and a very quiet and extremely kind man. He did give most of his free time and extra money to the church.

I know that he loved me but I realize as I look back over my life that he was more interested in giving money and working his way up the ladder then he was in spending time with me or my children.

I don't begrudge him this.

I love him and miss him regardless.

In thinking about this though because I wonder how many devout older members would "give up" the church entirely to create closer relationships with their children if given the direct choice.

This is not an uncommon thing for some, especially men, to do, whether it's their career or something else.

That said, you have to remember something when it comes to people who are devoutly religious, Mormon or otherwise.

Religion is more than just being part of an organization for many. It's about their relationship to god, however they view god.

So the idea of "give up" the church entirely to create a closer relationship with their children etc., is also, to many, directly related to "give up" their relationship to God.

Very sorry for your loss, but also sorry that you had the same kind of dad as me, so devoted to the 'church' that he neglected his relationship with you and your family. But that is the common story in Mormondom.

I know my dad may die soon and I wonder how I'll feel. The thing is I tried and tried for so long to get through to him, to make him see that he was negligent (but in my case also emotionally abusive), to try to have some kind of closeness with him. But he betrayed my trust so many times I finally gave up and decided I couldn't keep beating my head into a wall. So now I talk to him maybe once or twice a year and that's about all I can handle.

Still I am sure I'll be sad when he passes, but for me he already left me a long time ago, because of TSCC.

Sorry though for your loss, really.

Your story is my story. You are very understanding. I do believe my father believed the best thing he could do for his children was to be the best Mormon he could be and never understood that his service to the church was actually accomplishing the exact opposite. Mine was always the bishop while I was growing up. Nearly 12 years that I rarely saw him.

They believe some God wants them to do it that way, and so there is no other choice. I wonder too at the end, looking back, how my dad felt about it all, but I think I know--just guilt that he couldn't get me to follow in his footsteps.

I'm sorry you lost your father.

In my case, it's my mom who devoted her time and energy to the church while neglecting her children. I don't agree with what she did, but I think I understand it.

In my mom's mind, the time and money that she spent on the church rather than her children was a way to secure a position in the Celestial Kingdom for herself and her children. She thought she was putting her kids first by placing the church first. Of course, it's all very twisted and as a child it never felt like her kids were her priority.

I think this is very common in Mormon families because the church encourages its members to make the church top priority. Members are taught that everything else will fall into place when the church comes first.

I lost my father when I was in my twenties. Sadly he will never get to know my kids. Very similar story. He dedicated way too much time and money to the church. Worse part as he was dying from a stroke they had me give him a blessing in the Emergency room to get better like I had some kind of super powers to do so. He just stared at me painfully and with sad child eyes knowing he was dying but couldn't say anything. Shortly after I knew the church was BS. Why would a god give us this priesthood power but have it be worthless. So dumb. People actually think it does something.

Losing my parents was very difficult and after 8-1/2 years, I still miss them everyday. I miss them the most when I really could use them to talk to, which is quite often.

My father was a school teacher and a farmer. He didn't do much church work and wasn't all that active. Those 2 things came first, supporting his family. He loved farming, though. That took him away from us more than anything, BUT the farm also brought us together. We saw him a lot in the summers and on into the fall working on the farm. I hated that farm because it was dirty work and there were so many bugs. Now I see why it was beneficial in so many ways to ALL OF US.

So I knew my dad and my dad knew my kids, probably not as much as I would have liked him to. My mother also was more with us than at church. She also worked on the farm with us.

I'm really grateful now for the time I was able to spend with my parents.

Recovery, let me say I am so sorry about your dad.

Your story and others who have posted here are opposite of that of my former TBM friend. (She shunned me, thank God!).

She in her extreme holiness looked down her nose at her little father. That bastard drank coffee, drank alcohol and glanced at women other than her hypochondriac mother. He was to be dammmmmmned for sure!! Didn't matter if he loved his children. Nothing else mattered other than his defiance of gospel principles. For that, she had contempt for him.

The church will steal our fathers one way or the other.

Mine was an atheist, thank God!