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Posted by: QuickQuestion ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 08:43PM

I have been out of the church for 5 years now and am still struggling with my views on alcohol. I have no real interest in it for myself. I am trying to get back into the dating scene and am unsure how I feel about dating someone who drinks. I just wanted to know other's opinions about it and how you came to your conclusion.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 08:47PM

I try to keep it simple: Don't drink and drive.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 08:52PM

Amen to that.

The vast majority of humans drink alcohol now and then.
The vast majority of humans are not alcoholics. Or drunks. Or anything of the sort.

The mormon "view" is that anybody who ever drinks a single drop of alcohol, ever, is an alcoholic. That's not just incorrect, it's flat-out stupid.

You'd be wise to avoid someone who drinks several to many drinks every day. Most of us know very few such people, if any.

You'd be missing tons of wonderful people if you insist on somebody who never, ever drinks at all.

Like the old dog said, don't drink & drive. But there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a drink now and then, and plenty right about it (low to moderate alcohol consumption has some pretty significant health benefits, for example).

Let go of the mormon programming. :)

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Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 10:42AM

OP,

I second what hie says, and add a warning from my own experience.

I used to date a woman who drank A LOT, and I ended drinking more than I was comfortable with, though not as much as her. I don't know that she was an alcoholic, but our dates often ended with both of us being drunk. It wasn't pretty.

Her excessive drinking was one of the reasons I broke up with her. I can count on one hand the times I've been drunk since I dated the her.

After her, I actively sought out women who were moderate drinkers, or at least knew their limits and were seldom ever drunk.

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Posted by: Babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 09:59PM

I struggle with alcohol too. When faced with a long drinks list, it's so difficult to decide what to get.

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Posted by: uhhsoyeah ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 09:20PM

That's the problem I have with it. Hahaha

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Posted by: caffiend ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 10:02PM

These threads on alcohol usually generate a lot of traffic, and you'll get lots of advice. Here's mine:

Start very moderately with your own drinking, one or two over the course of a whole night. Pay attention to how it makes you feel, understanding that it takes an hour or so for your body to metabolize (neutralize) each "standard drink," i.e. 12 oz of beer, 1-2 oz of straight alcohol (often mixed into a cocktail), and 5-8 oz of common table wine.

Pay careful attention to how your date (and others) drink, and how it affects their behavior, if at all. (Loud clubs and parties can intensify the effect--best to avoid these for a while.)

Lastly, keep complete control of YOUR consumption. Don't get pressured into drinking more than you had planned, or letting people "freshen" (refill) your drinks or "my turn to buy." Turn them down, saying "I'm fine with this," "Maybe later," anything, and sip your drink slowly, paying attention to what you enjoy drinking, and how other people (dates especially) conduct themselves.

You might need the fortitude to refuse driving with somebody; have money for a cab or ride share (Sorry, SL Cabbie). Every drunk driver says, "I'm fine--I've only had a few." They're lying, to themselves also.

This is a learning situation, and mistakes can be costly. Keep your wits about you, and you eliminate most of them.

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Posted by: ASDF2 ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 10:48PM

I thought this was a great response. I'll add a couple of my own thoughts.

I had been a TBM for 40 years, and except for a shot of "grappa" that was served to me on accident during my mission (sorry a story for another day), I had never had a drink and had no desire. When I left the church I figured I had lived this long without missing it, and there was no need to start. Five years later, after a long, hot, day-long drive in Mexico, the only thing they were serving at the taco cart I stopped to eat at was cerveza (Dos XX). Words spoken from the pulpit by my last bishop (a convert to the church) came to mind: the only think he missed from his pre-mormon days was a cold beer on a hot day. I tried it, and he was right! ;)

Since then, I've said I have a lot of "catching up" to do. I haven't ever been drunk, but have sampled and enjoyed drinks along the way. In my opinion it's mostly over rated, but in certain situations (cold beer, hot day... or in certain social situations) it can be nice.

Go slow, don't let anyone or anything pressure you, figure out what YOU like and don't. Or let it go and don't worry about it :) That's fine too :)

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Posted by: azsteve ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 10:07PM

When I left the church, I didn't start drinking any alcahol. Why open the door to potential alcaholism or drunk driving if you have never missed alcahol to begin with? When I met my sweetheart of more than twenty years now, I told her I wouldn't mind if she drinks socially and responsibly. She eventually decided on her own not to drink at all either without me caring either way.

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Posted by: QuickQuestion (OP) ( )
Date: September 13, 2017 11:37PM

I have no desire to drink and totally agree with you "why open the door to potential alcoholism or drunk driving." My biggest dilemma is being ok with a potential boyfriend drinking. I don't really want alcohol having a presence in my life, but I also realize if I am looking to dating guys who don't drink I am stuck with Mormon guys, and I have no interest in dating Mormon guys. What helped you get over any fears of alcohol in a relationship you may have had?

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 12:12AM

I enjoyed my first beer 53 years ago...and I didn't care that I was breaking church rules.

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Posted by: cutekitty ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 11:01AM

Remember, Alcohol gives you liquid 'confidence' to do things you might other wise not be doing!!!

For example: talking louder than normal, engage in risky behaviors, what ever that might be... and maybe with strangers?

Be careful...

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Posted by: Jonny the Smoke ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 01:32PM

First of all, it's not "the devil's juice". Just using that description immediately vilifies it, and those that use it, no matter how they use it.

Other countries don't do that so much. Children are brought up to understand what it is, how it works, and how to use it responsibly. They typically have fewer issues with it than the US does.

It's like anything else taken to extremes....it becomes a negative and brings negative results to your life. It's not all or nothing, the devil's juice (alcohol) is bad or god's nectar (grape juice) is good.

Just keep an eye on the behavior it induces and stay away from people that take it too far.....and you get to decide how far is too far.

Point is, it ain't all bad :)

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Posted by: QuickQuestion OP ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 06:41PM

I wrote "the devil's juice" as a joke on how Mormons view alcohol. I don't actually think it is evil.

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Posted by: Anon 2 ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 02:43PM

You dont have to drink and if you are older youll find plenty of people that have like a glass of wine sometimes or dont drink and mix drugs. They went thru their 20's with heavy drinking and now no longer have the time or impetus to wake up with a raging hangover.
You dont need to go to a bar or club to find a partner either. Choose a hobby, grab a group and go have fun. If beer is passed around, its not a big deal unless you get with someone who drinks after " two beers" and then drives. Thats the person you dont want as a partner. Literally, your life and resources are sucked away after the 4th dui and there will always be the 4th DUI with a year in jail, no one hires him because you can look up his background in 2 seconds, theyre not allowed to drive for a couple of years which is good because you cant afford the insurance but he goes out anyways and all the cops know him and it doesnt matter how hard you fight hes out the door.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 03:10PM

I would avoid a (gal) who's addicted to Anything, with the possible exceptions of:

1. Sex,
2. Free-Hiking -Biking, skinny-dipping, hot tubs & sauna
3. 5-star & Classic films

need I say more?

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Posted by: cutekitty ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 11:06PM

GNPE: Picky is good!

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Posted by: East Coast Exmo ( )
Date: September 14, 2017 09:42PM

Remember that alcohol is for happy times. Use it as a social lubricant when you're with a group of other people to enjoy a night out. Don't match others drink for drink, just consume enough to stay in that happy place -- but no more.

Drinking alone is not a good idea. And never drink when you're sad or depressed.

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