So, long time reader, and occasional poster. For this one, for the moment, I'm staying anon. Sorry, since this is relationship/sexual, I just think that is the way to go.

Anyway, a bit of background:

We've known each other since we were 15 years old. We were "high school sweethearts" and dated on and off for years before finally marrying. We've been married for 17 years and we both hit the big 4-0 this year.

I've been inactive since 2005, though I tried, for a time, to be TBM. My wife is also semi-inactive, though she attends, at most, once a month. I think the church is a load of crap and will have nothing to do with it, though never formally resigned. My wife can't bring herself to admit that, though I strongly suspect that she's pretty close. I haven't ever pushed the point, and I won't, but it is still my analysis. She's recently started attending again, so she says that our kids get "good morals" (like we can't do that without TSCC) and, I suspect more accurately, she needs the social part of it. I never liked the social aspect of church, but toughed through it, and when I finally accepted that it was nonsense, it was a load off for me. For her, however, she needs the interaction though, obviously, it can be found elsewhere.

As to the discussion. The day before yesterday she told me she is bisexual. She's only dated males and only had physical relations with me. However, she wants to "be with" a woman too, provided our marriage is fine. When she told me, I wasn't even remotely weird-ed out and I told her that I loved and supported her. I was at least a little surprised, but not at all judgemental. She then broke down, started crying, and kept repeating "I'm bad ... I'm bad ... I'm bad". I hugged her and reassured her that she wasn't, it was totally OK that she had these feelings, and that I didn't have any problems with it. I was, as I said, a little surprised, though some oblique comments she's made over the years now suddenly make sense. She's also said some pretty nasty things about the LGBTQ+ community over the years, though most of that was parroting the church's nonsense.

So, I've had less than two days to process this, during a busy work schedule. I am hoping to connect with others who have may been here before and can offer some advice. Some bullet points to get my thoughts in line:

• I have no problem with my wife being bisexual. None, zip, zero, nada. I'm just glad she was open enough to share it with me.
• I have no problem with her having a relationship with a woman provided our marriage is not impacted.
• She articulated she'd like a relationship with a woman, but only in the context of the three of us being intimate. I'm open to that, though there is a potential for that causing issues. I'm not saying that in a judgemental sense or suggesting open, non-monogamous can't work. I've just known some couples that did so and it crashed and burned. With the exception of one, all were nevermos.
• I'm open to her have a relationship with a woman with me not included, provided we are still solid. She says that is off the table. Why? I don't know really yet.
• I have zero doubt that the oppressive, anti-sex, patriarchal, shitheaded church's teachings has caused here a *lot* of pain. I want to support and love her and let he know that it is totally OK to have these feelings. If anyone has had a family member in a similar situation, I'd value any insight.
• She briefly mentioned being with another couple. I'm markedly less into that for a variety of reasons. I'm straight and have no particular interest in swinging or whatever you call it. And I suspect it is partially to make it acceptable to her to be with a woman. Though I could be wrong.

Sorry for the long winded post. I'm still processing this. I am glad she finally had the courage to bring this up. I love her dearly, want her to be happy, and want to make sure our family stays intact. If there is anyone who has sailed these waters before, I'd love to hear how you navigated said! Thank you.

My wife was having an affair with another woman. She finally confessed. I wasn't upset. Just hurt she felt she needed to hide it from me.

She also wanted the three of us to sleep together. Never happened as her girlfriend and I just weren't into each other.

I was never sure if I didn't love her enough to be jealous or just happy that a lot of things fell into place and she finally seemed happy in life.

One word of warning. Jealousy can form and you may even find yourself jealous of you wife's girlfriend and not your wife.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for the insight. That is exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for.

My wife, though highly sexual and, evidently, bisexual, has stated emphatically she's never had an affair, with either a man or a woman. I believe her, because I can read her and she's loyal to a fault. I asked her and she said straight up she hasn't and that is good enough for me. Though I told her if she did, I wouldn't be mad, I just want to know.

Anyway, thanks again. Out of curiosity, is everything cool with your wife now or is it an on-going issue? If you don't care to share, I understand, I just wonder.

My wife passed shortly after we came to our agreement. As her health failed her girlfriend provided most of her care.

For the time we had, things worked well, but we never really had the closeness we had before. I'm not sure if was due to our arrangement or just a continuation of a general drift we'd had for years.

"If I was bisexual, and wanted to be in a relationship with a man, and absolutely insisted that you a be part of it, would you agree to doing so?"


Also, she may be looking around R.S. for a potential female partner. I don't think attending church is just to help the kids have good morals. You may not be able to read your wife as well as you think. Not trying to be critical, just looking at the situation realistically.

Topper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "If I was bisexual, and wanted to be in a
> relationship with a man, and absolutely insisted
> that you a be part of it, would you agree to doing
> so?"

Uh, right.

>
> Also, she may be looking around R.S. for a
> potential female partner.

Eh, maybe. Though there are a ton of better places to find said. Circa 2017, a woman wanting to find another woman has a lot of options.

>I don't think attending
> church is just to help the kids have good morals.

Could be. Though, considering her conflict, I think that makes sense in her own mind.

> You may not be able to read your wife as well as
> you think.

That certainly could be the case. Or maybe this post is born of something else. *cough* Troll.

>Not trying to be critical, just
> looking at the situation realistically.

Sure thing. ;)

If she came out as non-monogamous would you still feel your marriage could be salvaged? Because this amounts to almost the same thing in practice.

xxxMMMooo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If she came out as non-monogamous would you still
> feel your marriage could be salvaged?

Yes.

> Because
> this amounts to almost the same thing in practice.

'k.

You're starting to sound like a pretty pathetic excuse for a man. Maybe that's why the wife is getting restless.

Mmmkay?

xxxMMMooo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You're starting to sound like a pretty pathetic
> excuse for a man. Maybe that's why the wife is
> getting restless.
>
> Mmmkay?


No, your insults and trolling are not "OK".

xxxMMMooo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You're starting to sound like a pretty pathetic
> excuse for a man. Maybe that's why the wife is
> getting restless.
>
> Mmmkay



Just FYI, I strongly disagree with that assessment!

I am mostly in agreement with txrancher, Best of luck to all involved :)

So basically your wife is lamenting that she didn't get to taste every pastry in the bakery before committing to you. I honestly don't see what being bisexual has to do with it. She has been attracted to you. She made a commitment to you. I think bringing a third person into your marriage is insanity.

summer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So basically your wife is lamenting that she
> didn't get to taste every pastry in the bakery
> before committing to you.

Sort of.

>I honestly don't see
> what being bisexual has to do with it.

Well, she could never explore those feeling early in life. Largely, probably totally, due to the Morg.

> She has
> been attracted to you.

Yes. We are, sorry to use this phrase, soul mates. Always have,likely always be.

> She made a commitment to
> you.

Yes, in more ways than one.

> I think bringing a third person into your
> marriage is insanity.

I suspect you are right. But, still, I've got to be there for her.

I felt like I was soulmates with my wife until I wasn't. Now she's my ex-wife. I agree with the dangers introducing a third party presents. In a way, LDS Corp is a third party in many marriages... those don't usually end well. Be careful!!

I think it's opening Pandora's Box -- proceed with caution.

William Law Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think it's opening Pandora's Box -- proceed with
> caution.


I hear you.

Married 17 yrs? Nice job. I assume you have at least 1 child. Give those kids a honest foundation, then fuck around.

Cpete Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I assume you have at
> least 1 child.

Two actually.

> Give those kids a honest
> foundation, then fuck around.

Um, OK.

Hello Anon,

My heart went out to you in this. It is a tough one, you are applauding your wife's honesty in this ( so am I) but scared silly of what the whole thing could do to your future and your family.

I too feel a little like summer. Just because your wife is, and acknowledges she is bi-sexual does NOT mean she has to act on it. She has been in a committed sexual relationship with you for many years and I assume you have a family. That comes FIRST in all this! After all the years of emotional investment your relationship DESERVES that, and also there are a lot of people involved in this family. You and your wife, and your children, as well as future family, eg grandchildren.

It seems to me that there is a lot more involved here than simply your wife's bi-sexuality. She is a responsible adult, and as such, must make responsible decisions.

It sounds to me that she is
a) asking your for permission to be unfaithful to you and
b) wanting you to be involved so she doesn"t feel she is cheating on you,

Both of those questions have 3 answers Yes, No, or Let's discuss it!

I applaud you for not judging your wife, but I do feel you have rights to say where you think the boundaries should be. Also sexual encounters, especially those from long repressed fantasies, may well involve a LOT more than simply physical sexual feelings. What would you do, for example, if your wife fell in love with a girlfriend? What if she wanted then to live with her, perhaps to see you as a friend, and to share custody of the children?

I must admit I would not be giving any permission for anything until I had had a moratorium period to think things over and talk these things through with your wife. I also suggest seeing a really good sexual counsellor and using his/her suggestions to think things through carefully.

Good luck mate, (I mean that very sincerely and in the best possible way), I will be thinking of you. Please, please just remember that YOU are an important part of this family too!!

Sounds like she has been very clear what she wants is a threesome. You seem to know that won't work for you. Next step is probably see if that need for her changes, and maybe research how folks make open/threesomes work. Most of what I've heard is the primary couple has to be totally committed to keep themselves intact. Unfortunately that makes the 3rd person "disposable." i've never heard of a good way to make that work because who wants to be disposable at 40?


fluhist not logged in Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I must admit I would not be giving any permission
> for anything until I had had a moratorium period
> to think things over and talk these things through
> with your wife. I also suggest seeing a really
> good sexual counsellor and using his/her
> suggestions to think things through carefully.

mootman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sounds like she has been very clear what she wants
> is a threesome. You seem to know that won't work
> for you.

I'm open to a "threesome". I'm not so much open to a "foursome". Regardless, I think the former is because she wants to be with a womnan.

> Next step is probably see if that need
> for her changes, and maybe research how folks make
> open/threesomes work.

Agreed. It is on my list.

Thanks. This is the first I heard of this title, but will obtain a copy.

That is exactly why I don't participate in poly relationships if anyone is married. I will always lose in that situation. I like the way you put that: nobody wants to be diposable, at 40, older or ever, really.

You know what they call a bisexual woman who is interested in having a threesome with a man and woman couple? A unicorn. Want to guess why? It's a fantasy that is so rare to accomplish it might as well not exist. For the excruciatingly few women who might be possibly up for this, some obvious deal breakers would be: the couple have never had a threesome before, the couple have never had lovers besides each other, or the woman is conflicted about her sexual orientation (still a Mormon and has a history of parroting hateful ideas about LGBT people). If the wife wants to "be with" a woman and the only way that will happen is if the husband is along for the ride, and supposedly the other woman should be fairly detached about the whole thing - hire a sex worker (prostitute).

Thank you. You hit some good points.

I C that the OP (troll or not) is getting some compassionate advice here, that makes me glad.

Sadly, some ppl have nothing better to do, that makes me Sad.

GNPE Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I C that the OP (troll or not) is getting some
> compassionate advice here, that makes me glad.

WTF? No, I'm not a a "troll". I'm a regular poster, but didn't feel totally free to use my regular, logged-in name.


> Sadly, some ppl have nothing better to do, that
> makes me Sad.

Huh?

So lemme get this straight. She wants to go out and have sex with another person and you're okay with this?

What if she and come home and said she wanted to have sex with another guy? My guess is she already had someone in mind before she spoke to you. If so, not good.

Sounds like a recipe for ruining your marriage to me. I'm no sociologist but my guess is that the studies support that allowing these types of activities in the marriage generally results in destabilizing marriages. I would want to see citations of legitimate sources that suggest otherwise.

Good luck with this one. I think to allow this would be a big mistake.

anontoo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My guess is she
> already had someone in mind before she spoke to
> you. If so, not good.

She's been pretty emphatic on this point that she has no one specifically in mind, at least at the present. I'm going to give the benefit of doubt until she says otherwise.

anontoo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm no sociologist

That is pretty obvious.

> but my guess is that the
> studies support that allowing these types of
> activities in the marriage generally results in
> destabilizing marriages.

And your guess would be wrong.

> I would want to see
> citations of legitimate sources that suggest
> otherwise.

There is actually a decent body of work on this topic. One example from the peer-reviewed The Journal of Sex Research, from the study "Outcomes of sexually open marriages", concludes:

"no statistically significant difference in marital stability was found [between sexually open and the sexually exclusive couples]"


> Good luck with this one. I think to allow this
> would be a big mistake.

Nice sentiment to the original poster, but you clearly don't know what you are talking about.

From my point of view I think you're both very brave and clearly have a very close relationship. You're both behaving like adults and trying to keep something worth keeping: your relationship.

I think you're both doing very well. Can't say how it'll turn out, but I think you're right to want to try - and I can't think of a better way to go about it. Your situation is outside the stereotypes so the other attendant stereotypes no longer apply.

Best wishes and best of luck to you both.

Tom in Paris

Thank you Tom. We do have a very close relationship. We've been through a lot together; including some great times and some terrible times. I'm not going to deny this revelation fills me with trepidation, but I am not going to let emotions, irrationality, or old religious baggage get in the way.

You think you can do this without your marriage being "impacted," but that third person may have other designs.

I think you are being led into this with a lot of bullshit, like when people want clear out of a relationship and say stuff like, "Oh, we can date a lot," to lessen the blow. "Our marriage won't be impacted." Yeah right!

Are you "supporting" her because it sounds intriguing to you as well?

It's not just one person that you are inviting into your marriage when you think about all the baggage another person may have--ex-spouse, children, other boy/girl friends.

I think it's risky in many domains.

Did this kind of thing impact Joseph Smith's marriage?

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did this kind of thing impact Joseph Smith's
> marriage?


Probably, but he was a narcissistic conman and sexual predator too, so ... ;)

kathleen Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You think you can do this without your marriage
> being "impacted," but that third person may have
> other designs.

Could be. That is why we are both cautious.

> I think you are being led into this with a lot of
> bullshit, like when people want clear out of a
> relationship and say stuff like, "Oh, we can date
> a lot," to lessen the blow. "Our marriage won't
> be impacted." Yeah right!

If I was cynical about it, I could see that perspective. When she finally told me it was an amazing moment of honesty and it took courage for her to finally mention it. I think she thought I would freak out, but I didn't even kind of.

> Are you "supporting" her because it sounds
> intriguing to you as well?

Honestly, yes, to some extent. That and because I love her with all my heart. And I'm sure living with these feelings considering her background had to have been pretty rough.

> It's not just one person that you are inviting
> into your marriage when you think about all the
> baggage another person may have--ex-spouse,
> children, other boy/girl friends.

Good point.

> I think it's risky in many domains.

I agree. We're talking and going slow. And she was clear that the scenario of not acting upon her interest was one she could live with.

As a gay man in an open polyamorous relationship for many year let me share an observation. I know folks in every permutation of relationship you can imagine. Many of them are wonderful, fulfilling, loving relationships. Here are two of the many things I've learned:

1. The ONE thing essential to success is absolute, total, painful honesty. You have to tell the truth....all of it. Sometimes that takes time. Your feelings change overtime and you have to be willing to deal with it.

2. It requires respect. You have to be careful of each other's feelings. Three-ways can be like bad ballet. Somebody gets dropped. It is a skill to be a good lover and it is a special skill to be good at open relationships.

I would also point out I am privledged to be supported by a community that supports me and my relationships. I get the invitation addressed to plus whomever rather than plus 1. It causes havoc at dinner parties but my friends deal. I cant imagine my life with anything to do with mo'ism

Polyamorous relationships aren't for everybody. But for some of us heteronormative monogamy is like giving a fish a bicycle

Thank you. I value the insight. :)

OP, I understand both points of view; "allow" and "permission" are only within the confines of marriage, she will make her own choices. OTOH, I believe you are describing yourself as her best friend, whom would deny her nothing in your power to give.

I "allowed" my mate his bisexual urges, and I believe he loved me all the more. In any case, my rationale was that if he wanted someone other than me, I wanted to know. It has never been in me to compete for affection; I value auhenticity more highly.

I made two requests of him. First, he had to practice safe sex. Second, I wanted absolutely no details, none, nada. If he wanted to explore and engage sexually with others, he had to own it, carry it around on his own. I knew myself well enough to know that details would break my bond for him. It wasn't about "gayness," it was about sharing him intimately.

I take it back. I did want to know if he was following through; he was.

Very traumatically, he passed away before it all played out, but it seemed to be working for us.

You likely know your wife better than anyone else. Having no experience with this, she is in no position to make you promises about where it might lead, and I wouldn't ask it of her. Your decision to stay in the marriage while "allowing" her to explore - that is your load to carry. She may discover a bond with a female supercedes the bond she has with you, and it will become the (your) price of the freedom you now give her.

She may have her own price(s) to pay, things she is risking of which she may not be aware of or thought through.

My major concern for you is her statement that she is "bad." It is an extremely broad term, and I don't automatically assume that she meant "bisexual," if she is willing to act on those feelings. Two things there - pity the poor women she meets if she did mean "bisexual," and same sex activity might increase her self-loathing feelings.

But second, for you, if she didn't mean "bisexual," you need to brace for whatever it really meant.

Either way, I'm not convinced that same sex activity will help her to heal the "bad." In her case, I would add a condition, for the sake of each member of your family. I would insist that she first see a counselor to work through the "bad" feelings, whatever they may be. Sex of any kind ain't gonna fix those.

You might go yourself, because you are stepping off of an emotional cliff, of which neither of you have any experience. Take the lead, show her that everyone needs help and guidance from time to time. It will give you both insights, face time with disinterested parties. The goal would be a sound emotional framework from which to proceed.

She just doesn't sound stable enough (yet) to be playing with this emotional and relationship fire. This announcement of hers has got to hsve upset your grounding as well. Make it priority one - mental, emotiinal stability. Too much fear right now, all around. Kids will sense it and react.

My best to you.

Thank you for the insight and thoughts. I really appreciate it.

The break down involving "I'm bad" I'm positive is due to the bisexuality factor. When it happened, it was right after the admission. She also has stated that she has had no relationship, male or female, outside of our marriage. And knowing her loyalty, I trust her. Her background, raised by a couple Mega TBMs, undoubtedly causes her a lot of shame in this regard though.

I skimmed the responses. Lots of good comments and thoughts. Mine...

I also commend you for not judging her. She is being honest and not hiding anything, as far as you believe or know. Support her, yes.

But it's like any other relationship....heterosexual or not. She is married to you and that is a commitment. Not judging her for her desires is great, but I wouldn't go the step of allowing her to have a fling. It's opening a box of unknown and potentially dangerous things that can be emotionally damaging to one or both of you.

Two persons--regardless of their sex/gender--make a couple and should be faithful. I know that sounds so last year, but please think long and hard about this. We should be open about people's sexuality but don't we draw the line at some point with fidelity?

I don't know all the answers. And it's entirely possible that it varies between couples. Only you and her can make the choice that right for you.

One note...although I've had a lot of flings with a lot of women in the last four years--a lot--and as interesting as a threesome sounds, even my brain cant get past the mindfuc* that might result from being with a person I LOVE and an object at the same time. For me it would be too much of a risk.

txrancher,

Lucky girl that found you!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2017 12:40AM by kathleen.

My wife and I were going through a divorce. We both had a lot of problems we had just left the church now she wanted to go back I couldn’t figure out why or what was going on with her. One night we had a really deep talk and she came out that she was Bi and had a crush on someone. I told her that I loved her no matter what. If she wanted to be with that girl then go. The reason she wanted to go back to church was to repent. As soon as she said that she stated laughing. Thinking how silly that was she now sees that girl once a month. I’m ok with it infect it saved our marriage she doesn’t have to hide who she is any more to me. At first I was don’t tell me what you are doing now she is open with me about everything. We won’t tell our kids as they are still young, and her girlfriend has never come around the kids.

My thought here was: the only thing she's not really taking into account, when trying to negotiate how she will allow herself to explore this part of herself, is what the woman she wants a relationship wants. Sure, it's fine to get your husband's permission for a threesome or whatever, but that doesn't mean the "other" woman would go for that.

I've had a lot of experience with polyamorous relationships, but I draw the line when someone is married. I have no way of knowing how both parties in that marriage took to changing the relationship agreements, if in fact, that's what happened. It just bothers me.

I think y'all should wait to decide how to go about it once she's found someone with whom she wants to go about it. When she meets someone and has confirmed that person wants a relationship with her too, then I would sit down in one room and hash out the boundaries. It would be good for the other woman to look the OP straight in the eye and know he's put his stamp of approval on this, within the limits of the boundaries y'all have agreed to.

ETA: Also recommend reading "The Ethical Slut" together and discussing it. It's a great book about open/poly relationships and how people go about navigating that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2017 02:51PM by dogzilla.

dogzilla Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think y'all should wait to decide how to go
> about it once she's found someone with whom she
> wants to go about it. When she meets someone and
> has confirmed that person wants a relationship
> with her too, then I would sit down in one room
> and hash out the boundaries. It would be good for
> the other woman to look the OP straight in the eye
> and know he's put his stamp of approval on this,
> within the limits of the boundaries y'all have
> agreed to.
>
> ETA: Also recommend reading "The Ethical Slut"
> together and discussing it. It's a great book
> about open/poly relationships and how people go
> about navigating that.

I agree 100% with this.

Thanks for the insights. I appreciate the thoughts.

Like others have said, she is committed to you and that is the way it should stay if you want the marriage to work out.

I'm the token ex-wife of someone gay. I allowed him to cheat all he wanted, just so he'd come home at night and help raise the kids and take care of finances. He left. It wasn't pretty.

Now he lives here and are best friends, but it has been over 21 years since he left.

You want to not let it get to you. It does.

I believe she is going to church because she feels she is a bad person, not because she has a crush on a lady at church. She feels she has to do everything possible to become perfect and then she won't be "defective" in the "lord's" eyes, in the church's eyes.

Good luck with this. I'd find an exmormon therapist if you can.

One more example of the joke of marriage.

The vows should say "I promise to love only you, until I don't love you, or until I want others to join in."

My neighbor came over a couple years ago and said his wife of 30+ years said she was leaving him for another woman. Something about that woman was better for his wife's emotional needs.

I get why women would prefer women - men are different - not emotional enough, and men have hairy bodies and are dirty and gross. Mostly what she needs from you is a paycheck.

Anyway, keep being a good politically correct feminist and be supportive in whatever stupidity she chooses. Likely if the tables were turned, you wouldn't get as much support.

So much snark, judgement, and bitterness in one little post.

And my wife being honest with herself, and me, is hardly "stupidity".

I just don't get it. When I was married, my best friend was a man. He was a neighbor, married, with children who played with my children. We volunteered at the kids' school. He was the soccer team coach, and I was the team mother. We would talk for hours on the phone, while our spouses slept. My husband never came to the school activities, or the soccer games, or the beach parties. He was detached from my and our children, and our lives. My neighbor and I loved each other, but we kept sex out of it. We didn't even kiss on New Year's Eve, when everyone else did. Later, I found out I was alone on New Year's and on weekends, because my husband was cheating on me.

What I had was an "emotional affair." My neighbor was my confidant, my sounding board. I was the one he came to, when his father died. I live far away now, divorced and single, and I miss my neighbor more than my ex-husband. So do my children. He comes to visit us, more than their father does.

I think keeping it "pure" gave it more meaning, and honesty. When I love someone, I would never want to make them unhappy, or break up their family. You want to help someone you love.

I'm old fashioned, and can't understand why you would want to express sexual love towards someone you did not love. It is objectifying each other. The people I know who have affairs are always trying to fill the emptiness.

As for the OP and his wife--they both need counseling. I feel sorry for them.

Engaging in sex without love is like dancing with no music. I don't get it, either.

Why doesn't your wife go out and do volunteer work? Maybe she could become a hairdresser or a massage therapist or a temple matron who does the naked touching.

OP,

What if the new recruit suddenly needs cash?--or a place to stay for a week or ...

What if your kids complain to your parents?

This whole thing could get so unwieldy that you could end up single and broke.

You'll have no way of knowing which nut-birds are connected to your wife's new sweetie pie.

Who was it that wrote, "Adultery is reason enough for gun-control!"

Since I wasn't sure how to be helpful in this and also because there are an awful lot of stereotypical misconceptions about bisexual women- that they're all slutty, up for sex with anyone at any time, into group sex, craving attention, confused, experimenting, unfaithful, selfish...Granted there ARE bi women that are like this and enjoy group or casual sex for their own reasons just as there are straight, gay, and lesbian people who are the same way, too.

I will say this- There is always the chance what kathleen described will happen and the opposite as well. A woman I worked with would invite bi women to come home with her and her husband on occasion and one time it turned really odd: The next morning, they woke up to their newly met partner making herself at home, making breakfast for everyone and expecting a place in the home with them.

On the flipside of that, I went home with couple I knew through friends in my party days and the wife became obsessed and angry with me that I didn't want that an actual relationship and started seeing someone else seriously a few weeks after (yes, I was a unicorn, lol). So experimenting with sex and trying to figure out your own sexuality can be a lot of fun, but it can bring a whole hell of a lot of risks with it be it mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or financially. I mean, what happens if the new partner gets knocked up and wants to have and raise the baby? That's just one very likely scenario.

Granted, these are anecdotes, but I have plenty more experiences than just this where a variety of outcomes. Knowing what I know now about relationships, sexuality, and the issues that come come with these, I suggest start seeing a sex/marriage counselor with your wife. This isn't something you can just suppress or dive headlong into without understanding what it entails overall.

All valid points. On a macro level, life is a series of challenges, to which you must find a solution.

I ran across a book in the library that has some interesting advice for your situation.

It says that if she has expressed interest in this, there are some baby steps to take.

First, watch some "lesbian porn" with her and encourage her to explore her feelings about it and the two of you could maybe talk about it.

Second, the author's view is that many women who find themselves thinking they are bisexual might just be craving oral sex. Explore that. Book has some tips how to do that.

Third, author states that you could try cross-dressing-- see if she gets turned on by that and it quenches her curiosity or urge.

Sounds like good advice to take "in-house" tiny baby steps like that. It's quite a cliff to jump off otherwise.

Reference https://books.google.com/books?isbn=1605503614

mootman Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I ran across a book in the library that has some
> interesting advice for your situation.
>
> It says that if she has expressed interest in
> this, there are some baby steps to take.
>
> First, watch some "lesbian porn" with her and
> encourage her to explore her feelings about it and
> the two of you could maybe talk about it.

Good idea.

> Second, the author's view is that many women who
> find themselves thinking they are bisexual might
> just be craving oral sex. Explore that. Book has
> some tips how to do that.

This is a non-issue. ;)

> Third, author states that you could try
> cross-dressing-- see if she gets turned on by that
> and it quenches her curiosity or urge.

LOL. Um, no thanks. Just, no.

> Sounds like good advice to take "in-house" tiny
> baby steps like that. It's quite a cliff to jump
> off otherwise.

Indeed.

> Reference
> https://books.google.com/books?isbn=1605503614

Thanks for the book idea. I'll check this out. :)