Date: September 13, 2017 09:15AM
Badass, I've survived a lot of trauma and abuse, and it takes time to recognize and react to the more subtle abusers, but make no mistake - this beast of a woman is trampling all over you!
She has no respect for your boundaries. I have no idea if you've actually said NO to her, but she ignores the sign you hung up.
She's telling you that only "she" can explain you to yourself. Okay, WTF!? That's a control freak if ever I've heard one! In the same breath, she's telling you that you're too stupid to figure yourself out, and that she possesses some sort of magical mind reading powers to do so. I know you're not huge on philosophy, but one way of viewing the subject is that it's an ENTIRE field of study devoted to "figuring out oneself." And she claims to have ALL the secrets, desires and Complete.Book.Of.Badass, right there, in her mind, on tap. What utter bullshit.
And that makes her a Liar, with a capital "L."
NO ONE can "tell" another person "who" they are. It takes years to figure it out for ourselves. Telling someone else that you KNOW who he is, is about as narcissistic as it gets.
Here's how you can know it's abuse - does your therapist ever tell you that she "knows" who you are? Of course not. It's an impossible thing to know, and a very UNhealthy thing to believe or say to another person. "Who" we are is not carved in stone, and can change, grow and develop from minute to minute. Are you "the same" person you were six months ago? A year ago?
I'll tell you exactly what she sees, what she is going after. She sees a vulnerable person whom she believes she can manipulate, have power over, gain control of.
Non-family member abusers have to have a "hook" for their next victim. They use fake niceness, doing you favors, acting like you mean the world to them, "cares" about you. Don't fall for it. Someone who wants nothing from you won't try so hard. This freak is throwing up red warning flags all over the place, and I can promise you, she is effing with your head already.
Abusers rarely start off with the straight-up abuse, or they get thriwn into jail. They have to lure and reel their victims in. Survivors are exiting hard-core abuse, and that's exactly how they get "sucked in" by some syrupy-sweet bs from the "next" abuser, and a big reason why a survivor "seems" to go from one abuser to the next. They get sucked in by fake "kindness," and abusers absolutely know how to spot a vulnerable survivor - it's someone who puts up with their bullshit. The abuse that this woman is doing to you is nowhere near as "bad" as the abuse you've survived, so you're not seeing it as "abusive."
Mental and emotional abuse IS abuse.
I can prove how nasty this piece of work really is.
Imagine being one of her kids, who needs help with homework but doesn't even bother asking mom anymore, because mom's busy on her phone with the guy up the street. What about 4-6 loads of laundry every day, and matching socks up and getting them into the drawers for school the next day? You know what it takes to get food into the house and prepare it for ONE person, how is she getting it done for ELEVEN people, every day? Ball games, teacher meetings, doctor appointments? Let me guess - she homeschools, so there's no outside teacher to report neglect or abuse. The kids feed themselves junk food and don't wear socks except to church. Ear-aches get better without doctors, and sports are a waste of time.
Let's say she doesn't homeschool. Her kids are the quiet, smelly ones who sit in the back of the class. They don't complain, because they know what happens when they do. They are either the bullies or the bullied, but either way, if no one is bleeding, over-worked teachers are just happy when they show up and don't act out.
And where's my "proof?" It will be in this -
How many of her kids come with her when she tries to visit you, and how do these kids, if any, behave?
If they don't come with her, who is taking care of them? If they do come with her, do they act like "normal" human beings, wanting to participate in the conversation,or do they know to keep rheir mouths shut?
If you want to know "who" this woman is, look at her kids. Imagine being one of them, and ask yourself if that's the mother you would choose for yourself, or for your own children.
And if you correctly question how I or anyone else can "know" this woman, when I just got done preaching that we truly can never "know" another person, here's the difference -
Healthy people grow, change and have flexible boundaries and limits, depending on ever-changing situations, people we meet and life events. We learn and change, and no one can predict what is "right" for us at any given moment.
UNhealthy people with personality disorders VERY rarely change or learn healthy ways to interact with others, and because of this, are HIGHLY predictable. Google "personality disorders," and you will find descriptions of how this woman behaves, and how she is trying to reel you into her sphere of control.
I don't knoe if you yet fully appreciate what a rare and beautiful person you are, and it bugs the shit out of me that that vulture is all over you like a fresh kill.
This post is long enough, and you should get the picture, but please let us know if you have any questions.
Look her in the eye, tell her you're not her kid and wouldn't want to be one of them, and that you think it a good idea if social services have look to see if they're okay.
You'll never hear from her again.
Every time you worry if you're "being mean" to her, imagine what her kids are going through. I hope this board is around for them when they have to deal with the things that you are dealing with now.
When you were being abused, who knew? Who reported? Who got fooled by parental "public" behavior?
Open your eyes, and respond accordingly. Ask you therapist about it.