Feel like i am climbing out of quicksand. Having trouble adjusting to reality or my mind cant handle it. And my mind realizes i am in a bad situation but its frozen.

You are in a tough predicament at the moment.

You need to reaffirm yourself in spite of your circumstances.

May want to reconsider where you stand on some things. Compromise may helpful especially when it comes to your family.

Continue with your counseling. Do you express yourself as well to your counselor as you do on RfM?

Kind of but they dont hear a word i say sometimes its like they are totally bound by the rules in place about helping somebody. The system is designed to barely help someone not keep them a float or alive with shelter and all that goes with it. I progressed as fast as i could but everybody else is still doing better than me apparently. God blocked my suicide 4 years ago god damn him now i am even more screwed.

Badass:
You are young!!! Quit worrying about anything except that which will embellish your existence. Just tell the world that opposes you to stick it and go your own way. You can do what ever you decide to do. Your time is limited so you cannot waste it living someone else's life. You cannot be trapped by dogma which is living with the result of other people's thinking.Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out you own inner voice. And most important: You must have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary BS.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/18/2017 07:38PM by desertman.

I try to.drown out all the noise but it is tough. The mormon thought process is still destroying me from within even though i have been away a year. They truly do not want me to succeed ever in life no matter how hard i try they try to bring me down with their claws and thoughts. Its hard for me to be my actual self and not all these programmed beliefs from birth. I dont know how to sustain myself in total reality by myself.i have just been surviving and running my whole life it is all i know. I have no clue how to live a normal life i am just acting like i know what i am doing.

Badass,

Everyone is acting like we know what we are doing. That is how life is. One day at a time and enjoying the ride. All of us folks did not come with a manual on how to survive. Let alone a manual on how to survive outside TSCC! We are ALL in this trying to figure things out as we all go on with life. This is the wonder of this RfM board to try and figure it all out----baby steps. People have been posting on here for YEARS venting and learning how to cope outside the MORG!

Life is a journey, not a destination. We learn as we go--ALL of us, Mr. Badass.

I definitely forget this i am just trying to make the journey a little easier i guess.

And we are trying as we can over the internet to help you as best we can for now.. Offer encouragement and support to help you on your journey. Your posts could very well help someone who reads but does not post yet?
See, there is some value for your pain and suffering. If 1 other person reads your posts and says" yeah, that's me, too" but is too afraid to come forth and vent.....then it is worth it.
Relieve suffering. It goes around and comes back to you...

I guess i couldnt imagine my posts helping somebody else while under duress.

As you know by now, I am old. I have seen a lot in my days. One big thing I have noticed numerous times is: When things are bleak for me and I feel helpless and hopeless, I always seem to find someone worse off than myself.

Well i always notice the homeless, always have. Probably gave more than a 1000 dollars to them over the last few years. I have never seen a difference between them and i. I had a condo of my own all paid off when i was 27 and i still felt homeless. And have felt homeless ever since i guess, anybody can become homeless quicker than they think. One major health problem then you cant pay your bills then society can put you on the street. Or you are brainwashed in a cult, the cult cuts you off and ruins your life through employment on purpose and then you are homeless when you cant keep up with your bills. I had no idea that bill collectors could make you homeless through their actions even if you have been paying them loyally for years. It doesnt matter one major health problem and you are screwed.

I never knew what to call this thinking but its called dogma thanks desertman. I dont even think its my real mind but its what my mind battles is this dogma.

You know what I mean. For everything you say, they come up with some bit of nonsense dredged up out of Mormonism. That's "dogma."

Do you have any friends, cousins, anybody (NOT LDS!!) anywhere in the country who would be willing to give you shelter until you could get your feet under you, and not snitch to your overly-possessive family?

Can you set up a network? Have your family send mail, if they will, to a friend in one part of the country, who will then forward it to you at a P.O. Box near where you are really staying.

Or maybe set up an internet address whose IP cannot easily be traced. I am seriously out of touch with this sort of thing, but many others here know a lot about it.

It IS possible to get away from an overly-possessive family. I've done it, but that was in the pre-internet age.

Best of luck, Bro.

I am not sure if i have any cousins, maybe one that isnt religious but i havent talked to him in a long time and i am not sure if i have his phone number. I really need to get a couple surgeries done before i move i think. I am not strong enough yet to make a move as weird as that sounds. I am a little debilitated still with severe pain.

I just want you to know that I read your posts and am thinking about you. I too have a damaged body, it's hard to work, but I'm lucky - have a desk job. hard to sit there all day but easier than swinging a hammer or slinging groceries all day.

I have a hard time making ends meet, and am now being sued for the high deductible - $6000 - for my last hospitalization. My car is a 2000 Impala, and the transmission is getting ready to go. Don't know what I'm going to do, no family or anyone else.

It sucks big time, badass, big time.

Yes it does and i know how it feels to have hospital bills piling on while you are still debilitated by pain. Its a nightmare scenery if you cant quite work yet. I used to be a hard worker but thats what destroyed my body or atleast one of the things. I havent quite recovered since i hit rock bottom physically at 29 years old. I hit what i thought was the end of my life at 29 f#cking years old. Who on this planet pushes the pace so hard they are destroyed at 29 years old. A man that was rejected by everybody as a teenager thats who. I am 34 now and i have dedicated everything to being smarter and more healthy but i am still broken and in bad shape it is so crazy.

Do you get out in the fresh air, even sit in the yard in a chair just enjoying the outdoors. It is raining here right now. Rain is so wonderful after our long hot summer.

My therapist isn't your typical therapist. I just lucked out finding him. I just went to see him today. He is exmormon and great with helping me with my mormon issues. I can't remember where you live, but he is in Cache Valley and he does telephone therapy, but I don't know if insurance pays for it. Mine doesn't. I owe my life to him. I really do. He is brilliant. I've never met a therapist like him. He took me from a place like where are at to financial stability, raised my kids, kept working when i didn't want to, held onto my house, and got back together with my old boyfriend and he helped me get through the problems we've had (my boyfriend was just going through a divorce and we were long distance for quite a while). If you want to know how to get hold of him, go to mydocdave.com

I'm trying to find an apt comparison, but I'm at a loss.

The best I can come up with is when a friend of mine told me, "I don't know when [this thing] will become less painful, but I promise it won't be as bad next year."

Of course my friend didn't know that, but it was a reasonable call. It was also something I clung to when I felt hopeless. Things will be better next year. I won't feel the same about [this thing that happened] next year. I'll see it differently.

I think it's a strategy to allow yourself time to heal, not so much by adhering to a timetable, but by allowing yourself to feel miserable in the present with the promise you'll feel better in the future.

It works. Usually. And when it doesn't, I call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

It's knowing that I want the pain to stop without dying that keeps me going at times. I have mantras, "I know I won't always feel this way." And when the mantras fail, because part of my mental illness guarantees that there will be times when the meds stop working, I call.

I do not want to die. I want to feel better. If I die, I will feel nothing. I want to feel joy again; therefore, I must live.

I dont think i want to die either, but living is just too fricken difficult for me and i just cant get out of the pit no matter what i do. I am improving but it doesnt matter if i get kicked out onto the streets. I know there is a way to get totally healthy but it will take more time and money but i am almost out of money and i still have painful injuries that hinder me. I cant afford to be on the streets at this point it will be the end of me i need more time.

Forgive me for not knowing your story. If money is part or is a HUGE of the problem, Catholic Charities helped me get out of a shelter and into an apartment. So did King County Vets, but I don't know if you're a veteran.

I cannot say enough about Catholic Charities. They gave me a loan and asked me how much I thought I could afford to pay back. I couldn't pay them until three years later.

They didn't ask me for *anything* before or after the loan, and I think the loan part was to help me feel less pitiful, if that makes sense.

Talk to them before you end up in a position where you have to make decisions on the fly. Also, knowing that you have a nascent plan helps a lot. You don't have to have the details worked out, and it's very hard to focus on anything besides OMG THIS FUCKING SHIT IS SHIT AND FUCK WHAT WILL I DO AND FUUUUUUUUUUCK!

IOW, there are people who have seen all kinds of horrible stuff and have helped others navigate through and around that stuff.

They know the shape of the river.

https://catholiccharitiesusa.org/



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/19/2017 12:30AM by Beth.

I tried going to the catholics yesterday but i think they might be closed during the week but maybe i am going to the wrong place.

Badass,
Check out auntbertha.com. There a lot of services that are offered: find food, housing, employment programs, government, social and charitable services- nationwide. Check this site out and see if there are some things to help you along....

. . . suck you right in.

Yep you are right and i have to remember that.

I've recently started reading brene brown's new book called "braving the wilderness" She addresses the concept of belonging. I had a very broken family and the book has helped me to see how the Mormon religion allowed me to belong somehere. It is a natural thing to desire. However belonging can come at a high price. I am only half way through but the research and concepts in this book are helping me to be stronger as an individual. The idea is to learn how to belong nowhere and also belong everywhere. I'm not sure if you ever read "self help" books, but I would recommend this to you. Actually all her books are incredible.