I think i found a lawyer firm that might be able to help me so i might have a professional fighting for me which is what i need right now thanks for that advice. And to survivalist i think you are right about me i was abused at a young age and have had ptsd ever since, how young i have no idea. I have been trying to treat myself until recent years through various things mostly unhealthy. I always feel like i am going against god when i am trying to get real help that whole religion really f#cked my mind. And to another person i cant remember the name of you are right lecturing is the worst thing to do. Its really how it all began with my father and the church. Lecturing can actually make somebody worse and rebel worse because of their past being lecturing and kill themselves just because they are tired of getting lectured year after year while they are suffering with other things. And to another person that has dealt with chronic pain and a lot of other things i too failed in a suicide attempt in the beginning of 2013 and it was just supposed to be a peaceful one i knew i was beyond doctors i could barely even function to attempt the actual suicide, i learned then and there that you do have to be somewhat healthy to pull off a real one which is kind of crazy but makes things confusing when you actually become healthy enough to do it right. But i have been trying to get better like you have ever since then chipping away at all my issues piece by piece in the hope that i would become a healthy individual again and able to live a real life and maybe start a family. But it has been taking sooo long to get healed both mind and body and i will be out of money by next month if i dont find extra aid. I have never lived a real life so death has always been that lingering obvious choice that i fight against. I was in a car accident as well when i was 21 which is when the chronic pain begin but i think i was dealing and treating ptsd before that without even realizing it so my situation is very complicated to unwind as well. I always feel like i am expected to give up by the family as well. Doesnt it always work out that the abusers get to live their lives as normal and the abused kill themselves at a young age? Isnt that always how the story goes in this life?

There are lots of people in this world dealing with lots of issues. There's no exact way to do it well or to do it poorly. We all get by the best we can.

I'm glad you contacted an attorney. There was another poster who used to post here often. He had a disability and had many battles with the SS office. It wasn't until he got an attorney who specializes in this that he got the disability payments he was qualified for. It was quite a relief for him. In fact, he lives very near you in Idaho. I hope you will get the same relief. It's certainly a good step. I'm only sorry you weren't pointed in that direction months ago. But better now than months from now.

Good luck!

Some surviors fight back, badassadam. Like you, Like me. I think we have something in common. We're just too damn ornery to let the SOBs win.

We may lose some battles along the way, and it stings a lot because we've already lost so much. But come hell or high water, we're gonna win the war. Remember that. We know how to takea kick when we're down, and get up swinging. I know you know this.

I think most of us survivors fight back. It's just in a different way. Sometimes the head-on approach just creates a hill to die on.
Outflanking maneuvers take much longer, but can help us live another day.

My best thoughts and hopes are with those who've suffered abuse. It's not easy. Hang in there badassadam. Our hearts are with you!

I am definitely trying to flank and push myself in ways that i have never done before. If there was ever a time to use my mind it is now. Brute strength head on will not work here i dont think as it has in the past.

I am stubborn when it looks the most bleak i have survived in worse conditions but i dont talk about it. Sometimes my back literally has to be against the wall to start doing the things i need to be doing. The fact that i dont get the real support that i have needed for a while really fuels my fire to figure this out. Somehow i am going to be a survivor that feels like he has a real life and not just surviving barely with pain. But i will live just out of stubborness you know i will, if god isnt helping me even better that fuels me more in some weird way.

Abusers are too often unnoticed. I'm trying to change that in my own way by exposing it. You go for it, badassadam. That's my opinion.

It's like the Big Lebowski. For every time and place, there is a man. Maybe you're that man. This aggression will not stand. Hopefully nobody will throw a ferret in your tub.

I know you are going to hate me for this but i have never seen that movie all the way through. I know dont hurt me. Sorry sorry sorry haha.

"Isn't it always the abusers get to live there lives as normal while the abused kids kill themselves at a young age? Isn't that how the story goes in this life?" Ugh it seems that happens way too much in this life unfortunately :( its just so beyond sick and wrong!!! I hope there is another life after this and the abused kids get to have an amazing wonderful time then!!!

I'm sorry you've been feeling so terrible badass you don't deserve to feel like that! I really hope things get better for you!! You deserve happiness!

I do if anybody does it is me and i know that sounds selfish but i deserve a badass life. And i will have the beautiful wife and two kids and a white picket fence and all that good stuff. And no religion will be anywhere near us god damn it to try and poison us.