So, my parents have always been really strict when it comes to jobs/schooling. They take career paths really seriously and want my siblings and I to be the best of the best.

My dad is a police officer, my mom was in the military for a while before she became a full-time stay-at-home mom, both of my brothers are police officers, and my sister is going into forensics.

I always assumed I'd do something similar since it was almost expected, but a couple of years ago, I found that my calling in life is to be a firefighter. During the first year of college, I trained vigorously and studied up on the tests and stuff. Last week, I finally came out and said that this was what I wanted to do. I told them that I was going to the academy and then go on to do medical training at a community college (aiming for EMT for now).

But, apparently this was a problem. My parents both said that I was throwing away a future and that law enforcement had much better prospects. I reiterated that I wanted to be a firefighter and my dad got a little bit upset about it. Not like mad, but the annoying "I'm very disappointed in you" type of thing and he gave me the cold shoulder for a while.

Today, he sat down with me and said that I really needed to pray about this. I'm a questioning Mormon right now, so I just said "sure."

I don't understand WHY this was such a cause for drama. I feel really good about this decision and it's something I believe in. I want to help the community and this is a great opportunity. I know it will be a hard road, but I'm willing to do it.

Anyway, sorry to vent. It's disheartening that I don't have much support from my family right now. I thought they'd be proud of me.

"It's disheartening that I don't have much support from my family right now. I thought they'd be proud of me."

P. How can parents be so dumb---disappointed that you want to be a fireman, rather than a policeman.

Try being a dropout who sleeps all day in their basement---then, they would have something to be worried about.

They should be proud of you, and not proud of themselves as parents.

Best Wishes in your behalf.

P
(A parent of five children, all doing what they chose to do, career-wise.)

Police vs firefighters is an age old rivalry.

Same as army vs navy.

But....you were given a way out.

Just tell your parents you fasted and prayed about it and saving peoples lives by being an EMT is what you feel you should do.

Tell them that rather that catching people and sending them off to jail you feel saving lives is a better calling.

Then ask them how it can hurt if you do decide to be a cop to also be a fully trained EMT?

Maybe your EMT training might just save the life of your father or siblings.

Good luck.

Tell them you prayed and....

The spirit of God like a fire is burning and it told you to go to the fire.

The EMT training and firefighter training can be used as background to go into a police dept. You can claim that it came to you after praying. (Use their methods to satisfy them.)
Maybe you can use it that way to satisfy your parents.
You're still young enough that you can work out your career plans on your own.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2017 03:20PM by SusieQ#1.

WTH? I'd have thought that a firefighter would be one of the more noble things to do in life. I don't get it.

Maybe it's that Mormon mentality where everyone is the same - just a cookie-cutter cut-out of one another. All the chapels are the same. Everything is the same.

Maybe that sort of attitude can creep into a family dynamic as well and you're setting yourself on a path outside of the family norm.

That's really a bit creepy.

Definitely follow your dream.

I think it's a byproduct of Mormonism. Being disappointed over someone else's life choices is not something that happens in an emotionally developed adult. Don't worry about disappointing people. That's part of their development.

Also, they see you as their responsibility. Actually, you are your responsibility. That puts you in a bad spot with the church because they want it both ways. Be your own person but don't be. What is the responsible thing? If seeking the truth is the responsible thing, the church is in big trouble.

There will always be a need for firefighters because the building industry is addicted to materials that burn. Homes are made from wooden sticks, just like a bonfire before you light it.

Babyloncansuckit Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Being disappointed over someone else's life choices is not something that happens in an emotionally
developed adult.

LOL. This statement is arguably the #1 reason why this website and recovery board even exist. There would be no need to "recover" from Mormonism if Mormon family and friends acted like adults and respected our wishes to live our own lives on our own terms. An emotionally developed adult who is also Mormon is a rare breed indeed.

My brother was counselling his daughter to not wait for her missionary. She shot back that she had prayed about, and had been told to wait.
She asked him if he had already prayed about what she should do. He confessed he had not (he was just using his common sense, like most good parents).
NOW here is the genius bit. She invited him to pray about it and have the Holy Spirit confirm to him that this is what she should do.
Now, did he say he got a different answer and risk undermining her "spirituality" or say, yes, I got that answer too.

Well played, niece, well played.

My father didn't respect my college major/career choice, either. At least not for a while.

It helped when I did well in school. But he didn't fully accept it until sometime during my Masters' program, after trying to influence me one last time to abandon my program and train for a poorly paid, typical female-dominated field (in a supportive office role). I made it clear that there was NO WAY I was going to do that.

I heard later, from one of my siblings who he got mad at for defending my choice, that he finally gave up because he knew I'd do what I wanted and there was nothing he could do.

My dad meddled way too much in my siblings' choices of careers (and in their family lives after marriage). I think he discouraged at least one of my siblings from choosing what he really wanted to do, and I think it had a very negative impact on his life.

This is YOUR choice, not his. I really think you should set some boundaries. And examine the family dynamics that would result in so many of your siblings complying with his expectations. It took me until I was in my 40s to recognize how controlling my father was.

There is nothing wrong with being a fireman. I knew a fire chief for a city in GA. It is a good living. There is a tremendous amount of training and experience required to rise up through the ranks. It will take years. I believe it tougher, training wise, than being a policeman. Good luck. We need people like you who want to protect us.

First responders are all noble professions in my book. Why any parent wouldn't be proud to have a family member enter that profession just stuns me.

Something within you is telling you to follow your dream. That's as good as any god.

Ask him if he'd rather see you be a reluctant,regretful, unmotivated cop for the next 25 years or an eager, successful, content firefighter?

It's not unusual for kids to take a different career path than what their parents had in mind. My niece and nephew, after attending college, went into the cooking field. They now both work for nationally and internationally recognized chefs. I think my brother and his wife were skeptical at first, but now they've embraced it. They have become very accomplished cooks themselves after learning techniques from their kids along with upping their game. And now our whole family is made up of foodies. Needless to say, we eat very, very well at family get-togethers. :)

I am a believer in becoming fully informed before making a career choice. If you haven't already, interview a career firefighter and a career EMT/Paramedic. At a minimum, ask these four questions -- What do you like about your job? What do you dislike? What would you differently if you were starting all over again? What further advice can you give me?

Do the same for your dad and your brothers.

Find documentation for possible career paths and pay scales for firefighting, EMTs/paramedics, and police work. This will give you a basis for discussion with your family. You will want to make sure that you have adequate prospects so that you can one day afford a decent lifestyle. Keep in mind that sometimes it is the extra $5-10K that can make a huge difference in whether you are just getting by, or whether you can go out to eat, take nice vacations, etc.

Once you are fully informed, make your choice with confidence. I have a lot of respect for firefighters and EMTs/paramedics. I know a retired firefighter, and from what he has shared, he had a very fulfilling career.

Simply say: "I pondered, and prayed, and it was amazing! I heard a still, small voice, and felt impressed that it was the Holy Ghost prompting me, with a deep spiritual witness of a powerful and eternal truth, and I felt so blessed that I was able to discern...that police officers are a bunch of dicks."

Hmmm....maybe not enough Mormon buzzwords in there?

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)


Seriously, though, that rivalry is ages old, but when the rubber meets the road, each of those first responders looks at the what the other guys sometime go through and say "Man, I don't know how they do it."

At least where I live.

I'm sorry your family is so closed minded about this. They should be extremely proud of your goals and because you're finding your own true path in life.

The praying part is of no consequence. Mormons tend to think whatever they want is a reflection of God's will. I'm glad you're too smart to fall prey to that little tale.

Good luck. I hope you stay firm in your goals. If so, I think you'll be glad.

My older daughter was a firefighter/paramedic for a while, but she got burned out from sexist hassling with the "boys" at the fire department. She worked incredibly hard to attain and maintain their standards of fitness. The final straw was when she studied very hard for the test to the next level (I forget what that was.) She got the highest score, but never got the promotion.

She liked the medical part better anyway. She went back to school, finished training, and is now an RN. She loves her work and is very good at it.