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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 03:30PM

I'm 49 years old.
and I'm sitting here in tears.

Why? Because I feel stupid and not good enough.

I have to take a course for work. It's about financial services, I won't bore you with the details, but it's the basic diploma you need to be able to work at a bank or in any other financial institution like and insurance company. (I'm in Europe remember, no idea if you need qualifications like that in the States or what you call them)

anyway.. It's hard.
And I just can't seem to 'get' some of it, let alone remember it. It is just taking so much effort. And it's making me feel stupid.

And boy do I hate feeling stupid!! I have come to hate being 'the submissive wifey' I have come to hate being not good enough.

And somehow in my head, passing this fucking exam equals 'good enough' .. Some seemingly less smart co-workers have done it.
Everybody keeps telling me: "you'll be fine!! You can totally do this,!! If so-and-so could manage that you'll totally rock this!"

But somehow that puts even more pressure on me. Because what if I fail? Then that will really prove what a moron I am won't it?

Just in these past 3 years I've had a job that I love. And this past year I have grown so much in my work. I'm getting loads of opportunities and encouragement and it's been wonderful. I am finally actually building a career!! And it's not like I'll get fired if I fail this exam or anything..

Something I never thought I could have! I was just the stupid (ugly) little mormon girl after all right? My biggest goal in life was to be a supportive wifey and raise the kids.

And then this comes along.. just a stupid stupid course.. whith an exam in 8 days time.. and I"m totally freaking out.

All of those old fears and tears come flooding back.
It's insane.

This sucks!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2017 03:40PM by Becca.

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Posted by: Darren Steers ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 03:38PM

Sending you good vibes to help you through this. It sucks having to take exams after being away from school for so long.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 03:38PM

Have a cup of coffee (a bit of caffeine helps with memory retention).
Then see if you can find someone who has taken and passed the test to help you understand the parts you're struggling with. There's no shame in asking for help with things you don't understand.

Finally, realize that if you fail, you can try again. And again. And again. And each time you'll learn a bit more.

You're not a "stupid little mormon girl." You're growing in your career, and need a little help with things you haven't been exposed to before. It's an opportunity to grow, not an opportunity to fail.

You go girl.

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Posted by: CL2 ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 03:41PM

and I'm 60. I've had to train on a bunch of new programs over the years and you'd think I'd be okay, but I've been freaking out for the past 10 days or so. I've started doing the job, and the first day I did great. The second day, not as good, but part of that was their fault.

But I freak out every time I have to do something like this. I had to take a test, too. You never know what they will throw at you. I got the test done really fast and the lady hiring me said nobody had ever done it that quickly. I had to download the program, which nobody else has asked me to do, and I freaked out and told her I didn't think I was going to do the job. But somehow I got it downloaded.

I lose all self-confidence every time I start another program, another job, etc.

You will probably do A LOT better than you think you will. I have to start work at 3 p.m. today and I'm freaking out again on my third day.

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Posted by: incognitotoday ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 03:51PM

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You are unique. Trust me.

Regarding the class: Can you find a tutor? Can you buy a practice exam? You'll find out the areas where more study is needed. Can you team up with others taking the training and group study? Can you meet with the instructor who may be able to simplify what seems difficult?

Just some random thoughts about it.

P.S: You are worthy...

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 03:58PM

Take a deep breath. Clear you head. And then look at it all slowly again. Take the pressure off of yourself.

I'm a lot older and often burnt out from working too much and that works for me. Some technical things I have to read or deal with seem like some kind of foreign mush to my brain. But I just go back and calmly take it more slowly and often I can do it.

Good luck.

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Posted by: badassadam ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 04:19PM

Im sending the best vibes that i can. I just got done feeling stupid asking the catholic charities to help me pay my bills and i acted like a stupid idiot in a grocery store like i was from another planet. And i am 34 years old, we shouldnt be acting like old war veterans.

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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 05:03PM

Thank you

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Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 04:21PM

I am sorry, Becca--I went through school feeling this way about math after trigonometry (for a lot of reasons not pertinent here). In any case, I have some understanding of what you are feeling now, and the major thing to keep in mind is...

What you are dealing with is essentially a practical problem, and there are practical ways to deal with it.

First priority is to determine if the problem is with your understanding of the material (the thinking process/"philosophy"/logic BEHIND the facts)...OR if it is with you remembering the facts/data points/important minutiae. Once you understand where your personal problem(s) are, you can then deal with them (perhaps one at a time) in a practical manner.

If your problem is the thinking process/"philosophy"/logic BEHIND the facts, then the best way to deal with this is to "teach" this subject to one or more invisible students who are sitting in front of you, motivated and with full attention, as they listen to YOUR wisdom on this subject.

Take it sentence-by-sentence, or paragraph-by-paragraph: read what you need to understand, and then "teach" this---OUT LOUD, with your own voice---to your students. YOU create the words, the examples, and the context that will allow you to teach to them what you have just read.

If you learn audially (through your ears), then be extra sure to do this OUT LOUD (because your actual student is YOU, of course).

If you learn through your eyes, then WRITE THIS OUT, in terms your STUDENTS can understand (as if you were teaching a class in distance education, or online). You can use index cards (thicker-than-paper cards in sizes like: American 3"x4", or 4"x6," etc., they come in all kinds of colors here in the US, including fluorescent colors and gentle "patterns," like clouds on a background of color)...and you can use a mix of cards, in various colors or sizes, for different things you need to learn: general principles that you need to know by heart, examples of these general principles, EXCEPTIONS from these general principles, and important added information like legal requirements or restrictions.

If you learn by touch, then create diagrams, or models (out of cotton-swabs, or cardboard, or wooden toothpicks, or pictures/diagrams/paper maps that you enhance with labels you stick on that you can write important points onto). These are your, personal, self-created, "tutorial materials" which contain the essential points of theory or legal/philosophical/financial detail that you need to know and understand.

If you need to learn important differences between different things, then be SURE to use different colors (unless you are color-blind! ;) ), with a specific color (or range of colors: a range of different shades of red or blue or green or whatever) that you assign to each of the important elements you need to keep separate in your mind.

(You can also use colors to differentiate the ideas in your provided tutorial material using colored highlighters: one standard color (red or blue or green or purple or yellow or pink, etc.) for each of the main categories you need to keep straight in your head. (The colors you assign to each category will help you remember where each of the elements you need to remember "are" in your memory.) (A "highlighter" is a colored marking pen that colors the paper underneath the print, but leaves the printing clearly visible to the reader. I don't know if highlighters are generally used in Europe, but they are very widely used here to "color-annotate" written tutorial material: textbooks, handouts, etc..)

"Bubbles" that you circle around important things (facts, exceptions, cautions, etc.) are very important because they are automatic review whenever you look at those pages of tutorial matter, as are your own notes that you write in the margins and at the top and the bottom of each page.

If any of this "pings" personal memories (a childhood birthday party or Christmas or whatever...a vacation that you once took to another country...an off-the-wall observation or insight that you spontaneously developed at an earlier time in your life, etc. that somehow, in YOUR mind, has relevance to the material you have to learn for this qualification), "bubble" the material that "pings" your memory and write in the nearest margin: the horse-cart in Andalusia, or the coffee vendor in Hamburg (or whatever). All of these connections will help you to remember, and to understand, the material you need to master now.

When you are studying, be sure to have "concentration music" in the background: generally instrumental music by Mozart, Bach, and certain of the other classic composers. (Go to www.youtube.com and search for "music for concentration" or "music for studying." Find the "concentration music" that is right for YOU, and then make sure that this kind of music is on, so you can consciously hear it in the soft background, at all times while you are studying---this really DOES help!!!)

Always make sure that your blood sugar is balanced and "up" (within the "good" parameters) when you study. Do not try to do this on coffee and easy carbs (like baked goods or candy) because you will go to lower-than-optimum blood sugar levels without even knowing it, and far sooner than you think. Balance a mini-meal, before you study, with protein, fats, and carbohydrates. Good study foods (balanced between protein, fats, and carbs) include sliced cheese, nuts and dried fruits, milk, a half-sandwich of sardines with some mayonnaise, and some dark chocolate. Green tea is also known to increase concentration and to decrease stress. Sometimes, when you need a quick snack of "easy carbs" when you studying and you are losing focus and concentration, three good-quality cookies, preferably with chocolate in them, and with milk poured over them, works well. ;)

Don't over-do the carbs or your body will quickly plunge to LOW blood sugar levels (that's why you need protein and fats, at the same time, to balance the carbs)...because low blood sugar is Enemy Number One of study focus and concentration. If you are trying to study on easy carbs (breads, chips, sugar-based candies, etc.) and coffee, this could be one of the physiological reasons you are having memory and understanding difficulties that you had not anticipated. (P.S. Good quality ice cream, in moderation, also works as an effective study aid.)

Hope this helps!!!



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2017 07:07PM by Tevai.

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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 05:02PM

That is extremely helpful. Thank you so much. I will definitely take this on board. Thank you.

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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: September 21, 2017 12:54AM

Thank you Tevai,

I am a visual and audio learner. The method of teaching myself sound like something that I would benefit from.

I already write stuff down, colors and all. And I will watch my food intake for sure. I'm someone who will binge on sugar and fast carbs when I'm emotional and stressed. And apparantly that's not helping...

Thank you anyway for your replay. I much appreciate it.

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Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: September 21, 2017 04:42AM

Becca Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you Tevai,
>
> I am a visual and audio learner. The method of
> teaching myself sound like something that I would
> benefit from.
>
> I already write stuff down, colors and all. And I
> will watch my food intake for sure. I'm someone
> who will binge on sugar and fast carbs when I'm
> emotional and stressed. And apparantly that's not
> helping...
>
> Thank you anyway for your replay. I much
> appreciate it.

:) :) :)

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 05:12PM

In the U.S. there are test preparation guides for most exams that many adults have to take. Check and see if there is one available for your test. They can be very helpful.

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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 05:12PM

Thank you lovelies.

I know I should be kind to myself, I know this is old pain and fear. I know.. But the head and the feels don't always line up right?

I guess most of all I just want to feel smart enough. And yes, a lot of this material just seems mush to me. It might as well be written in Russian for all the sense it makes. And only after slowly reading it, line by line, again and again does it start to get comprehensive. It drives me nuts. Other people make it look so easy..

Anyway, it's near midnight here. Time to call it a night.
For now anyway.

I will definitely take all your kind advice on board.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 06:00PM

When I've needed to take exams (a few years older than you by nearly a decade,) I take Gingko Biloba supplements, with Co Q10. Vitamin B12 is another good vitamin to increase brain and blood circulation.

Those are very powerful memory enhancers for any age.

We tend to be our own worst critics. Study as best as you can. Rest up and watch your diet, eating nutritionally as Tevai pointed out.

Do your personal best. Don't compare yourself to how well others are doing on the same exam, but your own personal goals you've set for yourself. And then be kind to yourself, and non-judgmental. No matter whether you do "well" or not, you'll know you gave it the best you had to give.

I understand the fear of failure. I deal with it too. Starting over is frightening to me at my age, which is one reason I stay in a job that gives me job security when I'd really rather cut loose and start over somewhere else. There is no such thing as job security in this day and age. Were it not for a civil service job I've held for three decades, I'd most certainly have left it long ago. I don't even feel safe in my occupation, but I've stayed because of the fear factor. People half my age have asked me to leave so they can take my position. That just reinforces my resolve to stay. I laughed when I learned that each of them bombed their civil service exams and would not have been reachable anyhow. They each got drunk the night before and scored too low to place. Served em right! ;-)

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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: September 21, 2017 12:48AM

THank you. I will try anything at this point. Vitamins and all :-) !

I just can't seem to remember stuff as well as I did when I was young. Very frustrating.

Feeling a little bit better this morning. The support here helps a lot.

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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 06:12PM

If I have a bad day I can fail an exam I know stone cold. If I have a good day I can ace it, as I did on one test, 50 points above the 99.5+ percentile. For me it depends on my blood sugar. And sleep. Just relax and get a good night's sleep. A cup of coffee could help,



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2017 06:14PM by rhgc.

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Posted by: Never Mo but raised Fundie ( )
Date: September 20, 2017 08:15PM

Have you looked for online tutorials or youtube videos? Sometimes it just takes a different explanation.

Good luck! I know how frustrating it is to stare at something and just not get it.

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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: September 21, 2017 12:46AM

Yes that has been helpful on 2 subjects. It was about calculating how the value of your house into your income tax, and calculating the value of your (lease) company care into your income taxes.

(Both affect the amount of income tax quite a bit here)

Youtube was helpful there. THank you.

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Posted by: anonuk ( )
Date: September 21, 2017 04:42AM

The last time I took an exam for my career I failed it. There were 4 'topics', we were to pick one question from each topic for an essay answer.

I re-sat the exam and aced a different set of questions; overall, combining the results from both exams, I was in the top ten percent, something I had never before achieved in my life.

Try not to put so much pressure on yourself: you do realise that is learned behaviour, implanted by your mormon indoctrination? No-one is perfect and a perfect score is very rare indeed. Being 'worthy' is not determined by passing an exam - what are you trying to be 'worthy' of? You do not need the church's approval, nor do you need 'god's' approval for passing the exam. Further, you do not even need your colleagues' approval as they will see this as a 'rite of passage' in your chosen employment path.

You do not have to 'ace' your exam, you only have to pass. If you ace it on top then that is fantastic and something to be really proud of, but just passing professional exams, whether by the skin of your teeth or by a healthier score, is something to be proud of too. Just being you makes you worthy of living this life and trying new things: even being tested on how well you know these new things.

Lots of good advice on study techniques in this thread. I am glad some of them are working for you.

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Posted by: Becca ( )
Date: September 21, 2017 11:25AM

>> you do realise that is learned behaviour, implanted by your mormon indoctrination? No-one is perfect and a perfect score is very rare indeed. Being 'worthy' is not determined by passing an exam


Yes somewhere in my head I know it is learned behaviour. I'm working on it. :-)

I do feel the need to be perfect. I KNOW I don't have to be, but knowing and feeling are not always aligned. I need reminding sometimes.

Thank you. I apreciate your thoughts.

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