20 years out of the cult and I realize that something I do might be related to my upbringing indoctrination.

I often do not take normal or needed safety measures in many situations because I somehow think that a particular bad thing won't happen to me.

For example. I may go out into our seasonal river when it's flowing and go for a swim. knowing that the river this time of year is prone to flash flooding. Knowing that people have died in it because of this.

I think I am being cautious, paying attention, but I don't ever really feel afraid. I don't feel the fear I think I am supposed to. And this especially in wilderness settings (I do a lot of camping, kayaking, backpacking in wilderness areas). I have seen bears and sharks and deadly snakes in the wild and have not really felt fear. When others I know in the same situations do feel fear.

And I think maybe this is because I grew up believing god would protect me and that I was one of his chosen people and that nothing bad will happen to me unless it's 'supposed' to and unless it's 'his will' and my time to go..

I don't think these things now and certainly not on an intellectual level. I think I am prone to all of the same consequences as others but on a deeper feeling level I think I may still believe that I am protected in a magical way. That certain things will never happen to ME.

I know when I was younger I really took some crazy risks and am lucky to be alive now. (but this after the ages when we tend to feel immortal, like in my late 20s and into my 30s.. maybe this is to do with developmental delays due to the sheltered mormon upbringing?)

If anything the fact that I wasn't harmed at those times when I should have been (this referring to other types of adventures with dangerous types of people in dangerous (urban) places, using drugs, etc).. it may have reinforced this notion that I am invincible.

I can tell my partner worries that I am not really taking some risks we face living in the wilderness seriously. And he often (over) reminds me of certain dangers. Sometimes that's annoying to me, but I understand why he worries because he knows I feel too safe too often.

Does anyone else relate to this feeling and if so do they attribute it to their time in the cult? And the magical types of beliefs we learned?

Thanks!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/04/2017 04:44PM by shapeshifter.

Managing risk is a part of life. Some people have a higher tolerance for risk than others.

As a former lifeguard, it really irritates me when people don't take even the simplest precautions. Things like not going onto water unless you know how to swim and/or have a lifejacket. Or having an in ground pool without also having simple lifesaving equipment on hand such as a long rod that someone can grab onto, or floatables. Or having toddlers anywhere near a pool without constant "eyes on" supervision.

One thing that got my attention was when I took Aikido lessons for about five years. Two of my instructors had 4th degree black belts in Tae Kwon Do and 2nd degree black belts in Aikido. Another had black belts in both Judo and Aikido. They never walked out to their cars after an evening lesson alone. They always walked with someone else. When I quizzed them about this, they said, why take an unnecessary risk?

Isn't that something for you to think about? Ask yourself, what are some simple ways that you could limit your risk?

Thanks Summer. Yes asking myself simple questions is a good start. I think also maybe it has to do with being unfamiliar with self care and growing up in home environment where the main form of abuse was neglect.

That's cool you took Aikido lessons. I think I could benefit from some kind of self defense classes but never figured out which would be the best fit. My joints can't handle a lot of kicking jumping type moves and I have to avoid anything high impact because I bruise easily. :)

Aikido would be a good fit for you then. There is no hitting and no kicking. It is ideal for women. I saw one woman make black belt. She was quite petite, but she could throw a man across the room. I think that every woman would benefit from self defense skills.

I think you're just wired that way.

Probably. LOL

But I don't hear about it so much with exmos.

I've never been much of a risk taker which has served me well in my life.

Risks on work projects or using recipes maybe but I don't risk my life if there's a safer way to deal with a situation.

Well my earlier risk taking behavior involved sleeping with strangers and drinking too much and excessive pot smoking.

So these days I find it less risky to get my kicks in wilderness adventure activities. :)

Maybe it's an adrenaline addiction, though I don't really feel drawn to the high adrenaline outdoor stuff. There are some things I am actually very afraid of, like jumping from planes or anything to do with the feeling of falling ( I would never never ever try bungie jumping for example and I hate roller coasters).. and have some fear of heights though doesn't stop me from zip lining or tree climbing. But does keep me off the ski slopes (that and my hatred of cold weather). :)

Anyway I don't feel I am one to throw caution to the wind or anything and a lot of my past experiences when I was less caution has taught me lessons.. However.. I still have that feeling of protection that I think I probably shouldn't have, esp. in some situations where I should probably feel more worried and more concern.

So I wondered if it was just that belief I grew up with about angels and the holy ghost looking out for me and mormons being special and looked out for in general.

That's why I wondered if anyone else felt that way.

It could also be learned behavior from childhood abuse since I tend to freeze rather than do the fight/flight thing. So in the face of actual danger or threat of danger I tend to almost shut down and go numb and don't really feel anything at all.

So it could be that. But I think there is also an aspect of thinking nothing bad will happen to me, at least that isn't meant to.

for so long that they might feel compelled to overreact in the other direction when they're no longer under mormon control. Did this happen to you? Do you feel you're ready to start reining in some of the overreaction? I would hope so. The mormon church still tends to control exmos if they're only acting out what the church disallowed. Better to use newfound exmo judgement and act in ways that will be as positive as possible. We can have fun exciting lives without unduly endangering our health and safety.

My sister died of lymphoma not that long ago. Her husband adored her and went a little crazy after that. He died a few weeks ago by being unsafe on a huge ride-on lawnmower he bought. I'm sure if my sister had been alive and well she could have prevented the expensive purchase or saved him from his own carelessness. I tried to talk to him about this but it obviously didn't work. Perhaps you might think about it because I wouldn't want you to suffer some terrible fate.

Well, there is a thing called Mormon luck; years ago, when Honda Civics were tiny, and car load of my mormon friends crashed in a ditch in front of where I worked--no one hurt.

A couple years later, my TBM brother and I are getting really frustrated trying to track down old family stuff back east, and I am soooo pissed that I pull the car over--my brother looks over and there's the county recorder's office.

Hhmm. 'dumb luck' you mean. :) I know I have also had such experiences and when I was a TBM, with that filter I assumed an angel saved us as I think most TBMs do..

But I imagine most people experience lucky breaks in their lives right? Cant just be the mormomns..

Sometimes I imagine an early common ancestor perched high overlooking an open African grassland counting predators. Did he conduct his risk assessment fearfully or could he do it dispassionately I wonder.