A tbm girl I know traveled to a wedding of her cousins this last weekend, the cousin is a never mo and was getting married in some church chapel. The girl sent me some snaps eye rolling about how the pastor was trying to convert some of the crowd ( mormons eye rolling at converting ? ) at the reception she said it was weird being at a reception with liquor and people were dancing crazy, I told her to jump in and have a drink and enjoy herself but of course im sure she just sat in the corner and rolled her eyes at all the heathens having a good time. A mormon reception with a awkward receiving line and a candy bar is 100 times better ;)

A mormon reception is a sacrament cup sized little container of nuts and M&M's mixture, some foamy pink sherbet punch, and maybe a mouse-size little elclair. Their may even be someone trying to play a piano in the background. The best and happiest receptions are non-mormon by far, and South American parties last until the wee hours and tons of real food, and fun music!

Don't forget the tiny little multi-colored bread sandwiches.

And make sure to bring a basketball.

And don't forget the God damn chocolate fountain never fails.

In Utah, you'll find a soda "bar" at some of those receptions.

Poor girl. I guess she took Judgement along as her plus one.

Is there anything more boring than the average Mormon wedding with the bride and groom standing under a plastic flower decorated basketball hoop wondering whether they should keep their magic underwear on or off during the honeymoon while the Relief Society sisters assigned to the reception tend to the Sorbet/Sprite punch bowl and the mother of the bride is about to go into labor?


I quit going to them a long time ago and am wondering if they are still like that. They all were way back when.

Done & Done Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Poor girl. I guess she took Judgement along as
> her plus one.
>
> Is there anything more boring than the average
> Mormon wedding with the bride and groom standing
> under a plastic flower decorated basketball hoop
> wondering whether they should keep their magic
> underwear on or off during the honeymoon while the
> Relief Society sisters assigned to the reception
> tend to the Sorbet/Sprite punch bowl and the
> mother of the bride is about to go into labor?
>
>
> I quit going to them a long time ago and am
> wondering if they are still like that. They all
> were way back when.

Your post just made me LOL and everyone else is asleep!

The last TBM reception I went to, my nephews in 2011......

Outside at a stake center in Oregon, under a covered area off the parking lot. TBM's sitting at at tables, none of them talking to us, the strangers not wearing garments. No music, no decorations. Kids running everywhere. A table with a cupcake tree on it. The bride and groom came out of the church an hour late. No reception line....they came out late and hung out with their friends in a little group. No walking around meeting and greeting the guests. About half an hour into that, a guy shows up with a little stereo system and takes 20 minutes to hook it up and get some music going. Everyone sat at the tables, no dancing, no mixing, no fun.

We left as soon as we had a cupcake, and managed to break into the bride and grooms friend circle and say our goodbyes.

The bride appeared nervous and anxious, the groom had that "I'm gonna get laid tonight!" look about him.

My never-mo wife said it was the strangest reception she had ever been to.

Did I mention the pizza party at a rest stop on I-5 near the temple after the wedding? Yeah, we opted out of that one and just went to the reception that evening.

Mormons have no idea how strange they appear to the outside world.

The Greek folk do it the right way, closely followed by the Irish.

It's supposed to be a celebration not a mourning. But then I guess if I had just been through the feckless cattle call in a temple wearing the crazy clothes they do I may be rather somber too, wondering just WTF had I let myself in for.

So, I was born and raised LDS, the only Weddings I had ever attended were for my sister (chapel wedding) and a couple others where the reception was at the church. This is what I thought weddings were. Simple, small affairs.

When I married my wife, who was a convert and had been to other weddings, we just had a simple Temple wedding and a reception later at a friends home (awkwardness abounded as her family was not LDS and didn't really understand this "reception", but I had been immunized to this by plenty of awkward LDS affairs.

Fast forward years later, we had both gone inactive, and my wife was now a wedding photographer and I assisted on several occasions. After a couple weddings, I had to ask her if this is what non-LDS weddings were like... She looked at me like I was crazy. Weddings were, of coarse, supposed to be celebrations, fun and exciting times for family and friends to celebrate two people showing their love for each other.

I eventually apologized to her and her family for not realizing this sooner and denying them such an important life event.

Later still, my niece (who had a temple marriage and a "ring ceremony" for the non-member parts of the family on the groom's side) had a large fun reception, with music, dancing, the works, I think they had alcohol for the non-members? but I can't remember that for sure. Anyway, fun was had by all... except my parents and brothers. They decided that things were too loud and they sat inside, away from the outdoor reception. I was torn between my parents and wanting to join the fun, I ended up splitting my time between the two... I do wish that I had just stayed outside with the fun.

If you were facing eternity with the Mormons, wouldn't you feel like a funeral dirge?

My DD converted and married in a temple. But I was not going to tolerate the boring Mormon reception. We had a sit down dinner, music, dancing, and (gasp!) an open bar. The Jewish side of the family carried the bride and groom lifted up on chairs dancing in circles.

Many of the more uptight Mormons spent the evening tisking to each other about this heathen undignified celebration; then left early.

Surprisingly, most of the groom's family joined right in and still tell my DD and SIL that their reception was the most fun of any before or since. Several nieces left the event telling their TBM parents that they wanted a wedding just like that!

My DD has told her sister that she was afraid we'd refuse to give them much of a reception since we were so hurt by our exclusion from the ceremony but her sister laughed and said "you think mom would have passed up the chance to show the Mormons how a real reception is done?"

Nice story. Made me smile big time. I like your style.

caedmon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> My DD has told her sister that she was afraid we'd
> refuse to give them much of a reception since we
> were so hurt by our exclusion from the ceremony
> but her sister laughed and said "you think mom
> would have passed up the chance to show the
> Mormons how a real reception is done?"


You are truly a good mother and a generous-spirited person. It saddens me, though, that your daughter was well aware how hurt you were to be excluded from her marriage ceremony yet went ahead with it anyway. I sincerely hope that one day you receive an apology.

Thanks for the kind words. The best advice I received was "you can't be there for the marriage ceremony but you can be there for the marriage."

That is what we still do and it has paid off. Most of the stuck up Mormons are no longer a part of their lives. But I am and it's even better now with grandkids.

It was a difficult experience and it was that experience that brought me to this board. I couldn't talk about it to anyone else. Mormons thought I was just a controlling, selfish mom. Non-Mormons thought my DD and SIL were terrible people to treat their family so badly.

But they aren't terrible people. They were young and believed the church liars who told them they were doing the right thing and god would be pleased. Who hasn't believed a lie at some point in their lives? I think that if they could have a do-over it would be very different but we don't get that moment back and I've come to terms with it although I hate TSCC and hold it's leaders responsible for the damage inflicted on family relationships.

My DD was told all kinds of silly things at the time but my favorite was "Your mom and dad will be so impressed by your faithfulness that the spirit will speak to them and THEY WILL JOIN THE CHURCH." F***ing never gonna happen.

caedmon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> My DD was told all kinds of silly things at the
> time but my favorite was "Your mom and dad will be
> so impressed by your faithfulness that the spirit
> will speak to them and THEY WILL JOIN THE CHURCH."
> F***ing never gonna happen.


"Your mom and dad will be SO impressed to be excluded from their beloved daughter's wedding that they will want to join the church that did this to their family!"

It truly amazes me that any Mormon leaders believe this (that parents or other relatives excluded from the wedding will be inspired to convert as a result). I guess it must happen occasionally, though.

The punch! I forgot about that. All of the church events, dances( before I got married), had that foamy punch. It was everywhere LDS. I remember ladies in the church even exchanges punch recipes. It was always foamy though, no matter the colour or flavour.

Wealthy Mormons are now doing wedding receptions somewhat more like normal people with live bands and dancing. They even try something like the Jewish tradition of putting the bride and groom on chairs and lifting them in the air. Except on the wedding video I saw, they did it only with the bride and instead of putting her on a chair, the guys just kept tossing her in the air, catching her and doing it again. It was very strange to see all these men man-handling the bride. This was a temple wedding by the way.

The food served was boring -- not a full meal but more like a buffet of various nibbles and canapés. No wine or beer of course.

It also seems to be the latest trend for guests to form a kind of aisle and waive lit sparklers when the couple leaves.

My youngest sister just got married at the LDS chapel we grew up going to. They made the cultural hall actually look like a nice place to have a dance. A 4 year old who attended said it looked like a pink Barbie princess palace. The reception had pretty good food, but it was mainly finger food. No dancing except by the bride and groom and bride and dad. We threw rose petals at them as they left.

It was definitely a country wedding with lots of Mormon thrown in. Did I mention she married our 4th cousin who is 19 years older and they only dated for 2 months before getting engaged? Engagement was 2 months too. A bit weird.

My TBM sister is always saying how non-Mormon weddings are way more fun. Hmmm makes me wonder how she really feels about tssc. Our older (ex-mo) brother is getting married soon and it will be interesting to see how our TBM family members handle themselves. I am looking forward to a fantastic party!

When my childhood friend got married in the temple, I was fresh out of high school (she was 19). I had only been out of school for a month...it was the greatest feeling. My first steps into adulthood. Anyway, I was a bridesmaid (for the first time). I wasn't allowed to enter the temple, but the whole wedding day made me realize how much I didn't want that. I actually felt bad for her. Her mother had put her on birth control a few months before the wedding because my friend and her new hubby were still in college and they wanted to wait until after graduation before starting a family. The birth control caused her a lot of bloating/water-retention. So her wedding dress, which already looked stifling and uncomfortable, was super tight. It was long-sleeved and went up to her neck. She looked miserable in it. I remember waiting outside the temple with her younger sisters (not having ANY idea of what went on in there) and thinking that she seemed somehow different once she came out, all garment-ridden and such. I also kept thinking geez she is so young! Wtf is the hurry to get married at 19?! By this time (I was 17) I was already one-foot out of the church. Fast forward to the reception. Typical cheesy cultural hall reception (this was in the '90's) with a gazebo and a few other props to try and hide the fact that you're partying on a basketball court. It was complete with a chocolate fountain and appetizer type food. At least the cake was good. Ultimately my dear friend's super-TBM wedding helped me see how shackled she was, and by contrast how free I was. It put the whole temple wedding fantasy (that I never dreamed of) in the perfect negative light for me. It has been 20 years and they are still married, even though they have been through a separation and I am 99% sure her husband is gay.

Why do Mormon couples even bother with bridesmaids and groomsmen? In a non-Mormon wedding they are in integral part of the planning and the ceremony. But what purpose do they serve if they're standing outside?

I've often wondered that myself, especially since chances are, the majority of the bridesmaids couldn't get inside the temple. The only thing I can think of is that it's done for pictures so it gives the illusion of having a bridal party. It's really an illusion since the temple ceremony is so weird in that there's no walking down an aisle, and no flowers or decorations in that room. The only time the bride has her bouquet is when she's leaving the temple, sometimes only handed to her just as she and the groom step over the threshold of the temple exit.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2017 01:08PM by adoylelb.

No walking down the aisle escorted by your beaming dad. No flowers. No music. No cute flower girls or ring bearer. No love, honor, cherish. And if she isn't worthy, no mom to help you dress and give a last hug as her daughter wiping away her tears. No exchange of rings. No personal vows. No kiss at the end.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/27/2017 08:49PM by caedmon.

I wonder this too! It wasn't awesome that I had to buy an overpriced bridesmaids dress and matching shoes that I only wore on that day, just to wait outside the temple like an unworthy heathen. Oh and I was supposed to be happy about it.

Trying to convert people at a wedding? How dumb. Don't they know that's what funerals are for?

My daughter cried after her temple ceremony, "This is NOT what I thought my wedding would be like!"

--Her father couldn't go into the temple
--None of her bridesmaids could go into the temple
--All of the groom's siblings were too young to go into the temple.
--A few Mormon married friends were allowed in, and the groom's parents, and me (cost me a couple of thou $)
--The "officiator" never mentioned love or cherish, or even the word marriage!
--We spent most of the time looking for her lost locker key.
--Outside, in the 103-degree heat, everyone had to wait at the popular photo spots, for other bridal parties. I had hired the photographer for the reception only, and told her I didn't want any temple pictures, but she was a friend of the groom's TBM family, and showed up at the temple anyway. The photos and the locker incident made us late for the reception.

I told my crying daughter that her REAL marriage happened when they signed the marriage license, in the little side room at the temple. (I was the only one there to witness that--weird!) Her REAL wedding hadn't happened yet--it was the fun reception, that she and I had carefully planned together. She and I had chosen a good dinner buffet, and dessert, a fountain of sparkling cider in champagne glasses, live music, dancing on the patio, at a place that the children enjoyed--with a duck pond, streams, and a game room.

I think Mormons are glum at the receptions, because the temple ceremony is a downer! They have to wear a silly-looking hat and a smothering veil that ruins the hairdo, plus sleeves and a collar to cover the wedding dress. The "officiator" preaches at everyone, and then the couple pledges to be "joined (not married) in the new and everlasting covenant of the church of jesus christ of latterday saints bla-bla. No kiss. No ring. 15 minutes, tops, not counting everyone shuffling in and out and down the hall with all the other brides and grooms. Meh. They have to get up at dawn to get ready to make the early morning sealing room rental time, and stand around for hours--no one gets to sit. I know a lot of couples who agree to wait until the next day, before they have their "perfect" sex, because they are too exhausted and stressed out.

In Mormonism, the church comes first, and I hate the way Mormonism has intruded itself into marriages.

What saps we were, to give thousands and thousands, per person, to the cult, and then have cheap-o reception in a gym.

This should be required reading for all young Mormons. The Moonie wedding sounds more fun, and, more dignified.

I only waited outside for one sister and then we all had to pose in front of the Temple for the photos like it was a real wedding and pretend that it was a joyous occasion shared by all. It felt so phony. Well, it WAS so phony. After that, never again.

Your daughter is so lucky to have been given the "real wedding" in the end. That reception sounds beautiful and was a great gift you gave her.

"Ask not what the Mormon church can do for you. Ask what you can do for the Mormon church."