Date: October 12, 2017 09:45AM
Hi badass, you are not required to stay or go, but I would like to offer you a thought:
We are here whenever you need us.
If you find being on the site to be too triggering and painful, then yes, do what is healthy and right for you.
If you stop reading and posting for a time, there is nothing that prevents you from later returning.
I know that in my early times of "waking up," my early days of healing, many posts on the board would have triggered me, and some of them still do. I have wondered about how some exmos can be so callous and dispassionate in their treatment of the "newly wounded," and I rationalize that it is from their own needs. Some of the reasons I give myself are listed below.
-They are numb to pain, for whatever reason:
There are most certainly sociopaths among exmos, as there are in every population. They are the assholes who have no empathy for anyone, and cause harm for personal amusement and self-distraction. I count people like "HTBM" to be among that group. They are the rejects of society, those who can love no one.
On the opposite end, are those who have been so deeply wounded, have so many scars, that exhibiting empathy might open their own wounds, open them to the vulnerability that you are now experiencing, and they are not yet ready for it. They tend to sucker punch whatever vulnerability they sense in others, out of fear. They are the ones who tell you to "get over it," tell you to deny your pain, insist that you are "too sensitive." The thought of accepting and dealing with their own "steaming garbage heap" is too much, and they have various ways of telling you how they "ignore" their own.
Then there is what I think of as the "middle." They are struggling to cope with their heaps of pain, and offer you the best that they have at that moment. That is most of us. The posts come from whatever reason and emotion that your post triggered for them, but they - we - try our damned-est to help. It often comes out sideways, doesn't always have the desired effect of helping, and can sometimes make "it" worse. We, most of us, are not profeassionals, just average people meeting other travellers on this path of healing.
In this last group, there are many sub-sets, among them are those individuals I like to think of as the rationalists, and I need not name names. They are those who want to help by teaching others how to get to the "facts" of the matter. Their kindness comes in a cool (as in non-warm) packages, but once unwrapped, is actually among the warmest empathy of all, and here's why.
Thoughts are the basis of emotion. How you think about something is nearly the *Sole Basis* for how you will feel about it. Please read that again.
The "rationalists" try to catch and correct errors of logic, errors in the ways our emotions have been twisted through wrongful indoctrination (and twisting) of our thoughts. These can be some of the most difficult to accept, because we must challenge our "selves," our own "beings."
I think this board is made up of humans, beautiful and faulty as they are.
If you go, it need not be all or nothing, and I hope to "see" you soon. You must make choices that are right for you, healthy for you.
Love you, badassadam. Take care of you.