Found any polite ways to tell friends and family you left and keep a good relationship?

I'd rather just say something than it crop up at some uncomfortable time or be the gossip of a wedding or something.

When someone asks I don't even know where to start, there are many major doctrinal, historical and moral reasons. It is just all a big lie and I don't want them to be lied to and deceived anymore.

But.. I also want to keep relationships, I don't want to hurt them, I don't want a fight and a couple just wouldn't even hear what we were saying anyways. One fam member just assumed sin.

Did you keep it vague, did you go into details, or did you just keep quiet?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2017 06:26PM by turbo.

There's no need to try to explain or justify. You're an adult making a decision that suits your needs.

We kept it vague. Though we did say we have doubts.

If anyone asks, the answer is that we feel religious belief is a personal matter so don't like to discuss it. Then change the subject.

A couple of family members know but don't say anything, and we don't bring it up. Why should we? My wife still goes to baptisms and blessings and they just think we are inactive though we resigned in 2012.

It works for us not to cause waves. You will have to decide what works best for you. Everyone's situation is different.

Our still-TBM daughter and son-in-law wanted to have a family discussion with all of us as soon as they knew we weren't wearing our garments. We started out sounding vague and making it sound like we left because of offense by neighbors. I looked at our DD and SIL and asked them point blank if they wanted to know exactly why we left. They shook their heads and quietly said no. After we had continued to talk for awhile longer, my DH pipes up:"-----,I'm so sorry that I raised you in the LDS Church. Whoops! You could hear a pin drop! Oddly enough,we are closer with them now than before we had our little meeting.

I was a true believer raised in a strict Mormon family. The last time I felt comfortable being a Mormon was when I was 5. I was never a peter priesthood, but I believed. Imagine my relief when I learned the truth and admitted to myself the truth. I talked with my wife about it and she was less then happy (but then she was a cafeteria Mormon). My advice is to go slow.

I haven't said a word to anyone except for my Brother and Sister in Law who want to resign but will wait for a bit longer because of family issues.

As for me, everyone still thinks that I'm just inactive. I don't see a need to advertise or invite drama. They don't ask and I don't offer. I suspect that one fine day one of them will be looking at morg genealogy and notice that I am listed as a non-member. Then they might ask and I will educate them. Until then, sure do enjoy my morning cup of coffee.

I never had a "coming out" party, I just quietly left and other than my wife, no one has ever asked me about it, they just know I don't believe. Other than family members that are also out of Mormonism, it is never discussed--and it works for us. I respect their beliefs and they respect mine.

SuzieQ#1 would say "It just wasn't for me." and left it at that.

Also, in the real world, it really is nobody's business if you go to any particular church or not.

Slowly. They knew how badly I was treated by leadership and definitely thought it was a passing faze. Things got worse when it was apparent that I was having a sexual relationship with my then partner. I still get passive aggressive comments but I shoot them down. The latest I said something about church attitude to homosexuality. She said that I didn't understand the policy and that it has softened its stance. So I told her she could change the subject or stay and argue. Normally deeo inside they know they can't argue so they back off

I didn't tell anyone except my parents. Of course that was all it took for the Mormon Domino effect to kick in. Everyone knew right away. However, no one asked and I never brought it up.

My family always bore their testimonies at the annual family get together and when they got to me I just said, "Pass." It wasn't a big deal.

I liked leaving the subject off the table because I just wanted to get on with my life and Mormonism didn't interest me that much anymore. I really didn't care what anyone thought. And, there is no preventing gossip--Cannot be done. There is no magic wording for this situation. Whether you tell them or keep mum the whispers in the corner will continue. Apostasy is big news in Mormondom and enquiring minds want to know.

If someone had asked me I would have only said,"I'm not Mormon anymore," in a casual tone. I would have never explained why to any TBM because they don't want to know. Not really. What they want is ammo and a reason to say you were offended or wanted to sin. Yawn.

Mystery is a great friend.

I have had this question "why did you leave" asked of me several times in the past 5-6 years. I have responded with something like "I'd be more than happey to discuss this with you but most members would rather I not share some of what I have learned about the church as it is damaging to their faith in the church." Both times they said they would rather not hear anything negative about the church.

Send all of your family members the CES letter anonymously.

I have told those who need to know. With dh, no way would I get away with "It's just not for me anymore." So there were extremely painful conversations with him.

My children didn't make a big deal out of it. The children who were already out were very happy. The ones who were still in were kind. I gave the kids who are still in more basic reasons without too many details.

I never wanted to tell my elderly parents. But my son was leaving on a mission, and they would notice that I didn't go to the temple with him for his first time. So I told them, with vague reasons. The fact that I still treat them with the same love and caring as before has helped. I hope that memory loss will erase what I had to tell them!

I haven't really told others. I told the bishop, again with basic reasons. Neighbors have noticed I don't go to church any more and look at me with curiosity. I wave and smile as always, and converse in a friendly manner.

I agree with most of the answers on here, for most people, just say "It's not for me."

Good response liesarenotuseful. ("It's just not for me anymore.")

When I had a run-in of my own with Apostle Packer (who tried to get my Stake President to excommunicate me), I managed to stay out of his claws by quoting a statement J.S. wrote (about people being allowed to believe what they wanted, just so long as they didn't preach their beliefs as being church doctrine).

This key statement of J.S.'s was printed in the Church News (which I cut out for future reference--and boy did it come in handy in my own hour of need). And, my family supported me (or, at least, didn't mention my problems, all but my oldest son, who was by my side for most of the incident insofar as they let him be. (I wanted a friendly witness with me.)

As far as my friends at church knew, I just stopped going to church, but they never asked why (as, I think, they were afraid to do so). (At the time, I was very active in church in a responsible Stake calling, and as a community activist.)

Best Wishes to you and yours in your own hour of need.

P

When casual conversations brings up Mormonism, I say to the person, "I joined the LDS Church when I was a teenager, it didn't work for me, I hope you have better luck with it than I did." Then I change the conversation. I've said this so many times, I've memorized it. The EXMO's Boner.

You need to assess why it is difficult to tell someone, or to not tell someone. I think it is important to let those who love you the most, know as soon as possible. My real friends and closest family members were the easiest to tell. The others don't matter. For them, be prepared to assume that your opinions matter more than theirs and to not be nice if necessary to set your boundries, and to demand that they respect them. Don't let them shame you or win any verbal battles. If they don't respect you, be prepared to leave them wondering if the church is true, and wishing they had left you alone or accepted your initial statements.

It's important to tell everyone as much as possible when you leave the church. Many others may be in lonely despiration wanting to leave, and your example will give them strength. Also, the social network is a real net in the most literal sense. When you leave, you blow a big hole in your part of that net when it comes to the church. Like any net that gets torn open, the remaining parts of that net tends to unravel over time, as others drop out too.