There, I said it, and as a stand-alone thread.
For quite some time, folks in this forum, as well as in others across a worldwide Net, have been grappling with a pre-eminent issue of our time: What accounts for the peculiar smell common to the chapels of Mormonism's peculiar people?
The The rumble on this has been a raucous, if not righteous:http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1997420,1997420#msg-1997420
Defiantly devout and defensive Mormons, of course, hotly deny that such a stench abounds within the sanctified service center of Mormon wardhouses. One such Say-It-Ain't-So Saint apparently takes this unholy charge quite personally, going so far as to declarecin the Deseret News that Mormons don't smell and that's because being non-smelly is very sacred to being Mormon:http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700026392/Lack-of-scent-is-sacred-for-Mormons.html
Still, as many will,l and donattest, the inner stink still lingers and will for sometime. Plenty of theories have been offered to explain this strange odor--the United Odor, if you will--behind it all. Culprits include, but are not limited to, the following:
-Cheerios for feeding children during sacrament meeting
-Heavy use of perfume by the sisters
-Burlap-covered wardhouse walls
-Cheap interior carpet
-Discontinuation of paid janitors, instead replaced by ward volunteers who don't know how to, or don't want to, deep clean
-A lingering mixture of various cleaning chemicals
-Wardhouse kitchens holding odd or rotting food
-Lots of old people in attendance, particularly High Priests
-Mormons crowded into confined wardhouse space while in tbecmiddke of digesting their personal food storage
-Stale cigarette smoke on the clothing of wayward Mormons who come to church to worship while violating the Word of Wisdom at home
The list goes on, and I'm sure you have your own suspects to add to it.
If I may, i would like to add mine. It is only one but, in my opinion, it is a big one. Perhaps even the biggest one of all.
I would like to bear my tell-it-like-it-is unsaintly Shiz that the supreme source of stink being raised in Mormon wardhouses today is--quite literally--unwashed, unchanged, unforgiving and unfettered stinky Mormon temple garments. Oh,gawd, cast this stench from my snout! (repeated three times).
Put another way (and to be ex-Mormonly honest and blasphemously blunt), I am convinced beyond a shadow of a nose-wrinkling doubt that much--indeed, most--of the sour and even rank smell wafting through Mormon and this is these, latter days, can be naturally and organically traced to ungodly Mormon garments not regularly being:
(2) laundered, or
(3) had their stitched-in Masonic emblems cut out and burned with what's left turned into handy dish rags.
The reasons for Mormon garments emissions being the primary cause of wardhouse warming are as plain as the nose on your face.
The Mormon garments' bizarre, non-contoured design that creeps and crawls virtually anywhere then refuses to back out, combined with their thin, non-durable, non-absorbant, sticky-icky, fabric lead to quick, predictable, constant, unsightly and unsanitary soiling in ways not typical of normal human underwear--and certainly in ways that are inhumanely unfit for normal human fitting.
I wore this awful armor of God in the super-gooey tropical climes of Okinawa on my mission. We would come home after a hard day of tracting with salt rings encircling are trouser legs from top to bottom. We didn't take our garments off--we PEELED them off. They didn't "breathe"--leading to what we unceremoniously described as the development of "The Crud" in all of our moist personal body nooks and crannies.
Oh, and they smelled like hell.
Give me Haynes or Fruit of the Loom any day over Elohim's Uncleanliness-is-Next-to-Gross-out-Godliness garmies for the Lord's Armpit Armies. How can this sacred sweat-lodged montage even serve as a "shield and a protection" when it's bad enough getting into them, not to mention odiferously nauseating to stay inside of them, especially when they end up stinking so bad?
Yech! Talk about uncouth and uncool. It makes me wonder how Mormons can manage to ignore their unflattering bunched-up undies long enough to produce as many babies as they do. Talk about a test of faith and no sense of fashion.
No wonder they're secret.
Pssst, brothers and sisters. Before you go stinking up the chapel again . . .https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi5.walmartimages.com%2Fasr%2Fcf6696da-0fea-4abf-bb51-075fd0cb6a11_1.2ff2fc9040c47576d4c48b3f52bcbff3.jpeg%3FodnHeight%3D450%26odnWidth%3D450%26odnBg%3DFFFFFF&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.walmart.com%2Fip%2FSecret-Bora-Bora-Fresh-Orchid-Clear-Gel-Antiperspirant-Deodorant-2.6-oz%2F43494486&docid=TyrKxrBpaDNctM&tbnid=si08r62__VzfYM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwjygKm9-JDVAhUC4GMKHZu9BcAQMwijASgXMBc..i&w=450&h=450&client=safari&bih=559&biw=375&q=Secret%20deodorant%20stick&ved=0ahUKEwjygKm9-JDVAhUC4GMKHZu9BcAQMwijASgXMBc&iact=mrc&uact=8
Learn from the Scriptures. The people in the Book of Mormon got the hint, especially when folks started to complain.
As we read in Alma 19, verse 5, the wife of King Lamoni tells Alma:
"I would that ye should go in and see my husband, for he has been laid upon his bed for the space of two days and two nights; and some say that he is not dead, but others say that he is dead and that he stinketh, and that he ought to be placed in the sepulchre; but as for myself, to me he doth not stink."
Yo, Queen, he stinks. Get him out of those garments.
What's that sign on the outside of your wardhouses?: "Visitors Welcome. Nose Plugs Advised."
Might wanna focus less on your anointings and more on your washings.
In the name of--Jesus Christ, this wardhouse smells like ramen!
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/17/2017 04:45PM by steve benson.