Both Women and men have sex out of wedlock. Children are, more often than we hear about, the result. It's called being part of humanity. In my opinion too much is made of all this (whether those involved are celebrities or one of us common folks.)
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2011 02:28PM by dane.
Mormons(the go to church every Sunday kind) are very good at heaping guilt on themselves. When I was a believer there is no way I could have had an affair without eventually confessing it. I don't know what percentage of active Mormon men would be the same. If it's a high percentage then I'd expect some kind of correlation between affairs and the divorce rate.
My sis-in-law said her husband really wants to move to UT but she's not on board. I said "how about St. George?" That's UT but still close enough to CA and NV. She said "no way, after hearing what my brother & sis-in-law have told me about all the trading of spouses that has happened in their ward, that is not a place I want to be". Huh? I had to point out that even members of the church are not immune to cheating spouses. She seems to think that LDS should "know better" and "be better". Clueless.
Maybe they are trying to get ready for the celestial kingdom - getting used to having sex with a lot of women and the women know they won't get a lot of men, so they have to get it all out of their system now - jus saying....
In the early 80's a bishop in the old Marion IL ward (now defunct) was killed by the husband of a woman with whom he was having an affair. The murder took place at the ward bldg too.
In the early 80's my father had an affair with a co-worker in GA. My mother stayed with him because church leaders urged her to, and as a stay-at-home mom she had no other real options to care for seven kids.
We really don't know the whole story, either. Did Arnold pay child support? Did the surrogate father know who the real father was? Was Arnold a part of this child's life? To me, those are the real questions to ask. As well as, What the hell was he thinking? She's not even all that good looking! I mean, come on! If you are a rich, successful, ex-Mr. Universe, you've got the pick of the crop! If you are going to ruin your life, at least make it worthwhile! Bang a model or something, not a housekeeper!
But seriously, I think the real issue with infidelity is not so much as the sex itself, its the feeling of being lied to, and betrayed. It takes alot of dishonesty to pull something like that off. The guilt of lying(sp?) to a spouse is not something thats worth living with. That's probably why Arnold came clean after 10 years. Then again, a wife would not take it too well if a husband just told her, "Oh, by the way, I'm coming home late tonight, honey. I'm gonna screw the secretary in the storage room after work." No, that wouldn't fly.
I think he ran for governor to keep this out of his mind- at least for that time period. He had to know that eventually it would come out. I bet the woman's hubby was just fine with it because I imagine some big money has been given to the woman.
I agree sneaking around in hotel rooms with no responsibility for the home or family as they are cheating is what the narcissist is all about. Have my cake and eat it too. It is pathetic. But in this case the woman was IN THEIR HOME. It is reprehensible. She could have gotten pregnant in that home with Arnold. No wonder it is up for sale. If I were Maria I would leave pronto. Imagine all her memories of that woman in her home.And those children knew this woman well which makes it even worse. I just hope for the best for Maria.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2011 09:28PM by honestone.
A BYU study said 25% of men admitted to having an extramarital affair. A national study found about 30% of men and about 15% of women admitted to having affairs.
I don't have the sources at my fingertips for these stats. My bet is that the numbers are a bit higher....even in Utah.
So, next time you attend sacrament meeting, instead of listening to the same boring talks, take a look around the room and try to pick out the 25-30% of men and 15% of women who you think may have had or are having an affair.
How is it that the number of men having affairs is always greater than the number of women having them? With whom are the men having affairs with? Doubling up on the women? (Doesn't sound like the same motivation that drove polygamy.) With each other? (More married gay men than we thought?) Or is it that women are lying more? I really don't get this...
Utah has a large number of married men having extramarital affairs with other men. Somehow the members have decided this is not the same thing as having another "woman."
BTW, my two friends who discovered their husbands were gay both felt like they were responsible for their husbands joining the other team. As in "I was so awful in bed I turned him gay."
I personally know of only 4 people who had affairs with other church members and they were all with HT's
IMO, HT can be a stepping stone to adultery.... either by design or by accident.
in some cases a PH can use HT to groom a relationship with a vulnerable woman
or a PH may find himself thrown together with a woman who may be sharing her personal feelings and problems in a much more intimate way than she would do with, for example, a work colleague
Let's not forget that the "Oh So Holy and Wonderful" new husband of Marie Osmond was an adulterer! He cheated on the lovely Ms. Osmond during their first marriage. I wonder how soon it will be before he cheats on her again! We should start an RFM betting pool...the one who guesses the closet to his "first cheating episode" with this marriage wins the pot!
Mormons are big on genealogy. Lots of these situations end with no one ever knowing who the real dad was. The secret was taken to the grave. Cuckoldry has been around forever.
I've heard the percentage may be 10% for people who have different fathers than they were told. Women can lie about who the father could be for all kinds of reasons. (Most women can't get away with claiming they are a virgin who who God decided to make pregnant! Har har.) Consider that until recently people didn't have birth control or DNA to prove anything.
So, in light of this, I find it funny that so much emphasis is placed on tracing family lines (through through the less reliable paternal line no less) in the Mormon church to do temple work.
I think the first thing is to state the definition of what you call an "affair" and the difference between that, and just plain old "lust".
In our old ward we had a Bishop who was found out to be a "serial adulterer" He would sleep with anyone with who he could create an interest. Was this classed as an*AFFAIR*, NO !! This was just plain *LUST*.
However there was this other sister who had an affair lasting 14 or 15 months and was eventually caught. She immediately divorced her husband and the man divorced his wife. As soon as was possible they married, and as far as I know they are still together after about 23 years.
So yes, lots of SEX outside the bounds of marriage with little or no love. However, very few true affairs in the real sense of the word.
She somehow had her husband believing they were his kids. Her husband was in the stake presidency. It had gone on for 9 years before my mother found out. When she did, she went to the womans stake president shortly before her son was to be married. Alas, the woman was exed and couldnt attend her sons wedding. My dad married the woman when both he and she were divorced and I think the marriage only lasted 3 years. I guess the excitement of sneaking around in motel rooms all over Utah county was more exciting than living together.
Probably a lot more than I ever would have thought. When I first joined the Church, I naively thought that everyone obeyed all the rules. I thought Mormons were different - that they actually practised their faith.
Thanks for all the responses. I agree with a few of them that affairs happen outside of the LDS church. For me since I was a convert I too naively thought that everyone followed the rules but found out differently.
My first husband was exed for 27 affairs over a seven year period. I was the last to know. He was on the bishopric and high council smuggly smiling down at me and one of his lovers who was a friend. We had three babies. One guy had an affair for forty years while he was in good standing. Heh I know how we can solve his POLYGAMY.
I have been out of the mormons for many years,,unmarried for over 30 years. Back in the 70's when I got my vasoctomy,,the Dr ask me if I wanted to be on "the list". He explained that a group of women in town wanted to know the men in town that were cliped. Sounded good to me,,but I didn't live in the town.