I never have,in all my years.I've always thought it was best to leave it between me and God, I mean he saw me do it didn't he?Why would I have to let him know?,but I had a friend that-seriously-confessed to tossing someone's salad (anal oral sex) and was just told not to take the sacrament til he (the bishop) said so,which seems like a slap on the wrist.I can't imagine being the one to hear these types of confessions,I'd probably fall into a pit of uncomfortable laughter.
And what I confessed was true. . .as far as it went.
I confessed that I occasionally watched an R-rated movie, and seldom regretted it, because it was about someone or something in history which had always fascinated me. I watched the DaVinci Code movies because they showed many places I had either visited, or longed to visit. I watched a lot of material related to the Elizabethan or early Tudor periods. Sir Thomas More - now, THERE was a hero.
I confessed that I didn't read the scriptures as much as I ought to. (This one had to be carefully worded, because the truth was that I didn't read them at all, except to browse out of curiosity about something posted on this site.)
I confessed that I didn't pray for guidance as often as I needed to. I had to be careful about the wording on this one, too, because I didn't pray for guidance at all. . .I figured I could roll the dice and get just as reliable a response.
I admitted that I occasionally attended other churches, not because I was shopping, but because I was (and remain) a voracious reader and wanted know what certain church-related words (in, say, a book about a Catholic family) meant to a believer. So, I deliberately sought out a nun or priest (usually carrying the book with me, so they could see the context) frankly admitted that I was of Protestant background, and asked what the word or expression meant. (They always seemed gratified by my interest, which was genuine. I learned a lot.)
I admitted that I occasionally used vocabulary I was fairly certain Jesus wouldn't care for. I never bragged that I could - and often did - do this is several languages.
I never admitted to hanging around with a bunch of RfM sinners. I decided that online visits didn't count.
Not much of a Sinner's Handbook, but I tried to maintain a downcast and repentant expression. Got away with it every time, too.
catnip Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I admitted that I occasionally used vocabulary I > was fairly certain Jesus wouldn't care for. I > never bragged that I could - and often did - do > this is several languages.
Learning swear words in a foreign language is half the fun of learning a foreign language anyway, right?
I recall the day, roughly 3/4 through my mission (Spanish speaking/SoCal), where a potential "investigator" swore in Spanish at me and my comp, and it hurt me, hurt my feelings. Before that event, even though I had done pretty good with Spanish (had taken it for most of junior high and high school), I had only a shallow understanding of what people were saying to me. My understanding got deeper that day...
Only once, during a missionary worthiness interview..
Based on my sincere confession he accordingly passed me on to the SP who then sent me into the Salt Lake office of a certain Gordon Bitner Hinckley and the rest is history.
I truly believed they could read my thoughts. Well, given that from age 12 on up, the bishop would ask about masturbation and necking and petting and I had NO CLUE WHAT THEY WERE, so I'd say no. I knew they were bad by how he acted. He'd glare at me and wait for me to change my answer. We got those qustions for every interview like dance cards every 3 months. So I lived in fear of ever having to talk about sexual things with a bishop, let a lone a man. He put the fear of God into me.
So I was a good little, chaste mormon girl and then I met my gay husband and the bishop decided that we should experiment so we could get him turned on by a woman as if we could, then he would be able to get married. His first assignment was for us to french kiss (something I had never done and I dated mostly nonmormons who never pushed me for anything--I'm with one now at 60, the first guy I ever kissed at age 20--yep, I was that "chaste. So the bishop told my boyfriend not to tell me, just do it. He knew how I was, so he told me. I felt so guilty. I felt so horrible and I wouldn't do anything more and I kept telling the biship and he'd tell me we needed to do this to save him. He told me we could do everything except intercourse and he'd let us get married in the temple. I wouldn't.
Then he was released and I had to start over again talking to a bishop about sex. It was very damaging to me. They are VOYEURS. Then I had to go to my damn cousin for my TR when we decided to get married and I wasn't supposed to tell anyone my boyfriend was gay and like I was going to tell my cousin so he could tell my parents, and he knew something was wrong and drilled me, trying to get me to confess to whatever I was hiding and wanted to postpone my wedding.
I got ONE more TR. Usually refused to ever go to a bishop again.
I finally found the bishop's address (the one who told us to experiment) just the other day. His wife had been snooping in our business all these 32 years later and I wanted to tell him what he did to us and I fired off a letter. I don't care if he "listens" or not. I had to tell him what I thought and I did. I wrote it and sent it immediately so I wouldn't change my mind. I haven't had one regret about writing him. It's been about a week now.
Anyway--I didn't even have anything to confess and I was put through hell by leaders.
you had kept your head down during his questions, and when you finally looked up, you had tears running down your face, and sobbed, "Bishop, I'm so sorry, but I don't - I don't know what those words MEAN!!"
Your tears would have been genuine, because his questions made you feel ignorant. And no kid wants to feel ignorant. Especially in front of an important grown-up.
I bet those tearful words would have stayed with him for a long, long time.
I learned what the word "masturbate" meant from my bishop. Not that I wasn't already DOING it, mind you... I just didn't know the word for it until the bishop told me :)
He was a perv, a pathetic human. He always thought he'd go far in the church. He'd stand up in meetings and talk about how wonderful he was. Never did get a higher calling than bishop. He's still alive out there somewhere. If I posted his name and you looked up his picture, you'd think pervert. I also learned what masturbation was from the bishop. The bishop we were dealing with with my gay boyfriend told me that I was to keep track of his masturbation habits because if we could get him to stop masturbating, we could cure him of homosexuality (as per miracle of forgiveness).
Amazing the things I heard from leaders. One man told me that just like someone who is attracted to animals, they don't have to have sex with every cow they see at the side of the road, so my husband didn't have to have sex with every man he saw.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2017 12:19PM by cl2.
I never did either... he was just an ordinary businessman. Why in the world would I EVER tell him anything. NO WAY.
Ironically, just a few months after I left my short lived Mormon experience, I ran into him in my place of business... he didn't recognize me or remember me at all, and I sure didn't mention it. Same exact situation occurred with his wife just a few weeks later.
I confessed for M. to my bishop while a teen, to different bishop wile preparing to go on a mission, to stake president. Had to wait a few months, but eventually they let me go. Confessed to mission president, because I "slipped."
Post-mission confessed to a bishop once. He was more of a jerk, threatened disfellowshipment and stuff. I don't remember what the actual consequences (read "punishment") was.
It never occurred to me to think to myself "It's none of these guys' business." The thinking had been done, after all, and though I got good grades, I was too stupid (or gullible/brainwashed) to refuse to go along with the program. And I was too stupid to lie.
I don't know what they really thought. Other than the last guy, who was a jerk, I think the others just thought it was part of their job as _____ (insert title of Authoritah here). It may have been as embarrassing and awkward for them to ask as it was for me to answer. Or maybe they thought it was an opportunity to turn the screws, figuratively speaking, to guilt me into doing what they wanted me to do.
I don't know what my friends thought either. Did they get asked? Did they confess? Did they even M? (It wasn't something you talked about. Even in my thoughts, still brings back feelings of shame.)
I confessed to the bishop as a recent convert (late teens) and as a young man (early 20s). By my mid-20s, I was questioning the bishop. In my early 30s I was yelling at the bishop. The Boner.
- While at BYU I knew that at some point I would have to confess banging my girlfriend all school year long in order to go on a mission. I waited until the next to last Sunday before going home to confess to my Branch Prez so I wouldn't have to confess to my home Bishop. When I left I thought everything was taken care of.
- A month later I was contacted by my home Bishop. My BYU Branch Prez had contacted him to follow through on my "confession process".
- Was told I would have to meet with a G.A. before submitting my mission papers. An appointment was set up for six weeks later.
- A week before my G.A. appointment my BYU girlfriend made an unannounced visit to see me for a weekend. We banged like a screen door in a hurricane.
- Met with the G.A. Told him about banging at BYU...couldn't bring myself to tell him about the weekend before. He wished me luck. Told me to be careful on my mission. No "Power of Discernment".
- Showed up at MTC. After a month I was guilted into confessing what I hadn't told the G.A. Was sent up the ladder to the MTC Prez. who told me to send letters to my Stake Prez, Bishop, and father explaining my situation. I told him there was NO WAY I would send a letter to my father or that he should be told. MTC Prez told me to mail the other two.
- A week later I was called back in to meet with the MTC Prez and a G.A. Spoke on the phone with my Stake Prez who said all was forgiven and wished me luck on my mission. Was told my Bishop felt the same. Then G.A. told me that they had told my father and he too wished the best for me. That pissed me off. I called the MTC Prez and the G.A. "S.O.B.'s", and after five weeks I walked out of the MTC and off of my mission.
- Went home, banged some more, kept my mouth shut but was ratted out when a gal named me in her confession. Was disfellowshipped. Never confessed to anything ever again.
I never wanted to tell them ANYTHING. When I was young, I would purposely forget to stay after SM to meet with the BP. In fact, I would run out of church and get into a hot car. Yes, I was one of those bratty kids that would blow the damn car horn because my mom would gab forever in the foyer. Eventually, the BP caught on that he would have to hunt me down because I wasn't showing up for his interviews. I would often "skip" primary and play on the stage with my friend. Here's what would always trip me up.
The BP (and later SP and the MP) would have a note pad with "indiscretions" that he had already gleaned from other people. Based on that gossip (I had missionary companions that fabricated and implicated MY rule breaking; the scoutmaster didn't care for me and I had an overbearing YM prez that scared the bejeezus out of me) I would be asked a question that I couldn't really deny or lie about. This tactic of squeezing out info was their way of getting me to indirectly confess my sins. And if I was careless, they would also get the names of my accomplices too.
I must have been about 7 when my rowdy friend and I were caught goofing off on the stage. We were using stage curtains as swings. We would use the curtain to jump off the stage and we were making a ton of noise to go unnoticed. So it wasn't long when 4-5 brethren grabbed us by the arms and legs to haul us into his office. My friend was considered to be the "trouble maker." His dad, a High Councilor, would later be summoned to discipline (a whipping) in the bathroom. I had to promise to not run away or my Mom would be pulled out of RS. My Mom had no trouble spanking me at church.
Once inside his office, the BP had written the word Reverence on a sheet of paper. He asked me about it and I remember telling him that I was real good about being quiet inside the chapel. He then laid down the guilt because I made Jesus so sad for playing on the stage.
I never admitted anything, but that stupid notepad always caused me to talk.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/16/2017 06:02PM by messygoop.
I would about once a year. Usually it was during my "birthday" interview the bishop would do with the kids. Or it was time for baptisms for the dead and I would confess to masturbating because I didnt want to go into the temple as a liar.
My bishops were usually very uncomfortable. One, the first, didnt really change his facial expression at all and told me that as long as a month had passed it would be okay. It had been maybe two weeks but I just fibbed about that part and I told myself I would never masturbate again.
So then the next time with a different bishop, he was the one who got uncomfortable. He had started the interview talking about being short on time and not being one for formalities. When I confessed I dont think he really knew what to say, it was glossed over. At the time he had a lot going on in his personal life (I was unaware of) and he succumbed to cancer later that year very suddenly.
As I got older the bishops became much more shaming. As a 12 year old perhaps I threw them off a bit because Ive always seemed so young and innocent. But as a teenager they seemed to already have down what they would say. I remember always feeling very sick and hating myself anytime a temple trip was due.
Now that I think about it, I confessed a lot over the years
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/16/2017 04:35PM by nonsequiter.
Boy, did those nosy bishops have all the power, didn't they?
We were so intimidated by their authority over us we didn't realize our bodies were our own, and autonomous.
Sacred is indeed off limits. To their prying eyes, ears, and condemnation.
Your body, your own.
Now we get to cast judgment on them for the damage they've done to millions.
Bombz away!
For many of us we were not taught safe boundaries as Mormon youth. From our polygamous and incestuous ancestors to our generation, there were no safe harbors for us. There was nothing that was off limits, was there?
I never did either, or even thought about it. It's not confession , that's Catholic. I only talked to the Patriarch, before I got my blessing, but don't remember the questions, besides tithing, morally clean What is petting and necking anyway? Sounds like from the 50s. I mean, what's the difference?
Necking is with your neck and face, but petting is with your hands (usually the boy's hands). "Heavy petting" is more or less like foreplay but with clothing on. Beware!
Just once when I was fourteen and my mom arrived home early from work one day and told me to get in the car. She wouldn't tell me where she was taking me until we turned the corner and I could see the church.
She dragged me to the bishop's office to confess something that she thought was a terrible sin. It wasn't even close to being something awful or terrible. I won't go into details, but I was struggling with teen depression and it was actually something that I probably could have used professionally counseling for. But no matter. The stockbroker bishop dutifully read a bunch of scriptures to me and told me I was a sinner who needed to repent.
I have been able to forgive my mother and the church for lots of things, but not the incident. I don't think I ever will.
Twice, once was forced upon me ( I thought) cause my girlfriend in the ward confessed to some stuff behind my back. The other I was dating some TBM girl and thought it was gonna lead somewhere so I was gonna clean up some past stuff to go to the temple
I did a while back as a teenager, and it was a scarring experience to say the least. I was extremely TBM at the time, and I genuinely thought I was going to hell for seeing some "inappropriate" content ( now that I think back, it wasn't). It took me year of guilt and beating myself up over it to finally go tell my bishop. It was intensley uncomfortable being a teenage girl sitting alone in an office with a guy, telling him about my "horrifiic sins". Luckily he just let me go free after that, but I didn't have the amazing feeling of clenliness people always said they had after confessing. That's the first thing that made me question the church
I never have, and never would consider to. I was never a good Mormon, I didn't like being told what. To do. From the time I was a baby and saw the Mormon long johns my parents walked around in, I knew I was never going to become one of those
I have more than once including one major major confession. Even now I feel that bishop helped me through a time in life that was so incredibly difficult. They're not all bad. Xx
When I was 12 I had to meet with the Bishop. He immediately jumped into the masturbation conversation. The whole time I was thinking, "People do that?" I never went back.
Nada. One time I thought about confessing I was searching and reading Mormon history on both sides of the fence, but then thought better about it. My history with my alcoholic dad made me have a mistrust, a deep mistrust, in male authority figures so I most often took what they said with a lot of immediate doubt and questioning.
Many people are naïve about this idea, of confessing something incongruent with some standards to a church bishop, or some authority.... I knew a mormon convert- his problem, which ultimately led to suicide, was chiefly that, not being born mormon, none of the beautiful mormon-born women were interested in him- mormon born women will generally never marry such, at least not in this World. Before his suicide, I believe he spent about seven years in prison- he stole an automobile and, intent on suicide, he drove it and had a crash on purpose. He got away, but decided to confess this to the bishop, who told him "You should go tell this whole story to the police!" This led to a lengthy prison term. The mormon leaders are very police-kiss-butt sorts-it's my personal belief that mormon bishops are more likely to wind up in Hell than any other members. They claim to be High Priests, but remember, the Priesthood wasn't restored through Joseph Smith at all- a Deceptive, Fallen Angel appeared and claimed to be restoring those keys...
Well, that's the charitable view. More likely he was a lying SOB all the way. BTW, the church exists today because BY took treachery to a whole new level. Not because of angels, fallen or otherwise.
When I was a teenager and up to age 22, I confessed every sin I thought was serious to my bishop. This abruptly ended when my stake president (SP) asked me a very inappropriate sexual question during a temple recommend interview.
He asked me if I engaged in oral sex with my wife. This was in 1982 when some of the Brethren were preaching the evils of this "sinful" but very pleasurable practice.
At first, I was kind of in shock. Then, I responded, "I'm not going to answer this. It's not one of the recommend questions." The SP became upset and tried to say that doing oral sex was breaking the law of chastity. I still refused to answer. He then went on a tirade on how he is my priesthood leader and about obedience. I just sat there and didn't say a word.
I could tell he was getting frustrated with my lack of cooperation. He quickly signed the recommend, gave it to me, and signaled me to leave his office. He didn't even say goodbye or shake my hand.
After that awful experience, I just went through the motions and answered yes to all my future temple recommend interviews. No more confessions to bishops or SP's again!
Never. One of my friends 'confessed' that her and her BF attempted to have sex, but they didn't quite go all the way. But that information sure did go all the way around the ward. No way was I going to ever endure that BS.
The experience was very entrenched in my memory. I still remember how nervous I was, and some details like the colors and pattern of the tie the bishop was wearing. The stakes seemed so high, and now I realize I was just another guilt ridden Mormon teenager, one of many, who had not done anything that was really wrong.
The bishop told the stake president about what I confessed--and then told me he had done so after the fact. I probably would have said okay, do what you need to do, but the way it went down bothered me. Even though the matter was dealt with for many months as far as the bishop was concerned, the SP seemed to want to get into the subject in a subsequent interview.
That moment with the stake president was one of those inflection points that I look back on and think: I should have left right then and there. Part of me wanted to just get up and leave, but that part of me who wanted to be who I was "supposed to" be and do what I was "supposed to" do just would not allow it.
Reflecting on my experience, I realize that my journey out of Mormonism was a battle between the person my family and the surrounding culture expected me to be, and the person I really was who had different ideas and aspirations. Sorting that out was painful, because I had done many things associated with the person I was expected to be. The person I really was had to build off of that foundation, which was very awkward.
The nosy SP died recently. I greeted the news from a TBM relative with "if you can't say something nice..." silence.
1. I confessed to the bishop that sometimes I drank coffee to stay awake while driving. He did not refuse the TR but did suggest diet coke instead. Bringing up the coffee kept me from having to discuss my unbelief. 2. At my "love council" I confessed that I did not believe in the BoA and a lot more but made sure it did not come under apostasy. 3. As for the BoA I asked the council if ANYONE of them believed in it! 4. I never confessed anything else except that I was a member of the Republican Party which where I live is association with apostates. They said it was ok and I didn't have to quit. But right now, I am more inclined to quit the Republican Party because.......
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2017 09:04PM by rhgc.
I was raised in the catholic church and joined the Mormon church when I was 12 years old, just about the age when the bishop's interviews started. My parents were too busy fighting to pay much attention to their kids and I didn't have a close relationship with them. They divorced just before I joined the Mormon church. Growing up, I never sat down with either parent and had a heart-to-heart talk so my interview with the bishop in his office was the first time that an adult had sat down and talked with me, asking me personal questions. I was thrilled that anyone cared enough to focus on me and ask me questions about my life, and mistook the bishop's interrogation for caring. Unfortunately the bishop was a lawyer and treated me like a criminal on trial. He was cold, unfriendly, and drilled me with questions while staring at me sternly. I was asked about my thoughts - if they were impure, and from then on I realized that my thoughts were not my own but had to be shared with Mormon Church Authorities. It almost ruined my life for the next 20+ years I remained in the Mormon church. Anytime my thoughts wandered to "naughty" thoughts about boys, I was immediately reminded of the bishop's interview and that I'd have to confess that I was not pure. Oh how I wish I could have a re-do of my young life.
The terrible thing was, just after I joined the Mormon church, my very Catholic grandma who lived back east forced me to go to Catholic confession when I visited her. She hated that I was a Mormon and had to punish me. So, I had to go to confession AND talk to the bishop. Talk about a double whammy!
Never did, but then again, I was a convert so it was assumed that I had my "sins" forgiven when I was dunked. After I left and heard the horror stories of what happened to others who confessed, I'm glad I never did.
What did I have to confess? I had been trained to be a good chaste, even pure thinking LDS girl. I WAS!!!! Then after I married I was too busy popping out babies to do anything sinful, that was my husband's domain, which hurt me deeply and I went with him when he confessed, but once again, what could I say???
All that chasteness and clean thinking did not do me one blame bit of good. I still ended up divorced, poverty stricken and struggling with My 'failure' as an 'eternal wife and mother'.
Well thank God for a wonderful counsellor and a great Aussie government who supported me through my degrees and allowed me to be me FINALLY!!!!!
It was the Sunday after my mom found my lingerie mag stash when I was 13. She went ballistic; I've never seen her that upset, before or since. Thankfully I lied through my teeth and told the old guy that I never "touched myself" when I actually did almost daily.
But it still fucked me up, bad. Gave me tons of unnecessary guilt for almost a decade. And it's still one of my most uncomfortable memories, alone in that office with a middle-aged guy asking all these really personal, sexual questions... Ugh. Fuck any church that requires any kind of "confession."
im not an exceptional guy, but i dug deep and answered truthfully to the poor bishop. i thought the church was true.got disfellowshiped, got excommunicated. got back in the church. told every embarrassing, (tho not that useful ) truth. one of the things im most pissed about is how they lied to me my whole life. about so many things