Date: August 10, 2017 03:33PM
So f'ing annoying! I am sorry. But not surprised they were bound to find a sleazy way to try and get you back sooner or later.
I love how they think they are so sneaky and clever using something like asking you to play piano because they saw you had a piano and then using flattery to try and entice you further.
It's so transparent to outsiders but they don't see that.
And since they always have your 'best interests at heart' they don't see anything wrong with a little manipulation (though I don't even think they are aware they are doing that somehow, it's something they've all been taught and involved in for so long they don't understand it's deceptive and abusive).
The thing is too they will ALWAYS try ways to convert, both 'in actives'/ apostates, and nevermo's. And they learned in their missionary service all of the sales tactics known to man. Esp. as you get friendlier with them at all that's when they will try more.
It's extra lame and crappy that he went behind your back and asked your husband instead of you directly. It's very disrespectful and there is an element of sexism in it. Like maybe your husband has the same power as Mormon hubbies do to tell their wives what to do. Or at least heavily influence their decision.
But more likely he was afraid to ask you directly. I noticed after I became 'ex' status and was ever around Mormons, mostly they had a hard time approaching me directly about coming back. Esp. my family, after I blew my top at them a few times when they wouldn't stop.
That was when my dad when to my then hubbie behind MY back and asked him to come visit the temple and see the temple Xmas lights. Of course the invite was for both of us to come. And being a guest in my family's house at the time and a never Mo (and also new to the family) he of course felt he could not say no. And I know my dad knew he wouldn't be able to. So we went and I forgot how awful it was, that we would be accosted at every turn at the 'visitor's center' by missionaries and Mormon multi media propaganda.
The thing is my dad actually must have thought his tactics were okay because what mattered was getting back in that temple atmosphere that is supposedly just so inspiring (gag!) and that I would forgive him for his manipulation because I would remember how wonderful it was at the temple and I would immediately want to join and of course so would my husband (or at the least they hoped to convert him and get me back by default), because he had never heard 'the true gospel' before so when he did he of course would want to join!
He was wrong about everything though and I got really pissed. I ended up confronting him and telling him in no uncertain terms that he is NOT to EVER EVER again try a stunt like that. Trying to preach the gospel to my partner was NOT okay and I would never speak to them again if he tried it again.
He was terrified of my reaction, but I can tell you it WORKED. He never pulled that shit again.
But a few years before that (before I got married) he did another lame ass tactic a lot like what happened to you. I was asked to shoot a Mormon family's wedding (was doing wedding photography at the time), it was for a family from the ward I grew up in so I said okay to it. (and that family did not say one word to me about my Mormon status nor did anyone at the wedding).. Of course I didn't photograph the 'wedding' but the reception and the pictures at the temple on the outside.
Well at the reception my brilliant dad finds another great opportunity to try to get me back, this after at least a couple of years of my coming out to them about my ex-status.
Anyway he asked the stake president or some fancy pants bishop, can't remember, but he was in charge of some single's ward in my city at the time and of course he was used to people deferring to him, in his high leadership position. My dad got him to come and 'invite' me to the single's ward. I knew it was my dad, I saw him standing not far off watching, waiting to see if his plan would work.
Well this man had that high pressure salesman approach where he just wasn't going to take no for an answer, nor was he used to anyone saying no to him. I can't remember the words he used, but he came in real close in my personal space, took my hand very firmly in his, looked me directly in the eyes and then did the invite deal. (Full of how they would just 'love' to see me there, and all that crap.).
Well I am a shy person by nature and if I hadn't felt so strongly about my position and so angry at my dad, I might have at least pretended to go along. But as it was I just looked him right back in the eyes and said a firm and simple NO. And then I said I was no longer involved in the church and hadn't been for some time and was not interested in coming back.
His mouth just hung open and he was clearly in shock. My dad got very embarrassed right then but I wasn't sorry. He deserved to be embarrassed. I wasn't going to say yes as some kind of 'favor' to my dad who was being a sneaky manipulate asshole!
This guy couldn't say anything else so I walked away and left him there. The jerk.
Sorry for the lengthy response, this kind of thing just really really gets my ire up!
I would say if you want to maintain any kind of relationship at all you need to be very clear and very confrontational with them (they hate hate hate direct confrontations, most people do, but still I think Mormons have a harder time because they are so used to being phony).. and tell them that if they want to be friends, or good neighbors or have your kids play with theirs, they need to respect that you do not want to go to church, nor do you want to be asked, nor do you want your kids or husband to be asked.
It has to be on your terms, with respect to your boundaries, or nothing at all. If you don't say it very clearly (actually I know your husband said something, but it may be better for you to do it and to tell him directly that you did not appreciate him not talking to you directly), than they will keep trying and your kids esp. may be at risk as they may be more vulnerable to the love bombing tactics.
Anyway good luck, let us know how it goes!