,furthering my education, finding out a way to fix my shit transcript from BYU after having resigned from the church (I think too early for my tastes).

I'm thinking about other majors I could have chosen besides English. I'm thinking about what graduate programs I could get into and maybe still save an itch I have to be a scientist. Bar that, I'm thinking about what graduate programs I could get into with English credits.

How to pay for it? No idea. Still paying down loans from BYUI as fast as I can.

But, I have this sense of restlessness that I can't get away from. I'm getting older. Life is changing. I feel under-accomplished. Mormonism took up so much of my brain activity for so long, and now that's its gone and the whole world has opened up to me... I really really wish I had gotten a different kind of college experience. I still want to learn. I want to become good at something. I want a profession where I can learn new things every day and solve problems in a field that interests me.

But I still have some terrible anxiety, especially in the work place. I got some reassurance from an old TBM friend today that he has always admired my mind. We haven't really talked since shortly after I got back from my mission. He got married and I went off to college.

My anxiety is triggered by people sometimes. But when I have a purpose or a script, my anxiety is swallowed up in my interests. I can talk to people. I may still be an introvert, but I know how to talk to people when I'm able to forget about myself and just dive into something interesting.

My anxiety makes working hard, because when extreme tedium or boredom hits, especially when coworkers or the manager is hovering over me, and I am not allowed to be distracted, the stress wells up inside me and my mind gets stuck on negative thought-loops. Pest control may pay crap, but it's a job where half the time I am driving and the other half I can listen to podcasts or live feeds on my phone while working.

But, the work itself leaves me deeply unfulfilled. I went to college to try and get out of this, and now I'm back in it. Only now, I've gone and blown up the avenues the church could have afforded me and strained my relationship with most of my family and friends by blabbing about my apostasy. If I go to school again, this time I'm going to be completely on my own financially. It's not looking great.

Doing something I find fulfilling is very important to me. And I'm not done with the college environment. Reading science articles on my FB feed and listening to podcasts only scratches the itch. I need immersion. I have an insatiable curiosity about many, many things.

Perhaps I wouldn't do too bad at a teaching job. I know the stress is high and an introvert would find himself extremely taxed. But, maybe if I teach the right subject, my interest in it and my love of being in a learning environment would offset these things. The only thing I have ever found that can make me feel normal in conversation with others is when I am passionate about the subject. I overcame my anxiety well enough to serve a mission for this church, because I used to love the gospel and the scriptures. They were everything to me, and I had to share them. I studied them more than any of the other elders I served with. I could do circles around the other missionaries when we were teaching, and those were the parts of my mission that made me happy. The rest of it was anxiety and depression, usually over making the most of my limited time and wishing I had companions who would let me work harder, but I loved studying, teaching, and making new connections.

My 'descent' into atheistic thought felt like an extension of that same pattern of study and intriguing connection-making that I had always had. I'm sad that I ever mentioned the word 'atheist' to anyone, but no sooner had I done so than many people seemed to stop talking to me. That wasn't what I wanted. My atheism is for me, and I don't need to convert anyone to it. I just want the stimulating, thought-provoking interactions with people I used to have.

Maybe I should teach in some capacity. I know I'm introverted, but I have this drive to rise above it. I crave the company and good feelings of other people in spite of my desire to be alone sometimes. I think it's called ambiversion. Maybe I could study something in grad school and then if I settled into a teaching career, I think I could get by just fine. It would be a life worth living for me, given any number of subjects. I respected and adored so many of teachers, growing up. I'm addicted to the life of the mind and being an informed citizen of a democracy and all that liberal crap.

Rambling thought process over.

You do not descend to Atheist thought.
You ascend to Atheist thought.

Howdy Dodger, some universities have graduate student assistantships. I was a teaching assistant when I did my master's. It helped pay for my schooling. And yes, there's some negative in that I had to read a lot of papers, write comments, and do things that the prof didn't want to do, but I learned a lot.

You'll probably feel better after you explore some options. Doing something, even if it doesn't work out, generally helps because you are taking action. Taking action feels good. And remember your talent for writing--use that for your advantage. Cheers!

My Suggestion:

Go to the California Marine Academy, come to Seattle & be a state ferry officer; soon u'll be earning $175 k.

Retire with a nice pension then become a Puget Sound Pilot @ about $200k

I'm restless as well I'm still touring classes and i keep getting older too and I'm trying to fix all my issues before fall but its been rough I have two degrees that have done nothing for me and I need to make more money asap as well. I'm kind of panicking to be honest.

In my opinion, teaching is not for you. Yes, it is interesting, mentally engaging work. But if anything, it would only increase your anxiety and send it through the roof. Plus there is a huge difference in working with kids in small groups (as you did in your missionary work,) and trying to manage and teach a large group of kids.

If you insist on trying this field, then do some substitute teaching first, or perhaps try a private school where the class sizes are smaller. Don't go to grad school for education before trying it out first.

Try to expand your thinking in terms of a career hunt.

Do a science Masters program - pick a core science you like.

Use your English Degree and marry it with your new found scientific knowledge, skills and kudos.

Become a technical writer of something like that?

Or progress further and do a science PhD.

The number one under-rated skill for all in the sciences, the ability to actually write! To clearly and succinctly present your ideas so that others can understand them.

Summer is right, it would be a whole lot easier for an extrovert, and yes try subbing first, to make sure it seems right, and your anxiety is somewhat under control, is an excellent suggestion.

But Teaching is something (in my view) anyone can do for a short time, and you don't necessarily need to be brilliant or have credentials to do it well. You don't need to have some special talent or be an extrovert. There are all kinds of teachers. Bill Gates has done a great deal of research into education you may want to look at, among other things he has said the best educators leave the profession and teachers on average have some of the lowest IQ's in comparison with other professions, such as doctors and lawyers etc. He is trying to push this countries failing education system into something that values freedom of choice more. Freedom of success and of freedom of failure (for the lazy, and underperformers).

But Summer is right, it would be a whole lot easier for an extrovert, and yes try subbing first, to make sure it seems right, and your anxiety is somewhat under control, is an excellent suggestion.

But realize the "system" is full of lots of problems by design that for this reason a great deal of stress is caused for anyone in this profession. The government is running a program that would do better under free world Capitalism. But the bearocrats and administrators (and mediocre teachers) are fighting for the status quo, job security, the common core, Teachers fear failing anyone, it's just not nice, and educators have to be really nice and get abused everyday, because school districts don't like mean teachers. Because they love the kids soo much.

They under design expect all pupils to be forced to endure a one size fits all curriculum. The politics of today are to not respect diversity, (and shuffle off trouble makers) but to push everyone through the same hole, this has turned it into dysfunctional classrooms, inappropriate standards for smart kids and stupid kids, discipline problems, disrespect.

We are turning into a nation of Communists, where the rich and elite are trying to keep the rest of society down. Private schools and freedom is the only thing that's going to save the future of this nation. If you go into education the entitled attitude of sub-average kids is going cause headaches.

Knothead, I got my BA and my masters at good ol' USC. I love and appreciate your posts.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2017 06:28PM by Aquarius123.

I was an English major and ended up in a dual master's degree program at the University of South Carolina, where I studied public health and social work. I was also a graduate assistant, which paid for most of my tuition. I worked at DHEC, which is South Carolina's state public health agency.

I put my English degree to work as a technical writer at DHEC, basically translating epidemiological studies into something laypeople can understand. It also really helped with all of the papers I had to write. A lot of professors complimented me on my writing skills. And, of course, I also used my writing skills on preparing grant proposals, which is another very helpful skill to learn in school. Had I not ended up an Army wife, I might have become a grant writer.

I did this program after having been a Peace Corps Volunteer, which may have been why I got accepted. I just wanted to let you know that an English degree can be useful in grad school. You may not have as hard a time as you think you might.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2017 10:29AM by knotheadusc.

My advice is to find out what the teaching profession is really like. Perhaps high school or college teaching is about being immersed in your subject area, but I know for a fact that elementary school teaching is largely about crowd control and testing, and more and more about dealing with really difficult students. I know so many skilled teachers who regret going into teaching, or are considering switching to other careers, or are advising their children not to go into teaching.

Virtually every experienced public school teacher recommends against it at this point. The job has simply become too punishing. We feel sorry for the new/young teachers.

The private schools where I live can sometimes be a better experience, but the pay isn't there. I couldn't support myself on a private school salary.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2017 06:29PM by summer.

Yes--technical writing!

Some private schools will hire teachers who don't have a certificate--or you could be a teacher's assistant. Children are wonderful (except for those 2 or 3 duds in every class), and you would be working with the nicest people on the planet, but it is very, very social.

What's the difference between being an "ambivert" and just someone who likes balance in their life?

The more social contact I have during my workday, the more alone time I need afterwards. The lonelier I am on the weekends, the more I look forward to the workweek. It balances out.

You are very down on yourself, right now, to take that into consideration, with any decisions you make, OK? You are in an atmosphere that is very negative. You are a good writer, and you have a lot going for you! Here's one thing that many of us agree on:

BYU is very un-inspiring! Ugh. I graduated from there, and I had to go to graduate school, before I realized I loved learning. Don't be discouraged if other universities won't accept those worthless religion credits. At least they will let you in. Think of it as a fresh start. I ended up in a completely different career than what I had anticipated back at BYU. I was 40 and divorced and supporting my children, when I went back to school to start over. It was worth it!

You'll get older--anyway--so you might as well do what you want to do, right now.

I followed up my BYU year by going to a community college.
Cheap, in comparison--and, they even gave me unit credits for my LDS (required) religion classes. Maybe, to cut expenses, you can figure out a similar situation for you?

I was also lucky enough to attend the class of a professor who seemed to believe that anyone who attended his class automatically earned an "A". (Even so, his class had less than 35-ish students in it.) This same professor brought a real brain into the classroom, and asked us if anyone wanted to hold it.

My husband, who went to school in SLC and Idaho, thought all Los Angeles schools were "la-la" land in their lack of requirements for graduation, and inadequate teachers. (To a certain degree, so did I--and thank goodness--for otherwise I don't think I would have been able to graduate with my class.)

Cold-Dodger, I can but hope you find some fun in your venture, and remember, all things have an end to them.
---

On a lighter note, Los Angels--being home to Hollywood--provided our school with a silent film actress teacher. She taught drama, and boy did she know how to grab her breast (one hand on that, and the other on her forehead). Fortunately, the room had a stage behind her (certain drawn shut). So, a friend and I went behind the curtain and sat in chairs that looked out on the campus, and which we occupied while she emoted to the class.

Suddenly, we noticed that all became quiet in the classroom. And then, suddenly, she pulled back the certain and dramatically said "A-hah!"(sp?), with one hand still clutching her breast. (I kid you not.)

So, I hope you can find as much humor along the way to entertain you, as did with my screwy teachers.

What about Geology? It's a science for introverts (then again, most sciences are).

http://www.geologyin.com/2017/04/dear-college-students-you-should-take.html#1G6zzicoFKuZjoBY.99

Any idea what kind of science you're most interested in? Considering cost is a concern of yours, you might want to take classes at community college and try to network/find job opportunities through that. I'm currently at community college studying environmental/wildlife science, and even without a degree I get opportunities for jobs and internships (including fairly well-paid ones) all the time. Unfortunately I have to refuse them because I'm already taking 23 units this quarter, though.

Teaching and certain fields of science are very communication-oriented, so be mindful of that. Having said that, "science" is such a multidisciplinary area that I'm sure you can find something that plays to your strengths.