was needed to straighten out a mess. That was all fun until I retired, and now how have uncontrollable BP (not even with meds). My little Pop was the same way until he had one hellacious stroke.

I walk miles a day and can only think, "I gotta get home and get stuff done."

Anybody else here in the same fix?

Used to be. Obsessive-compulsive traits are bred and nurtured by Mormonism with its perfection demands. Demands for all your time, all your thoughts, all your energy. You know the quote from the Temple: you promise and take an oath that "All of your Time, Talents, Energy, and everything you possess and everything you will possess belongs to the Church...."

Yes! And, boy they had me! I had me and my poor family in line with all of its exacting bullshit!

Oh do I hear you Kathleen! And, I worry that I waste time on RfM when there are things more productive I could be doing. Excuse me, I’ve got to de-clutter the piece of paper I accidentally left on my desk.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2017 01:51PM by BYU Boner.

I even cleaned my coworkers’ desks!

Well, SOMEONE has to clean the microwave, do the dishes left in the sink, and throw out food co-workers left in the fridge; and it might as well be someone who’s good at cleaning! I hate it when people who’ve said they’ve cleaned something really don’t dis-infect the food serfaces or leave streaks on the microwave plate. That’s NOT cleaning correctly.

The worst is family members who leave little bits of toothpaste in the bathroom sink! And, for heaven’s sake, dishes need to be THOROUGHLY washed BEFORE they are put in the dishwasher!

Dammit, someone just randomly tossed socks in my sock drawer! They’re trying to give me a heart attack! Well, if that happens, they’ll just have to scrub the shower without me.

The Perfect Boner.

Do you abhor crumbs on the center console of the car???

Yes, because they don't fit in with the hand sanitizer in the console.

I never used to give a second thought to putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher. I mean, that's what a dishwasher is FOR, right?

Then I married my TBM DH. I knew that he was very tidy; his mother raised him that way. Not a clutterbug pig, like my ex, who shed clothing all the way through the house and expected me to pick it up. If I didn't, it just kept accumulating until somebody's nerves snapped. Usually mine.

We used to get into massive fights about his cluttering. One time, he said, very sincerely, "If God meant for me to pick up after myself, why would he have given me a mother, a steward, and a wife?"

Now I am pretty much used to TBM DH's compulsive tidiness. I keep a long-handled brush at the sink, to scrub off detritus before dishes go into the washer. If something can't go through the washer, I hand-wash it (or he does - we alternate) and it goes into the dish-drainer. I appreciate never having a cluttered sink.

Fortunately, he always puts stuff away. I would leave it in the drainer forever.

Man oh man, Boner! I thought you were a Type F person, with localized high blood pressure...

—One of the great limitations of the Myers-Briggs personality test is the failure to note that personalities adapt to situational contexts. We in the discipline of psychometrics must address the over-generalizations that our work has promoted.

Judic West, “On Psychometrics and the Scientism of Overgeneralization.”

OMG. That's me. I HAVE to be rushing to get things done. I cannot relax. I am the workaholic with a lot of responsibility at work. I am the one who gets things done and am given all the sh!tty projects everyone can't deal with. I am an uber-organized perfectionist which has paid off in my career well.

However, like you, I can't do anything (like walk, go to a movie, or go to a social gathering) without counting off the minutes until I can get away to do things I need to get done or read a book.

Probably not like you, I don't like people all that much. Most are not all that interesting and I don't enjoy wasting time just to hang out with people. I get more social interaction at work than I could possibly want. I like the internet and places like RfM where I can find some like minded people and thought provoking conversation with little effort. I would prefer to read than almost anything else. Reading is my down time from the wound-up "get it done" personality.

When I retire, I am not quite sure how I will adapt. Should be interesting.

Dagny and John made a good couple. Just sayin’ John Galt’s Boner.

dagny Wrote:
>
> Probably not like you, I don't like people all
> that much. Most are not all that interesting and I
> don't enjoy wasting time just to hang out with
> people. I get more social interaction at work than
> I could possibly want. I like the internet and
> places like RfM where I can find some like minded
> people and thought provoking conversation with
> little effort. I would prefer to read than almost
> anything else. Reading is my down time from the
> wound-up "get it done" personality.
>

Yes! That’s exactly like me!
Social gathering? — I’d rather be bitten by a dog!

LOL!

Speaking of dogs...

I have a dog. I like her better than people! She fits into my routine and demands little. I'm sure she is a better influence on blood pressure than humans. :-)

Ever notice that many older TBM's miss it on the great experience of having pets? What would they do with the little beast if they're called on a mission?

They give their animal companions to those of us "less active." Then, they wonder why we don't want to give them back. It should be noted that Lassie didn't want to go back to Timmy's home. Timmy is too busy with church callings to give Lassie much attention. Poor Timmy, he just couldn't figure our why Lassie preferred the Bone to the drone.

Try bourbon. Lots of bourbon.

My non-lds mother has this issue but she lived through the Great Depression. 1930's working overtime = survival. However, with my alcoholic, non-lds family, I having a good nature was pushed into a perfectionist mindset in order to survive. It has taken decades of education, training and therapy to undo the damage and turn off the siren in my soul. I stopped running to rescue people from their problems. That's their job. Leaving the cult helped stop the roller coaster of feeling obligated and responsible to save the world. That's Christ's job. I take care of my 94 year old mother who has advanced stages of dementia so I don't have the time, energy or capacity to run around fixing other's issues. I recovered from the over-responsibility addiction. The journey was hard but worth working for to take my power back and live my own life on my terms. When people ask for help, I give them ideas on where to go and who to see for help. I can pray for them and listen to them. My time is limited tough. Setting boundaries is liberating because I learned the hang ups are ridiculous anyway.

My sister chose to spend her life cleaning and taking care children.

Not me.

When growing up, we shared a room and a dresser. Her side of of the dresser was neat and clean, while my side had dust balls on it. She always ironed her cloths, while I 'borrowed' them to wear on special occasions (and only ironed something myself as a very last resort).

Now-a-days (lucky me), I have a (mostly) Spanish-speaking cleaning lady. (I speak enough Spanish to know what she is saying, and visa-versa.) She cleans my 3-bedroom, 2-bath house in three hours, every-other week, and does a plenty-good-enough job as far as I am concerned (bathrooms, kitchen, vacuums floors). And, she works at a job she enjoys doing (although her kids tried to get her to get a sit-down assembly-line job). (BTW, I am tidy, not a slob, and have--and use--a dish-washer.)

MY C.L. shoos me away from my office computer in order to give a quick once-over to my 9X9 office space (filled shelves, files, books, VIP papers, 2 bookcases, etc).

We philosophy here and there, and she calls me "Doctor" (as I give her advise on what to do about her aches and pains, and when she should go to see a doctor, etc).
---

My sister had 9 children (I have 5). She gave her children jobs such as cleaning the floors of cloths closets, and putting the shoes therein in order, and putting her washed-and-properly folded towels, etc., in their 'rightful' place in the linen closet, etc. Nor was hording in her house of any kind allowed.

In contrast, you can find anything you want or need in my dusted house, but cleaning isn't a fetish with me. (I prefer thinking, writing essays and other things (not-fiction); RfM, and emailing with my children and friends.

For exercise, I take walks (which gives me a chance to talk with my neighbors), and if the weather doesn't' permit outside, I can make a circle 8 inside--with a convenient hallway included).

I also do my own laundry (inside)---but absolutely no ironing! (So many wash and wear stuff now-a-days--and those are the only kind of cloths or linens I ever buy.)

I like to think of myself as practical. AND--I'm not afraid to sit down and read for a spell. (No need or desire for TV until dinner-time, around 7:00pm.)

Also, I fairly-frequently host family over-night as house-guests (and keep a big casserole in my frig., in anticipation, if needed, as I 'very' seldom cook). (Or, we get pizza.)

So, if anyone wants to know how to make housework easier (outside of a cleaning lady), let me know. (Like using a feather duster on a wooden rod, to dust--which only takes about 5-10 min., instead of using a hand-held sticky dusting cloth.)

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I walk miles a day and can only think, "I gotta
> get home and get stuff done."

Be a perfectionist about controlling your BP. Make that your job.

Or smoke a lot weed.

Change your beliefs, change your reality. Figure out what beliefs are the lowest stress and adopt them.

I used to be that way.

About 30 years ago, working horribly long hours, trying to make a mark in research, and trying to be "perfect," I realized that it was only going to give me a heart attack someday, nothing more.

Shortly after, I made a resolution with myself, which I've communicated to every employer I've ever had:

I'll put in long hours and hard work at the office, to get the job done. But when I walk out, to go home to my family or take a vacation, leave me the hell alone. I shut it off when I walk out the door. I leave work at work. Over the years, when people have called me at home nights and weekends, I always ask, "Can this wait until Monday?" It always can, and they admit it. "Then wait until Monday, and enjoy the weekend," I say. And then I forget about it.

It takes an effort sometimes, to tell yourself, "Let it go. It can wait." Even if it's just the dishes. But it's worth the effort.

And I don't know if there's a direct correlation, but...at (almost)58 I've got the blood pressure/heart rate/cholesterol level of a 30 year old. Which is just about the time I made my resolution. How about that :)

My son is like you, Hie.
If we ask him, how is work?
He says, I don’t know—I’m not there.
End of discussion.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2017 11:13PM by kathleen.

Buddhist ideas. I have not managed to meditate consistently, but there is evidence it lowers blood pressure. Their ideas on acceptance are mind altering. Buddhist philosophy teaches you how to notice the swirling thoughts and emotions--to step back and notice the spaces in between--how they come and go. One of the best books I've come across is When It All Falls Apart by Pema Chodron. Good luck to you. Can I borrow some of that energy?

Actually, this is easy to overcome.

Short and to the point:

Just make relaxing another chore that must be completed so you can accomplish your goal without burnout.

Be the best relaxer you can be!

Schedule it. Do it. Treat it like everything else.

Each of you has given me stellar advice.

Went to the dog pound, found a little Maltese guy who is light enough for me to hold and snuggle. He seemed to *know* I was there for him. ;) We've been snuggled up all on the couch all evening. He's under my desk now.

SearchAndRescueGuy brought home some kind of wine.

The kitchen is a mess, I don't care.

I'm taking yeppers' advice and being "the best relaxer I can be." In this post, I'm even avoiding exclamation marks, which I generally put after every sentence.

Someone told me, "You're a Human Being--Not a Human Doing."

Thanks, everyone. BP is lower tonight.
Life is good.

The root of all your worries is the fear of dying.

Get used to the idea of dying, and the worries lessen.

And on the bright side, the more you worry, the sooner you'll die, and then no more worries!

And genetics have a bigger role than we admit. Example, Limousin breed of cattle:

http://www.beefmagazine.com/mag/beef_limousin_breeders_improve

"Using docility EPDs to drive selection and cull problem animals, Limousin breeders put strong selection pressure on disposition and made remarkable gains to improve docility. Rapid genetic progress was possible given the strong heritability of .40, estimated for the Limousin breed."

As I've done, you might want to accept there is no hope for you, and you're just going to die. Which, ironically will reduce the pressure you're putting on yourself.

If you want to pretend like you'll live forever, the church is the place to be - where people can deny reality. Reality sucks.

We will all die, some sooner than others.

Glad I could brighten your day.

"Your death will be a permanent solution to my temporary problem."
- - Judic West, Vicar General, Wyyvryn-on-Thames, Worcestershire, England



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2017 11:48PM by elderolddog.