Well, it's been 2 years since I've been to this site. I've had direct conversations with family members, particularly my dad and mom about my lack of belief. I went a mission full 2 years, I know what the TSCC is very well. To have the mishies drop by makes my mind spin that family members made the call.

I didn't remove my name out of respect for my parents. If my parents did make the call to the mishies it really takes me back from personal work I've done to really embrace my identity outside of the church. Should mention, that I wouldn't put it past my mom to have made this call.

If they didn't make the call, it annoys me that the TSCC is tracking me and finding me at 10+ years gone including apartment moves nearly every year for about 6 - Not b/c of TCCS just 20s living.

Wish I felt more gratification getting out of my car beer in hand saying no "Brother Me" isn't home but I'll relay the message. As they walk off, one turns around and says, "And what was your name." To which, caught off guard, I said my real name, basically punctuating the futility of the effort.

Definitely annoyed. I think they'll be back.

Yep, they're annoying already (and I know, I was one!) when they show up randomly. Even more so when you're "targeted."

Please don't think I'm dissing you, but...
I don't see how it's "disrespectful" to your parents to be honest.

Yes, I understand the situation. I understand your action.
I don't understand that statement :)

If a parent made the call, it's very disrespectful to me based on hard and very direct conversations I had with both of them. Separately.

Disrespectful of the missionaries to show up? Not at all in the context. I've done the mission game. It's what you do when you get a tip.

The context of it all makes me think about a topic that thought I was done with. I hope the visit was just random, but I really question if it was.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/24/2017 08:11PM by transylvania.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if my parent called them I need have another conversation with them. I don't want to have that conversation if they didn't instigate it. It's a topic avoided in the family at this point.

And I have no way of knowing the wiser.

Oh, no, that's not what I meant.
It's this part:

"I didn't remove my name out of respect for my parents."

I felt we were in a mutual respect in regards to TCCS. I was and still am the only black sheep in the family. Hard to know the impact it'd have on them if I removed my name. They're in their 70s activities really include church, vacation, church, garden, church, live for their kids, and church.

I just don't want to do this to them if they've been respectful to my wishes.

(And I've been extremely close to removing my name besides.)

People only have control over you if you give it to them. Don't give your parents or the missionaries any control over you.

Depending on your comfort level, you can--as Hie suggests--tell your parents that you're no longer a believer. If, for whatever reason, you don't want to tell them, that's okay, too.

With the missionaries, I'd just tell them that someone asked that they visit you, but you have no interest in returning to the church or talking about church matters. If your parents arranged for them to visit, they'll get the word second hand.

Very best wishes. I know that the well-meaning referrals are very annoying. The Boner.

Sorry, we were all posting and this doesn't make as much sense now. :)

It makes sense. Solid advice. I appreciate it. And I have told my parents I don't believe. To a rebuttal by my mother I'll never forget my response of "If you knew half of what I knew about that church you'd never believe again." And it wasn't an angry or out of control conversation. I was shocked at being even more direct than I had intended with my mom.

If they come back, tell them you just repeated the name for fun, then give a made up name. Nothing they can do about that. You don't have to play their game of being honest to your own detriment.

It's beyond annoying. Something like this can trigger flashbacks, that can ruin your day, maybe for several days, give you a headache, and cause nightmares!

I like the advice to DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY POWER OVER YOU. Do not allow this bad error on the part of the missionaries to determine your conversations with your parents. If you talk to your parents about this, the cult will have once again succeeded in interfering in your parent-child relationships.

Enough! Act as though this never happened. Put a very specific sign on your door, such as, "No Soliciting. No religious proselytizing." One poster on this board has a sign that says, "No Mormons."

You don't care if you insult the missionaries, or the cult--but you do care about your parents.

You are lucky that all that garbage was laid to rest 10 years ago. I would do whatever it takes to keep it dead and buried in your relationship with your family.

Often, the Mormons don't take a hint. They don't take repeated "no-no-no." Often, you have to be rude to them, and even threaten to call the police, to get them off your property.

You have rights. You are under no obligation to tell your name to strangers.

Thank you. I divorced 2 years ago. Can't say it's been anything but a smooth transition. I think the timing of it all really points to family. This was a welcome read.

Thank you to this community. Thank you to this site. I've been away but will likely be visiting again.

As far as the name removal goes, i waited a long time as I didn't want to hurt my wife and kids. Take your time. As Jeremy Runnels put it, you're excommunicating the church from your life. When you're ready for the formality, you'll know it. The Bone.

Maybe you could consider sending your parents an email along the lines of


"A very strange thing just happened to me. I was visited by a pair of missionaries. Of course, I told them that I wasn't interested and to go away, but it really bothers me that they would suddenly show up uninvited. In fact, incidents like that just make me dislike the church even more deeply than I did before. Each and every attempt to draw me back into this awful cult has precisely the opposite effect, and instead brings me closer to resigning from it.

"I sincerely hope that the missionaries did not get my address from either of you, as that would be very disrespectful of you to do that. I don't think you would like to be the cause of my resignation from the church member rolls, but that's what will happen if I find out that you were the ones that sent them."


Passive-aggressive? Absolutely. But since you don't know that your parents are culpable, it's better than a direct accusation. It also warns them that any planned reactivation efforts are not only doomed to fail, but is likely to boomerang back on them in unpleasant ways.

It's quite possible that it was just the church tracking you. There has been a big effort of late to locate and attempt to contact inactives. And yes, the church will go to ridiculous lengths to locate you. There is a lengthy list around somewhere of all of the techniques that are used. It would make any police agency proud.

If the missionaries call again, one thought would be to tell them that the only reason you stay on the rolls is out of respect to your parents. But that you have no intention of ever going back.

Wouldn't assume parents called and send "send missionaries over to pester our inactive son". Any number of people could have updated your info when asked (as part of the cult's tracking-down inactives process).

Whether they did or not, you are an adult and capable of making adult choices that don't have to agree with your parents' choices. You already respected their choices by going on a mission, etc, before you made up your own mind.

My suggestion is to just be honest with the missionaries and firmly tell them you want no contact from TSCC, you are done with them. No other (non-cult) church hunts down inactive or former members like that.

sounds like your parents do not respect you.

The problem with this recovery site is that you get points for being annoyed and angry at Mormons. Which, ironically, delays the so-called recovery.

If you go the rest of your life being annoyed and angry, the church is still in control, and that doesn't sound like recovery.

I spent much of my life being angry and annoyed, but eventually realized in the same situation, others were not angry and annoyed. So what was the difference? Me.

So in this particular situation, there are actually a few different options. Option A is to be annoyed, and question the motives of parents and the church.

Option B is to laugh at the whole thing and the efforts people go to get you back. You could relate to the missionaries, having been there, and invite them in for a break and a nice chat. When it comes to church, just share in a light-hearted way what you've learned. Likely they wouldn't come back after hearing such, but you would have had fun.

Turns out that we're all selling something, and we all annoy others. My mom used to try selling the church to me, and I'd try selling her on getting a milk cow, since I can testify that is the key to happiness. She never converted.

People react and have feelings. It's normal to feel annoyed when someone is mistreated. There's nothing wrong with insisting on being treated well. Laughing off bad behavior means it will continue.

It makes no sense to claim that accepting mistreatment is a form of recovery.

If you don't know or care about these locals, I'd suggest you put the pressure on them to stay away.

Getting aggressive with TBMs often just makes them angry and they'll likely lie and say they didn't instigate the visits when in fact they did.

I went to the police and filed a complaint. A copy of this can go to the bishop, SP, and MP.

The police chief was very helpful in my case. He wrote letters to local leadership and told them to keep their underlings off my property. He also sent a patrolman to the bishop's door to explain the letter.

I only had to spray missionaries with a garden hose once. They showed up in spite of the police directive and smirked at me refusing to leave. A few sprinkles on their pants legs convinced them and I've had no mormon trespassers since.

The locals got the message.

It is more likely your parents are giving the church your new address and having your records moved. Sometimes the bishop will have the missionaries go check to see if the person really lives there. I know because I was sent out to check a few times on my mission. I sometimes miss seeing the missionaries. They are forbidden where I live.

Having records moved means inviting harassment.

Parents only have rights like this when their children are minors. This poster is an adult.

Where are missionaries forbidden?

China. My parents can have my records sent all they want, lol. Nobody is going to be knocking at my door.

They are forbidden in my community. Where I live in Maryland, there are many places that are organized into small, private communities. We take care of our own roads, arrange for trash pick up, and so on out of HOA fees. That means we can set our own rules for who is or is not allowed on community owned land, much like you can for a private property.

I grew up in a place like that. I am from Northern VA (DC area). Of course the missionaries were always there anyway because they lived in my parents basement.

My community in NOVA has no soliciting signs at all the entrances. It still doesn't stop people banging on my door trying to sell me stuff. In fact, it seems to be increasing lately. It also does not keep the Mishies out--I see them biking around all the time--but fortunately they've never stopped at my house.

Anywhere they've been told to stay away.

Anyone in their home can forbid visits from anyone or any organization. No one has a right to enter private property if the owner has banned them from doing so.