I'm not sure I know where to begin writing this so I suppose I'll give some history. I apologize for the length of this post.

I am fortunate enough to have a beautiful, intelligent and strong step-daughter. I've been in her life since she was 14, she is now almost 19. From the time I met her she wanted to be LDS but her father (my DH) refused his blessing until she either completed certain tasks or turned 18. The tasks he required were to write 3 research papers, 1 explaining her testimony, 1 detailing church history using both LDS and non LDS sources and 1 investigating any other religion of her choice. As the stubborn teen that she was she chose to wait until 18 so she didn't have to research anything. As you can all imagine we were saddened by this. DH and I both had painful childhoods in TSCC and we desperately wanted to save her from that fate.

Fast forward nearly a year now, she just received her patriarchal blessing. We saw her for dinner after and she told us she had received it.

I did my best to be supportive of her. I told her that I was happy she is happy and all of the other things parents say to their children. Even still I couldn't help feeling she was/is setting herself up for suffering later. I cried on the way home as I explained the history with my patriarchal blessing to DH.

As a teen I received my blessing and I was told I would have a long happy marriage with many children if I was patient and waited for my "worthy priesthood holder" The struggle came when I was divorcing my then husband of 5 years and had a 2 year old son I needed to care for. Divorce is crippling even in the best of situations but it was compounded with the soul crushing guilt of thinking it was entirely my fault because I hadn't been patient/faithful enough.

I don't know what was said in her blessing but I am terrified she will put as much stock in it as I did mine. I so wish I could keep her from the pain I have been through.

I'm not sure what I hope to get from putting this out there but I had to get it out. I know you will all understand!

Yes, we understand.

Given her determination, there's may not be much else you could have done.

However, the 'ray of hope' in this is that YOU recognized the worthlessness of a patriarchal fortune-telling-session...perhaps she will, too. And maybe, just maybe, she won't have to learn it in the same very hard way you did.

My daughter is TBM and just went through the temple for the first time a few weeks ago. She also did the PB thing, too. I won't go into what my PB said to shorten this post. When she got her's, I read it again. I hadn't read it in YEARS. I had it about memorized in my 20s. I threw it in the garbage. Then I thought maybe something in it would "reach" her, so I let my daughter have it. I don't have a copy. She also ordered a copy of my mother's PB. My daughter's was fairly short. Mine was quite long.

I have a really tough time every time she does something else like this. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from my experiences. I was sad when she went through and my extreme TBM aunt took this as feeling bad that I couldn't be there with her. No, it brings it all back and I fear for my daughter.

WHEN the church fails my daughter, I will be there for her. I was able to make my own (insane) choices by holding out for TM to an RM rather than marrying someone straight who wasn't mormon. I was told I need to save my gay ex and after over 32 years of marriage (separated over 20), the mormons still think it is my fault that he is gay.

I think your reaction is normal. I tried telling my daughter everything I could think of to get her back out of the lds church when she decided to return at age 20. No such luck. It just made things worse. It has been over 10 years and right now we have a pretty good relationship. She has quit trying to save me (for the moment).

I think it is just part of being a mother, but a very painful part.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2017 03:06PM by cl2.

My wife's PB is still one of the things she holds onto as proof that the church is true; "It's like the Stake Patriarch knew everything about me."

My in-laws joke about how my wife practically starts conversations with strangers as, "Got a minute to hear my life story?"

After a couple of conversations with her while we were dating, I made an observation that brought some personal conflicts into focus for her. She asked for the source of my insight on something that had eluded her for so long...she was probably expecting me to give props to the Holy Ghost. I explained that I had just listened to what she told me, recognized patterns and common themes, and repeated them back to her in a couple of sentences.

She still loves to brag me up to people with that little exchange, and yet I don't think I did anything different than a halfway attentive Patriarch would do when giving a PB. It's not hard to imagine that the average, inattentive Patriarch would spare himself the trouble and simply phone in one of a handful of canned blessings for the gullible and the unsuspecting.

I actually got mine out yesterday and re-read it (I kept it as a reminder of what utter BS the whole business is).

So what unique-to-me, incredibly personal, tailor-made guidance did it offer?


God's happiness I have accepted his words ... Many blessings ... Much joy to come ... Keep the commandments ... You'll never want ... Serving an honourable mission ... Temple marriage ... Pray ... You'll be here in the Millennium ... Tribe of Ephraim.

So, obviously extremely personal to me and me alone, than!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2017 03:30PM by quatermass2.

quatermass2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> God's happiness I have accepted his words ... Many
> blessings ... Much joy to come ... Keep the
> commandments ... You'll never want ... Serving an
> honourable mission ... Temple marriage ... Pray
> ... You'll be here in the Millennium ... Tribe of
> Ephraim.
>
> So, obviously extremely personal to me and me
> alone, than!

Obviously.
Since 'condensed' like that, mine says *exactly* the same thing. What a marvelous work and wonder! :-)

Is it common now to do an interview before giving the blessing? Both my daughter and son got theirs in the past 3 years. Both had an interview with the patriarch before getting the blessing. They both were generic except to the extent anyone might interpret a personality and directions in a few minutes of 'interview' to customize some aspect of the blessing.

When I received my PB back in the 70's it was normal procedure for the patriarch to have a chat with you prior to giving the blessing.