Seems to me that a lot of terrific young Mormon ladies are growing old waiting for a temple worthy mate. Do you know many?

I know of at least three who thought going on a mission would guarantee them an LDS husband but it hasn't worked out yet. Two just turned 40 and the third is now 51. Such a shame.

Two I work with who are in their late 30s. Several in this ward. The girl who does my hair, who is the daughter of some friends we knew in the singles ward.

Funny thing, 2 of my best friends from the singles ward, their daughters are older than 30 now and aren't married. I was 27, they were both 29 when we got married, all the same time.

My daughter. She is almost 32. She's had a few chances, but bailed at the last minute and I know why now. She is basically in love with an exmormon and she won't marry him because he can't take her to the temple.

I know there are more. I just can't think of who they are right now. Oh wait, the daughter of the last bishop. She went on a mission thinking her one and only would swoop in to save her and she also hasn't gotten married.

All the above have done really well for themselves financially and education-wise. People tell my daughter she is too picky. Well, you know . . .

I gave up on that mentallity i just want a great athiest girl that brings the best out of me with no religious attachments involved. Only a few mormon girls showed any interest in me until they realized i didnt serve a mission.

though the singles ward bishop told me I was the best looking girl in the ward and he said he would sit up on the stand each week and try to figure out why I wasn't married yet.

YET where I was working, there were a lot of nonmember guys (I worked at Thiokol if you've heard of it) who asked me out. Three of them asked me to marry them. The first nonmormon I dated when I was 20 is my boyfriend now. He got divorced in 2005 and we've been together since. I should have married him then, but, no, I had to have a temple marriage. Lotta good that did me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2017 11:28PM by cl2.

Sad, sad, sad.

Church leaders ought to be ashamed of themselves for creating this useless, harmful, and painful 'must be sealed in a temple marriage' mentality in women, in order to please the church and God.

What do the male leaders care? They get their pick from a plentiful supply of women only to happy to marry a 'priesthood' man in the temple.

As my cleaning lady would say, "It's very ugly". (Her English is limited, but not the messages she shares with me.)

Do the male leaders really think they will have a plentiful supply of women. If so that explains a lot on how they behave. I really want to know this.

that's all just ridiculous.

Too many!

A friend I had in church was 'waiting' for her lds mate because her pb had promised she'd marry in the temple.

But living in a small branch, in a small mostly non lds country, pickings were/are slim!
She is 60 now and still stingle. I'm sure she could have had a wonderful relationship if she had allowed herself to date non mormons.

As for me.. seeing her (and others') desperate search.. I was very afraid to be 'left over'. I was so afraid that I married the first man that wanted me.

needless to say that was a mistake.

Mormonism doesn't work unless the prophet secretly marries all the single young women before the single young men get a crack at them.

Yep you got it.

I'm hoping polygamy will be instituted again. Polygamy will cause the members to leave the Church in droves, especially the women. LDS women won't tolerate polygamy today like they did in days past. They don't NNED to accept it.

I would love for this to happen and the badass will be there for all of them.

I know a couple of them. They're starting to get fairly long in the tooth. I feel sorry for them. They have passed on several good men that would have given them the world and made them very happy.
Sad thing is, just like Temple married TBM's they think if they are loyal and pure they will get their true love in eternity so they endure to the end.

I have a 40-yo RM nephew who is still waiting.

The sad thing is that he's a really great guy. Tall, nice, a successul engineer. There are plenty of non-mormon women who would love him to death. But no, he can't even date them. He can only date mormon women.

He grew up in a part of the country with very few Mormons so didn't find a suitable mate in college. Now he still has trouble meeting someone he's compatible with and is willing to live his life alone to the end rather than committing the sin of marrying a non-mo.

I've never heard of this for a guy. I'm pretty sure if he actually wanted a Mormon woman, he'd have one very quickly.

Well, he also can't marry a divorced woman because his kids would go to her first husband in the CK.

So I believe that leaves the Sweet Spirits who managed to get into their mid 30's without being married or stained, and younger girls who may rather have a hubby closer to their own age. I dunno, are the youngr girls willing to consider someone 15 years older?

I'm not in that circle enough to even guess if young Mormon women will consider someone 15 years older. Geography is not the issue. My guess is he's being ultra picky. With 10 women fitting the criteria for every 1 man, I'm thinking he's no poor victim with no one to choose from. Those "sweet spirits" are often guilty of having their own mind, being more intelligent and accomplished than their potential husbands, not willing to put up with boorish behavior, not being a cute, tiny, young, blondes... Of course maybe he's just the one decent Mormon guy with reasonable expectations who can't find someone.

Now, back to the horror stories of the older LDS Singles....

Yes, it's all true. The available men with jobs and no criminal record were usually engaged within 5 months of becoming single. The women out-numbered the men 10-1. Beautiful, sweet, intelligent women would marry any dumpy guy, who would take them to the temple. They men didn't even have to be nice. The men who were higher up the priesthood and financial ladders were so arrogant, that they were intolerable.

One arrogant male drove up from Southern Utah, just to meet me, because he was looking for a woman from a GA Mormon Royalty family, with a good enough career that she could support him and 9 (yes, nine) children. I don't know how he found me, because I never used any dating sites, or anything, but he had done research on my family. He was ugly looking, and obviously phony, and I was repulsed by him, and my sweet boyfriend was forced to throw him out of the singles activities. But the stalker wouldn't take "no" for an answer, until I called the police and got a restraining order. I got a letter from him a few months later, telling me he was a happily married house-husband, to a high school principle in Southern Utah. If that creep could find a spouse, anyone can!

Mormon men don't even have to be nice. I said it again.

I had two different marriages. One was a temple marriage to the "perfect Mormon man", whom I knew for only a few months. After being apart for two months, when I saw him again, red flags appeared, and I wanted to run away from him, but I went on with the wedding, anyway. My parents really pushed him onto me. He started bullying me on our wedding day, and he beat me almost daily, for a year, until I divorced him.

The second marriage was for LOVE. I have no marriage advice to give, except to be careful, and follow your gut reaction, whatever it is. The second marriage lasted 15 years, until he abandoned me. I discovered that he had been cheating on me the whole time, since the honeymoon. His love was not real, but the happiness was real, our home, the love I gave to him, our life--that was real. Where did it get me, marrying for love? Children! They are my greatest joy!

My grad school roommate is in her fifties. She was beautiful (had been a cheeerleader), intelligent, a good singer, and avery religious TBM, and she wanted to marry a GA. She turned down some great proposals of marriage. She had been in love with a GA, when he was younger, but he married someone from a wealthier family. My ex-roommate retired early from her lucrative career back East, and moved to SLC, to find a temple husband. She has an important job (for a female) in the COB. When Ron Poelman, Dallin Oaks and Russell Nelson became widowed, she was very excited, but they were re-married before she had a chance to build a relationship with them. Now, she is waiting for the hereafter--seriously! We have talked about this. She doesn't care if he might have many other wives in the heaven she believes in.

My former roommate could have been happy! She was wealthy, she travelled all over the world--but she always was unhappy, and full of self pity, that she didn't have a husband to travel with, a husband to give her "prestige and credibility" (her words) in the Mormon community. As successful and accomplished as she was, she was always treated as a second-class citizen, in the Mormon world. Again, these are her words.

I had another single friend, who was a staff writer for the Ensign. She dated my brother for a while, because he was a good Mormon RM, and came from a good family. She would have married anyone (my brother was a bully and a monster) who would have taken her to the temple.

Another older hometown friend has been active in the Utah Symphony and Opera Guilds, is glamorous, has a lot of money, and is generous with her contributions. She turned everyone down, because they weren't perfect enough. She told me that she's hoping to marry a widower, maybe, and she keeps her eye on the obituaries.

So, this happens at every level of the Mormon heirarchy. A neighbor of mine figured out that a man didn't need to have a job to take her to the temple, so she married a young unemployed man with an artificial leg. (I threw that information in there, because in Sacrament meeting, he would readjust his leg every few minutes, and the rrrrrip of the velcro would echo throughout the chapel.) She mortgaged her house to finance a new business for him, and the rest is history. She lost her house, moved away, got divorced, and married a MLM guy who sells Melaluca.

It was a huge relief for me to leave the cult--and no longer be plagued with people wanting to fix me up on dates. I was like a project, someone who needed "fixing." My life did not fit the mold. The best decision for me, was to not try to find another husband, but concentrate on my children and career. At the time, I had been dating only Mormon men, and I knew that my children would not have gotten along with that authoritarian, disciplinarian, unloving, fanatical type of person.

Being single does NOT suck. Being constantly pestered and criticized for it--that's what sucks.

Single women, there are worse things than being unmarried!!!!!!

And for single men too right? There are worse things i hope.

I decided I would never date a mormon again and I didn't. I decided I wouldn't date anyone UNLESS my nonmo boyfriend from age 20 became available and shock of a lifetime, he did become available after a 26 year marriage.

This old bitch who was a leader in R.S. when I taught lessons came by one day to announce to me that if I'd just get my divorce, that she would invite me to the older singles activities. My thought was, "Another reason not to get a divorce."

I knew what those mormon singles were like. I had friends I worked with who were divorced and went to those older singles things. I went to one dance with one of them. All the old guys (I was about 22) were asking me to dance and not asking the ones their age. I'm the type who didn't dare tell someone I wouldn't dance with them. Neither of my divorced friends married guys they met at these activities.

I won't get married again. I can say that! I don't need someone to think they are my boss. I tend to give my power away as I was taught well. I am much better off in a relationship that doesn't include marriage. I also won't live with him. I need my own space.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/18/2017 08:47AM by cl2.

I knew TBM mothers that actively discouraged their daughters from serving missions for this very reason. They feared their daughters would return with wildly unrealistic expectations of a mate and turn into a "Mormon nun" waiting for Mr. Perfect to come calling.

It works the other way for the men as well. I look back at some really good opportunities I had with some really sweet girls and some of them were pretty good looking as well. But they didn't fit my picture of what my "eternal companion" should look like and so I pretty much blew them off. I kick myself for that today.

The idea of just dating for fun never even entered my mind. Every date was about finding "the one". If a girl wasn't active LDS, I wouldn't even consider her. That eliminated 98% of the dating pool right off the bat. Stupid. How I wish I could go back and re-do all of that.

A couple of years ago I knew (or personally knew of) three 30-somethings who wanted to marry in the temple. Since then, all three of them got picked in Round 2 (married a divorced mormon in the temple who had children already).

I'm not saying that's good or bad. Just that it may be what the church is banking on. I know many great divorced guys and many never-married dicks (and vice versa). But I hate that many of those women pass up great guys who don't have the baggage. TSCC does absolutely nothing to facilitate people in interfaith marriages and, in fact, encourages marrying for the sake of marrying an LDS spouse, over marrying a non-LDS who you love and have much in common with. Although there are some good marriages in those ranks also.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/18/2017 02:39PM by NormaRae.

Any idea how those marriages are going? Did they have children with the divorced men they married?

As far as I know, all still married, one is preggers.

Yes, I know a couple of women like this. One died without ever marrying and the other is a retired schoolteacher. The problem is, both would have loved to marry and have a family but felt that it had to be a Mormon guy and for some reason, never found one. Either of these beautiful, talented, intelligent women could have married a nice, non-LDS guy and had a very happy, rewarding life if Mormonism hadn't hijacked their lives.

And I see plenty of LDS women who are married to insensitive jerks too. Just for the sake of getting married or because they ran that "The spirit revealed to me you are supposed to be my wife" scam on them. I'm sure this happens to men too - women aren't in love with them but are just trying to cast a role in their personal LDS drama. Others are married but have no idea what is going on with their spouse - nor do they care. As long as their husband shows up and plays their role as "priesthood leader" then they put up and shut up. Marriage in Mormonism is messed up on so many levels and one of the worst aspects of Mormonism. It's more a commitment to ideas than to another human being. And messed up ideas at that.

I saw a few spectacular, highly educated, successfully employed, professional, LDS women marry practically uneducated, minimally employed, socially challenged, LDS men. Since they left the singles ward after marriage, I never learned how those marriages faired. I asked the bishop about them and all he would say was, "You are very perceptive Sister Pooped."

One couple I kept in touch with that married but were not terribly well suited are still married. The husband is not terribly happy because his wife became ill and they no longer sleep together. But he cannot afford a divorce since the wife made, and controls, their finances. I think they will tough it out until she dies since she is significantly older than he.

As a singles ward survivor let me give a little of the guys perspective.In my experience it was nearly impossible to try to date most (but not all) girls in the singles ward. As Kolob is my witness, if you danced a few dances with a particular girl you'd find out quickly through the ward gossip-vine that you were now an item and everyone was asking when the engagement would be. 2 DANCES! This happened several times. It was nearly impossible to get to know a lot of girls because their only goal was to get married. Fast.
I just wanted to get to know the girl and have some fun and see if there might be a connection down the road. In Mormondumb the pressure to marry asap really f's up the whole process.

There were those normal girls in the singles ward and normal guys--the rest were a mixed bag. I have plenty of horror stories. My sister told me I should write a book.

The I guess women now who didn't get married while we were in the singles ward now ask my "ex" to "the island" and they can also get voted off the island, meaning dinner after church. My ex is, of course, gay, and he has never taken them up on their offer. I guess they assume they can win him over to their side. Ha ha ha. We get a lot of good laughs over the whole thing. WE got married 33 years ago, so gives you some perspective on these women we knew all those years ago still chasing him. They wish I'd just "let him go." It shocks them when they see me with my boyfriend.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/19/2017 04:21PM by cl2.

Had a similar experience on the girl's side. A guy sat next to me in church in our singles ward two Sunday's in a row. He wasn't invited to sit there but I considered him a friend from Home Evening and thought it would be rude to tell him to sit somewhere else. Soon I was being asked by the members when we were planning to have our wedding!!! The bishop even got into the act and said it was fine to date him even though he was still married!!! Turns out he was only separated but wanted to check-out the field before signing the divorce papers. When I moved out of the ward he threw himself at me and continually proposed. He kept insisting on knowing my reason for not accepting his proposal. Duh! You're married and we aren't even dating!!!!!!

Yes i did the singles ward thing for a couple of years and it was a nightmare. The girls only wanted me when i said i was leaving the ward forever.

I always think of my niece who wouldn't marry her darling college dance partner because he wasn't Mormon. In the years since, the Mormon men she's dated would make you shudder. She's 33 now. She says she's keeping her "standards high". My daughter swears her cousin is gay. What a mess.

I know of 2 girls one who was engaged 3 times broke it off every time for sill things and asked me one time why she couldn't find a man. Now she wont date any one and is wanting some guy to walk up to her and take her to the temple. Other girls was a good friend of mine lets say she was well nourished must of tipped in close to 350 but still dated a lot. I ran into here again here in Vegas she works at the hospital that I work at she has lost a lot of weight and looks good she is now dating a non member but wont get married until he can take her to the temple

My TBM ex-brother-in-law divorced and met a 40 year old woman in the singles dance who said she was a virgin and temple worthy. Yes, they married. She later confided in my daughter that she wasn't a virgin when she got married. I was shocked...

A recently divorced tbm woman i know has been chastising me for awhile to get back into the mid singles ward here. I told her go check it out for yourself and you'll know why i don't go, she went this last sunday and said it was a pretty saddening scene to see what worthy single priesthood holders were available to her

Worthy is a sketchy term too - My SIL met her abusive ex-husband at a single's dance. He had a temple recommend and went to church and a lot of people liked him. He even did charity work. But behind closed doors he was an absolute nightmare - right out of the sociopath handbook. These women put so much emphasis on appearance of worthiness and hurry to the temple that they don't scratch the surface to see the man underneath. A lot of times that is unbelievably unfair to the good man who may not be bishop material but is a saint -- other times, very unfair to the woman who finds herself married to someone she never would have chosen if she had not imposed Mormonisms impossible standards on her outlook.

I assume my niece is; she's a professor in Utah, in her mid-30's, but spends much of her time traveling the world and helping children.

Hmmmm...maybe I'd better check to see if she's still a mormon......