It's been a little while since I left TSCC. Haven't had the guts to tell everyone, but I have told my parents. They're currently on a mission. I've been working really hard to overcome my life-long depression through therapy, exercise/diet, medications, hobbies. I can't shake it. I am always sad. Lately I've been feeling angry but I can't express it. We were never allowed to have an opinion...not just in TSCC but in my family it was really bad. I suppressed it all for so many years. Is there any hope?

I'm proud of you for trying so hard to shake these feelings. It's very understandable after everything you've suffered with mormonism and your family.

Many of us have been where you are and the sadness eventually lifted and we're doing great. Remember to treat yourself well. You deserve it. I like your ideas for dealing with all of this. Remember to get out of your house and see other people every day. Saying hi to someone on a hiking trail or someone in shop always seems cheering. Nature, music, good books and posting on RfM seem to cheer me up. We're all different but what works for me might help you a little.

I had fun baking an apple pie the other day and I like to laugh at some of the silly quirks my neighbor has. She's very much like the star of Monk. Have you seen it? My neighbor is fanatical about garbage cans as an example. She has sneaked to our back yard and lined our can into a strait line. She does the same to her own cans. We brought her home from a hospital stay recently and she lined up her cans the second we helped her out of our car. It was mind boggling. But all I can do is get a kick our of it. Right now she's in her yard up on a steep hill sorting dirt clods from stones for some reason. Glad you and I don't have to worry about silly things like that. LOL

Take care and remember to eat well and get plenty of rest.

I recommend you research the benefits of meditation. Literally, 1000's of studies done on it in the past few decades.

Good luck.

My family didn't allow me to have opinions either. I stayed depressed and anxious until my mid to late 30's when I figured out that I didn't have to stay in touch with my "family" jsut because we were related by blood. It wasn't long after that that I liberated myself from TSCC too.

As soon as I gave myself permission to estrange myself from all who tried to control me and my thoughts and beliefs, and didn't allow myself to feel guilty about it, a 2 ton weight was lifted from my solar plexus. I've gotten better every day since then.

I understand what you are saying about having opinions. I remember one boyfriend that I dated who worked with me over a period of time to be able to express my opinions and choices about various things. I used to be the sort of person who would acquiesce to whatever my partner wanted. Well, after a lot of prompting, what my highly educated boyfriend found out was that I had a taste for teen movies! (Back in the day, it was the "brat pack" movies with Molly Ringwald, Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, et. al.) So he gladly sat by my side while I totally enjoyed those movies. And I, in turn, indulged his taste for Sam Shephard plays. We both had a good time sharing each other's interests. And I learned something about asking for what I want.

So in short, yes, you can learn to have, own, and enjoy your opinions.

One of the things that helped me with the MormonCultDepression was to study about cults and the very real and intense "mindfucks" they cause. The mindfucks are real and for me, learning how the cult messed with my reality and my mind was helpful.

I learned I had very good and tangible reasons to be struggling so hard to learn what was authentic and what was not authentic. I learned that I was not alone.....that huge numbers of people were in the same boat and it was not something that I could just wave a magic wand and be be over in a minute or two as these people were not capable of doing this either.

Trust has been stolen....and trust takes time and effort to sort out and find once again. Hang in there and never give up trying.

I stopped fully believing in 2009. I made bad decisions based on my TBM thinking and the consequences are irreversible. I was suicidal now I'm always depressed. There's nothing I can do either. I'm stuck in a bad marriage and I'm a 24/7 caregiver to someone who will outlive me. I'm not able to get any help for that reason. I'll live like the rest of the TBM's and find something to medicate me so I can make it through the day. Life outside of the church isn't amazing at all, but that's because of the stupid things I have done and have to live with.

You deserve to have some caregiver support. I hope you can find some.

https://www.acl.gov/programs/support-caregivers

I have suffered with PTSD and depression since childhood. The cult made my symptoms worse. Since leaving the cult after 36 years, my depression has lifted and a ton of weight of helplessness and unhappiness is gone. Cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavioral therapy are both excellent. I have done both and highly recommend it. Learning new skills, letting go of shame and the scars of abuse and oppression was very useful. I had made choices to take care of myself, set boundaries so others know my limits and find ways to be happy. I earned the right to be happy and I seek that out daily. I still have bad days and struggles taking care of my 94 year old mother who has advanced stages of dementia. Life presents different challenges at different times. Learning new coping abilities is key to survive. Getting professional help is important. Learning to forgive myself is good.

After years in therapy for lifelong depression too, what came out was that I was seriously pissed off at being shut down by my momo family for like my whole life

Once I could let myself not only have opinions but actually *feel* my emotions, lots of healing progress was made. One of my favorite ways of handling all the anger that came up from being shut down was screaming my lungs out while *safely* driving out in the country - then the neighbors didn't wonder what was going on during my screamfests! It's totally ok to be absolutely furious at everyone who's shut you down. You don't have to tell them to their faces, you can write things out and then safely burn up the words. The more you heal, the more you'll give your family unspoken permission to heal too. Hang in there and good luck!
(Crap - emojis terminate messages well now I know!)

depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. Some modern drugs can 'fix' that chemical imbalance in around 6 weeks, some take longer. St John's Wort is a traditional treatment for depression although it is rather slow acting and some claim it does not work for them at all. Exercise helps too.

It would appear from reading the replies that we girls were dehumanised somewhat by our families, and were shaped to fulfill a 'role' rather than be accepted for who we are. I, too, have difficulty recognising my feelings - or worse, describing symptoms when I am ill. Illnesses in my home growing up had to be approved by mother: we were not unwell unless she said so, so no point complaining of sore heads or sore tums, etc. Perhaps your mother was the same or similar.

Leaving a controlling cult is a major life event, like an unexpected divorce in many ways, and it is normal to feel depressed when enduring a major upheaval which demands massive adjustments in your life.

Yes, you will, one day, stop being depressed. You may have times when these feelings sneak back into your mind from time to time - this is normal too. You do not have to be perfect like tscc taught.

You can do this.

Can't escape Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Lately I've been feeling
> angry but I can't express it.

Repeat after me:

Fuck mormonism!

I'm serious -- say it out loud. Express the anger, in entirely appropriate profane terms. Doing so is proper, and very liberating. Say it anytime you feel anger and frustration. You weren't allowed to have an opinion, or say such words, as a mormon -- now you are. So do it. Do it until you no longer feel guilt for doing it.

And best of luck on your journey.

Short answer, Yes. I didn't think so at many different times, thought I would never ever feel any different. It will get better. I wish I had more time to expound but for now just know it will get better. This too shall pass....I didn't believe it but it did.