Last year I finally decided to leave the church. I opened my eyes to what a negative cult it could be for some people like me. Very, very unhealthy.

For years I'd stand by friends who drank, partied, got married in the temple then stopped wearing garments, were too 'tired' to go to church, etc. Internally I was semi-judging as we are taught do, but overall I really did accept them and who they were. I hung out at their houses while they drank, never speaking a word of it as it wasn't my business.

I sat in church without most of them and was trying to do the 'right' thing.

Then in a bizarre twist of fate, a handful of them RETURNED to church after I finally came out to them I was leaving. "Oh no. The church is THEE true place. We've lived both ways and your way is wrong. There is peace and love there."

I have truly never been more devastated. Not even dare I say over death of loved ones. I was finally going to be able to speak freely, do things freely, and just be myself.

They had been in the process for a few months as elderly missionaries made them feel 'so loved' and they 'saw the light again.'

I feel like everything in the world is mixed up, but this one cuts me to the heart. My friends, my confidantes, my people. The ones I sat by through 10 years of 'sinning' Ugh. That word.

Yet now I am the one that left and I am being left out. The only things they have invited me to are a ward activities. Before we had potlucks and they drank their beer and we watched sinful rated R movies.

I just had to vent it out. I'm at a time in a life where I'm not young and I'm not old, so it's the mid life weirdness. This is not helping.

Can anyone make sense of why people would go back after being such nice, awesome, silly, amazing FUN people back to boring, sheltered, shaming. I miss them. I miss them dearly.

It has been about 9 months since we spoke. I was feeling nostalgic and a bit sad today. I really can't formulate how to mix the worlds when they refuse to think there is any other way to live.

This happened with 2 set of my married friends and one single person. In one year. As I left.

The dusty hills of Southern Utah may be beautiful, but the cloud of ickiness and vanity are in full growth and abundance this fall season.

Thanks for listening folks.

Any advice to keep my sanity until I can move (not moving to fix this issue. Because it's time) regarding the environment. Advice is given a million times here, but I'm stumped at why you would go back and judge in a time the world is so open to real knowledge of the 'church.'

Money (lots!!!), a bullet-proof Audi, my own golf course with bass-filled water hazards, and a personal typist to whom I can dictate my thoughts to RfM.

I keep listening for the phone...

In answer to you overall question: you were friends with cowards.

The mind control was too strong. They were never able to shake it fully and got sucked back in, like the millenium falcon caught in a tractor beam.

My opinion.

When I became mormon I lost most of my so-called friends (even though I had never tried to convert any of them, and just like you, my friends could freely drink and swear).
So don't feel bad, you did your best with them but they were your so-called friends, not real friends.
My advice is don't worry about them, love your real friends and if you don't have real friends, search new ones, good people are everywhere.

Since you are in southern Utah, check out the ex-Mormon community. It has regular meetups there, and lots of resources, connections, and people who are former LDS, just like you are now.

No need to cry over lost friends. They may return, who knows?

The pull of the cult there may be strong owing to all the church houses on nearly every corner and neighborhood.

I've read on social networking sites it's a great place to retire to if you aren't LDS. Not so good a place though unless you are because of the employment scene favoring the Mormon population over the non-Mormon one.

People have remarked to me the times I've visited that's changing for the better over the last decade since they moved there (non-LDS folks.)

You know the drill as a former Mormoon. The cult's influence is just too strong over its members which is why the shunning occurs. If/when you go inactive or resign, it's what they do.

That you were one of the more accepting ones of the bunch, well you were being the more Christian of the group. But then they wouldn't understand, would they?

Brainwashed people are still brainwashed, at the end of the day.

Be glad you're finally coming to your senses.

If Taylor Swift came up to me and said:

"I'm a Mormon now. If you want me, to marry me, and have me for a wife, and have half my kingdom, then join the Mormon Church again and be active in it, and raise our children in it."


Only way.

If the Thurts were twoo, they'd want the holiest person on earth to run it.

Thus, they'd show up at my #4 son's desk and say, "Hey, ya wanna fix this thing?"

But, they don't, so I'm not going back.

Two faced. That's it, they were two faced. The church has a problem with this.

When I threatened to leave and go back to the church I came from, another mo who was a member of the same church at one time said, Praise Jesus! I'm so glad you're going back sister!

The next day, everyone knew I was leaving (I didn't know about shunning at the time) and she changed back to being TBM. Not amusing.

You're better off without fake friends.

They may have stayed out if they lived in a state that wasn't predominately Mormon.

They may also be blaming personal problems on their behaviors they were taught to avoid.

They may have liked themselves more while living as an active LDS.

There are so many reasons. Inclusiveness with family and friends is another. To fellowship others with kindness, so many reasons.

Nevermos tend to go through a party phase in their late teens and through their 20s. At a certain point, they settle down. They marry, have kids, and perhaps return to the church of their youth. Your friends are going through a similar transition. Sometimes during these transition phases certain friendships do start to wither as family life and new social groups develop. It happens.

You might think about issuing them some occasional invitations of your own (dinner at your house, a concert, an excursion, or what have you.) But if they don't respond to several invitations, there is nothing to be done about it. Look into making some new friends. Speaking as a single person, generally singles do best with fellow singles, and couples with couples. YMMV.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2017 01:03PM by summer.

I would go back after I remembered I left my iPhone there, and that RfM was still up on the screen.


Not that I cared RfM was up, I just want my phone...

I would go back for an hour to attend a funeral service for a friend. That's the only reason.

When Pigs Fly!!


When they Focus on Kindness, Honesty, & Respect; when they jetison all the extraneous mumbo-jumbo, give detailed, audited financial reports, when they discontinue empire-building, give more to charity, independent of membership...

Oh; those are identical! my bad =(