Maybe I should be grateful that they fucked up my life, so I'd really appreciate life now. But there's just no excuse for TSCC to do what it does. Stupidity is not an excuse for institutions. It just isn't. That's why they're institutions, they cross-check. But of course it's really about the money. Putting people in a bad way to get their money, and pinning those crimes (oh, they're crimes alright) on God. I hate that. I hate all their lies and all of the self-deceptive practices they teach people.

They talk about God and love one minute and negate everything they just said the following minute with their cult-speak. It's like they don't have a clue. They are the flesh made plastic. The cult made them plastic through psychological manipulation. It's so fucking sick. I hate these sick bastards.

They are the Atheist makers. Where else can you go? The pain is too much. Lucky for me, my love for God/Goddess/Tao is too tough to die. They would have killed it, the soul-raping buffoons.

God, I hate these sons of bitches.

I get the anger.

But just to be clear...discovering that mormonism was a made-up fraud didn't make me an atheist. It sent me on a quest to find an actual "god." Trouble is, there's no evidence of any such thing.

If believing there is one gives you some kind of comfort, great. But there's no more evidence yours is real than theirs. You just aren't making a life-sucking cult around yours like they are -- and that's a good thing. :)

Curiously, starting a cult is on my to-do list. It won't be life-sucking though.

Most of the time I'm fine. But now I feel better. Maybe I just had to say it. The world is full of would-be GAs. The turtle hatchlings who never make it to the open sea.

I was born an Atheist. I just returned to the non-religion of my birth.

I thought of those very same words this morning. Mormonism raped my soul. My priesthood leaders took my dignity. I started coming to terms with it all, but I was "transparent" for credibility's sake. Now everyone has told my story for me, and no one trusts anything I say anymore.

I still am trying to work through the anger and hate; I was in the business/cult for close to 50 years and me and my immediate family left it 2 years ago. My husband is recovering better than me because he says we should feel sorry for the still-active mormons and the GA's, but all I can feel is absolute disgust,especially for the GA's. IMO, there are a few "nice" mormons, but they are far and few between. I get so filled with anger when I think of what the leaders have done to people, from the lies about it's very foundation, to MMM,to the prejudice that barred black men from holding the priesthood, to their sanctimonious, awful treatment of gays. The arrogance of the GA's is almost unreal; Bednar's arrogance with his wife, Ballards "lipstick" comments; I can't believe that my family, especially myself, stayed in this cult as long as we did.

I hate almost no one in life. Hate should be reserved for those who have earned it---like the GAs. They are despicable, selfish, self-important, shameless, beings who deserve contempt. Oh, and arrogant. Forgive them for they know not what they do? They do know what they do. They are accountable.

No matter how brainwashed, how indoctrinated a person is, there is a point where you are choosing to remain that way. For some it is throwing good money after bad. Some cannot admit to being wrong. Some want to cling to that phony notion that they are God's special ones--the implication being that they are better than the rest of us. They want to be seen as the persecuted even as they persecute.

I love my mother, but she works very, very hard to keep her blinders tight around her eyes. I hate to say it, but, yes--it is for selfish reasons. Yes. Facts and reason must be ignored so that she can be God's chosen.

Is she one of the "nice" mormons that valkyriequeen refers to? Yes. Does it really matter? Were there "nice" nazis? I think so. What kind of an excuse is nice when you are part of an organization that does that much damage and perniciously stunts the youth before they even have a chance to find out who they really are? How "nice" is it to raise your arm to square to an organization that singles out your own flesh for extreme shame because they are gay?

The disgust I feel is important. It doesn't eat at me. It doesn't hurt my life. It keeps me aware. It polishes my senses.

I have been one of those who feel that there is that element of tasting the bitter to know the sweet when it comes to having been raised extreme Mormon. But, did I really need that much bitter in order to have a good life? No. I see so many around me now who don't even know what the Mormon church is and they know how to appreciate the sweet just fine.

Good can stand on its own. It does not require being framed by the selfish feats of Mormons in order to shine.

Looking back over the last 4 months, things really fell into place.

I stumbled onto ex-mormon stuff in June. The more I read and listened to the more I resolved to NOT go back to church. THEN a miracle answered a prayer of should I return?

TSCC dissolved my ward!!! How much of an answer do I need? I was very upset about all of this BUT, I really think I am where I should be now. I still struggle with NOT praying for things. Somebody mentioned I was praying to my mattress. Never saw it that way.

So, ALL my old friends are still going to church, where ever now. Several have called and want to come over to see me. I do not want to be shamed by TBM's for reading forbidden materials.

Now, by my own choosing, I am still friendless and alone in the world. That is sad.

I drive the 80 somethings around still, but do not see them as friends. They all have attitudes of making it to 80. They all think they have attained a 'get by with anything pass'- they all have a caustic mouth, and think they have made it so they can be rude and socially crude..........?

Anyway, now I get my kicks from reading RfM and getting a laugh now and then. I am not lonesome just lonely. I get out of the house most days and hope I don't see reminders of TSCC.

I will probably never in this lifetime be ok again. My mind is SHOT from being duped for 2/3 of my life. I do not want to believe in a mean gawd. So, for now I just muddle thru everyday. I read about how others think and I just don't fit in with the Jesus crowd anymore.

I want to scream to someone, something, somewhere ---WTF?

You have a great attitude for a newly minted Exmo. I think adding something new here and there to your life when you can helps a lot. Like you,reading anything that took me to a world outside of Mormonism really helped me a lot.

Friends will come the old fashioned way. Not in the pre-packaged
automated version that mormonism provided.

Much better friends coming. Be patient, search them out at your leisure.

It's like Southwest always says, "you are now free to move about the cabin!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2017 01:14PM by AmIDarkNow?.

Thanks for thinking I have a great attitude.

I am just a empty, hollow shell now. I have been numb for a few months now. Today, at 4:11pm, I am still in my pajamas. I have little interest in doing anything I don't have to. I feed the animals, water the plants outside and sometimes read my mail. The tv is on for noise. I have no hope in my life and find little enjoyment doing anything.

I have always been an outgoing, funny, friendly type. Always had a positive outlook on things. Now, not so much. I might even be depressed? My dr. does not think so, probably because I don't say I wanna kill myself.

I am concerned I do not have any friends anymore. I talk to some people but they don't listen. Most of my neighbors think I am still going to church. Some even say, 'can you take me to the store after you get out of church sunday?' I really try to not whine about what I have found out about TSCC. I am mad as hell I don't have friends to talk to anymore. People who know me.

Oh, well. Life goes on.

Get some help. This sounds like you may be suffering from depression.

I'm no expert on this, but maybe a good way to start getting yourself out of your funk would be to volunteer to work on something/in some organization that does stuff you believe in, e.g. feeding the poor? Some political organization? That would give you a sense of purpose, and help you meet people.

Good luck to you.

Are you a bishop or my father? I dont think you volunteer enough the catholics definitely need your help and services.

Me being the armchair shrink says, maybe your subconscious is just re-grouping and sorting things out. Your bubbly self will bubble up again when you actually have something to bubble over. And you will.

(Oddly, my Spell Check kept changing "bubble" to "bible." Creepy. There is nothing bubbly about the Bible.)

I went through a period similar to what you describe years ago. I left the Mormon church while at BYU and when I finally moved to SLC I felt so lost for so long. Took me a long time to make new friends and figure out who I even was. I was in such a fog and so lonely. I thought it would never end. The new environment slowly brought me out of it.

Your posts show a lot of spunk and that's why I thought you were doing so well. Come here. At least there is plenty of humor and irreverence along with all the complaining we can issue.

The fog I can relate to.
I stay up till 1-4am. Sleep in till 9-10am. Try not to be anywhere
before 10 am. for anybody. I don't sleep worth a dam, toss and turn every 20-30 minutes. Don't get any dream sleep till around 7am-9am. I say it is when I die.. don't hear the tv, phone, nothing till I get back from deep sleep dreamworld.
I should be on a different schedule of awake and unawake. Dam TSCC's fault making me stay up later and later than usual for reading and listening to ex-mos tell their story. The time flies reading and next thing it is 4am?
Dam mormon church for ruining my happy life. I might as well be dead for the empty, hollow shell of a skeleton I have become. I don't care about eating. I have a shrinking avacado in the frige and just look at it like it is too much work to cut it and eat it. It is a drudge to toast a couple waffles.

Was 'being of service to others' FAKE also? Do something for someone else, everyday, to help yourself progress- racking up brownie points with recording angels? Feed my sheep thing...I liked helping older folks, now I get paid for it, so it's worked out for all.

I used to think I had 'tell me all your troubles' printed on my forehead? Strangers every where i go come to me and ask for things? Like 'where is the sweater aisle?' crazy. And people in lines various places think it is ok to dump their troubles on me and ask what I think? I should get paid to be a shrink.

My foggy brain is trying to figure out what "is of god and Jesus" and what is common sense? I feel pain in my body. I feel pain in my spirit for feeling lost now. I am glued to the laptop when I'm home. so not me.
I really miss hugs. I always wished I had the gift of healing hugs.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2017 07:24PM by cutekitty.

You're describing a depressive funk from what I can tell.

The church's dysfunction contributed to that. But when you are depressed, it is an illness. That is treatable with a doctor's care. Try talking to your doctor if you haven't already.

Being a Mormon was your identity for those 50 some years of living. We were swallowed up in it. It isn't easy to get out of that mindset, and it will take time.

When you treat the depression and notice it getting better as in healed, your inner joy should return because you won't be focusing on the depression but your newfound life and options.

Are you retired? Maybe find some groups and hobbies you didn't have time for before where it will force you to get out and make some new friends, and meet some new people.

Addendum to my comment above:

Or maybe find some atheist or freethinker group whose meetings you can attend, and where you may meet others in circumstances similar to your own?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2017 07:02PM by thedocumentor.

How do you find freethinkers or atheist groups? not in the phone books...

I am still mad from yesterday and i shouldnt have come on today but i just feel i have to, the anger needs to be heard and felt. Now i have to act all nice to other organizations for help because of how f#cked up i got with cult tactics from birth. My anger will knock god over when this is all said and done and i hope he is a brainwashed mormon relaxing right now. God i hope people are relaxing right now across the world.

You don't have to answer to any new organization why you are not a mormon anymore. Just get all the help they are offering to you.

Start over with the new attitude-"it's a new day. I am in a lot of pain, but I (Badassadam) will get thru this day. I will sleep tonight and tomorrow will be a better day."

I had an idea babylon we should start a fight cult and get all our aggression out. Dress up dummies in suits and just let it all out. Maybe you and i could have a match eventually haha. Maybe i should join an mma gym in the future.

I'm still pissed about tscc to this day. That's why I'm on here. Stupid morg.

It always finds a way to cause me pain, bring up some of the past, etc. It has not been a good year for the mormons and I. And it is not because I live amongst them. The ones who have caused me pain are family and MOST OF MY FAMILY is out. It has been a rough few weeks, but I'll survive again.

My dogs are the ones who get me out of bed as I don't usually start work until 11 (I'm scheduled then). But my 2 little dogs insist on going for a walk and I always think I'll go back to bed when we get back, but I don't. I find something that needs doing. My dogs keep me sane (well, as sane as I can be at least).

you find that you have moved past hate, into indifference.

What they say or do won't make a bit of difference to you, because they simply don't matter any more.

Aww cute Kitty I am so sorry I truely hope you can find peace and joy soon! and badassadam I'm so sorry for how bad you have been feeling babyloncansuck it I am so sorry you feel like it fucked your life up so badly :( valkyriequeen I KNOW!!! Its absolutely horrifying how evil the ga's are!!!! How can they teach about love when there some of the absolute most evil bastards to walk the face of the earth?!?!?! I also hate how they teach people to love but then at the same time to be so arrogant and judgy and not even care about the fact they are ruining so many peoples friendships and relationships and they really do rape peoples souls! I cannot BELIEVE this is all about money for them its too sick for words! With all the gay kids killing themselves too its so sickening all I can say is if there is a hell may they rot in it! And to everyone feeling terrible I really truely hope you can find joy and happiness this evil cult needs to be shut down immediately!!!!!!!!!!!

They have got to be the most evil men on earth or the people behind the scenes. Its not just the gays killing themselves trust me on that one.